Chapter 45

Cheers and enjoy.

Raidre woke to the constant sound of a heart monitor. To say that she felt like she'd been kicked in the face several times by a bantha wouldn't even come close to how bad her entire body felt.

But the monitor kept on beeping.

Reminding her why she got along with Mandalorian so damn well. Stubbornness. Plain and simple. Raidre tried to move to see where she was but the pain knocked the breath out of her. She clenched her jaw and gave herself a moment to get accustomed to the pain before attempting to sit up again. It took a couple of tries. She blamed the broken ribs and what she could only imagine was a broken sternum.

She knew moving was dumb, but hers were not the only monitors in the room.

She sighed as she spotted the kolto chamber. She didn't even need to ask who was inside. Tears welled up in her eyes as she processed it. Yet again, shit had gone sideways and Torian had taken the brunt of it.

"You really shouldn't be moving right now." came a welcome familiar voice.

Raidre nodded, she wanted to turn to look at Mako, but that would hurt too much.

"Torian?"

Mako sighed. "Yea, who else?"

Raidre chuckled as she began the slow process of lying back down. Mako came to Raidre aid, and together they managed to lay her back down wincing and hissing the entire time.

"Dunno, I guess I hoped maybe it was a cleaning cycle." Raidre sighed, brows knitted with pain.

Mako grimaced at Raidre. "Come on, Boss, you know better."

Raidre nodded and wiped her eyes. "I guess I need to stop hoping I'm going to be wrong."

Mako nodded back as she pulled up a stool and sat next to Raidre. "He got burned really bad. I'd chalk it up to a miracle that he survived, but now a days I just think it's a Mandalorian thing."

Raidre chuckled and then groaned. "Yea, you wouldn't be wrong."

A couple of minutes passed in silence, Mako chewed her lip and then sighed. "Raidre, you guys need to talk."

Raidre stopped breathing, eyes wide. She turned to Mako. "What do you mean?"

Mako rolled her eyes. "You know exactly what I mean!" She crossed her skinny arms and put her right leg over her left. "He came back, but it's like nothing's changed, and it's messing with our jobs, Raidre."

Raidre nodded. "Alright, fair enough."

Mako got up. "No, no no no no NO! None of you logic on me woman!"

Raidre blinked several times as Mako breathed so hard that with every breath her entire frame moved. Mako took one final deep breath and exhaled.

"You do this thing, you compartmentalize. And it's great for survival, but it doesn't work well with people."

Raidre kept blinking, wide eyed. But she also said nothing, so Mako continued. "You don't want to say anything, because you don't think it's worth hurting him. He doesn't say anything because he doesn't believe it's his place to talk. So you guys just don't talk. And it sucks."

Raidre frowned and silence reigned between both girls. "Huh?"

Mako sat back down and took Raidre's hand. "I want you to know, I love you girl, like family, but you need to stop. You put up with Gault's osik, and now you're both good. Gault ran into to get you. Do you realise how huge that is? When does Gault do ANYTHING that isn't motivated by his own benefit?!"

Raidre snorted and rolled her eyes. "Pretty sure my survival benefits him-"

Mako laughed. "Alright, that's true, but it's not a gain in credits or riches. It's personal wealth, because you're his friend."

Raidre said nothing, so Mako hammered on. "I don't think I would have made it through losing Jordie and Braeden if you hadn't been around. I-I was in a bad place after that for a long time. But you kept moving on, and you carried me with you the whole way. You kept up my cheer when I couldn't and you kept me busy when I needed it. For a hardened mercenary you are strangely empathetic."

Raidre chuckled at that, but her eyes would not meet Mako's as her cheeks burned red. Mako continued. "You know, for a while you did something like that for him too. Or rather, he did it for you. I mean, you couldn't sleep, so he'd stay up with you. You were stressed so he'd spar with you. When he joined us, I saw a side to you I didn't know you even had. "

Raidre snorted. "Oh, come on."

"What? I had no clue you could be coy and girly."

Raidre stared at Mako straight in her eyes, eyes soft and lips pressed in a straight line. "Really?"

Mako smiled. "Really. You're so busy being the Boss, you rarely let yourself be, you know, sensitive. Or living in the moment just to enjoy living. You're not like that with us. You're all about we're here, and we want to get there. And this plan will work. I mean, it never actually works, but it's always another step in the right direction. Action, reaction, decisions. I mean, isn't that what being a guy is all about?"

Raidre laughed, but it lacked in mirth and had a heavy hand of nerves. "Yea… I guess you're right. I am a bit masculine."

"I know! It was weird, because you'll braid my hair and we can watch cartoons together! It totally weirded me out about you at first. But then Torian came along. And you didn't have to be a hard ass with him like you are with Gault, and you could be more vulnerable with him than with me, I guess, because he wasn't hurting-"

"Mako, you're the only person I am vulnerable with."

Mako looked up, Raidre did not look away and for a time the two girls said nothing. Raidre sighed.

