This fanfic contains a lot of swearing, smoking, violence and various other mature themes.

All characters are the property of Rebecca Sugar and Cartoon Network, except for Erica, Charlie, Victoria, Echo and Parker.

This fanfic is written from the perspective of E. K. Brooks.

Chapter 52: Roller coaster

We approached the temple and climbed the stairs. I was feeling quite tired and there was a strange ache in my solar plexus, but Jasper looked so excited – I didn't want to bring down the mood.

Pearl and Peridot were working together, putting a new door onto the hinges. I felt a pang of shame at the sight.

"I'm really sorry about that" I said quietly and the two of them turned around.

"Oh, hello. I told you not to worry, Erica" Pearl said with a smile.

"What was that adhesive fabric you had used to put it back together?" Peridot asked me.

"Uh… duct tape"

"Pearl, I insist we acquire some immediately!"

"There's some in the tool box under the sta-" she hadn't finished the sentence before Peridot scampered off. There was the sound of enthusiastic rummaging and Pearl shook her head with an apologetic smile. Jasper sniggered and put a hand on my shoulder.

"We should get going, babe. Thanks for letting us use the warp"

I looked between the two of them, smiling faintly in surprise.

"You're welcome" Pearl said kindly. "I dare say you need a little break…"

We walked through the door and across the floor to the warp pad, saying hi to Garnet in passing. Jasper reached down for my hand and held it securely.

"Ready?" she asked and I nodded. The warp activated and soon our feet found purchase again. The sunlight was blinding and I raised my free hand to shelter my eyes from its glare. "Ah, I should have said" she mumbled apologetically.

"It's alright, just give me a moment" I blinked rapidly and soon the world came into focus. We were standing on a raised dais surrounded by walls of rock in shifting hues of orange and red. I looked around interestedly. "It's so… red. I thought it would be dark, like the other one"

"Nah, this is sandstone babe" she led the way down some stairs and I followed. There were holes in the rock similar to the Prime Kindergarten, but somehow these looked a bit less… organized. There was a huge difference in the feel of this place, too. I didn't feel like I was being watched, for one. And it was much warmer here. And it felt… safer. But that was probably Jasper's presence. "Stars, it has been so long since I was here…" she said quietly.

I went up to the right wall and touched the stone. It was warm and coarse against my skin. I ran my palm along it until I reached one of the holes. It was a little taller than me and I took a peep inside. It was… just a hole. A few feet deep and cooler than the outside air because of the shade.

"What kind of gem was in here?" I asked, turning to look at Jasper. She came up to me and squatted down with a smirk.

"Hah… this one must have come out after I did… Carnelian most likely. Good size" she said appreciatively. "Come on, mine's further in" we walked slowly, and I looked around at all the different holes. Some were big, like the one I had first seen, but most of them were smaller. A few looked… crooked and wonky. One was very tall, but very slim and one was much, much shorter than me.

"Are they all different kinds of gems?" I asked curiously, then pointed to the tall slim one. "What was she?"

"This place made jaspers and carnelians. That one was a jasper" she chuckled. "Skinniest jasper I ever saw. Actually surprised they kept her"

"Did you know her?"

"Not really. She didn't exactly excel in battle. I got promoted quickly… There weren't a lot of Betas higher up the ranks" she frowned. "The home world jaspers I ended up with were not happy to have a Beta in their squad. They learned to see sense once they saw me fight, though"

"This place is huge" I said a few minutes later. "How far does it go on?"

"A few clicks south, then it veers southwest for a few more"

"Wow… how many gems were made here?" I kept looking around at the different sized holes. There were so many…

"Around a thousand" she sped up a little as we approached a wider area. Then she stopped and looked up, putting her hands on her hips. I followed her gaze and my chin dropped. A little up the wall was a huge hole. The other ones looked like simple silhouettes – like blocks with a rounded head on top, but this one looked like they had come out of the stone flexing their muscles. Jasper gave me a crooked grin and raised her arms into the same pose.

"This is yours?" I asked and she nodded cockily. "Darling… wow…" I walked closer and tried to look inside, but the lip of the hole was just too high up for me to see, even if I stood on tiptoe. I felt Jasper's hands close around my upper thighs, her thumbs under my bum and she lifted me up carefully. I gasped as I saw the interior and the tiny puff of sparkly white made the entire inside glitter. "Darling…" I breathed as I blinked at the brightness. "It's beautiful…" Jasper chuckled and put me down so I sat with my legs over the edge. "It's so deep" I said in amazement as I looked further in. I got to my feet and ran my hands over the smooth, glassy surface of the walls. "The others weren't like this…"

"Hah, no" she grinned crookedly up at me, her cheeks a bit flushed. "I came out of the rock wearing my helmet, burning like the sun" I let out a little laugh and the pale orange butterfly lit the space all the way to the back, making the walls shimmer as it fluttered its wings. I walked to the back wall and ran my hands over the cool stone. It was all smooth except for one small patch about the size of my thumb. It looked to be… somewhere around her lower back area, assuming she had been facing forward. She had a spot on her back that hurt her sometimes… could this be why? I patted it gently and then turned around and looked out. So this was the first thing she saw… A red landscape, high walls and war… What a way to be born. I walked slowly to the entrance, running my hands along the walls again.

"Wait, wait, stay right there" she said and pulled out her tablet.

"You want me to pose?" I smiled at her with a bit of effort and she nodded. I flexed my arms, then did a couple more body building poses and she laughed heartily. Her enjoyment lifted my spirits slightly.

"Show off the stripe, babe – yeah, just like that" she bit her lip and I saw her gem glow faintly. After a while she put the tablet back in her pocket and beamed up at me. "Never thought someone prettier than me would be coming out of that hole"

"Beastie…" I said slowly and a butterfly appeared, it was brighter than the one before. I sat down with my legs over the edge and she picked me up by the hips again, lifting me down so out faces were level. "You dork" I giggled as I stroked her cheek. "Thank you for showing me this place…"

"I was hoping you'd be impressed" she hummed and held me closer.

"I'm very" I kissed her glowing gem. "impressed…"

"Good" I wrapped my arms around her neck and leaned in to kiss her soft lips.

Jasper chuckled and started to walk away from the cliff wall, still carrying me.

"Hold on tight" she said with a grin and bent her knees slightly.

"What are you going to – oooh!" Jasper had launched us into the air and I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach and I clutched at her shirt in surprise. When we reached the apex of the jump I looked out over the desert landscape – it stretched from horizon to horizon in a flat, red expanse. I gasped at the beauty of it all, then we began to fall and I felt my stomach rise into my ribcage instead. Jasper landed with a loud thud, then put me down carefully. "Oh my fucking gods… that was…" I looked up at her, smiling more genuinely. "It was like the best parts of a roller coaster"

Jasper sniggered and looked incredibly pleased with herself. "I bet Echo could go farther though. And higher"

"You think so?"

"Why don't we… find out?" she held out her hand to me and I smiled and took it gently. I so wanted to be Echo again… Her other hand had barely touched my back when everything suddenly went white.

