Chapter Fifty
Rosanna had busied herself with making phone calls while Daryl spoke with Agent Willis. Her thoughts would drift, however, and would keep replaying that kiss over and over again making it very difficult to conduct any business over the phone. She finally succeeded and was able to devote all her energy and trying to decipher what it all meant.
Was he hoping for some sort of long distant relationship? Rosanna thought about it and didn't know if she would want that. She tried those before with very little success. Was he hoping that perhaps she'd consider moving to Washington to be closer to him? If so, he would be disappointed. Rosanna purposely moved back to Oakdale in order to be closer to her sister and her family. She wanted a family of her own and hopefully, one day she'd have that. If she were being honest with herself, a part of her had considered getting involved with Craig again for that very reason. She'd nearly married him again not much more than a year ago. Would she have been settling? Again, if she was being honest, she would have to answer yes to that.
After about a half-hour, Agent Willis left the room without so much as a wayward glance in her direction. Something was wrong and she hoped that Daryl would let her know what it was. She collected her purse and knocked softly before entering.
"Come in," she heard Daryl say as she opened the door.
"Is this a bad time? I could come back if you need me to," she said hesitantly.
"No. Please stay," he smiled. "I was hoping you'd still be here."
She smiled back. "Is everything ok?" She studied him and could tell by his reaction he was trying to decide on how best to answer that. She sat down in the chair next to his bed.
"Actually no. Apparently Julia Lindsay has escaped." Daryl decided to be honest and upfront with her.
"Oh my God! Do Jack and Carly know?" she asked shocked.
He nodded his head. "Yeah, Jack knows. I'm sure he's going out of his mind. He just got Carly and the baby home safely," he said worried about his friend.
"How did this happen?" she asked.
"She somehow got out of her handcuffs and escaped on foot," he paused before continuing. "She killed Officer Fitzpatrick and Agent McNamara."
"What?" Rosanna exclaimed standing up and walking over to the other side of the room. "Does anyone know where she is? Has she been found?"
"No. They haven't been able to locate her yet. But they will," he added to try and reassure her.
"She nearly killed Carly. And she nearly killed you," Rosanna whispered, staring off to the other side of the room.
"She won't get that close again. I promise you," Daryl told her.
"How can you be so sure? Obviously she's capable of anything. That woman is insane!" she said looking at Daryl with fear in her eyes.
"I won't let her," Daryl said with conviction.
"What are you going to do? You're still recovering in the hospital."
"No. As of tonight, I'm being released."
At Lily's…
Jack made his way around Lily's house securing every door and every window. Just before doing all that, he'd stepped outside and spoke with the two officers sitting in the unmarked police cruiser. According to their report everything had been quiet all day long, just as it had the entire time the kids had been at Lily's.
Jack now headed upstairs and down the hall to the bedroom he, Carly and the baby were sharing. He opened the door to the room and quietly stepped in. He had been hoping to get a chance to talk to Carly but the only light in the room was coming from the adjoining bathroom, whose door was slightly ajar. Jack tiptoed over to the crib to check on Michael. He was sleeping peacefully. Unable to resist, Jack bent over and gave him a little kiss on his head. Michael stirred only slightly and drifted back off to sleep. With a smile on his face, Jack walked over to his side of the bed and began unbuttoning his shirt. He sat down on the edge of the bed and removed his shoes and socks before heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
Carly lay quietly on the bed with her back to Jack. She hadn't heard him enter the room, but felt him the moment he stepped inside. She lay there silently and kept her eyes closed as she listened to him move about the room. She immediately felt when his eyes found their way to her. The heat between them was always tangible. She knew he could feel the connection too, but she stayed quiet, feigning sleep. She heard him head into the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed.
A short while later Jack walked back into the room, his eyes never leaving her as he slid into bed. Pulling the covers up to his waist, Jack immediately turned toward Carly, wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. He nuzzled her neck which sent her pulse racing and she shivered slightly at the sensation as goose bumps appeared all over her.
