Connor reached out and pulled Jude closely to him, the blankets on Jude's bed tangling between them. Jude didn't let that get in their way and he pushed the blankets down, putting one leg on either side of Connor. Jude's hands came down on either side of Connor's head and Jude kissed him again, more passionately than before. Connor's hips pushed up toward Jude and he nearly lost it when Jude moved above him, the friction creating a sensation that Connor hadn't been expecting. He gasped and then sat up slightly, Jude following his movements. He pulled Jude's shirt over his head, throwing it to the side of the bed. It hit the curtain and stayed next to them, but that wasn't what mattered to Connor. He pulled Jude's warm body closer to him, tilting his head to kiss and bite softly at Jude's neck.

Jude panted, his nails against Connor's back. He pulled his hands down until he got to the hem of Connor's shirt, and then, that was off too. Jude cursed under his breath as he pressed his hands against Connor's chest. He ran his thumbs along Connor's abs and then pushed him back down, a fire in his eyes. Jude kissed his way down Connor's chest, his hands at the top of the sweatpants Connor had slept in. He pulled them down completely and Connor grabbed the pillows over his head as Jude's mouth slid down his shaft. Jude's name left his lips unbidden and he ended up dropping one hand down to the top of Jude's head, grasping Jude's strands of hair. One of Jude's hands slid between Connor's legs – not pushing, just lightly teasing him. He grabbed Jude's hair more strongly and pushed himself all the way into Jude's mouth. Jude's hand moved to Connor's hip, his nails digging into his flesh.

Connor let out a moan that he didn't really believe came from him and then he pushed Jude's head away. Not now. Not yet. Jude looked up at him and Connor got even harder. He flipped his legs underneath of him and bent so that he could kiss Jude and push him back onto the bed. The feeling of Jude's naked body against his own made him want to rush, but he didn't. He couldn't do that to Jude. He gave Jude one more long kiss, reaching his hand down to wrap around Jude's shaft moving his hand slowly up and down. Jude broken their kiss to lean his head back and laugh into Connor's lips, calling him a tease.

Connor didn't disagree but he knew, somehow, Jude liked it. He whispered sorry and Jude said he loved him, even if he was a tease. He didn't push it too far and, instead, moved back down the bed so that he could taunt Jude in a different way, by kissing the inside of each thigh, moving back and forth between the two of them, growing steadily closer to between Jude's legs, but not actually getting there. Jude called him a tease again, still laughing. Still happy. Connor tried to put his tongue everywhere but against Jude's cock until he had nowhere else to go. Jude's moaned, low in his throat, and the sound was as much of a turn on as anything that Jude could have done to him. Jude grabbed onto Connor's hair with both hands until Jude pulled him up, kissing him ferociously. Connor kept his hand against Jude until Jude came, hot and thick across his own stomach.

The next part happened in flashes of shaky hands, condoms, lube. And then he slid between Jude's legs, bending forward to kiss Jude one more time before he –

Connor bolted awake, his body rock hard and sweat pouring down his brow. He pressed his hand to his beat heart and tried to take a breath, but he couldn't get any air into his lungs at all. He threw the blankets off himself, his body trembling. He hid his head in his shaking hands. That dream had never gotten that far. It usually just ended when Jude's lips were on his body. Once, it finished past that, but he had never gotten to the point of him touching Jude. It had always scared him too much. And he hated the dreams. Not because he had never idly thought about Jude in that way or because anything bad ever happened in those dreams. They were just unexpected. It felt like violation anew, and he hated that, because he felt like Jude had been the one to violate him, even though that hadn't been the case at all. In reality, it was really the other way around: Connor had violated Jude with the dream.

He got out of bed, scratching at his arms. He felt dirty, like he was covered in a layer of grease or mud or anything else disgusting he could think of. He needed a shower. He needed to get clean. He tried not to think about creeping through the hotel room to get to the shower; he just moved as silently as possible into the bathroom. He turned the water on and stepped in, turning it as hot as he possibly could. The water soaked his clothing, making his body feel as heavy as his mind. He wanted to scrub at his skin; he didn't want to be naked. The conflicting desire sent him to the floor of the shower, hiding his head between his knees and sobbing.

