Chapter 50 – The First Time
AN: Thanks go to TheOddManOut for doing the beta on this! Really appreciate the back-up & super fast turnaround! All mistakes remain mine however :-)
Thank you so much for sticking with me through 50 chapters! I appreciate it more than I know how to say!
WARNING: Contains mention of torture, in line with the show, please exercise caution if you are sensitive to that material.
As always, thoughts, memories, & unspoken conversations are in italics :)
Disclaimer: It's still owned by The CW guys – I'm only playing in their sandpit. Rennie & KC when are we gonna fix that?
"Time has nothing to do with it. Be it the five days that we've been here now, the five weeks that I had been here for then, or the five years that I was away for. You make a choice, you decide deep down what it is that is worth fighting for, and you fight for it. You can do all the fancy interrogation resistance courses you like, but in the end it still comes down to that one thing. You."
Mixed POV
After Oliver finished speaking there was silence for a minute or so while everybody struggled to start to take in what Oliver had told them. Diggle was the first to speak, asking the question that most of them were thinking.
"The first time? The very first time you were tortured you withstood it?" Diggle queried and the admiration in his voice was abundantly clear for all to hear. "And you hadn't been taught a thing?"
"Nothing. Yao Fei had let me shoot one arrow just minutes before I was captured, but his 'lesson' was a couple of words, 'breathe, aim'. Unsurprisingly I missed, badly." Oliver said with a hint of a grin as he remembered how bad that shot had been. "Apart from that I knew nothing. I didn't learn how to fight until a lot later." He confirmed.
Lance was stunned, he couldn't believe what he had heard. "So let me get this straight, just five weeks after you left on the Queen's Gambit, a spoilt rich playboy who didn't care who he hurt, you were willing to die for someone else who you barely knew? You were tortured and stayed silent to save his life – even though he had shot you?!"
"Well I certainly wasn't silent Detective, but I know what you mean and yes it was about five weeks after the Gambit went down. I refused to give him up, to tell them where Yao Fei was. He hadn't meant to shoot me after all, he thought I was with them – and after seeing what they were like I could hardly blame him for shooting first and asking later! Yao Fei was the one who looked after me, who helped me to heal and fed me. He was the one who taught me the most important lesson about this Island. Shengcún. That's what I held onto while Billy was torturing me."
Oliver took a deep breath before he continued, looking to Thea and his Mom as he needed them to understand why he had done what he had. "If I gave him up then he was dead. His blood would have been on my hands. I already had Sara's blood on my hands I thought, Dad's too. I couldn't let another person die as well when I could do something about it this time. This was the first time that I realized I had it in my control to stop it."
Oliver was relieved to see Walter put his arm around his Mom, giving her his comfort as the tears continued to flow down her cheeks. He was also pleased to see Roy do the same for Thea, even as Lance moved to comfort Laurel who was crying as well.
"I'm sorry." Laurel got out through her tears, much to Oliver's confusion. He could tell that she thought she was apologizing for something and not just sympathizing with him, but he had no idea what she could be apologizing for.
"Five weeks Ollie. Five weeks after the Gambit went down I hated your guts. I blamed you for Sara's death even as I hated you for cheating on me – with her! I wished that you would burn in hell and all the time you were here and you really were in hell!" Laurel's voice was distraught and she faltered as she spoke.
"You had every right to hate me Laurel, as did you Detective." Oliver said as he glanced at Lance briefly. "I cheated on you, with your sister – and you thought she died! Of course you hated me, how could you not?! Besides, it's not as if you knew what was really happening; it's not as if you meant it literally after all!" Oliver pointed out.
"I thought it took you years to learn how to do that man." Diggle said, shaking his head in disbelief. "In the Special Forces we do the courses, we learn all that stuff. It takes us years to learn and even then, after all that, people often fail the first time they are tortured." Diggle wanted the others to understand just how impressive what Oliver had done was, at the same time as showing his own wonder at what the younger man was capable of. He knew now that that thread of steel that ran through Oliver must have been there all along; it had just stayed buried until it was needed.
Oliver didn't answer Diggle, not knowing how to, and instead he looked around at the rest of the group. He focused on Roy and Thea, needing to check that his sister and friend, his Teammates were okay. He could see the stunned look on Roy's face, clearly Roy hadn't realized how soon it had been any more than anyone else had. He saw Roy nodding at him and knew that he was showing his own admiration that way. Oliver nodded back in acknowledgement, appreciating the respect that the gesture showed.
Thea took several deep breaths, calming herself as Oliver had shown her. When she had asked him to tell them how, this had not been what she had expected at all. She wasn't sure exactly what it was she had expected, but it certainly hadn't been this. Five weeks? Just five weeks and yet he did that? She thought again about the way she had treated him when he first came back, refusing to accept him for the man he had become and judging him on the Oliver who had left instead. Even after accepting the Oliver who had come home she had never realized just how soon that change had begun to happen to him. She thought it would have taken him years, a year at least.
She shook her head in amazement, marveling at the way her brother had stood up for what he knew to be right, regardless of the ridiculously high cost to himself. Five weeks?! "Oliver if that's what happened to you in just the first five weeks, what the hell happened to you for the rest of the time?" Thea spoke without really thinking, her emotions getting the better of her. She suddenly realized what she had said, what she asked him and hurriedly spoke again." I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that Oliver, what happened is your past and it's none of our business. I didn't mean to ask that!"
Oliver had been surprised at her question when she had previously said that he didn't have to tell them what had happened. But as she rapidly back-pedaled he understood that it had been her emotions speaking without her brain having a chance to catch up. He smiled at that, recognizing it as the same thing that Felicity did all the time. Is her lack of brain-to-mouth filter catching? Oliver wondered wryly.