I spun on the spot and opened my eyes on the red, red desert. I looked around, feeling my heart filling with joy to be again. I stretched out my long limbs and felt Jasper and Erica stir within me. They felt a little different this time and I paused to hold my hand over my chest. Jasper was full of pride and happiness and shared it so willingly and I felt so proud of her for it. Erica's consciousness was heavier somehow, which was understandable with everything that had happened lately. She didn't feel quite ready to share everything, but that was alright, I reassured her, and Jasper agreed. We both knew she would tell us eventually. I felt a strong need from Jasper to cheer her up and I wanted that too. What do you need, Erica-love? A shy response; can we just run… and jump? Certainly we can, my dear, I smiled and began to walk, then jog and finally run. My claws dug into the dirt and tentative joy came from Erica at the familiar feeling. I gathered myself to leap and pushed off the ground – the wind rushed through my hair and I laughed as my stomach filled with tingles – the feeling was quite new to Jasper and she thoroughly enjoyed it. I landed lightly and set off faster, arms pumping and the ground blurred beneath my feet. Again I leapt and again the joyful feeling filled me. Multicolored butterflies streamed behind me as I ran. I felt the memory of a rhythm from Erica that I wasn't quite keeping, and I slowed. Erica carefully shared the memory of the dream where she had run with Steven in the shape of a tiger. I realized what was missing and smiled as Jasper helped me change my form. How easy it was for her… My hands fell on the ground as paws. This was it, this was what she wanted. What she needed… Erica was so stunned at the moment of physical uncertainty but now she marveled at the feel of the new shape. This is it? Jasper asked excitedly. This is from your favorite dream? She felt so touched, as did I and I began to pick up speed slowly, getting the hang of the sequence of movement quickly. How… natural it felt to move on all fours. Soon I stretched out my stride and it felt so good! I dug all four sets of claws into the dirt and pushed off powerfully with each loping step. I gathered myself to leap again and sprang into the air and the wonderful tingly feeling in my belly came back and I sped up. My breath came out in shimmering golden mist and Erica was so, so pleased. I ran on for a long time, loving the feeling of being so free. The open landscape was an endless playground to me. I felt so happy they had brought me here. The sun began to set on this place and I decided to turn around and go back to where my Jasper-love had been born. I knew Jasper had spent quite some time in similar shapes and she tentatively shared a very private memory of having run with six legged beasts on a planet far, far from here and a long time ago – after the war was over. She had stumbled upon a herd of them during one of her rare free periods and had shapeshifted to join them out of curiosity. They had accepted her without question and she had roamed the vast fields of purplish green grass with them all day. It had been amazing to just… turn herself off for a while and just… exist. No thoughts but those of keeping all her feet in line and retaining her shape. No orders to give or obey, no shouting, no other gems. Just her… and them… As the two suns had set over the horizon the herd had stopped for the night and she had lain down to rest, not planning to fall asleep. But she had slept – and slept better among them than she had in decades. But when she woke she was back in her normal body and the herd had gone, not leaving even so much as a hair behind. She had felt so incredibly… abandoned… Oh, how her loneliness moved me, and Erica too. We both reached for her – I slowed to a halt and the dust settled around me as I focused inwards. My Jasper-love… My beastie… Jasper felt the softness of our concern and opened up more, letting us see further. When she had returned to base she had been punished severely for being gone too long. Her superior had lashed her with her whip in front of her squad and they had looked on in silence. It had taken a long time to recover her status – 'the time the Beta ran away' became a joke at the base. Until one day when she'd had enough and took on her entire squad, one by one. The memory of that fight was a blur of humiliation and rage – mostly at herself for letting her guard down in the first place. By the end, three of the seven soldiers had retreated into their gems and she stood panting over the rest with her helmet dripping with sweat and mud. As were the rules of the barracks, the subject was dropped and the matter considered settled, but she never forgot how much it had hurt to be abandoned, or how humiliated she had been because of it. You just wanted to… belong somewhere, darling… Jasper's exposed core trembled and she fought hard to keep herself open for us. It's alright, my Jasper-love… We are still here… Slowly she settled and our calm and care surrounded her and she glowed with relief. To myself I thought now – I knew there were things – things Jasper had done that she kept from Erica still, but I knew them – or at least the shape of them. They rung with shame, rage and sadness but I left them be, not wanting to unbalance her. I knew Erica kept some things very closely guarded too, they also surrounded by sadness, shame and rage. As far as they had come, they still had such a hard time trusting – even though they wanted to, they were afraid. Both of them afraid the other would… leave… Oh, how I loved them, my lost ones… A surge of affection from me rocked them and they shone out in response, Erica a little duller than Jasper. My loves, I told them gently, you have had quite the exhausting time lately, haven't you? They both agreed that yes, that was certainly true. Why don't you have a rest now? Just a little one, and I'll carry you to where you need to go. Take a moment and just… exist. Just be, within me. And don't worry about a thing, I've got you… Relief came from them in a wave. I started to walk back to the Kindergarten and I felt them both fade slightly inside me as they went into a sort of slumber. I sighed out a deep breath, a stream of multicolored mist leaving me now. The desert was quiet around me, now that I turned my attention back to the outside world. I padded lightly along the path of my own footprints. The stars were bright overhead and my breath came out as vapor as the air around me cooled. I knew I hadn't been here very long, so this must be far from Beach City. I had only seen the backyard of their house with my own eyes and would quite like to explore the little town at some point. It would be nice to see the other gems again. And Sadie too. Oh, Sadie… She had been so shocked to see me when I first appeared. As had the others. I remembered Steven's broad smile and Connie's sparkling eyes. What did their fusion look like? Wouldn't it be fun to go somewhere together and get to know each other. I should make it known to Erica and Jasper a little later, when they had had a rest, that I would quite like to meet other fusions. Did they all work like me? I hadn't thought to ask Garnet, oh my – she had looked so happy to see me! What a wonderful… birth it had been. Under the starlit sky, just like the heavens above me now. But I could see so many more stars here, from the dark. Wasn't it a little bit funny? The darker the night, the brighter the starlight. I stopped and looked up a moment. They painted such a pretty picture, high above. A million different shapes and patterns, endlessly stretching far beyond my field of vision. Into the forever of space. And somewhere out there – home world. With its Diamonds… It was strange to know that they hated everything that I was even though they had never met me. I let out a long sigh and stretched out my back and shook myself so that my fur rustled. I wondered what I looked like. Was there a mirror big enough to see myself in somewhere? Maybe I could ask someone to take a picture? But maybe I should change back before doing so, I might look really frightening. I looked down at my front paws. I couldn't make out the color in the dark. There was a definite 'cat' feel to my shape. Was I a tiger? Or a lion perhaps?