What else could he do?

(-.-)

Jude stretched his arms over his head and looked down at this phone. How many times was too many times to text Connor before he became clingy? He hadn't really gotten a chance to talk to Connor yesterday; he had been busy and Connor had been busy. For the three text conversation they'd had last night, he and Connor had said they'd call each other tomorrow. Which was today. And Jude had texted Connor when he'd woken up – Connor would definitely have been awake then – and Jude had still heard nothing. He tried to tell himself that Connor was just busy with Adam, but they hadn't been busy like this so far on the trip. And Connor always made a point to answer his texts. He didn't like the thought of ignoring someone.

Jude closed out his messages and put his phone away. He wasn't going to push it. Yet. He didn't like the thought of Connor ignoring him, especially when he knew he hadn't done anything. How could he have? They were fine the last time they had spoken and nothing had happened since then and now. He'd talk to Taylor about it when he saw her in a few minutes. He grabbed the bag he had packed and pulled it over his shoulder, thumping down the stairs to his living room.

Taylor was sitting there, talking to Stef.

"You didn't tell me you were here," Jude said. "In fact, you're early."

"Just doing some catching up," Taylor said. "It's been a while since I've been here."

"Taylor fills me in on all of the gossip you leave out, Jude," Stef said.

"Am I in trouble?" Jude asked, leaning against the doorway instead of walking into the living room, just in case he really was in trouble.

"No," Taylor said. "We're talking about things you don't even know about yet."

"Yeah, that sounds like trouble," Jude said. "Should we go?"

"I feel like he's trying to get me away from you," Taylor said. "Do you feel that?"

"I think I do feel that," Stef said. "And, she hasn't even gotten to see Lena yet."

"He's right, though, we should go," Taylor said, standing. "We've got another friend joining us."

"Daria?" Stef guessed.

"Dylan," Taylor corrected.

Jude's eyebrows raised. Dylan had skipped the lunch that he had Taylor had a few days ago – his father had a doctor's appointment, and Dylan had been going to all of them. It wasn't a big deal that Dylan was going to be there, but Jude still wished that he'd known in advance, particularly to tell Connor. He knew how sensitive Connor was about Dylan, and Jude wanted to be mindful of how Connor felt. He and Taylor both hugged Stef goodbye and then they were out the door. Taylor was borrowing her father's old SUV; it was the car that she always borrowed back in high school. Jude had logged a lot of hours sitting in the car, but he was usually in the backseat. Daria usually got the honour of sitting in the front.

"Why isn't Daria coming with?" Jude asked.

"Um, well, she's kind of … busy this weekend."

"Hanging out with Thomas?"

Taylor sighed and backed out of the driveway. "Questions later. Important destination first."

"By 'important destination' you mean the liquor store?"

"Absolutely," Taylor said.

"And why can't I talk about anything before then?"

"Because I need to be drunk before I talk about that fiasco." Taylor lurched to a stop at a red light and looked to Jude. "That I … accidentally created. Please be supportive Jude instead of judgemental Jude."

"When am I judgemental?"

"You and Callie have a lot of fun judging people together."

Jude rolled his eyes. He wasn't judgemental! Although when it came to Callie, Taylor had a point. Though, Callie wasn't as bad now as she used to be. But that could be said for all them.

Taylor jerked into a parking spot. "Come on. It's booze time."

Jude jumped out of the car, following her through the front doors. "Hey, when were you going to tell me that Dylan was coming over tonight?"

"Is it a problem?" Taylor asked, hanging a basket off Jude's arm.

