A/N: Apologies for no chapter yesterday. I started this chapter and found it so incredibly difficult to write it that I almost gave up about four times. So many ways to take it, and so much that could potentially go wrong. I struggled hard to try and make this make sense and clear up some stuff...
I think I pulled it off ... going for some fluff next chapter ... need it ...
Ten might be a bit of a sap at the end there, and I make no apologies AT ALL for that. None. Nada... hahahah...
~~oooOOOooo~~
Gallifrey looked up and around the medical bay of the TARDIS with wide eyes of pure wonderment. This was the first time he'd seen the Medical bay in this capsule. He'd seen the one in his other dad's TARDIS once or twice. He dipped his little head guiltily. Maybe three or four times if he and his dad were to be completely honest with his mother.
…But, hey. If his dad could deal with the boo-boo without having to notify his mother, then why did he have to tell her about it and worry her for nothing?. She didn't have to know about every little misadventure, now, did she?
This Medical bay was much, much different to the one on the younger TARDIS. This room had two gurneys lined side-by-side and spaced at least four-feet apart. There was no dividing curtain between beds, so no privacy at all between Doctor and patient – pardon the pun – and the walls were lined with cabinets and what Gallifrey could determine was hi-tech diagnostic equipment that he should probably never ever ever touch.
The other TARDIS, well, her medical bay may as well have been an entire hospital wing for all the beds and privacy curtains that she had. Depending on the gurney that was closest, the Doctor had to push his way through quite a few annoying blue-green curtains to get what he needed from old wooden cabinets.
"This," he vocalised unintentionally, "is different."
The Doctor rubbed his thumb along Gallifrey's newly dermally regenerated left palm and reached for the other hand. "I've done this for you before."
Gallifrey looked to his father, but only saw the top of his head as he worked on the other hand. "Yeah. No. I didn't mean this." He wriggled his fingers. "I mean the med bay."
The Doctor looked up at the room around him. He looked left and then right, and even up and down, but his eyes didn't meet the brown eyes of his child. He looked back down to his task. "The original layout was cluttered and ineffective. This is more efficient."
"Uh-huh," Gallifrey breathed through an open mouth as his brows dropped into a frown. "Efficient is good." He looked up. "Very good."
The Doctor finished up with Gallifrey's left hand and gave a frown as he looked down to the youngster's knees. "I need you to remove your trousers. I'll go grab you a towel so you can cover up a bit."
"I've got pants on," Gallifrey suggested as he ducked and weaved his little head to try and put himself in his father's line of sight. "Boxer briefs, Batman ones, so I'm basically wearing shorts. Black shorts with the batman logo in yellow all over them." He chuckled cheekily as he grabbed at the waistband of his trousers and wriggled his butt to pull them off his hips. He lay his back down and lifted his bum as he pushed at his trousers. His voice was slightly garbled as he spoke over a constricted throat. "Never wore briefs, me. Mum doesn't like them. She put me in Boxers before I was even out of nappies – which wasn't very old, mind. I was fully toilet trained at thirteen months. That's really early, yeah?"
Gallifrey finally kicked his trousers to his ankles and then groaned when they caught on his converse. He gave a grunt as he pulled at the leg to try and force them off and then cheered as they finally gave way. With a cheer of victory he let them fall off the edge of the gurney. "Oh, but of course she could never find boxer briefs that would actually fit my tiny little butt, so they were always more like boxers." He leaned in close and spoke in low conspiratorial tones. "Not a fan of boxers, just sayin. That level of freedom? No thanks. I like everything all snug as a bug in a rug." He then lay back on the gurney with his hands behind his head. "Snug as a bug in a rug. Odd saying that. Are bugs really snug if they get caught up in a rug"
The Doctor sniffed as he listened to the babble of his son. He may have appeared distracted as he curled his hand underneath a knobbly little knee, but he was listening to every word that his child was saying.
Gallifrey rolled his head on his hands to look at his father tending to his knee. "Whatdya think, Dad? Are bugs snug in a rug?"
"I'm really not sure, Gal."
"No?"
"There are quite a few factors involved in answering that one with any real substance," he answered around a small device he'd set between his teeth. He took the device out of his mouth and held it down against Gallifrey's grazed knee. "Generally speaking and without coming across as whimsical…"
"What if I want whimsical," he interrupted to query with a small voice. "Something creative and fun, you know?"
"Then don't ask a Time Lord."