I reached the edge of the cleft that was the Kindergarten. It stretched like a scar across the desert, right now merely a slightly darker jagged line under the stars. I blew out a stream of sparks that fell like rain across the ravine and they winked out before they reached the bottom. I found where Jasper and Erica had formed me and picked up the little backpack with the red blanket in my teeth. I was sure it must have been an hour or more since they left this place and Erica at least must be needing to eat soon. It was a curious feeling, hunger. An emptiness inside somewhere, aching to be filled. I could smell the food inside the bag and felt very curious about what it might feel like to eat. I had a stomach, I knew. Just like I knew I had a heart and lungs. I took a deep breath and concentrated, then blew out a stream of soft light that spun itself into a ball. It faded ever so slowly but shone brighter with my next breath. I batted it with my paw and it wafted down into the deep cleft and landed on the bottom. I leapt down, feeling my stomach tingle pleasantly as I fell, then landed lightly next to the light. I flicked it into the air and padded back toward the warp pad, nudging the light along like a balloon. As I neared the end of the Kindergarten the warp pad shone out eerily, reflecting the starlight from above. It was getting a little strenuous to keep this shape and I reverted back to my original form before stepping onto the warp. I reached inside and felt Jasper and Erica stir, coming into focus again. Where do you want to go? I know the way – Jasper shared the location and I let the knowledge fill me and the warp activated. I closed my eyes at the brightness of its light and soon new smells came to me. Trees, grass, water, earth… The air was warm. I opened my eyes again and looked out over a lush forest. It was dense and old, but not as old as the one I had been in previously. This was a different one. I sniffed the air some more. The scent of the musty earth filled my nose, the mineral rich soil almost a taste in my mouth. I strode off the pad and sank a little into the soft ground, then made my way through the trees. Birds sang around me and I let out a breath of pleasure. It was nice to be in a place like this… It was still, yet so teeming with life. Insects buzzed in the air and I saw a large beetle scamper up a tree trunk and vanish into a crack in the bark. Erica was quite adamant that she did not want to go look in there and I smiled reassuringly. I won't go look if you don't want me to, Erica-love. I continued on, Jasper guiding my steps. I felt a mounting excitement from her and but she was keeping our destination from me. I want you to be surprised she told us. Twenty or so minutes later I began to hear a rushing, splashing sound. I saw the trees open up ahead of me and came out into a glade with a little waterfall that fell into a roughly circular pool. Rainbows hovered in the water saturated air and I stopped to take in the view. The grass was short and shifted into a soft dark earthen bank around the left side of the spring. Large rocks surrounded the rest and tall palm trees wafted slowly in the breeze. It was quite the breathtaking sight and I smiled broadly. Erica was astounded at the beauty of the place and I felt her shine with pleasure. I approached the edge of the water and looked down into it – I could see my very blurry reflection in it. I was a little disappointed, I would quite like to know what I looked like. Why not take a selfie? Erica asked me. Oh. That little phone thing had a camera, didn't it? I took it out of my pocket – it was so small in my hand. Try the tablet, it's a little bigger Jasper suggested and I took that one out instead. This gave me a brilliant idea. Can we make a video? Then I could see what the cat thing looks like… And… I would like to meet some other fusions, do you think the others would agree to that? I could ask them myself in the video, maybe you could show it to them later? I would really like to see who Steven and Connie make together. Erica felt very positively towards the idea but Jasper was a little more hesitant. You don't mean… fusing with another fusion, do you – just to be clear? No, no Jasper dear. I just want to meet them. Others like me. I have so many questions. Jasper relented, relief flowing from her. I set up the tablet against a handy rock and pushed the record button with difficulty, it was so small, then stepped back and changed into the animal again, careful not to do anything different. I padded around the glade for a little, then reverted to my normal shape and spun slowly so the tablet could get all angles. I felt a little silly, but maybe that was coming more from Erica than from myself. Jasper found the whole situation funny and I chortled, making some butterflies appear. I approached the tablet and picked it up.

"Hello everyone" I said in my deep, thrumming voice. Oh, how Erica adored it… "I have a request… I would quite like to meet other fusions, to talk – Garnet, I would love if you and I could have a conversation… And I'm so curious to meet Opal and what was it… Stevonnie? And the others too. Is that something you would be interested in? Please let Jasper and Erica know. Hope to see you soon" I finished with a smile and pressed the button again, then sat back on my haunches and let out a sigh. The image on the screen… That was my face. I stared at it. So that is what I looked like… I turned on the camera again and looked at myself in real time, blinking my big light green eyes and smiling. The stripes across my face were fractured, almost looking tattered. My canines were very pointy. I giggled to myself, feeling Jasper and Erica's fondness for me glow. I touched my gem carefully. Oh, what a strange sensation. It was hard, but warm, like any other part of my body. How peculiar… Erica was fascinated by the feeling. It almost felt like touching a tooth… I looked at my hair. There were braids in it held together by metal rings. Erica approved highly of this arrangement. Very Viking inspired. They were ancient Sowegian warriors, fierce and feared across the world, she informed us. Jasper was very curious about this and Erica promised she would tell her more if she wanted, later. I felt hunger emanating from Erica and held a hand over my strangely vibrating belly. It made a little gurgling noise and I chortled at the sensation. Maybe it's time you came back, my darlings… I felt immediate agreement from Jasper but Erica was hesitant. It's so nice to be you, Echo… I know. But it's nice to be Erica too, isn't it? Yes, butSomething disappears from me when you go. Jasper agreed that it did and insisted it was time to let that wonderful part go for now, even though it was hard. Erica felt embarrassed and guilty about holding on and she apologized – she knew fusion was a difficult subject for Jasper and here she was, making it more complicated. Both me and Jasper reassured her that it was alright. It's OK to want to stay. Erica's mind relaxed a little and I closed my eyes and let go of my form.

I felt a warm breeze play across my back and buried my face in Jasper's shirt for a moment, drawing in her scent as I hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry" I said quietly. Jasper chuckled slightly and stroked my back.

"It's OK, little monster. I miss that feeling too, when she goes… You'll feel better when you've had something to eat, babe" she lifted my chin and kissed me, a warm look in her yellow eyes. I felt myself relaxing and I nodded. We broke the hug and Jasper picked up the backpack and untied the blanket and placed it on the ground with a flourish. "Sit" she instructed with a smile and I sat down. She began to unpack the contents. A large Tupperware box of empanadas was joined by a little carton of blueberries and a few apples. Lastly she took out some cans of Mega Porp, some napkins and two towels.

"Towels?" I asked curiously.

"If you wanted a swim" she said with a grin. I smiled at her faintly and ran my fingers over the soft fabric.

"I haven't been swimming since… you know…" the scar on my leg tingled and I rubbed at it.

"I know…" she looked at me with a concerned smile. "I just remembered you being in the water on the island. You looked so… at home in there"

"I've thought about it. Going swimming I mean… Actually wondered if there was a lake near Beach City I could splash around in but it must have slipped my mind…"

"You don't have to, babe. I brought them… just in case"

"Do you want to swim?"

"Thinking about it at least. Water, you know…"

"I know, darling" we looked at each other with warmth and worry. "I don't want to be afraid of it. Maybe we could try it… together?"

"Yeah…" Jasper sat down next to me. "I'd like that…" she stroked my cheek with her knuckles. "But first…" she picked up the box of empanadas and opened the lid. A wonderful meaty cheesy smell filled my nostrils and I felt my mouth watering. I took one and bit into it.

"Omph" I mumbled as I closed my eyes, reaching out for Jasper's arm and squeezing it gently. I heard her chuckle smugly. It was wonderfully spicy and so very, very tasty. I tried to chew slowly, to enjoy every scrumptious mouthful, but I was so hungry. I devoured two of them before pausing, looking up at her crookedly grinning face and feeling my cheeks flush a little.

"I take it they passed inspection then?" she smirked at me and I nodded with my mouth full, picking up a third. Jasper took one too and put it whole in her mouth and chewed it thoughtfully, then nodded to herself. "They taste better the second day"

After we had had our fill of food I lay down on my back and lit myself a cigarette with a faint blue white tendril.

"Thank you darling, that really hit the spot…" I let out a burp and Jasper sniggered appreciatively and lay down next to me, putting her hands behind her head.

"I am a fantastic cook" she said smugly.

"Yes you are" I giggled softly and patted my belly, yawning hugely. "I could really go for that nap now…"

"I think I might join you" I scooted closer to her and put my head on her arm. "Oh, but first – you want to see the video Echo made?"

"Oh, yes, I'd love to" I said with a little smile and Jasper took out her tablet. The video clip started with a close up of Echo's mouth, then she moved back. She was wearing different clothes this time. It was so strange to see her from the outside… She smiled before she shifted into the animal shape and I gasped. She had turned into a huge cat like thing – she looked like a mix between a lion, a leopard and a tiger. She had pale orange fur with red stripes and black spots. Around the neck was a white and brown speckled mane. She looked sleek yet powerful and when she padded around the glade I saw the muscles play under her fur… It was a magnificent sight… Then she regained her normal shape and picked up the tablet. When she began to speak a pleasant shiver passed through me – her voice really was so incredibly beautiful and I grabbed at Jasper's shirt, making her chuckle.

"She's pretty, isn't she?" I said dreamily as the video ended.

"How could she not be? We made her" Jasper moved her arm down to cover my back. "Do you think… our kid might look like her?" I hugged her tightly as a vivid image of a white and brown haired toddler walked toward me with their arms raised.