"No. I would've just liked a warning, that's all." Taylor put two bottles in the basket and he adjusted it on his arm. "I don't mind seeing him. I'm glad we're able to be friends again. Ish. I mean, it's not like we talk outside of when we're both here. But –"

Taylor turned, coolers in her hand. "But?"

"I don't know where I was going there," Jude admitted. "I like seeing him. I would just like warning if you do it again."

Taylor narrowed her eyes at him and loaded down the basket further. "Is this because of Connor? Does he have you on that short of a leash?"

"One, Connor doesn't keep me on any sort of leash. Two, he wouldn't mind if I saw Dylan. I tell him out of respect, not because of any other reason."

"Mhm." Taylor grabbed a bottle of flavoured vodka and put it in with the rest. "This should be good."

"Yeah, it'll kill the three of us. Uh, it is just the three of us, right?"

"Right," Taylor confirmed. "But if we don't drink it all tonight, then I can drink it all later."

"You ever think you drink too much, Taylor?"

"No." She pulled him up to the register. "And it's my treat, Jude. Don't worry about it."

"You have to be feeling remorseful about something."

"Yeah," she said grimly. "But I didn't do anything to you, promise."

Her expression turned to a bright smile and she half-heartedly flirted with the cashier. It was an older man, wearing a wedding ring, that didn't take her seriously and grumpily waved her through. Jude picked up the bags, like a good lapdog, and followed her back to the SUV. Jude let her stew in her own thoughts on the drive back to her place, where she gestured him through the house and down to their familiar hangout with the basement.

"You're parent-free?"

"They're just a few doors down with the neighbours. They're getting drunk or swinging. Probably both" Taylor glanced over her shoulder and nodded seriously. "I mean it. They spend so much time with them. I can't think of a different explanation that would make as much sense."

"They're good friends?"

Taylor patted his cheek condescendingly. "You're so innocent, Judicorn. Lose that virginity yet?"

"If he has, I think I have a right to hear all about it," Dylan said.

Jude turned to see him descending down the stairs. "Hey."

Dylan lifted a hand in greeting.

"And," Taylor added, "considering how good looking Connor is, I think we all want to hear about it."

"She has a point," Dylan said.

Jude rolled his eyes and grumpily took a spot on the couch. "I'm still a virgin."

"Why?" Dylan asked, sitting on the opposite end of the couch from him. "How could you possibly keep your hands off him?"

Jude reached forward and grabbed one of the coolers Taylor had picked up. He popped off the top and drank half of it in one go. Taylor had the right idea about being drunk. It was too embarrassing to be stuck between his best friend and his ex-boyfriend, talking about sleeping with his current boyfriend, who probably wouldn't ever be able to have sex due to trauma, particularly when said current boyfriend was ignoring him for reasons that he didn't really understand. It was enough to make Jude finish the entire bottle.

"You know that's not actually juice, right, Jude?"

Taylor finished pulling bottles of soda and juice for mix out of the mini fridge her parents kept downstairs and sat on the couch between Jude and Dylan.

"Maybe I just don't want to hear you talk about my sex life."

"We can't talk about it if you don't have it," Taylor retorted. "What do you want to drink, Dylan?"

"Uh, the vodka and the cranberry juice, please."

Taylor quickly started to pour out drinks, giving Jude the side eye. "We need to catch up to you now, I guess."

"Whatever. Are you going to tell me about that little fiasco you mentioned in the car?"

"I'm always down for gossip," Dylan said.

"Okay. Well, Daria and Thomas were going to be here tonight but then he suddenly had to go home."

"Why?"

Taylor handed Dylan his drink and then she pulled her feet onto the couch with her. She glanced at Dylan. "So, I was pregnant earlier this year. I had an abortion. It was the right decision. I went to a few therapy sessions about it. Long story short, okay? But, um, I kind of told people that Daria was the one who was pregnant to see what their more unbiased opinion was. And, um, so I guess the story kind of got back around to Thomas about the pregnancy and the abortion but it was about Daria and not about me. She never told him about what was going on with me. He didn't know. So, he thought that she was keeping all of that from him. He's really mad. When she was yelling at me over the phone, she said that he wouldn't answer his so she was going to drive to his parents' place and explain things but I think they're going to break up."

