Chapter 52

When Briggs and Kestrel came aboard the Paladin, Kestrel still hadn't said a word. Sam and Grim had asked them about the mission, but only Briggs had answered them. Kestrel was too deep in his own thoughts. He had achieved his goal, he had killed Timochenko. But at what price, he wondered. He had lost everything that was Mikhail Loskov from Voron. And now, as he had found another identity with Kestrel in Fourth Echelon, he would lose the love of his life in the coming weeks, maybe days. That wasn't fair, but he knew that in his life there was no such thing as fairness. So he buried deep in his soul, trying to gather the courage to go on without Alpha.

He walked in a daze in the plane, unaware of the crew members, unaware of Briggs taking his gear in the cargo hold, unaware of Grim escorting him to his cabin, unaware of Sam helping him out of his suit. He was lost in the maze of his mind, and he had to find the exit, alone. And when Sam ordered him to have some rest, offering him a sleeping pill, he obediently gulped it down and lay on his bed. And soon he felt his eyes closing, and his mind slipped into a blissful void.

Sam waited patiently to hear Kestrel's breathing becoming slow and deep, then left his cabin. He went back to the control room and met Grim and Briggs. Briggs seemed to understand what was going on, but Grim had a puzzled look on her face.

_ What happened to him? she asked.

_ He killed Timochenko, Sam explained. It was his ultimate goal, the only thing he could look forward to. Now it's done, and what is left for him? Nothing, only pain with Alpha's death coming closer. He has Fourth Echelon, but he joined us because of Alpha. He'll need to find a reason to live, and that takes time. It know it first-hand.

Sam's guts twisted at the memory of these horrible years, after Lambert's death, when he thought Sarah dead and when he was nothing but a fugitive. He had to find a reason to live too, and it took him many years and a lot of courage. Now Kestrel would be in the same situation, except that he could rely on Sam and the Fourth Echelon team to support him. Sam would take care of him, and not let him fall where he himself had fallen.

Grim's expression tightened, and she looked away. Sam knew this subject would always be sore for the two of them, but they needed to overcome it. He took her hand gently and kissed it, to show that he had moved on, and he harbored no grudge. She locked eyes with him, and he leaned to kiss her. She half-smiled, then said:

_ Okay, we'll help him. But now, let's have some sleep. We can take off in the morning, and fly to Baltimore.

_ Sounds good, said Briggs, yawning widely. Good night, you two.

_ Night, Briggs.

Sam watched Briggs heading for the corridor leading to the cabins, then turned towards Grim. She still looked upset.

_ Listen, he said, caressing her cheek. It's in the past, we can move on, you and me.

_ I don't like to think about what you had to endure then, she confessed, her voice trembling. It was hard for me too, but for you...

_ It's over, he said, to her and to himself. Sarah's alive, we're in Fourth Echelon, and we're together. That's all that matters.

_ I'm so sorry.

She buried in his T-shirt and sobbed. He hugged her against his chest, glad to have had the courage to live a few years ago to be with her and enjoy her presence now. He kissed her hair and gently caressed her back, and soon she breathed deeply and wiped her tears away.

_ Come on, he said, let's sleep together. We'll put our matresses on the floor.

_ Good idea, she smiled weakly. I want to sleep on your shoulder, like in Hawai.

_ We didn't sleep much in Hawai, he recalled with a grin.

_ True, but right now I'm exhausted.

_ So am I.

They went to Grim's cabin and Sam brought in his matress. Soon, as promised, they were sleeping soundly, Grim on Sam's shoulder.

In the morning, Grim was the first one awake. She got up, letting Sam sleeping a little bit more, then took a hasty shower. She checked on Kestrel, who was still fast asleep, and on Alpha. But the hacker was wide awake, clothes on, and listening to music from her cellphone. As soon as Grim entered, Alpha turned her head toward her and smiled, pulling out her earphones.

_ Hi, Grim! All right?

_ Yes, she said, thanks, and you?

Alpha shrugged, and winced.

_ It's the end, Grim. I can feel it. And I want it to end. I can't stand the pain any longer.

She saw Grim's appalled expression, and said with a sad smile:

_ Please, don't be upset. It'll only make things harder for me.

Grim inhaled deeply, then went to sit on Alpha's bed.

_ Has Misha killed Timochenko?

_ Yes, Grim said. He frightened him, and Timochenko had a cardiac arrest.

_ I suppose he's not too well now, is he?

_ Sam gave him a sleeping pill when he came back. He was like a zombie. But he's still asleep for now.

_ Will you look after him when I'm gone?

Alpha had tears in her eyes, but her voice was as strong as ever, and Grim was impressed by her courage.

_ Yes, I will. I promise.

_ He'll probably start drinking again. Please make sure he does not dive back into alcohol.

_ I'll be careful.

_ And take care of Sam. And of yourself. You both deserve to be happy.

Grim nodded, the tears menacing to flood down again. Alpha put her hand on her arm, and Grim raised her head to stare at her.

_ Grim, I have a last mission to do. And I want you to help me carrying it out.

_ The NSA. O'Brian.

_ Yes. I'm not planning to come back.

Grim locked eyes with her, and saw her determination, but also her intense suffering. She understood immediately.

_ You want O'Brian to kill you?

_ Yes. What better proof than a murder to bring Meggido down for good? But if he doesn't kill me, I'll stage it nevertheless. His office is on the top floor of the building. Easy to fall through a window.

_ The windows are secure and unbreakable.

_ I already passed through two of these unbreakable windows, she smiled. But this time, it will be the last.

_ Does Kestrel...?

_ No, Alpha cut her. He doesn't know what I'm planning to do and he must not know. Nobody ought to know except you, Grim, and I trust you to keep it for you. Misha... He's strong from the outside, but inside he's like crystal. He won't be able to watch me walking away to my death.

_ What about me? Grim asked gloomily.

_ You're a woman, you know that sacrifices must be made to win.

Grim knew Alpha was right. Women had a very strong will of steel, much more than the average male.

_ And when do you want to do it?

_ We're heading to Baltimore this morning, I suppose?

_ Yes.

_ Then I'll go inside Fort Meade tomorrow morning. That leaves me twenty-four hours with Misha. We'll set the operation now, and plan as usual with an extraction point and means of transport. Only you and I will know we won't need them.

_ As you wish, Grim sighed depressingly.

_ Don't be sad, Alpha told her kindly. It will be a relief. And I'm willing to die, not suffering alone in my bed, but knowing that I helped bringing down the worst criminal organization of these last years. It's something worth dying for, don't you think?

_ Yes, Grim said, allowing the tears to fall at last.

The two women shared their sadness for a few moments, then Alpha got up.

_ Come on, we've got work before Misha wakes up.