"That would be wonderful…" a wave of sadness followed the picture, but I tried to just let it flow over me and away. Some of it clung on and I knew I'd need some time to process everything that had happened yesterday and today. But this place was so beautiful… And Jasper was trying so hard to cheer me up. And we were talking about the future… Our future. "I hope I dream about them now…" I said quietly as I closed my eyes, feeling sleep claim me almost immediately.

I woke to a rustling of cloth and opened my eyes slowly, letting them get accustomed to the bright sunlight. I felt a bit better than before. I was lying on my side, but there was no beastie next to me. I turned over and saw her drop her pants. Well, that was a nice sight to wake up to – I smiled and cleared my throat a little and she looked at me.

"Oh, hey babe" she said casually, picking up her clothes and throwing them onto the blanket with a grin.

"You going swimming? Or did you just want to be naked?"

"Maybe both" she began to stretch and my eyes travelled up and down her body, taking in her beauty slowly. My spine tingled and I felt a tightening of internal muscles and I let out a sigh and rested my head on my arm. Jasper chuckled and flexed her muscles cockily, changing from pose to pose.

"Darling…" I said sultrily. "Are you trying to seduce me? Because it's working"

"Good…" she smirked and I saw Kara twitch. I got slowly to my feet and began to undress and Jasper paused to look at me. When I was naked too I approached her and she smiled – then I turned quickly and walked toward the pool. "Hey…" she said with a chuckle.

"Come on, darling…" I stepped carefully into the water. There couldn't be any sharks in here, I told myself firmly. Relax. The temperature was warmer than I expected. The pool deepened quickly and soon I stretched out and took a long breast stroke. Gods, it felt so wonderful… The water carried me and I felt almost oily as I glided through it. I took a deep breath and dove under the surface for a moment. When I came up for air, Jasper was standing at the edge of the pool, looking at me a little apprehensively. I smiled at her and her shoulders dropped slightly.

"How is it?" she asked.

"It's great…" I flipped over onto my back and began to float. After a moment I heard splashing and turned my head to see Jasper standing knee deep in the water. I smiled and swam over to her. "How does it feel, darling?"

"Wet" she said with a slightly uncertain smile. She lowered herself down slowly to sit on the bottom, paused for a few seconds to take a breath, then leaned her back against a rock. The water reached half way up her chest now. I floated closer to her and she met my gaze a little nervously. I reached out to stroke her cheek and she put her hand on mine. I could feel her trembling slightly.

"Darling…" I said softly and moved to sit in her lap. She hugged me close.

"This is more… uncomfortable than I thought" she said quietly.

"It's alright to be afraid, sweetheart…" I stiffened slightly as I remembered Lapis in the storm. This… was not the time to bring it up. I forced myself to relax and kissed her cheek and stroked her hair. "I'm right here"

Jasper closed her eyes and took a deep breath and I felt her chest expand and contract powerfully. "Could you tell me something good… about being in the water?" I raised my eyebrows slightly.

"Sure…" I wracked my brain for a moment, then smiled. "Sometimes, when it was warm outside, Robyn and I snuck out in the evenings, when we were at school. There was a lake on the school grounds, but it was off limits to students. We used to go there and sit on the little wooden dock, dangling our feet in the water and just talk for hours… Sometimes we would swim too" I let out a little chuckle. "She would always do a running jump and then turn in midair and dive – it took me ages to figure out how she did it, I kept on making belly flops and she would just laugh and laugh… But it wasn't nasty laughter" Jasper grinned faintly, her eyes still closed. "Her family has a summer house near a river and the first holiday I spent with them, we were barely dry five minutes. There was a rope swing that we used to fling each other out into the deep part, but you had to let go at just the right moment or you ended up in the reeds… There were lots of crayfish there and when it was the season we would set traps and have a feast… Man, it was so much fun…" I breathed out several pale gold butterflies. "My dad taught himself how to sail when he was a boy… by stealing a dingy from the boat club and sailing it around the island he used to spend his summers on… He got into so much trouble" I let out a little laugh and the silvery fish appeared, skittering across the surface of the water, like they were swimming. "I have a lot of good memories of water, when I think about it…" Jasper opened her eyes and kissed my cheek. "Now I kind of want to try that running jump-dive…" I squirmed as a little tingle of happiness sparked in my belly.

"I want to see it" Jasper grinned down at me. She seemed a lot more relaxed now.

"I should make sure it's deep enough first, just to be safe" I said with a smile and she unwound her arm from around me. I kissed her quickly, then pushed off the rock and paddled out into the middle, took a breath and then dove down. I opened my eyes under the surface and swam to the bottom – it must be around seven feet deep I decided. I drew in a gasping breath as I resurfaced and swam back to Jasper.

"Is it safe?" she asked and I nodded. I climbed out of the water then walked squelchily onto the grass and lined myself up with a sturdy rock. Please let me look cool when I do this, I thought to myself. I started to run, noticing how uncomfortably my breasts bounced without a bra or bathing suit on – I reached the rock and jumped – realizing in midair that I wasn't raising my legs as I should and smacked into the water. Holy fuck balls – the entire front side of my body stung! When I resurfaced I could hear Jasper nearly laughing herself silly. Wait – this was better than if I had done it gracefully! It was hard to be afraid when something was funny. 'Giggle at the ghosty', as Pinkie Pie would say. Jell-oooo!

"Uh… Ta-daa?" I said, wincing slightly as I tread water in the middle of the pool.

"Babe" Jasper shook her head a continued to laugh for a few seconds. "That was the best thing I've ever seen – are you OK?" she moved out into the deeper water and I smiled at her, though my skin tingled painfully. Soon she reached me and my smile broadened.

"Darling… you're swimming…" Jasper froze up and I saw fear streak across her features. "It's OK, you're fine – it's alright... Just put your feet down" I said quickly and she looked at me, swallowed, then rose out of the water slightly.

"Oh" she blushed. I swam up to hug her.

"How does it feel, beastie?"

"It's… OK…" she said uncertainly, then she let out a little laugh, rocking me slightly. "It's OK!" she beamed at me, then she gave me a knowing look. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"I swear I didn't – I was hoping to impress you with my skills, but I prefer this outcome, even if it hurt a bit. A lot. Hurt a lot" Jasper chuckled and bounced up and down. I unwrapped myself from her and swam in a circle around her and she turned to follow me, pirouetting on the bottom. Then she took a stroke – it carried her to the other side of the pool. She pushed off the rock there and rocketed through the water with a happy grunt. The water splashed over her head then she turned to me again with a huge grin on her face.

"This is kind of fun" she sniggered.

"I know, right?" I dove under the surface and emerged a few seconds later, throwing my hair dramatically. Jasper copied me and when she resurfaced she threw up a lot of water with her long mane. It looked… magnificent… She grinned at the stunned look that must surely be on my face, then splashed some water at me with a large hand. I splashed her back and soon we were both laughing. She dove again and grabbed me by the hips, then threw me a few feet into the air and I splashed down with a giggling squeal of delight, trailing a few butterflies behind me.

"Could you do that again?" I asked happily and Jasper smiled broadly. She threw me higher and I whooped, tucking into a cannon ball as I fell, making a huge splash. "Again!"

After a few more flights through the air I swam up to her and leaned in to kiss her.

"Have I told you how amazing you are lately?" I asked as we broke the kiss. She chuckled and wrapped her arms around me.

"It's been a while I think"

"Well, you are. Continuously"

"Likewise, little monster" she stroked my cheek, then her hand kept moving down my throat, over my collar bone and coming to a stop around my breast. She smiled and looked down. "They feel softer in the water…" she said huskily, then leaned in to kiss my neck. I let out a little gasp as she gave me a nibble and moved up to take my earlobe between her teeth. Her hands found my bum, as I knew they would, and she squeezed it, lifting me slightly into the air. I grinned down at her and lifted both my hands to cup my breasts, pushing them together in front of her face. She wasted no time and took my right nipple in her mouth.

