"I'm sorry, there's nothing else that we can do, sir," the senior medical officer's second informs Kylo the next morning with fear in her eyes. Ah, yes … his threat. Something else that Rey wouldn't like.
"Before … I … you needn't worry. None of your staff or their family members will face … reprisal," Kylo offers. He feels the hot sting of shame as he remembers how Vitok had reprimanded him for threatening Dr. Ahtlen's wife. Vitok had been trying all along and he … he can't really bring himself to think about it.
The doctor looks up swiftly, clearly unsure if she should believe him. "Sir?"
"You and your people have done the best that they could. I … I understand that."
"Oh ... well, thank you, sir," she says with obvious relief.
He turns away from the doctor and keeps his focus on Rey. "How much longer?" he murmurs.
"Days, I'm afraid, sir. Nothing we're doing seems to have any effect. Perhaps … the Force?"
"I know nothing of healing with the Force." He's never craved the light so much as in this moment. If he hadn't followed Snoke …
She nods sadly. "Yes, sir."
The doctor removes herself quietly.
He remembers all the Force-sensitives he'd killed after the fall of Skywalker's school and he almost laughs at how absurd the situation is. He needs them now, but they're all gone, mostly by his hand. If he'd not allowed Snoke to wipe the minds of Luke's students … if he could reach Leia Organa ... He knows now that she had nothing to do with the events on Eshara … Perhaps …
"Would you come back if I brought Leia here?" He knows that … she … his mother has always had an affinity for Force healing. Could that be the answer? Is it possible that he doesn't need to simply watch Rey die? Can he do this? Can he ask for her assistance?
In the end, there's no decision to make. "I'll do it, I'll ask her to come. Please, my love, hold on just a little longer."
He gathers her to him as best he can, avoiding the medical equipment. Her skin still feels soft and warm beneath his lips as he whispers a kiss against her cheek.
Hux blinks as he sees that Kylo has again forgotten his mask. The general straightens to his full height and Kylo senses barely controlled fury. What … oh, yes. He remembers then. Vitok. He'd hit Vitok. Of course Armitage would wish to say something on the matter. Well, fine. He deserves it. He'll allow the ginger irritant his say. But only just this once.
"If we're going to do this, come into my office," Kylo mutters as he turns in retreat.
Hux follows and Kylo looks at him expectantly once the door is shut.
The general looks at his datapad before stiffly saying, "All of the members of Shar Faen are in local custody awaiting trial."
"And?"
Hux raises a brow. "And all that is required is your statement regarding your … interrogation of Jan Kressin-Vryn."
"Fine, yes, but don't you wish to … to … to say something to me?"
"About what, sir?" Hux asks with forced confusion.
"About Vitok!" Kylo nearly shouts.
"That is a matter for the Knights of Ren," he says coldly.
Kylo pales as he realizes all of his knights witnessed his treatment of Vitok. He'd sworn to himself he would never resort to Snoke's methods. Well, except perhaps for Wylan, but that's different.
"How …. How is she?" Kylo asks with genuine pleading in his tone.
"Vitok Ren has recovered from her … injury." Hux's pale eyes flash with real rage in that moment, but he's soon back to his normal, unflappable self.
"Good … I'm … I'm glad."
"Hmm. Was there anything else? Sir."
Kylo blinks in surprise. Surely Hux wishes to castigate him? But he soon recovers. "Yes … I wish to record a message to be broadcast on all frequencies."
Hux's eyes narrow. "To whom?"
"To General Organa … she … she may be able to help. With Rey," Kylo says quietly.
Hux's eyes widen. "All this time and-" he breathes in sharply. "Yes, sir. Record your message. I'll see that it's disseminated."
Kylo catches his eyes. "Thank you, General Hux."
Hux only stands at attention. "It is my duty, Supreme Leader." There is nothing but formality in his tone.
That night he holds her close. "Rey … I've asked … I've asked my mother to come. Remember how you told me she taught you to heal? I'm hoping that between the two of us we can bring you back. You just have to stay a little longer. Please, just hold on. Don't you want to see her again? I know you've missed her," he murmurs against her temple as he runs his fingers through her hair. "Just hold on, please, please hold on."
He wants to have hope. He wants to believe that this will work. That Leia Organa will arrive before it's too late. But he has no way of knowing if his message will even arrive. He has no idea how far away the Resistance is. It could take days for the transmission to reach them and weeks for her to make the trip. If she'll even agree to his terms.
He'd promised her safe passage and that she would be free to leave. He hadn't wanted to go into many details about Rey's condition. He'd even promised that Skywalker could accompany her. Who knows, perhaps in his years of exile he's learned a thing or two about Force healing.