Taylor chugged her glass.

"Slow down," Dylan warned her. "Or we'll never catch up to you."

"I'm a professional drinker," Taylor said.

"I remember."

It felt like high school. It could have been. Were Daria to walk down the stairs with a bottle of coconut rum and were Dylan to slide across the couch and pull Jude's arm around his shoulders, just to kiss him when Taylor was whining about how spectacular single she was feeling. He remembered how Dylan kissed – his lips always fell heavy on Jude's and the first time they had kissed, Jude remembered thinking that Dylan brought a whole new meaning to the phrase 'sucking face'. Thinking about kissing Dylan just made him think about kissing Connor, because he would much rather kiss Connor – and not just because Connor kissed better. He checked his phone, just in case he had missed something, but he hadn't. There were just the last two messages he had sent – one at ten, when he'd gotten up, and one at six, when he was telling Connor he was going to be seeing Taylor soon. Now, an hour later, he typed out his third message.

Jude: Are you avoiding me?

He looked up as Taylor put music on. Older songs. The type they would have listened to in middle school.

"So, what's new with you, Dylan?" Taylor asked.

"Nothing. I work and I spend time with my dad. He's, um, not really doing so great." Dylan took a drink, as if that would make things easier to say. "Doctor says he'll see another spring, but maybe not another summer. He keeps telling me to go back to art school as soon as I can."

"You will, though," Jude said. Dylan had talked a lot about art school and Maneesh had always been overly supportive. Maneesh's own parents had been Indian immigrants – Jude had sat through a lot of stories on the nights he'd had dinner with Dylan's family – who had raised their son overly strictly. Which had sent Maneesh to the side of overly liberal. Dylan had never had to worry about coming out or going to art school. Maneesh was the kind of supportive father that kids dreamt of.

"Of course I will. I love it there. And I was kind of … flirting with my roommate's best friend before I came back home."

"Lucky for him," Jude said, and he meant it.

"And, how's Connor?" Taylor asked. "We don't usually get to talk this long without bringing him up."

"You two did bring him up," Jude reminded her.

"All we talked about was how hot he was. Which you know. Even if you haven't had sex."

"How long have you been dating, again?" Dylan asked.

"Officially, since Halloween. So, not even two months." But it had been such a long two months. So much had happened in them.

"Unofficially, it's been a little longer," Taylor said. "And Jude's in love."

"I know," Dylan said smugly. "How in love's Connor?"

"Zero. Negative million." Jude took another drink and then he sighed. "No, that last part's not true. He definitely likes me. But zero."

"What do you mean by that?" Dylan asked. "He seemed into you from the little I saw him."

"Connor's got issues," Taylor said to Dylan. "But Jude won't tell me what in detail."

"I –" Jude started indignantly, and then his phone chimed in his hand.

Connor: Yes.

"I'll be upstairs for a minute," Jude said.

Jude took his drink with him and headed up the stairs, pressing call. He had no idea whether or not Connor would pick up, but Jude was thinking that he should. That he better. Jude was owed an explanation, because he knew he hadn't done anything at all to deserve Connor ignoring him. But Connor did pick up.

"Hi."

He sounded quiet and shamed. Jude immediately started to feel guilty. What if something had happened to Connor that actually had nothing to do to him? Had Connor just been ignoring everyone? But Connor had called him the other night when things had gone terribly wrong with Adam. Jude wanted to think that Connor would turn to him with things now, rather than keeping them inside.

"Hey," Jude replied. "So, I'm being ignored. Why?"

Jude took a seat at Taylor's dining room table and then decided that he was feeling too jittery to sit. He settled for slowly pacing up and down the hallway.

"We had sex," Connor whispered.

Jude froze in the middle of the hallway. "We? We who? You and who?"