"I missed you so much," he whispered. His breath was hot against her neck.
Carly's heart ached at the words and she wrapped her arm around his and held it against her waist.
"I missed this. Laying her next to you… feeling you," he said low in her ear.
Carly stayed quiet. She'd missed him too. Desperately. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and hold him close and never let him go. But that wasn't going to happen. He was going to do the exact opposite. He was going to go and leave her to chase after Julia.
"Are you not talking to me?" he asked softly.
Carly let out a sigh in response. There was so much she wanted to say but didn't think it mattered at this point. She and Jack were never going to agree on the subject of Julia and how it should be handled.
"Carly look at me," Jack said rolling her toward him so she was on her back facing him. "Talk to me, honey."
"What's the point?" she asked looking up at him. "You're going to do what you think you need to regardless."
"Maybe," he admitted honestly. "But I want to at least try and talk about it. We've always gotten into trouble when we don't talk to each other. I want to continue to learn from our mistakes," he said as he pushed a strand of hair away from her face.
It was hard for him to resist the need to grab her, kiss her and hold her close until the rest of the world disappeared and their problems right along with it. However, that's what they would have done. Now things were different. Now… they were forever. And that meant dealing with issues as they came.
Carly listened to every word and agreed with everything he said. Keeping her eyes averted she kept her focus on his bare, broad chest. She gave in to urge to touch him and allowed her fingertips to trace the contours of his collarbone and chest. She would listen to him and give him time to explain why he felt he needed to leave.
"You start," she said softly. "Tell me why you need to be the one to find her instead of staying here with me and the kids."
Jack smiled, happy that she agreed to talk things through. He took a breath but the words caught in his throat as his concentration broke. The sensations Carly's touch created was enough for him to forget everything he'd said about not wanting to repeat past mistakes. He glanced down at her mouth and saw the slight pout to her lips and thoughts of kissing her senseless nearly overtook him. So instead he reached down and grabbed her hand bringing it to his lips, stopping the distraction.
"You're making it very difficult to concentrate lady," he said with a low chuckle as he kissed her fingertips. "How about I hold your hand for now?" he grinned.
"Ok," Carly grinned back finally peeking up into face. His warm brown eyes twinkled mischievously back at her and she could see that dimple she loved so much even in the darkened room. Jack took another breath and began again.
"Carly when you disappeared with Julia I was out of my mind. I couldn't think straight. Everything just stopped and yet I still felt like I was spinning out of control all at the same time. When I heard your voice over the walkie-talkie Julia had set up in the house and I thought you were upstairs as things were exploding… I've never known pure fear until that moment."
Carly knew exactly what he'd been going through. She remembered being up on that hill looking down at their home, knowing Jack was inside. "I know, Jack. I was there. Julia had me tied up and we were on the hill near the house. I saw you. I watched you walk into that house," she shuddered at that awful memory.
"She had you watch?" he asked horrified.
Carly could only nod as she buried her head in his chest. He held her close as she cried at the memory. He rubbed her back trying to soothe her as he kissed her head.
"It's ok, honey. I'm sorry… I didn't mean to upset you like this," he apologized.
"Its fine," she sniffed trying to collect herself. She was normally not so overemotional all the time. These hormones were killing her and she chuckled to herself.
Jack was thoroughly confused by the laughter. "Is something funny?" he asked perplexed.
"I'm on hormone overdrive," she said shaking her head as she smoothed her hair back and he smiled.
He waited for her to collect herself before continuing. "You are the strongest person I've ever known Carly. Sometimes I take that for granted and I shouldn't. I forget that you can be vulnerable too."
"Mostly when it comes to you," she admitted. "I need you Jack. Always."
"And I need you. That's why I have to make sure that Julia can never harm you again. I didn't finish handling it when we had her in police custody in the hospital in Springfield. I let others do that and what happens? She gets away and good men died because of it," he said angrily trying to keep his voice down so as not to wake the baby.