He huffs a laugh against her forehead. He can't believe he's been reduced to begging for help from his relatives. He's always telling Rey that he'll do anything for her and it would seem that it's true.
Kylo waits and watches, occasionally breaking down and talking to the beast, who is never far from her side. It's been just over two days since he begged his mother to come. There's been no response or sighting of the Resistance. He knew it was likely too soon, but he couldn't stop asking Hux for word. Eventually Hux had snapped that he would inform him immediately if there was anything to report and that he really didn't need to keep comming him.
He knows he should go and see Vitok, apologize … beg for her forgiveness, but he can't face her. It's as if another man had done that, he can't quite remember it properly. He knows he did it, he knows he hit her hard enough to make her bleed, and yet he can't find the memory of why. The moment is lost to him and he's left with the knowledge that he's broken something dear to him. He remembers when she was a kind woman named Shree. Her hair had been darker then, not shot through with gray. She'd worn it short, just as she does now and she'd always made time for him.
Kylo scratches Preslan behind the ears and sighs. He really does destroy everything he touches.
He's in his office and has just finished his report on Kressin-Vryn. He'd put it off for a few days, not wanting to capture his actions in words. He knows the man deserved it and it had been necessary to find out everything the terrorist had known, but capturing his behavior in writing has left him feeling … ashamed. He can't find his usual sense that his actions had been right. It's as if he can only see himself through Rey's eyes, now.
He's clinging to the desperate hope that his mother will come and Rey will be alright, but if that comes to pass he will have to face Rey, admit to what he's done. He tries not to think about it. He's standing from his desk to stretch when his comm comes alive with Kes's frantic voice. He's seized with terror, Maker, no … not now, not when he was away from her.
"Sir, sir, you have to come-"
Just then she beats against the Bond and he drops his shields immediately.
"-lo! Kylo!"
"Rey!" Force, it's her. She's alive, awake! He can't even begin to think clearly. He's instantly overwhelmed with sensing her again after all this time.
"Where are you? The Bond, it was closed-"
"Rey, oh Rey," he sends into the Bond just as she opens it completely and envelopes him with her light. He tries to stand, to go to her, but his knees buckle and he sinks to the floor. Rey, blissful, beautiful Rey. She's here, she's here, she's here. He dives into her currents and gluts himself on the feeling of his beloved. She infuses every corner of his being with her warmth and he stays on his knees, just feeling her. Stars, he just wants to float in her, feed the starving hunger for her. He remembers the memories of Jakku that she's shared and now he understands precisely why she hides food. If he could wrap up bits of this feeling and hide them away, his quarters would be bursting with them.
"I'm here, I'm here." She winds around him and he feels her sadness and profound worry. "What … what happened to you?"
He shields his feelings and memories of the events on Eshara before sending, "You were dying … I thought I was going to lose you. It has been … very difficult."
"Please come, I need to touch you."
"Yes, my love, yes."
She's surrounded by doctors and Kes is hovering at the edge of the room. All activity stops when he reaches her door. For a moment he stands frozen, not really believing this is real. He drinks in the sight of her open eyes and healthy pink cheeks. The doctors pull back and he finally wakes from his trance.
He's rushing to her and wrapping her in his arms in an instant. Preslan is dislodged from her lap with an indignant howl. Her hands come up and fist his hair and he whimpers as she again fills every aching, empty part of him with her warmth, her light, her love.
Into the Bond he desperately sends, "I love you Rey, I love you, I love you, I love you. "
"I know, I love you."
He buries his face at her neck, overwhelmed by feeling her again. The Bond leaps in joy and the hum of energy crackles where they touch. He chokes back tears and clutches her even closer.
He needs to understand how this is possible, but he doesn't want to let her go long enough to speak with the doctors. All that matters is she's back.
Maker she feels incredible. Just feeling her again takes over all of his senses. She feels right. Her vitality pulses under his fingers, her essence weaves through him, her fingers thread through his hair and it's beyond pleasure. He's not sure he can ever let her go.
She begins to pull back and he growls, "No!" making the medical personnel jump.
"Kylo, the doctors aren't finished with me, I'm not going anywhere. You can do this."
"I really don't know that I can," he says into her hair.
Gently, she pulls his hands from around her back and he forces himself to let her go. Panic wells in his chest and for a horrific moment he thinks this is just a dream. But she holds his hands firmly and it brings him back. Oh Force, he feels her small fingers again laced with his, squeezing back and reassuring him she's awake … alive.
