AN: Late May - early June 2003
I know you all were hoping I would post this chapter on Monday. I posted one of Ranger's emails instead because it took place before this chapter.
Next week I will not post an email. Instead you guys will get more insight into Ranger, just in a different way. It will be posted as its own story because I think TLR is best told by Stephanie. I haven't changed POVs because I don't want to disrupt the flow. I haven't chosen a title of Ranger's little side story yet. So if you want to know right when I post it, follow me as an author so you get an email. Hopefully I'll have a title name by the time I post chpt. 54.
As you know I have a Pinterest board for TLR. I use a lot of different things for inspiration and organization. So I thought you guys might also like access to all of the songs I listen to or use throughout the stories. I created two public playlists on Spotify. (It's a free app that you can download and listen to music. If you hate listening to the occasional commercial, you can always pay for a premium account. I have a free account and haven't had any problems with it.) All you need to do is search for "Little Recruit" and "Without You My Days Blur Into One" and they should pop up. The playlist for TLR has, I believe, every song I mentioned throughout the story. I chose the majority of the music for TLR based on what would have been popular at that point in time in the story. The music for WYMDBIO reflects Ranger's moods and thoughts. I think it enhances the reading experience, so give it a listen.
Now it's time for me to go make a paper flower bouquet for the dress rehearsal. I'm so crafty I sweat glitter ;) Hope you all have a great rest of your week!
Chpt. 53
"Seriously? Why are you making me come with you, Lexi? Can't I meet the baby some other day?" I whined. Like, maybe never, I silently screamed in my mind. If Lexi could only see the mental conniption I was throwing, she'd hit me upside the back of my head, telling me to grow up.
"Steph, it's been ten months since everything happened. Julie is three months old now. I understand what she represents to you, but it's time you stop holding it against her. She's an innocent infant," Lexi said while she filled one of her water bottles.
"Would you really be itching to meet Julie if you were in my position?"
"No. Like I said, I understand what she represents to you. I really do get it, but it's time to face her. I think it will help you move past everything."
I mentally scoffed at her. Meeting and holding Julie wasn't the answer to helping me move on. Lexi, of all people, should understand that grieving takes time. I thought I was actually doing quite well, all things considered.
I had even had sex. Lots of hot sex. My cheeks flushed slightly remembering everything we had done. I wasn't in a relationship, but I considered having sex with Bryce to be a big step in the right direction to moving on with my life. Of course, I didn't exactly tell Lexi I slept with him. She knew that I thought he was gorgeous, but it would be kind of hard to explain that to her since I couldn't tell her about Tunisia. When I introduced her to him I simply said he was a friend of my family. She might soon realize that Bryce and I had some sort of agreement because he was coming back to Miami in a couple of weeks and was going to stay with me.
"Fine," I sighed. Might as well get this over with. I'd have to meet her at some point.
Lexi squealed with excitement. "Yay! You'll see. This will be so good for you! I swear. Holding a baby is like the best therapy ever."
I raised my eyebrows at Lexi. "You're on crack. I held Angie, my infant niece, that was not calming."
"Angie doesn't count. She had colic. Julie is the most chill baby on earth unless she's hungry. I swear you'll love her."
I rolled my eyes at Lexi and followed her out the door. I really should have started searching for a summer job before we had finals. Then I would have plans and a good excuse to not have to go to Abuela's and meet Julie. While Abuela and I had made up, I still had yet to return to the house. I had more trepidations about being in the house than meeting Julie.
When we arrived, Abuela was already at the door holding the baby. Abuela smiled and I could see how happy she was to see both Lexi and me.
"Hola, mis nietas," she said while she waved us into the house. Lexi immediately went to the kitchen to find food, leaving me with Abuela and the baby. [Hi, my granddaughters.]
I gave her a tight smile in return. Just because we mended fences so to speak, didn't mean I considered her family anymore. I still felt that there was a gulf between us.
"¡Qué sorpresa! What brings you here today, Steph?" she asked me. [What a surprise!]
"Lexi poked and prodded me until I gave in."
"Mmmm. I see. Well, it's still good that you're here. I just wish it had been your idea."
Fat chance of that. I had planned on never returning to this house. Stupid Lexi.
"Do you want to hold Julie?" Abuela asked.
Not particularly, but I couldn't find a plausible reason for getting out of holding her. "Sure," I said with a tight smile. Abuela handed Julie over to me and checked to make sure I was holding her properly, supporting her head. Julie looked at me and smiled. The walls I had built around my heart when it came to Ranger and Rachel and transitively to Julie started to crack and slowly crumble. Maybe Lexi was right. Maybe holding Julie would be the ultimate way to move past what happened.