"But Jack…"
"No Carly. I know what you're going to say. That it's not my fault. I'm not responsible for Julia and I know all that. I don't feel responsible for her any longer. But I didn't follow through and see it all the way to the end."
"It could have been you who died today," Carly said quietly.
"But it wasn't," Jack tried reasoning.
"Remember Jack… I went through having thought I'd lost you. I remember the emptiness. The feeling of nothing. Your body and mind go numb and no matter what anyone says or what anyone does, nothing helps. I stopped feeling. It was like I was me, but not. I would go through an entire day and by the end of it, I couldn't remember what I'd done. I was alive but not really living. It was excruciating." Carly drifted away in thought and Jack saw a haunted look in her eyes. He grabbed her fiercely and held her tight.
"I am so sorry that I put you through that. I never, ever want you to feel that way again."
"Then stay with me," she pleaded pulling back to look at him. "There has to be some other way to handle this without you having to go off looking for her."
"But don't you see, Carly? If I don't find her and stop her, she could come here again. "I couldn't handle it if I wasn't able to protect you or the kids."
Jack thought back to the moment in the woods when he found Julia and saw their son in her arms, heard his cry and the painful feeling of desperation to save him. To rescue him from her and knowing that anything could set her off and that one false move could prove costly. He never wanted to be in that position again.
"If I can prevent her from coming here and doing more damage, than that's what I have to do," he said, trying once more to make her understand.
"But Jack, it's different now. Clearly she's gone beyond just wanting me out of the way. She wants revenge on both of us and she's willing to do whatever she has to, to accomplish that. She's already tried to kill you once. Twice if you count the time when she tried to drown you in the car." Carly looked at him knowing she was fighting an uphill battle. When Jack set his mind, he rarely changed it.
"Plus, you shot her. I don't think she has hopes of reconciling with you at this point. I'm sure she's even angrier with you now, if that's even possible. She'll want you to suffer."
"Yes. That's exactly my point. She'll want me to suffer and she knows that the best way to make that happen is to hurt you and or the kids. Hurting me or killing me does nothing," he said hoping Carly would now see his point.
"But it does accomplish something. She can make sure that if she can't have you, neither will I. And you know that that is something she would do," Carly argued.
Jack took a deep breath. They both had a valid argument. The one and only thing they could both agree on was that Julia was crazier than ever and capable of doing great harm to anyone in her path. They both lay quietly for a moment absorbing everything that had been said. In that moment Michael began to stir.
"I'll get him," Jack offered when Carly moved to get up.
He walked over to the crib and peered down at the tiny child. His arms and legs moved as he began to vocalize his displeasure at not being picked up right away.
"What's the matter buddy?" Jack asked softly as he reached in and lifted him up. Michael quieted down almost immediately at hearing his daddy's voice. "Were mommy and daddy being too loud?" Jack grabbed a diaper and changed him before handing him over to Carly for feeding.
"Is that better?" Carly asked him as he nursed noisily.
Jack laughed. "I think that would be a yes."
Carly smiled down at the beautiful baby in her arms. The smile began to fade as she looked back up at Jack. "We can't loose you Jack," she said to him. "I think about Katie and Jacob and I can't imagine how hard that must have been for her."
Jack closed his eyes and hung his head as he started to turn away from Carly. She reached out a hand and touched his face, bringing it back around to face her.
"I didn't say that to try and hurt you or make you feel guilty about what happened. I'm not blaming you or saying any of it was your fault. You're not responsible. Ralph Manzo did all that. What I am saying is that Katie was alone, raising her son. I can't help but think about that when I'm holding Michael and having to try and deal with the fact that you want to go and risk your life to stop some crazy woman who's already tried to kill you. I need you to understand how I feel," she paused looking down at Michael in her arms. "He looks so much like you. I would be reminded of that loss every time I looked at him. That wouldn't be fair to him. I need you… we all need you," she finished softly as she looked back at Jack.
"I need you too, which is why I have to make sure that Julia can never hurt you again. I can't trust anyone else. It's my job to take care of you and protect you and the kids. I can't fail again," he said looking ashamed.