Gallifrey deflated fully with a long exhale. "Oh. Okay." He pulled his hand from behind his head and used them to wrap his arms around his head. He could feel the tenderness of the Doctor's touch as he tended to the grazes. He could also feel the slight shudder in his hand as he worked. Shutting off his vision also heightened the young lad's hearing, and he could hear the shake in the Doctor's exhales with each breath that passed through his parted lips.
He wondered a moment if his dad was disappointed in him or mad at him because he'd done something wrong. Well. Okay. He had told him that he hated him and then run off into the night. But he had good reason. He did. He walked in on something no child should ever see. Well. Okay. Maybe if he'd knocked first, then he could've been saved that sight, but that was beside the point. He shouldn't have been in that woman's bed in the first place! Or. She shouldn't have been in his.
Semantics…
Fact still remained. His dad. In bed. With a woman who wasn't his mum.
And he was disappointed in him? Why? Because he reacted to it the way any kid would react to something like that? How dare he?
Gallifrey drummed his fingers on his elbows as he continued to hide underneath his forearms. He could feel anger and hurt ripple and grow heatedly inside his belly.
Eight years – well more than that considering he was born about four months after he and his mum got trapped in the other world – so more than eight years. Eight years of running and hiding and fighting and crying and being alone. Not once. Not once did his mum give up on the Doctor. She never once sought the attentions of another suitor, despite the offers. No. It was too dangerous for her to let anyone else in. His unique biology and the constant threat of being taken in the night meant that the only man allowed in her life was him. She gave it all up – gave everything - for a freckled face little streak of trouble fathered by a man who gave up on them.
Oh and just how long had it been for him, then? Same time? Less? More?
A whisper of thirteen months lapped at the edge of his consciousness, but Gallifrey rudely shoved it out of his mind. Thirteen months was too pitiful an amount of time to accept that his father had given up on them completely and moved on. Oh, and hadn't he moved on, then? New companion, new girlfriend …
And he had the nerve to be upset with him?
Was he such a disappointment to the mighty Time Lord that he'd be upset that he and his mum had defied every impossible odd and returned? He should be proud that his progeny had been so clever to have found a way back to the prime universe, not mad and upset at it.
"Is that what you think?"
Gallifrey's breath stilled at the tiny voice that came from his knees. His thoughts had numbed him to the fact that the gentle grasp of his knee had stilled and tightened. Surely he didn't just voice his thoughts…
"You were projecting," The Doctor said quietly.
…Touch telepath. Righhhht.
He tightened the hold of his forearm across his eyes and licked at his dried lips as he planned a hasty escape. "Am I all fixed up, then? Can I go find my mum?"
There was a wet clearing of the Doctor's throat, and the hold on his knee fell off completely. "Yes. All done. Good as new. Well. It is new, really. New skin covering the old. Quite a marvel is this new dermal regenerator." He held it up to admire it. "A bit more advanced that the one I used to use on you back in my fourth. Picked it up a century ago on…"
"Right," Gallifrey interrupted with a rush of breath. "Then now that I'm good as new, I'll get changed and go find my mum. Surely she's out of her mind with panic by now, and considering she doesn't do panic real well … at least not where I'm concerned… I should find her. Bit of a worry wart, Mum. Not that I can really blame her. Just she and me and all, you know." He turned on his backside with the intention to slide off the bed, but was caught by the Doctor's hand at his knee. "Sorry. Didn't mean to kick you. Unintentional…"
"Gallifrey," the Doctor choked on a broken voice. "Wait."
"I really don't have the time," Gallifrey countered meekly. "Mum's waiting for me. Probably freaking out and wondering if I have all my body parts, which I'm pretty lucky that I do given what just happened." He looked up into his father's eyes to elaborate, but instead gasped at the incredible depth of sadness he saw within them. He panted in the quiet for a handful of breaths and then reached forward to touch his fingers to the Doctor's hand. "Please don't be mad at me, Doctor. I didn't mean to be a bother to you. I really didn't."
The Doctor didn't know which part of all that hurt him the most, but he was going to focus on the fact that his child had referred to him as Doctor instead of dad, which he had never failed to do since the very moment they'd met in his fourth incarnation.
It hit him hard in both his hearts, and he impulsively reached for Gallifrey's hands. "I'm not mad at you, Gal."
Gallifrey's breaths drew in hard as he contemplated the only other option. Immediately his eyes filled with tears. "You. You're disappointed, then?" He breathed jagged breaths. "Be angry at me with me as much as you want. But please, please, please don't be disappointed in me. Please. I'm doing the best I can."