"Ohh, softly, softly" I gasped as she nipped me playfully. "Extra s-sensitive because of the water"

"Oh, really?" she hummed and began to lick me instead.

"Yes… oh just like that, ah…" I grabbed her by the shoulders to steady myself as pleasure radiated from my breast. Her head moved rhythmically as her tongue caressed me ever so softly. I felt a different kind of wetness than just the water grace my nether region and I wrapped my legs around her chest. One of her hands began to move up and down my back slowly, sending thrills through my spine. She began to suck my nipple gently and I moaned appreciatively. "Fuck, darling, oh" she moved to my other breast and I reached down into the water and found hers bobbing slightly against my thighs. She gasped as I ran my fingers lightly over them.

"Oh, I see what you mean…" she sniggered, then began to move us slowly closer to shore. I put my feet down and stopped her when her breasts rose over the surface and she whined slightly as my nipple disappeared from her mouth. I lifted her heavy breasts and licked the over side before letting my tongue slide over her softer-than-usual buds. She hissed out a breath between her teeth. "Careful, babe" I made my tongue as soft as it could go and licked and suckled her gently, making her moan and arch her back. I felt Kara wriggle against my stomach and I lowered a hand to stroke her. "Ah, that's – oh" she shuddered pleasantly as I touched her. She ran her fingers lovingly through my wet hair and looked down on what I was doing. "Stars it's so hot to see you do that…" I grinned and gave Kara a squeeze, making her let out a low growl of pleasure. I moved my other hand down to Kara as well and Jasper took over at her breasts, pushing them together so I could suck both her nipples as the same time. I slurped at her happily. After a minute a tantalizing idea hit me.

"Beastie… can you actually go down on yourself?" I asked, looking up at her. She grinned and hummed her ascent. "Will you show me…?" we moved up to the bank and she sat down.

"I've never done it in front of someone…" she said a little shyly, taking a happily squirming Kara in her hand.

"Will you feel less self-conscious if we do it… together?" I asked sultrily and knelt down. She spread her legs for me and I moved in closer. She held her tip out to me and I kissed it, still looking up at her.

"Why don't you start?" she hummed and adjusted her position a little, then pulled Kara up to her belly, extending her to her full length. I leaned in and licked her from the base all the way to the tip, then took it in my mouth with a little moan. Gods, she tasted so good… I sucked at her softly, feeling Kara explore my mouth eagerly. She grinned and I saw her cheeks flush, her hand moving up and down as my head bobbed. After a few minutes wonderful suckling she pulled out of my mouth and I looked up at her, biting my lip. She smiled as she met my gaze, then flipped her hair to one side and lowered her head toward her stem. My eyes widened at how flexible she was. I helped guide Kara to her lips and she gave the tip a long, slow lick, making herself shudder – she was still holding my gaze.

"Gods, darling…" I let out a stream of golden orange sparks and bright white tendrils. She chuckled cockily and leaned down further, taking more of herself into her mouth than I had ever been able to do. "Jesus… ah, motherfucking Christ" I breathed. She made a slurping sound as she raised her head again and Kara trembled as she was released.

"Mmm… your turn" I leant forward eagerly and took the now throbbing tip into my mouth, massaging her thighs at the same time. Jasper shuddered as I pressed Kara against the roof of my mouth. "Oh, babe… mmm, keep doing that…" I obliged for a few more seconds then leaned back, grabbing the base to steady her.

"Now… you" I panted as I felt my own pleasure mounting. She lowered her head again and sucked herself into her mouth deftly. I stroked her slick member around the base with both hands, holy fucking shit, this was one of the hottest things I had ever seen… I felt a miniature orgasm unfold inside me – I hadn't even touched myself. Jasper looked at me as I moaned and somehow managed to take even more inside her mouth. "Fuck…" I panted and sped up my hand movements. She gasped around her stem and her gem pulsated faster and faster until – ohhh! She had just cum inside her own mouth… I felt my face flush pleasantly and a full body tingle raced through me. I kept stroking her as she moaned into her stem, trembling. I leaned in to lick Kara as she moved upwards and soon we had the tip between both our lips. Another tremble went through her and another flash of light came from her gem – blinding me because it was so close. More liquid spilled from her and neither of us could get enough of it. We ended up kissing passionately and I moved into her lap, pressing Kara firmly between our bellies. One of her hands moved to squeeze my butt and the other reached in from behind and found my swollen clit. I moaned into our kiss, so close already. I had to break the kiss to breathe and panted huskily.

"I need you…" I moaned into her neck. "Ins-side too, q-quickly" she moved her hand in between us with a lustful growl and pressed a thick finger inside, using her thumb to rub my clit. "All the way, all the – ah – way" I begged, almost losing my mind! She thrust deep inside me and my walls were so slick and already pulsating. I sank my teeth into her shoulder and bit down hard as everything happened at once – the wave hit me like a runaway train and something gushed out of me as I completely lost control. I screamed out in ecstasy, blinded by white light, raking my nails across her back mercilessly. I bit down on something else and felt Kara spasm against my vibrating stomach and Jasper let out a feral roar, her finger still pumping in and out. Another peak, another gush, another blinding flash of light and then I slumped against her, my entire body trembling, my chest heaving as I gasped for breath. Jaspers finger slid out of me, but she kept caressing my pulsating clit and a smaller wave crested and peaked, but I had no breath in my body to scream, so I moaned instead, my lips pressed against Jasper's throat. Slowly, slowly I regained control over myself. Jasper held me gently, her chest heaving with exertion too. I raised my head and looked into her eyes – there was barely a hint of a yellow rim around her pupils.

"Erica… Catheryn… Brooks…" she panted and bit her lip. "You… you…" she seemed lost for words.

"You…" I panted, grinning and lifting a trembling hand to wipe my forehead of sweat. "Fuck… That was quick" I started to giggle. "Gods, darling… I can't… Holy. Fucking. Shit, that was so sexy…" Jasper chuckled, her cheeks becoming pinker and her gem glowing dully.

"If I knew you'd like it that much I might have done it sooner…" she grinned crookedly and leaned back on one hand. I remained upright and looked down at a feebly stirring Kara.

"She certainly enjoyed it too" I ran my finger along her length lightly. "You are so… flexible… You took so much of her in your mouth…"

"Babe" she laughed, closing her eyes – I'll be damned if she didn't look a bit embarrassed. "I had to find some way to get off alone… Hands get boring after a few… thousand tugs" she opened one eye and grimaced slightly. "Am I weird?"

"If I could go down on myself I would" I said seriously.

"Yeah?"

"Yes" I sniggered. "I mean… I've never had any complaints about my… oral proficiency. I'd like to be able to judge for myself, but I can't… bend that way"

"You certainly know how to use that mouth for more than just saying sweet things, babe…" she looked at me fondly, then her gaze dropped to my crotch for a moment before returning. Kara squirmed slightly. "You came without touching yourself… how is that even possible?"

"I don't know… It just happened. Gods, I am now officially a no pump chump…" Jasper sat up again.

"And when I touched you… you…?"

"Squirted?" I raised my hand to my mouth. "Fuck, darling… This is a day of firsts"

Jasper looked at her hand, then licked her palm. "Tastes different… sweeter" she said ponderously. I looked at her shoulder – I had bit her, hadn't I? There was a deep bite mark there, and one on the side of her neck too.

"Sorry for biting without permission… And scratching… Are you OK?" I touched her shoulder gingerly. She chuckled and looked over at the marks.

"I'm fine, babe. I like it when you bite…" she grinned at me and Kara squirmed again. "Scratching was nice too, if a bit surprising"

"I'll try to warn you next time" I grinned apologetically. "Fuck I need a cigarette after that…" Jasper glanced down at my crotch again.

"I didn't get to say hello to Galadriel… How about you have that cigarette and she and I can have a… conversation?"