There was no way Connor had sex with someone. He could barely stand to be in the same room with people that he didn't full trust; he fully trusted Jude and even then, the boundaries between them were firmly set. Even then, Connor still panicked.

"You and me."

Connor's whisper was so low that Jude almost missed it and it took him a moment to process what, exactly, Connor had said. When he had, Jude's brain still stalled and stuttered. "What? No. Connor, I'd remember –"

"In my dream."

"What? This is about something that happened in your dream?"

"Yes."

"That's … ridiculous," Jude said. "And unfair! You can't be mad at me for something that happened in a dream!"

"Not mad," Connor corrected. "Just, um, uncomfortable at the thought of you. I know it's not fair, but, um, it felt so real and I-I-I c-c-c-can't deal with that."

Jude bit his lip. He wanted to be comforting. He knew that he should be, because Connor didn't operate the way that a person who hadn't been abused operated, but Jude just couldn't handle what he was saying now. He took a drink from his bottle and just felt frustrated.

"Okay, but, Connor, it was a dream. None of it was real. You know that if you're uncomfortable with sex, we're not going to go there."

Connor stayed quiet and Jude knew it was because his voice was a little too loud and his tone was a little too strong. But Jude wasn't going to apologize for it. He had nothing to apologize for. Connor should know that Jude wasn't going to push him by now and that, when it came down to it, Connor was the one leading the way, because he was the one who was constantly uncomfortable.

"Connor?"

He was crying. "W-w-w-we were having sex, in my dream. And, um, y-y-you said you loved me."

"Connor –"

"And I was happy about it!" Connor shrieked. "And I hate that because I'm not that person here and now! And I never will be. I'll never be that guy who can be happy and who can have sex and who can fall in love and I'm so sorry, Jude."

Jude took another drink. His bottle was going to be empty long before he needed it to. Connor didn't love him. He never could. He kept saying it. Jude finished off the bottle and stared down at it, as if it could tell him what to do next. He wished that there would be answers to everything in an empty bottle.

"I'm so sorry, Jude."

"Sorry for what?" Jude asked. "What are you trying to say?"

Connor took a shaky breath and Jude went down the basement steps again. He grabbed a bottle of vodka and the jug of orange juice.

"Ju –" Taylor started, but he glared at her, holding a finger to his lips.

"I guess I'm …" Connor started, then stopped.

Jude bit down on his sigh and went into Taylor's kitchen, pulling a glass out of one of the cupboards.

"What?" Jude said. "You're what?"

"I want to be that person, Jude. I do. But, um, no matter how much better I get, there are lines that I can't cross, and I know that. I don't … I mean, I don't ever want you to hate me for that. I'm sorry."

That was too much vodka. He was going to drink it anyway.

"Connor, this sounds like something that we should be talking about in person."

"We're not in person," Connor sniffed. "And I wanted to talk to you. I was scared to talk to you. I feel so sick when I think of us having sex."

"It repulses you that much," Jude said flatly, and he took a drink. Sex with Connor didn't repulse him at all. He wanted to know what that was like.

"Sex just does. Even if I take you out of it. That's why the dream was so scary," Connor said. "Because it wasn't. Because there was nothing in there that was scary. It was both things that we wanted to do and we were both happy. And it makes me sad. I always want what I can't have."

"You have me! In whatever way you want me! I am here for you! I'm not going anywhere, because I –" Jude tripped over his words before spluttering, "I care about you! You have to trust me on that! On things!"

"I do trust you," Connor said. "As much as I can."

But that was always it, wasn't it? There was always some sort of cap, some sort of limitation, on what Connor could give and what they could be. Jude wished he could wave those away. With anyone else, he probably could. Connor wasn't just anyone, and that was part of what Jude liked about him. It always overwhelming him how hard it could be at times. He wanted it to be easy. Sometimes, it was easy. Those times couldn't last and couldn't be consistent, but Jude thought it should.