Carly looked into those dark brown eyes she loved so much and saw a sadness in them. "You haven't failed anyone Jack. Why would you say that?"
"Julia nearly killed you, Carly. She had our son…" he voice broke. "What if I hadn't found her? What if she'd gotten away and had taken Michael with her? I'd never be able to live with myself. I certainly couldn't have faced you, knowing that I'd let you down."
"But you didn't let me down, sweetie. You did find him. You brought him back safe and sound," she smiled at him and looked down at the infant still nursing. "And you saved me."
"I nearly lost you," he whispered touching her face. "It scared me, Carly. All those thoughts and feelings came flooding back. When you had that scare years ago, I've never been as scared as that until now. That terror of never being able to hold you, kiss you, hear your voice, and see you smile…" he closed his eyes trying to push the awful thoughts from his mind.
Now it was Carly's turn to feel guilty. She became quiet as she turned her focus on Michael. He was nearly asleep now, having gotten his fill.
Jack shook his head to clear those thoughts away and looked back at Carly. He could tell something was wrong. "Hey… you ok?"
Carly sniffed. "I was desperate, Jack. I never…" she began but Jack cut her off.
"Carly - don't say it. Like you, I didn't bring that up to make you feel bad. I know the whole story and I know you were told that you were going to die. All those feelings and all those emotions, everything we shared at that moment - that was real. Everything I said to you, I meant those words. I loved you then and I love you now. My entire relationship with Katie was about you. Let's face it Carly, all of my other relationships have been about you. My pride is a powerful thing and it gets me into trouble. The only thing more powerful is my love for you. I would try and move on, to bury the hurt and pain from you leaving. Try to find a way to somehow remove you from my mind and heart. For some reason I thought I could live without you. What was I thinking?" he said cupping the side of her face and letting his thumb brush against her lower lip.
He leaned over toward her and slowly brought his lips to hers. His kiss was soft and tentative, as if seeking forgiveness. Her mouth parted slightly and he slowly and seductively grazed the tip of her tongue with his own. Carly leaned towards him and gave a tiny moan. Knowing it was too soon to take things where he'd like to, Jack reluctantly pulled back slowly letting his lips linger, savoring the taste of her.
"No more talk about the past. What's done is done. I'm where I've always wanted to be… with you. For the rest of my life."
Pure love filled Carly's face as she smiled at his heartfelt words. "I love you with every part of me," she told him.
"I can't loose you. I won't loose you," he told her fiercely.
"What are you going to do?" she asked resigning herself for the answer she didn't want to hear.
"I'm going to stay here in Oakdale… with you," he said adamantly.
In a remote farmhouse…
It was dark and the moon was full and bright as Julia sat on the porch swing. She had finished up the cobbler and had done the dishes before heading outside to the porch. Even though the sun had gone down hours ago, the air was still warm and the slight breeze felt nice against her skin. She'd sleep with the windows open tonight, she thought. It was peaceful there in the quiet of the night. She could hear the crickets chirping out in the corn fields and the hoot of an owl every now and again. She smiled thinking of what it would be like to sit here with Jack on the swing, holding his hand. They'd talk about their day and then head into the house and fall asleep in each other's arms. Life would have been so perfect. Her smile faded, however. Julia looked up into the sky and stared at the millions of stars twinkling back at her. In that moment she became fully aware of just how alone she was and always would be. Jack was forever lost to her. That realization was hard to accept but it was necessary.
She stood up and walked into the house and headed upstairs. She walked down the hallway of the old farmhouse peeking inside each room. She found what looked to be a guest room and decided on that room as hers. She found a change of clothes and washed her face before heading back into the room. She sat on the edge of the bed as she began brushing her hair. The continual motion was soothing and she cleared her mind and thought. No longer concerned with getting Jack back, she allowed her mind to wander and concoct new strategies to make him suffer. Since she could no longer live with him… he could no longer live.