"Hmm…" I said, sultrily. "I think a cunning linguist such as yourself would be able to handle that sort of verbal sparring… Lips against lips… But let's go lay down on the blanket" Jasper smiled and nodded. We got up unsteadily and meandered over to the blanket. I dried myself off slightly, then lay down, propping myself up on the towel. Jasper lay down between my legs as I lit a cigarette by saying 'Beastie'. I took a long drag and breathed out a plume of smoke as she began to kiss and lick my belly. She spread my legs wider and sighed happily.

"Hello Galadriel…" she said softly. "There's something really important I want to say to you, are you listening?" I giggled and wiggled my hips up and down. "Good" she said and met my gaze before giving me a long, luxurious lick. She reached up with both arms to rub her thumbs over my stiffening nipples. She licked and sucked my clitoris softly and I lay back in bliss. She was thorough and very, very gentle, her long tongue a marvel in its own right. I had to put out my cigarette not to set the blanket on fire. Slowly, almost agonizingly slowly, the new wave built inside me and her touch lightened as time wore on. After a while she was doing that wonderful thing where it was just her lower lip rubbing against my clit. The first orgasm melted over me like a meringue on a hot plate – then she moved down to my opening and let her tongue explore my inside. Little twitches ran through my body as I panted and whined, lost in the pleasure she was giving me. She shifted her position and began stroking herself in time with her gentle thrusts in and out of me. The second orgasm claimed me with more force and I trembled as my internal muscles squeezed around her tongue. The third came as a bit of a surprise when she moved up to suck my clit again and I whimpered, feeling like cloud nine was about six or so clouds below me. She panted into my skin, gem pulsating quickly, her hot breath all over my overstimulated elven queen. With a grunt and a flash she finished herself off, then lay her head on my thigh and closed her eyes, a wide grin on her sweating face.

"Hgst kff" I slurred, completely spent. Jasper chuckled huskily and kissed the inside of my thigh, then she moved up to envelop me in her arms. I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her tiredly. "Bstie gohhds…"

"Have I just made you lose the ability to speak coherently?" she asked me sultrily.

"Mhmmf" I nodded with my eyes closed.

"I am a very cunning linguist…" I held up ten fingers, twice and she pulled me closer with a happy sigh. "And I think someone might just need another nap" I nodded against her emphatically. "Go ahead babe, take all the time you need…" I breathed out a long, sparkly golden orange and pink sigh and snuggled into the crook of her neck.

When I drifted into consciousness next, I found myself lying in Jasper's still naked lap. The light was different now. It might be getting close to sunset. I yawned and stretched and Jasper looked down at me with a smile.

"Did you know you talk in your sleep sometimes?" she asked me.

"I d-doh?" I yawned again, rubbing my slightly chilly arms. "What d I shay?"

"Random things like 'cheese' and 'forty four and a bucket'" I frowned amusedly.

"Frty fr n a bkt?"

"You were the one dreaming, babe" she chuckled lightly. I reached out for my cigarettes and lit one by saying 'frty bkts'. "I saved you the last two empanadas"

"Oh, thks" I patted her abs and kissed her hip. When I had finished my cigarette I sat up and stretched some more, shivering slightly. I put on my clothes and then had the empanadas and a soda.

"We should probably start heading back, it'll be dark soon" she said as she put on her clothes too. "It's not that late, but when the sun goes below the trees it gets really dark in here"

We packed up our stuff and then started moving back toward the warp pad. It managed to get pretty dark before we got there and I took out my flashlight, but stopped before clicking it on. Instead I concentrated and blew out a breath of light and it spun itself into a little sphere. I touched it gently and it bobbed and glowed. Jasper looked at me in slight astonishment.

"That's what Echo did… isn't it?"

"Yeah…" I said with a smile. "Suddenly I just… knew how to do it. The memory was there" the brightness increased as I spoke and faded when I fell silent or drew in a breath. Jasper took the sphere in her large hand and held it up so we could see better and I hummed as we walked – that seemed to keep it 'fueled' best.

We reached the warp pad and stepped onto it, joining hands.

"Will you take us home?" she asked and I nodded, then cleared my throat.

"Jump" I said and the lights streamed around us – she looked at me with a crooked grin.

"The Hybrid, that's what she says…"

"Yes… When I was carrying Victoria I couldn't whistle so… It just felt… appropriate" my smile faltered and Jasper pulled me a little closer.

"Do you… want to talk about it, honey?" she asked me softly as the lights faded and Steven's house formed around us.

"Not… yet, darling… I need a little more time" she gave my hand a squeeze, then looked out into the house. I shook myself mentally. Don't lose the wonderful feeling the picnic left you with, let it fill you just… a little longer.

"Sup love birds" Amethyst greeted from the couch near the stairs. She was lying with her feet up against the wall.

"Hey Amethyst" Jasper said as we stepped off the warp pad. I gave her a smile and a wave.

"Did you have a… good time?" she waggled her eyebrows at us and Jasper grinned.

"Excessively so" I sniggered and Jasper beamed down at me.

"Oh yeah? Jungle setting a turn on for you, E?" she flipped right side up and fluttered her eyelids innocently. "That whole 'Me Tarzan, you Jane' thing?"

"More like Sheeta and Sabor…" Amethyst burst out laughing. "Jungle cats" I said by way of explanation to Jasper and she grinned with half lidded eyes.

"Biting and scratching jungle cats…" she hummed quietly. There was a clang from the right and Peridot emerged from her pile of junk. I felt myself blush slightly. I hadn't known anyone else was there.

"Did you waste the entire day copulating in the dirt?" Peridot asked with a disapprovingly raised eyebrow. "Because we could have used some help at the barn"

"Fuck, Peri, would you give them a break?" Amethyst groaned.

"I was just saying they could have tried to be a bit considerate. They did help make the mess"

Jasper was just about to say something then Garnet's voice rang out;

"Peridot" she said warningly from the kitchen. Fuck, I hadn't seen her either. I felt my blush deepen.

"I… told Pearl we would help, but… she didn't say you were going there today…" I said quietly. Jasper squeezed my hand.

"Because she wanted you to have some time to yourselves" Garnet stated, her voice kind.

"We could come tomorrow, if you're going back?" I looked up at Jasper.

"If that's what you want, babe" she smiled at me with a warm look in her eye.

"That would be very welcome, but it's no rush" Garnet put down the bowl she had been stirring.

Peridot huffed. "Well I'd quite like to be able to go home"

"Back to your little love nest, you mean?" Amethyst grumbled. Peridot stared at her, then put down the piece of metal she had been tinkering with and went into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I winced slightly at the sound.

"Amethyst, that was unnecessary" Garnet said admonishingly and Jasper and I exchanged a look. I glanced at the front door, feeling like I had had enough of drama for the time being.

"I'm not the one with the problem" Amethyst said sulkily and crossed her arms. Seemed all was not well in the House of Steven. What had the three of them been up to yesterday?

"We should get home to Cake" Jasper said and I nodded.

"Call us tomorrow?" I asked Garnet and she gave me a nod and a smile. We left the house and walked slowly hand in hand back to the boardwalk. There was less debris strewn about the place now – all the damaged front windows were patched up in some way.

"Do you think Fish Stew Pizza is still open for business? I don't feel like cooking tonight" I said as we approached it.

"Let's go check"

They were open and we ordered four pizzas to go. Jasper carried the stack home. When we got to the house Cake was waiting for us on the step.

"My little Cake" I said softly as I picked her up. "We really need to get that cat flap…"

"Tomorrow, babe" Jasper said with a smile and gave Cake a kiss. When we got inside I put some food in Cake's bowl and she threw herself over it hungrily.