He took another drink.

"Can't you trust me completely?" Jude asked. "Haven't I earnt that?"

"It's not about what you've earnt," Connor said seriously. "If it was about that, then you would have everything, Jude. You're perfect."

Not always. Jude took another drink. His mind was starting to feel heavy and a little buzzed.

"What was the point of this conversation?" he asked.

"Oh. Um. I n-n-n-needed to say sorry for avoiding you because I was uncomfortable but it wasn't your fault."

"Is there anything I can do that will make you feel better?" Jude asked, his mouth going dry. He was coddling Connor when he was the one who was upset. But he couldn't tell Connor he was upset. Neither of them would gain anything from that.

"Um, no. I g-g-guess I just wanted to talk to you. We were supposed to talk this morning. But that wa-was my fault."

"Connor, I'm in the middle of something, actually."

"Oh."

"Which is why I wanted to talk to you earlier. I'm with Taylor and Dylan."

"Oh," Connor repeated. "I thought it was Taylor and Daria."

"Change of plans," Jude said. "Is it a problem that Dylan's here?"

"No. Um, you know how I feel. I-I-I'm really sorry, Jude."

"I know." Jude sloshed his drink around his glass. Half empty. "You always are."

"I-I'll be able to see you in person, soon," Connor said quietly. "I'm excited for that. I've missed seeing you in person. I th-th-think I'll be able to talk better, then."

"We're supposed to talk anyway," Jude reminded him.

"I know. I … I'm sorry, Jude. I didn't mean for this to, um, well, happen. L-l-like this."

"I know. It's okay."

"You're lying to me."

He was, but he was surprised Connor noticed.

"B-b-but, I, um, won't keep you."

"We'll talk tomorrow," Jude said. "Have some time to think, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm not angry, but I am upset."

"I understand. Jude?"

"Mhm?"

"I miss you."

So sad and so sweet that it pierced Jude's heart.

"I miss you too." And I love you, but you'll never want to hear it. Jude finished off his glass.

"Bye, Jude."

"Bye."

Even though it had been his decision to end the phone call, Jude didn't want to hang up. But, what else was he supposed to do? He clearly wasn't about to have the kind of conversation where he was level-headed and understanding, at least, as best as he could be. He was just upset and drinking too quickly. But what else was he supposed to do when his boyfriend said he'd been ignoring him because he'd had a sex dream about the two of them that, even though he liked the dream, he hated himself for having it?

Jude stood at the top of the basement stairs. He could hear Taylor and Dylan talking and he wished that Dylan weren't here. He didn't know his ex-boyfriend that well anymore – not to the point where Jude would be able to confide in him the way that he used to when they were together. And, Jude didn't want to talk about the low points in his new relationship in front of Dylan. There was something defeating and humiliating about that. Jude slowly walked down the stairs.

"How was the phone call?" Taylor asked.

"Fine."

When he got close enough, Taylor took his glass from his hand and refilled it. Jude knew that she knew that he wasn't fine. When he sat down next to her, she put her arms around him, pulling his large frame down to her small body. He buried his head in her shoulder and that was when the first tear fell from his eye. He bit down on his lip desperately. He didn't want to cry, not because of Connor and not in front of Dylan. Taylor held him tightly and it was the fact that she could do it so casually and that Jude knew how much she cared about it him that sent even more tears slipping through. He could feel her jaw move and then he heard Dylan make an excuse to leave, something about his father, and Jude knew he should lift his head up and say goodbye, but he just couldn't make himself follow through with the action. He told himself he'd text Dylan later. Then, the moment he knew that Dylan was actually out of Taylor's door, he let himself break down completely against Taylor's shoulder.

It felt so good to let it out. He knew that he could cry in front of Connor, but he knew that Connor would ask why. And the moment Jude let the truth spill – that it was about his frustrations to grasp just what was going on in Connor's head and to understand it, let alone be a decent person about it – Connor would be upset too. It would then become about Connor's comfort, because of the way that Connor reacted to things, over the way that Jude reacted to things. Jude loved Connor; he wanted to put Connor first. Sometimes, he couldn't, and he knew when those times were. But that was why he had Taylor.