"It's okay Speedy, I know you didn't meant to ask that. An awful lot happened, much of which I never want any of you to have to know about. Hell I never wanted you to have to know any of this! I will tell you if it becomes relevant, but unless it does you don't need to know. Trust me, you don't want to know, you don't want to have any of that stuff in your head." Oliver smiled at her as he spoke, taking the sting out of the darkness of his words and letting her know it truly was okay, that he understood she had spoken without meaning to.
"Looks like you're spending too much time around me Thea, my lack of brain-to-mouth filter must be catching." Felicity spoke the words that Oliver had been thinking, making him laugh, and he was incredibly grateful to her for watching out for his sister. Felicity nodded infinitesimally to Oliver and he knew what she was saying, even though the words themselves remained unspoken.
Anytime Oliver.
Thank you Felicity, you had her back.
She's one of us now. We all have her back.
Felicity's right man, Thea's part of the Team now so we watch out for her in the same way too.
Oliver could see both Roy and Sara nodding their agreement to Diggle's unvoiced words and he nodded his own heartfelt response to them all.
Thank you!
Walter watched the conversation that was clearly going on between the Team, even though none of them saw the need for words yet again apparently. He exchanged a look of his own with Lance and yet again it was clear that the Detective had no more idea of what was being said than he did. All either of them could tell was that whatever it was being 'said', it was clearly supportive.
"You're a good man Oliver." Walter said, his voice full of wonder and awe for his stepson as he added his own audible support for the man stood before him. "I know that you've told us what happened, but I still don't know how you did that, how you could find that strength. You are stronger than anyone I've ever met!" Walter could see that Oliver was about to downplay his words, but he didn't give him the chance to speak.
"When I was abducted for those six months it was all I could do to stay sane and yet you … not only did you survive and stay sane, but you found something in yourself that allowed you to withstand such torture, only five weeks after seeing the Queen's Gambit go down and everyone on board die. It was the first time you were tortured you and yet you didn't break?! I'm amazed by you Oliver! I know from what you've said that you think that it was just making a decision to not give in – but it was so much more than that. You were willing to die to save his life and you became a hero in that moment Oliver."
"The essence of being a hero." Oliver murmured very quietly under his breath so that no one except Sara could hear him, they just saw his lips move.
"What was that?" Sara asked, not completely sure that she had heard him correctly either.
Oliver looked up distractedly and he answered without really thinking. "Peter, remember on the submarine when we were trying to take out Slade on the Amazo, he told us that to die so that someone else can live is the essence of being a hero. Walter's words just reminded me of that."
Sara nodded, remembering what Peter had told them too now that Oliver had said it again. She had not thought about that since then and she could see from his face that Oliver hadn't either. Thinking about it now though she knew that Peter had been right – and that Oliver truly was a hero. Five weeks after the Queen's Gambit went down she had been doing whatever Ivo said, not questioning anything just so that he would keep her safe from the rest of the crew.
She didn't even stop to think about what he was doing to the prisoners, she hadn't thought of that until after Oliver had rescued the rest of the prisoners from the Amazo over a year later. Yet Oliver, after five weeks he had been being tortured and refusing to give up Yao Fei – a man who he barely even knew – to save his life. Sara was more ashamed of herself than ever at that point, as well as being more determined than ever to make up for all the wrongs she had done both back then, and with the League afterwards.
"That's because you are a Hero Oliver – whether you can see it or not that is what you are! You have risked your life and put it on the line more times than we can even keep up with and you never hesitate to do whatever you have to to help someone else. If it will save the life of another then you just do it, regardless of the cost or risk to yourself." Felicity spoke up passionately.
"I just do the same as anyone else would Felicity, the cops do that too, I'm nothing special." Oliver answered tiredly. This had all taken more out of him than he wanted to admit, and he knew that he was flagging, and he was becoming more aware of his pain levels again.
"No! You do far more than that far more than the cops or anyone else would do Oliver! No offense Detective Lance …"
"None taken." Lance answered quietly in the half second gap that was barely even there between Felicity's words. He completely agreed with her, Oliver went way beyond what the majority of cops would do!
"… but stabbing yourself through your shoulder with your own arrow to take down Merlyn to save half the Glades is not what anyone else would do or even could do!" Felicity continued to speak heatedly.
"What?!" Moira shrieked, terrified and stunned at what her son had done, at the lengths he had gone to in order to stop the Undertaking. She had barely even been able to stand up and do that press conference – and she had only been able to do that because of Oliver and his ominous words to her as he had left the Mansion that night.
Oliver shrugged, not seeing why they were reacting the way they were, or why doing that with the arrow would make him a hero. "He was winning, Merlyn was a better fighter than me and he was about to take out all of the Glades. He was right behind me, choking me and I couldn't get free. I saw the arrow there on the ground as I was about to pass out. I didn't have time to think of a better idea, I just acted. If I hadn't then many more would have died and I would have failed and I was not going to let that happen – even though he still managed to set off that second device anyway. People I cared about were still in the Glades, there was no choice to make."
Oliver looked at Felicity as he spoke, he had used the same words that he had said for the first time after killing the Count on purpose, knowing that she would remember them too. He just hoped that she would understand what he was saying, that she would know he was trying to tell her that he had only gone after Laurel after he knew that she was okay, that she would realize that she was the person he cared about who he had known was still in the Glades. He hadn't even thought of Laurel that night at all until Felicity had mentioned the Upper East Side where he knew that CNRI's offices had been located. He needed her to know that his focus had not been on his former girlfriend, but instead it had been on Felicity, his girl.
AN2: Please do me the honour of letting me know what you think with follows/favs/reviews if you think the chapter/fic is worth it. Thank you!