Thinking about Ranger and how he treated me still hurt, but I no longer felt like I was punched in the gut when I thought of him. I wasn't sure if I could forgive him for everything yet, if ever, but I couldn't hold him against Julie. She was a perfect, beautiful baby that didn't deserve my silent ire. She smiled a bright, toothless grin and the last of my icy reserve towards Julie melted.
I laid on the carpet with her while she did her tummy time. She never once stopped looking at me. Julie was by far the most focused baby I had ever met. Go figure. She never once broke eye contact with me. She mimicked my facial expressions and babbled at me.
Both Lexi and Abuela tried to take Julie from my arms when it was time to feed her, but Julie screamed bloody murder. She quieted immediately once she was back in my arms. I fed her, changed her diaper (something I'd refused to do for my own niece), and held her while she slept in my arms for an hour before I placed her in her crib.
Lexi was right. Holding Julie was definitely healing. I think I even fell a bit in love with her sometime between when I walked in the door and tummy time.
Unfortunately, our happy visit ended on a sour note. Lexi and I were gathering our things to leave when Rachel arrived. Even though I had never met her, I realized it had to be her when she walked through the door. Lexi and Abuela immediately stilled. I stood there watching Rachel, observing her. For her part, Rachel seemed completely oblivious to the oppressive feeling of discomfort that had entered the house with her.
After a slight delay, Abuela went to greet her, kissing both cheeks. "You just missed Julie. Steph just put her down for the night."
"Oh, that's okay. It's not like I missed anything anyway. She's just a baby," Rachel said. I know my eyes widened in shock. Julie wasn't even my baby and I knew I'd be disappointed if I came over and she was already down for the night. How could she talk about her child like that?
"You miss out on a lot by not spending time with her, Rachel," Abuela said.
"No, I don't. It's not like she can talk or do fun things. I'd rather be out partying than home with her. All she does is eat, sleep, poop, pee, and cry. Talk about boring!" She sang the last word.
I felt my blood pressure rising. I know that Ranger didn't choose to have a baby with Rachel. She was just supposed to be a fun night, but wow! Talk about a selfish bitch. I was shocked to realize I actually felt somewhat sorry for Ranger.
"That's no way to talk about your daughter," Lexi said, her tone sharp.
"It's not like I wanted to be a mother. When I realized I was pregnant I decided to get an abortion, but I couldn't go through with it. Now I'm stuck with her," Rachel said.
The tenuous hold I had on my control snapped. "So why are you still living here? You clearly don't care about your daughter. You're not raising her. Abuela is. Do you even know the amount of damage you have done to Ranger's life? To Abuela's? To mine?"
"I haven't damaged anyone's life but my own," she scoffed. "Look at my hips and tummy! They're never going to go back to the way they were before her." The amount of disdain in her voice when she referred to her daughter was disgusting.
"You really think you haven't fucked up multiple lives? You only care about your figure? Oh. My. God. You are a truly awful, shallow person. Abuela is in her seventies and she's raising your daughter. This is supposed to be a relaxing time for her. And what about Ranger? He turned his life upside down for you and you don't even appreciate it! He married you and destroyed his personal life and I was the fucking collateral damage! So stop your little pity party and become a mother or get out of everyone's lives. Nobody deserves to have your toxicity in their lives," I practically yelled. My body shook with rage.
"Where am I supposed to live?" she cried. Just more proof that she only cared about herself.
"I don't know and I don't care. I'm sure you can find some guy to sleep with and con them into giving you a place to live. You're a pretty girl. Use what God gave you," I said, giving her a cold smile.
Abuela looked sad and disappointed, but resolute. "Rachel, you have until five o'clock Friday afternoon to find a new place to live. And you will sign sole custody over to Carlos with me as the acting guardian when he is out of town."
"You can't do that. This is my home!" Rachel cried out. She was upset about losing a free place to live, not about losing her daughter. Talk about being an awful person.
"No, this is my house and I allowed you to live here at no cost to you. I think this is what's best for all involved," Abuela said.
"Ugh! You're just a cranky old woman. You don't know anything," Rachel snapped. She turned on her heel, and walked out the door, slamming it closed behind her.
"Well…that was eventful," Lexi said.
"Yes. I can't say I'm sorry, but I wish she at least cared about her daughter," Abuela replied.
"Do you really wish that?" I asked. "Overall, I think having Rachel in Julie's live would be detrimental to Julie's wellbeing."
"Hmm…probably," Abuela sighed. "If you'll excuse me, I need to call my attorney to see if he knows a good family law lawyer."
Lexi and I left Abuela's and drove home in silence, both of us contemplating the events of the evening. I might not be friends with Ranger or even want him in my life, but I made a silent vow that I'd do everything I could to be there for Julie.