The sudden expression of total devastation in Gallifrey's entire body had the Doctor drop his son's hands and reach out to him immediately. He grabbed at his little arms, hauled him up against his chest and then locked his arms around the young boy's shoulders. He chanted a string of: No no no no no, and dropped his nose into Gallifrey's hair. Rassilon no. He was not mad or disappointed in that brilliant child. He was horribly disappointed in himself, so very mad at himself, but not at Gallifrey. Never at Gallifrey.
"I am not disappointed in you, Gal. Never." He inhaled deeply the scent of his child, all dust and bubble bath and the winds of the mountains of Gallifrey. "I am proud of you. So very proud of you."
"Then why aren't you talking to me," he whimpered wetly against his father's bare chest. "Mum says your gob is worse than mine, and you've hardly said a word to me." He sniffed and wiped his eyes on the Doctor's chest. "I know you didn't expect us to just show up like this, and it wasn't intentional. It's just that the Dimensional Warp and Wormhole Manipulator I made wasn't really ready when I activated it and…"
"That's what you called it?"
"What?"
"The device you used to jump back into this universe. That's what you called it?"
Gallifrey sniffed and backed out of the Doctor's hold. He curled his hand into a fist and nodded as he rubbed at his eye. "Uh-huh. I had originally added that Dings at the end of it, but I couldn't get it to ding like I wanted it to, so I couldn't. So I guess I wasn't really as clever as I thought I was, because if I can't get something to ding, which is pretty rudimentary stuff, then I'm not really that clever at all, am I?"
"I think you're brilliant," the Doctor said with a smile. "Absolutely brilliant." His smile fell into a line of thought. "And don't feel defeated by not getting something to ding to your liking. I've been at it for centuries now and I still have issues sometimes with the ding." He huffed and looked to the ceiling of the med bay. "It makes me wonder why I'm so obsessed with the whole ding and making it work, because really the ding isn't exactly what you're trying to achieve now, is it? It's just the icing on the cake…"
"Banana flavoured icing," Gallifrey added with a slight drool. "Yum."
"Oh yes," the Doctor cheered with a grin. "Yum with a capital Y." He leaned in toward Gallifrey. "And have you ever combined chocolate and banana?"
Gallifrey's eyes opened wide. "No…"
"Oh, my boy, then we mustn't waste time talking about it. We must make this combination happen. Immediately." He snatched his hand and pulled him to the edge of the gurney. "Come on, Gallifrey Tyler, let's go dip some bananas in some melted chocolate and enjoy the decadence as we really get ourselves all messy and dirty."
Gallifrey let his legs swing over the side of the gurney, but didn't allow the Doctor to pull him all the way down to the floor. He shook his head at the tug of urging on his hands.
The Doctor frowned and poked out his lower lip in a slight pout. "Come on. Let's go. The Banana dips aren't going to make themselves." He frowned at himself. "Well. TARDIS might make some for us if we don't, but that really does take the whole fun out of it."
"Dad?"
The Doctor grinned widely and lifted his eyes to Gallifrey's. "Yes?" His smile fell at the serious look on the child's face. "Not a fan of Bananas and chocolate?"
"Mum told me that you're good at this, you know."
"At creating culinary combinations? Why, my boy, of course I am. I'm brilliant at it." He let one side of his mouth curl into a rueful smile. "But I'm going to assume that you're not talking about that."
Gallifrey shook his head. "Nope." He inhaled deep. "King of Deflection. That's what mum calls you."
"I see." He exhaled a long breath and tapped at Gallifrey's leg to direct him to shift over a little. When he had to room to do so, he climbed up onto the gurney beside his son. They sat side by side for a moment in silence while the Doctor thought over the past few days, weeks, and then months since his wife and child had been so cruelly ripped from him. His mind then shifted to the moments since Rose and Gallifrey had come back into his life, and to the attachment that his human self had held for Joan Redfern, and then ultimately Gallifrey walking into the bedroom.
He fought back the urge to retch.
"Do you love her, Dad?"
The Doctor dropped his head down to look into Gallifrey's questioning gaze. "Who; Joan?" He pressed his lips together and shook his head. "No. No I don't."
"As a human, did you?"
Again the Doctor shook his head. "No. I had feelings for her, I suppose, but it wasn't love."
Gallifrey looked confused. "Then what was it?"
"Curiosity?"
Gallifrey frowned a tight grimace and let out a hard breath. "It had to be more than that. You don't kiss girls if you don't love them, and you certainly don't try to have sex with them."