"I think… I'm going to go take a shower" I said as I glanced at the clock. It was almost six in the evening now. Twenty four hours ago, Victoria had walked through the door… I went upstairs and turned on the water, letting it heat up before getting in. I sat down tiredly and rubbed my temples. She and Charlie must be on the plane by now…

I really hoped Charlie would be alright – I mean she would be alright, I wouldn't stop trying until she was, but maybe what had happened yesterday had not only given me a new perspective on things – maybe Victoria had gained some as well… It was so, so weird to know that Victoria had suffered under our mother, just like I had done… Up until yesterday I had thought they had ganged up on me, well, they had but… I hadn't known why… It was how she had survived it… Fuck it was disturbing to think of our mother as someone or something that needed to be survived

Victoria must have seen it as a better option to join our mother rather than to be targeted herself – not that she always avoided trouble... I gave a little twitch as I realized that might be what she had done with Madeleine too – joined her to get out of the bully's line of fire…

I washed myself and got out of the shower. As I toweled myself dry I looked at my scarred arms. A sudden need to add to them flared within me and I shook my head, looking up at my reflection in the mirror.

"We don't do that anymore…" I said quietly. But you want to, a little voice inside whispered. Don't you remember how good it felt… to see yourself bleed? The way your skin burned… Everything else disappeared… And there was just silence inside… I do remember, I told the voice. But that was a long time ago, I'm not… there anymore. But you want it. No, I don't. Yes, you do, look… I looked down at my hands – I had picked up a pair of nail clippers. I grimaced and took a step back hurriedly. I hadn't realized I had done that… Fuck…

"Stop messing with my head" I hissed and slammed the little scissors onto the sink with a clink. I left the bathroom feeling sick and walked downstairs, leaving a trail of sparkling darkness behind me. Jasper stood up from the kitchen table when she saw me, but the smile she had been wearing vanished when she noticed my dark tail.

"Honey?" I looked at her as she approached me carefully, feeling my shoulders lowering. The little voice inside stopped sniping at me as something else took over. Sadness bloomed inside me, filling me up like cold, wet fog. I felt my eyes fill with tears and saw Jasper speed up, then her warm arms were around me and I leaned on her chest, letting out a little sniff. "Let's… go lay down" she said softly. I nodded into her shirt, my breath dark. She stroked my back slowly, then we moved into the living room. I put on my pajamas and the beanie, then joined Jasper on the bed. She looked at me with concern as I lay down, tears sliding down my cheeks silently and my breath coming out in little gasps of purple and black. "Babe…" she stroked my cheek worriedly and I trembled at the softness in her voice. She pulled me close so my head was nestled under her chin. My tears came faster and I shook with sobs as her arms folded around my back. I couldn't stop myself, even if I wanted to. The sadness was so overwhelming; I had no breath to spare for words. For a long time I just cried, clouds of buzzing darkness leaving me and floating up into the ceiling, fading very slowly. Jasper kept stroking my back, her movements and calm breath a safe, soothing rhythm – letting me know she was just… there.

This… wasn't sadness. It was grief… I was grieving the loss of… us. What we could have been. Memories broke free from their cages and came rushing out of the darkness, sharp and vivid... I whimpered and Jasper froze for a moment before continuing to stroke my back.

The dress store where you had to stand still for hours as the woman with the big glasses pinned the cloth, every time there was a chance she would prick the skin… The place by the attic stairs I used to hide when my mother was in one of her rages, the little pattern of scratches I had left there on the floor – if I disappear someone will find them… How the alcohol on her breath had made my eyes water… The mouse I had kept hidden in a shoe box – she had thrown it right into the trash… And when I had snuck out at night to take him back inside he had just been a frozen little ball of fur, unmoving… The endless walks through museums of large naked statues, or sometimes just pictures too high up for me to see, the clip clop of her heels and her rigid grip on my wrist. Too tight… The musty smell of the bunker – no… no, please… I don't want to go in there. A push, falling… Then Victoria landed beside me and – no… please… I clutched at Jasper's shirt and she held me tighter.

"Talk to me… Tell me what's going on…" she whispered softly.

"S-she locked us i-in the bunk-ker…" I gasped. "It was s-so cold and dark and V-Vicky she – she was so scared… We had been p-playing and b-broke a v-vase" my voice didn't sound like my own. "She got so… mad… She left us in there for so long…" I choked on the darkness and dissolved into tears again, curling in on myself. Jasper shushed and rocked me.

What felt like eons later I found my voice again. "When I went looking for her… I found… Lapis…"

"What?" Jasper froze mid stroke.

"She… didn't do anything, just… pointed toward the boardwalk and then walked away… I thought she might have seen you or Pearl or… Victoria… Then I found her, under a heap of broken planks, she wasn't moving – a thick splinter had gone through her shoulder…" I sniffed. "Then I called you"

"And I couldn't hear you…"

"She began to vomit so I had to – had to" Victoria's scream echoed in my head. "Had to turn her over, but the splinter was still… still attached to another bit of wood… She screamed… Then she passed out and I got rid of the planks – there was a nail and she started to bleed – I took some string and trussed her thigh – I called for you, for Pearl, for… Lapis, but no one came…"

"I'm sorry, babe, so sorry…"

"I carried her, but I couldn't make it up the stairs, the wind was too strong… I took her to the sanctuary… when she woke up she was still angry – she didn't – didn't understand and I didn't understand either, but now I think I do… Victoria wasn't the problem, she was just as affected by our mother as I was, just in a different way… I was the lucky one, I'd got away from her, but Victoria… She was with her until the end…" I sniffed again. "Then she told me about her husband, he's been cheating on her, the bastard" blue sparks mingled with the darkness. "We went to Steven's house and slept… When I woke up she was smoking inside the house and I yelled at her but she wouldn't go outside without shoes and hers were gone… So I threw mine at her and… I said something our mother used to say and she put them on and went outside… She had taken my shorts, my phones and my EDC without asking… I had to walk home barefoot… Then when we got here… Charlie said she didn't want anyone to fight anymore, she wanted to know why we did, and then… well, you saw…" Jasper let out a long sigh.

"Yes, I saw…" she said quietly, then kissed my forehead. "I saw you handle it…"

"You keep saying that…"

"Because it's true. It could have ended very differently…" a thrill of fear leapt through me – if the bubble had popped… I didn't want to think about that at all. "Pearl and I talked last night… when everyone had gone to bed…"

"You did?" I was so surprised I looked up at her.

"Yeah… We talked about you, mostly…"

"Me?"

"Mmm… She was so worried about you, having gone out in the storm alone, I told her you were safe, but she kept… worrying. Wondering why you had to go to the sanctuary… I told her one or both of you must have been hurt but that you were fine now, so there wasn't anything to worry about" I was impressed with her ability to be in the moment like that, don't worry if you have no reason to do so. I was a lot more like Pearl in that respect – I always worried… "She calmed down eventually, but stars…" she let out a sigh. "She really cares about you" I sniffed again, feeling very touched. Jasper resumed stroking my back as I lapsed into more tears. "Hey… it's OK…"

The part of me that had hidden away when Victoria had arrived was coming back fully to me now. I felt like I was becoming me again, the real me.

"Do you think…" Jasper began slowly, her strokes slowing down. "Do you think Lapis did it?"

"Did what?"

"Hurt Victoria…" I froze a moment.

"I don't… think so… I was knocked off my feet by the wind and slid to the edge of the boardwalk. Victoria is like half my weight or something, I think she was just… flung into the fence by the storm" I looked up at Jasper. "If she had wanted to kill… me… She could have, I froze up, couldn't move…" Jasper pulled me closer. "Did you know she was still… here?"

"No, I haven't… felt her" she said quietly. "I thought she was gone"

"Me too… Do you think she could have made the storm?"

"No, Lapis Laszulis have control over water, not wind…" we fell silent for a moment.

"Darling… Are you OK?"