"You're the only one I really talk to. Gault tries, but we're not that kind of close. He's got his own demons so I give him space, and he respects that, so he gives me mine. We stay on the surface, where it's a safe distance from our baggage. You're the only person I have been able to open up to and-"

"But you still won't tell me who you are or where you come from!"

Raidre rolled her eyes. "Because the past really doesn't matter-"

"The past made you the badass that you are today. It matters to me. And I can guarantee, it matters to him." Mako said gesturing to the Kolto tank.

Raidre sighed. "What do you want me to say? I was young, and stupid. I got engaged with the wrong guy and everything I thought I knew and wanted fell apart. I was faced with a pretty shitty reality."

Mako nodded. "What?"

"The Galaxy is not fair. And it doesn't care one bit how nice you are. So I did the only thing I could do. I toughened the krif up."

Mako nodded. "Wait! You were engaged."

Raidre shrugged. "Family arranged it, guy was a total ass, glad it fell through, wish it hadn't dragged my family down with it though."

"Family… Are they?"

Raidre looked at the ceiling. "Yea, they're out there."

Mako sprung to her feet. "WHAT?!"

Raidre waved a placid hand. "Calm down, they want nothing to do with me. I was disowned, Mako. I'm pretty much dead to them."

Mako sat back down. "Oh. Wow… That kind of sucks."

Raidre laughed, Mako couldn't tell if the tears were from physical or emotional pain. "Yea, well. I don't talk about my past because it ain't pretty. And I hate making people feel sad for me."

"But-" Mako bit her lower lip. "They abandoned you."

Raidre held Mako's gaze and never flinched. "Yea, and? You think they were the only ones?"

Mako took Raidre's hand and Raidre pulled it away. "Don't get me wrong. I appreciate your sympathy, but I don't need your pity."

"Pity?!" Mako sputtered. "Girl, I don't pity you, I feel for you!"

Raidre smiled just a bit. "Okay."

Mako sighed. "This is the too long; didn't read version though, isn't it?"

Raidre nodded. "Trust me, the details don't make for a fun story."

Mako nodded. "So, Dr. Demagol was right. Your birth name is Rai'Drynn Ravera."

"I really hate that name."

Mako looked at Raidre as she stared at the ceiling, eyes not seeing what was in front of her but lost in some memory she would not share. "Well," she began. "I'm glad you're so well adjusted. But I guess I know why you're so tough on Torian."

Raidre shrugged. "I'm not."

Mako laughed. "Ah, yes, actually you are."

Raidre snorted. "How am I tougher on him than any of you?"

Mako frowned. "Are you really going to make me answer that?"

Silence. Raidre sighed. "No. I won't."

Mako poked Raidre. "Though abandonment issues, didn't figure you for that. Totally had you pegged for PTSD."

The girls laughed, and Raidre sighed. "Probably a bit of both. Mercenary life has a way of eating away at you."

Mako nodded and pulled her legs up to rest her chin on her knees. "You know, we could get out."

Raidre laughed loud. "No we couldn't!"

"We could, we have more than enough money to save up for a little place on a quiet planet. Torian could farm."

Raidre continued to laugh. "And what would Gault do?"

Mako sighed. "Yea, he'd probably leave us."

"Ah, yea, in like a week. Tops."

"Blizz would be so happy though, he would love banthas!" Mako exclaimed.

Raidre laughed a bit more. "Yea, right until one of them steps on him. But he'd stay."

Mako smiled. "Torian would stay."

Raidre shook her head. "No, he wouldn't."

"Come on! Of course he would!"

A smile spread on Raidre's lips, but it never reached her eyes and it lacked any mirth. "You know what makes Mandos Mandos, Mako?"

Mako was taken aback and frowned. "Not sure. What?"

"They need to prove themselves. And not to others, but to themselves. Torian's chosen trade is battle, you think he'd be satisfied with a life as a farmer?"

Mako sighed. "No."

Raidre echoed Mako. "No. He'd be gone. And just like last time, we wouldn't know if he was ever coming back, where he was going or whether he needed help. Because he's stubborn and he doesn't ask for help. Because his way of proving to himself that he is capable is by getting things done alone."

Mako nodded, but said no more. Raidre however had more to say. "I'd go, but I would come back. You'd know where I was going and if I needed help, because I would ask. Because I'm part of this team. Because this team is my family."

Mako looked up, but feared that if she interrupted Raidre, it would stop her. Mako kept silent.

And so Raidre continued. "You are family. Gault and his sketchy schemes? Family. Blizz, adorable and helpful Blizz. May be a Jawa, but still family-"

Mako waited a moment. "And?"

"And Torian was family."

Mako sighed, crestfallen and unable to say anything more to Raidre. Raidre also sighed.

"I wanted it to work out. I wish it had worked out, Mako, I really do. But when Torian left, he made it clear we were not his family. And I won't waste my goodwill or invest my emotions into someone who is unwilling to do the reciprocate."

For a long time Mako said nothing. I mean, what could she said? Who could argue with that. "I just have one question."

Raidre sighed. "Yea?"

"If Torian doesn't think of us as family, then why did he come back?"