"Want to talk about it?"

Could he? Should he? He had protected Connor, told only Stef and Lena minor details. And Connor had said that he would rather talk to his mothers about him than Taylor, but there were some issues that he couldn't say to them. It wasn't about Connor, it was about him. He sniffed a couple of times and then he slowly began to talk. Taylor wasn't her usual self; she didn't interrupt and she didn't ask him a hundred questions. She just let him talk his way through the past few months, since he had met Connor up to today's phone call. By the time he had finished, he was just angry. Upset and angry.

"Throw," Taylor said, putting a pillow into his hands. "Any wall, pick one."

Jude leant away from her so he could pull his arm back and hurled the pillow at the wall. It didn't have the satisfying thud that he wanted it to, but he had to admit that it felt good to do something.

"Jude, that's a lot for someone to deal with."

"Moms have said. I don't need you being them."

Taylor hugged him back to her.

"I shouldn't want him to change. I shouldn't need him to change. Especially if I really do love him. But I want more. I'm going to keep wanting more. I don't know how to change that about me. Something's going to have to give and I'm not ready for it to. He'll never love me and I can't help but love him. Where does that leave us?"

"Like I can tell you that," Taylor said. "Only Connor can. But, Jude, if you need to be with someone who can madly love you back, maybe he's not the right person."

"I'm so confused," Jude confessed. "I'm confused about love and sex and I think Connor's confused too."

"Then talk to him. Be honest with him and he'll be honest back. I know you care about him but I don't want you to be too upset. Especially since Connor's got so much going on. I mean, wow. You don't have to deal with that."

"But he does and I want to be there for him and I want to be with him. Nothing makes me feel the way just seeing him does. I love waking up in the morning and getting to have coffee with him. I love the look on his face when I surprise him with things like the date we went on. He was just so excited. I want to be great for him and make him happy, because seeing him happy is what makes me happy. I love him. I know I don't have to be there with him and I know that I could leave, but I don't want to."

"Even if he doesn't say I love you back?"

"I think so. I think I just needed to rant about it a little bit."

"What about sex?" Taylor asked. "Because I know you haven't had sex yet, but I know it's not because you don't want to ever have sex."

Taylor started gently playing with Jude's hair and he leant into her touch. He couldn't ever let his fingers get anywhere near Connor's head; if he could, Jude would run his hands through Connor's long hair. The longer Connor's hair got, the more he was tempted to do it.

"I think so about that too. That's what confuses me about the dream. He said his dream-self liked having sex and liked me being in love with him. Do you think he might really feel that way and it was coming out in the dream?"

"I don't know. Sounds like he had a pretty bad reaction to it. I don't know him like you do."

"No one does," Jude said.

"You don't feel guilted into staying with him, do you?"

"No!"

"Okay, okay," Taylor said quickly. "I didn't mean to offend you."

She cuddled into him. Jude relaxed next to her.

"Take your mind off it for a moment," Taylor said. "Just you and me for the night."

"I should apologize to Dylan."

Taylor swatted his arm. "What did I just say? You and me! You can tell him you're sorry tomorrow."

"Don't let me forget."

"I won't," Taylor said, "but you won't either."

"Yeah," Jude said. "Hopefully."

"So," Taylor said, sitting up and grabbing the remote. "Do you have your drink?"

"Yes, of course."

"Great. Let's watch some ANTM to relax."

Jude laughed, but he didn't say a word against her. He knew better and, even with his feelings about the show, he knew that he would be able to relax with it and that was what he wanted – to get lost in the mindlessness of something. It felt nice.

"Oh, Jude, she's crying. Drink."

Drunk.

The chapter's title is after the song The Lonely by Christina Perris. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~