"Me?" Jasper asked in surprise.

"Yeah, about talking about Lapis I mean…" Jasper thought for a few seconds.

"I… think so. She's different… in my mind now. Not as… big…"

"She helped me" I mumbled. "She helped me find Victoria… I might not have gone down that street if I hadn't seen her, if she hadn't pointed… How did she know it was her I was looking for? You don't think… you don't think she's been spying on us?" I felt a surge of unease.

"I have no idea…" her stomach muscles contracted and she held me closer protectively.

"We should tell the others – I think they would have said if they had seen her"

"Tomorrow" she said quietly, then relaxed around me. "How are you feeling?"

"Better…" I wiped my eyes. "Thanks, beastie… I really needed… all of today… Your hole was so beautiful, and then Echo's cat beast thingy" I fumbled with her shirt. "The memory you shared with us… And the mind blowing sex in the glade… then… this" I snuggled in under her chin again. "Just… thank you, darling…"

"You're very welcome, babe…" she kissed the top of my head. "I was really hoping to make you feel better…"

"You did, you do… But I needed to feel it, even though it took some time to process… I don't think it's quite done, but it's… better…"

"I'm here for you, babe, anytime, anyplace…" her words moved me.

"Darling, you're going to make me cry again" I sniffed.

"Then cry, honey…" she resumed stroking my back. "I'm not going anywhere…" I let out a long, long sigh and felt my body relax against her. We just lay there silently for a long time, her arms protectively around my back. Cake jumped onto the bed with a purring meow and plopped down under my chin. I kissed her head and she licked some tears away from my cheek. I felt drained and… hungry. My stomach rumbled and Jasper let out a warm chuckle.

"How about I go warm up that pizza and you can have a smoke?" she asked me with a slight smile. I nodded against her chest and we unwound ourselves from the embrace. I felt a little dizzy when I sat up. I probably needed to drink something. I poured myself a big glass of water and drank it at the sink, then grabbed my cigarettes and went outside. I pulled one out, stared at it for a moment, then said;

"Victoria…" a purplish black tendril left me along with some sparks of red. But no blue… Was I really not… angry at her? I tried to feel around inside to figure it out but I was just too tired… More tears came to me and I let them fall quietly. They were taking some of the… heaviness of my heart with them. After a few minutes I walked inside and blew my nose.

I was standing by a road at night. There was an ache across my chest from the snap of the seatbelt as the car had slammed into the tree. Red and blue light flashed and a much bigger hand let go of mine… Another child cried from fear – that was the reason she had left me there, by the roadside, in the dark. I watched as the ambulance drove away, paralyzed. The man in blue picked me up but I couldn't understand what he was saying. The car ride was so long… I fell asleep and woke up on a bed in a big room, alone. It smelled of other people's cigarettes… Much later my dad came. He was so angry, but not at me – at the blue man and his friends. I had to cover my ears because he was shouting and it didn't feel nice at all to be held by someone who shouted. It was scary. And I didn't dare tell him about the bottle my mother had dropped in the front seat… He carried me out the door and then I was back in the car again, the radio blaring. I knew what was coming and saw my mother's hand knock the bottle into the passenger seat, then she reached for it and the car turned -

I woke with a start at the moment of impact and sat up, my heart racing and my breath shallow and fast, little puffs of purple sparkly clouds issuing from me.

"Sssometimes… ssome c-crimes…" I began to sing hoarsely. "Go slipping th-through the cra-acks-ss" Jasper stirred beside me. "B-b-but thessse two g-gumsh-sh-shoes are p-pick-p-p-ick-ING up the sss—hhh—sssss—hhh—hh—hh—hh-" I patted Jasper's arm in a panic as my throat began closing up and she grunted, then sat up sharply.

"Babe?!"

"I c-can't hh—hh—hh—hh—hh breathe!"

"What – uh – what do I do?!" she stared at me with wide eyes, her face lit by my lights.

"Hh—hh—hh-sss—hh—sssing—hh—hh—hh!"

"Oh, uh, um… Oh! Sometimes... some crimes, go slipping through the cracks – right? That's the one?" she asked me frantically and I nodded, holding my chest. "But these two, gumshoes are picking up the slack. There's no case to big, no case to small, when you need help just call, Ch-ch-ch-chip 'n Dale's, rescue rangers, Ch-ch-ch-chip 'n Dale, when there's danger – No, no it never fails once they're involved; somehow whatever's wrong gets solved…" I mouthed along as she sang, trying to calm myself, closing my eyes on the flickering light. Half way through the song it was getting a little easier and I managed to pant out a few syllables. With great effort I forced myself to sing the last words, then immediately began the song anew. Jasper sang it again, and then a third time. By the fourth I could sing every word and my grip slackened on my shirt and leaned on Jasper's arm, panting hard and trembling.

"Th-thank you…" I said hoarsely and Jasper stroked my back, then turned on the bedside lamp as my lights faded. She looked at me worriedly.

"Babe… what happened? What was that?"

"I had a n-nightmare, started to…" I swallowed. "Started to panic…"

"What… did you dream about?" she asked me tentatively. I closed my eyes and put my shaking hand on her chest, she took it in her big warm one and squeezed it carefully.

"C-car accident… when I was three… We had just moved to Great Breton, mom was driving us home from something… She had been drinking, she sang along to the radio, then she dropped the bottle… and we hit a tree… Victoria wouldn't stop crying, her arm was all… messed up… The ambulance and the police came and my mom... She went in the ambulance with Victoria… and just… left me there"

"What?" Jasper looked at me with a concerned frown. "She just… abandoned you?" I nodded as tears began rolling down my cheeks.

"The p-police man t-took me in his car and I fell asleep… When I woke up I was in a bed in a big room… Later my dad showed up and he shouted at them, he was so angry, but he spoke English – I didn't know the language back then… I just remember being so scared, and then relieved when he came, but he scared me again when he shouted and it wasn't… wasn't safe… anymore…" Jasper hugged me tightly, her gem in my hair and her lips pressed against my forehead. She rocked me slowly as I sobbed.

"I'm so sorry, babe…" she whispered. "So sorry…"

After a long, long time my tears dried up and I took deep breaths.

"Honey…" Jasper raised my chin and I looked up into her red rimmed eyes. "I love you"

"I love you too, beastie…" I smiled wetly. "I'm sorry for waking you…"

"Hey, none of that…" she stroked my cheek with her thumb. "I told you… I'm here for you" she leaned down to kiss the area just under my eyes very softly, then my swollen lips.

"Will you come with me out-outside?" I asked.

"Sure, babe… Let's bring a blanket" we got up and I felt very unsteady on my feet. I stopped by the bathroom to blow my nose and take a long drink from the tap. Jasper was already sitting on the sofa outside and she patted the area between her legs. I leaned gratefully against her stomach and she put the blanket over us, tucking it in behind her bum. I used my lighter to light my cigarette this time, not trusting my still shaking hands to hold steady.

"It's been a long time since it got that bad…" I said quietly into the darkness.

"The… panic thing?"

"Yeah… Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, with everything that happened yesterday and today…"

Jasper let out a deep sigh and put her hand on my belly. "Your mother really did a number on you… Is that OK for me to say?"

"It's OK…"

"What would you say to her… if she was here now?" the question took me completely by surprise.

"Um… I don't know?" I took a drag on my cigarette. "Probably ask her why…"

"What would she say?" I thought for a longer time now.

"Even if she answered truthfully, which in itself would be extremely unlikely, I… I don't think she would know… I'm not sure if she was aware she was doing something… wrong…"


Please review!

For a picture of Echo, piece this address together by removing the spaces;

evilsnotbag . deviantart art / Echo - 657025644

There are a bunch of other Stay pictures there BUT THEY CONTAIN SPOILERS! (Actually I'll put those in a SPOILER folder) But do be careful :)