The Doctor shuddered. "One. Please don't ever say that word again. It doesn't sound in any way near right for an eight year old to say it. Two. I didn't kiss her, she kissed me. Three." He looked back down to Gallfrey and his voice softened. "Three. What you saw, Gallifrey, wasn't me engaging in any activity that was going to lead me into having relations of that nature with Miss Redfern…"
"But…"
He held up a finger. "What you saw was me trying to push her away and stop it." He lifted a hand to cup at Gallifrey's cheek and drew his thumb along the tender skin underneath his eye. "I'd only just realized who you and your mum truly were to me, Gal. I was determined to fight for you both and have you both back in my life."
His eyes twitched in confusion. "I don't understand. Did you remember that you were a Time Lord?"
He shook his head. "Well. No."
"Oh. So you remembered that you and mum were in love and she got torn away from you during a Dalek invasion?"
"Again no."
"So. So? So." Gallifrey frowned. "Then how could you know who mum and me were, then? If you weren't you and you don't remember being you, then how could you possibly know? Were we part of your story?"
The Doctor looked at his child a moment and then slipped his hands into his. "Let me show you," he offered quietly as he lifted Gallifrey's hands to his temples and gently guided them into position. "I know that my fourth self has only given you a few lessons in how to use your telepathy, but I think you're good enough to be able to do this without ripping my brain out of my head."
Gallifrey bit at his lip and swallowed hard. "What if I break you?"
The Doctor chuckled. "You won't break me," he assured him. "I'll push you out before you can do any rewiring in there." He felt Gallifrey's fingers lightly press against his temples. "Now. Close your eyes and reach for me, Son. I'm waiting for you."
"Contact," Gallifrey breathed in question.
"Contact," the Doctor whispered in response as he felt the little tap at the very edge of his consciousness. "Time to see your Dad for who he is, Gal. No secrets."
Gallifrey giggled lightly. "Feel free to shield me from some things. Like the squicky things. Things with you and mum that resulted in me."
"I'll put them behind a big door with about twenty padlocks on it and a large do not enter sign and police tape." He shuddered as he felt the warmth of Gallifrey's presence enter his mind. "Hello my son."
"Hi Dad."
The Doctor immediately opened his mind and memories to the tiny little figure in a crimson tunic, black and yellow Batman boxer briefs and white Converse shoes. He let him walk among the memories of the thrill and joy of discovering his conception, and of the terror the Doctor felt knowing that he would soon lose them. He showed the endless nights of working at the TARDIS console to try and prevent it happening, to see if there was anyway of breaking the consistency of the causal loop so that he wouldn't have to lose them. He showed him his absolute devastation when they were taken from him, and then his determination to fight against time, the universe, and all of her constraints in order to get them back. He let him see the days that turned into weeks that turned into months of no sleep and no progress in finding a way to reclaim his family. Even with a new companion on board the TARDIS, his search never ended. Every night as she slept, he picked up where he'd left off the previous night. He didn't give up. Not once. Not until the day that he and Martha ran into the TARDIS and he was faced with the moment he had to turn himself human.
He hadn't known when that time would come, but when it did – despite all of the trouble and panic and worry of the moment – he knew he'd get his family back.
"I never gave up on finding the two of you," he assured as Gallifrey kept wandering with rapt fascination through every memory available to him. "Even if, ultimately, I knew it would come. I couldn't wait. I didn't want to wait."
Gallifrey stood silent watching the memory of the coupling in his quarters, and the emotions his father felt as he pushed the woman away from him.
"You really, really believed you were my dad," Gallifrey said with a gasp as he opened his eyes and gently severed the connection between them. He let his hands fall and stared into the Doctor's reddened eyes. "Even as a human, you knew."
The Doctor smiled. "I guess the bond between father and son is stronger than a simple change of species, yeah?"
Gallifrey grinned cheekily. "Or I'm just that brilliant that I shatter any barriers and just rip on through."
The Doctor had to laugh at that as he hooked an arm around Gallifrey's shoulder and pulled him against his chest in a tight embrace. "You know something. I think you're right."
"I know I am," he mumbled against his chest. "I'm the Doctor's son."
He held him that little bit tighter. "That you are, little flubble." He kissed the top of his head. "I love you, Gal. Don't forget that. Ever. Never ever ever."
"I won't," Gallifrey replied. "But can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
Gallifrey chuckled. "Not that I want you to think I don't like cuddles and all, because I do. I'm a cuddler. Always have been, and I reckon I always will be. But if snuggles are gonna happen, don't you think it might be a good idea for you to put some clothes on?"