He steps away, dropping one hand but keeping the other tightly in his grasp as he looms over her, allowing the doctors just barely enough room to do their work.
Dr. Ahtlen cautiously approaches her and resumes running a scan of some sort while Kylo's eyes burn into Rey's.
Through the Bond he utters, "I missed you so much. You have no idea. Could you hear me?"
"Sometimes, less as time went on. How long has it been?" she responds in kind.
"The longest 22 days of my life," he sends bleakly.
"Oh, Kylo. I can feel some of it, but you're hiding most of it, aren't you?"
"Yes," he responds simply, swallowing past the thickness in his throat. He knows he'll have to tell her, but not yet … Not yet.
"I hope you'll share yourself when you're ready. I'm not used to so much of you being closed off."
"In time. I … I didn't handle things … well. I don't want you to see me like that."
"I remember … the ring … a year since we … well …" She looks down at her left hand and gasps. "It's so beautiful! I hated not knowing, not being able to see what it looked like," she continues through the Bond.
"You don't mind … you don't mind wearing my ring?"
"No … I'm not sure what it means to me exactly, but I like how it feels on my hand."
"It means whatever you want it to mean. You know what I hope for."
"Yes. Yes I do."
They've been so caught up in each other and conversing through the Bond that they don't notice that the doctors have finished until they hear a gently cleared throat.
Kylo tears his eyes from Rey and looks at the senior medical officer. He's annoyed at being interrupted, but he also desperately wants to be alone with his beloved.
"Yes?" Kylo queries with a raised brow.
"She's in perfect health. We can't explain it. Frankly, it makes no sense."
"Does that mean I can leave?" Rey asks hopefully.
"We'd like to keep you overnight, just to make sure."
"Oh please, I'd like to be in my quarters."
Dr. Ahtlen looks at Kylo. "Well … I sup-"
"No. She will stay here," he says firmly.
"Kylo!"
"No, Rey … after Eshara they wanted to keep you overnight and I wouldn't let them. If I had … this never would have happened. If they want you to stay the night, you will stay the night." She can get as angry as she likes. He's not taking any chances with her health. Never again.
Rey purses her lips but doesn't fight him further. "Will you at least stay with me?"
Kylo tilts his head and peers down at her. "I've stayed with you every night since you collapsed."
"You have? I … wasn't aware of much, just bits and pieces here and there. For a while I thought I might be in a bacta tank, everything was so fuzzy."
A sudden thought grips him. What if she doesn't remember about her mother? He looks at the time. Stars, she's due to arrive in less than an hour. He has to get her alone so he can explain, he'll press the doctors further about her mysterious recovery later, right now he doesn't really care; she's back!
Dr. Ahtlen stands awkwardly, waiting to be dismissed. "Dr. Ahtlen, we'll discuss her recovery at a later time. Leave us."
"Yes, sir," he says as he removes himself, leaving only Rey, Kylo and Kes.
Preslan leaps back up on her bed and haughtily curls himself into a ball next to her hip. She strokes him and smiles. "I missed you too, my sweet boy," she says fondly. She catches Kylo's eyes. "Thank you for bringing him."
Kes has stayed away from the activity and Rey reaches out her free hand to her friend. Kes rushes forward and takes it.
"I'm so glad you're alright," Kes breathes out, then she looks at Kylo. "But I think you would both rather have some time alone?"
Rey blushes slightly. "Yes … thank you, Kes. I'll see you soon."
"Kes," Kylo stops her. Perhaps he can avoid having to confront the issue of Lann Tren just yet.
"Yes?"
"If you would be so kind as to ensure we aren't disturbed, I would appreciate it," he says holding her eyes meaningfully. He hopes that Kes perceives that he needs her to stop Lann Tren from arriving at the appointed hour.
Kes's eyes widen slightly in confusion but then he sees understanding bloom on her face. She nods slightly. "Of course. I'll see to it."
"Thank you," he responds.
Then, they're finally alone. He's still holding her hand and he turns, seating himself on the edge of her bed, facing her. He's instantly lost in her eyes. Force he's missed her eyes. They sparkle and glow and he thinks he could simply look at her like this for an eternity. He's brimming with all the things he wants to say, to ask, but all he can do is watch her, try and find it in himself to believe that she's really awake. It's too good to be true. Just this morning everything had seemed so bleak. It's almost as if she's come back from the dead.
The time for speaking passes as they continue to consume each other with their eyes. Rey, too, seems to need to look at him. Time moved differently for her, he's sure, but she seems to be as affected as he is.
She blinks and slowly raises her hand to his face. Tentatively, her delicate fingers trace his jaw, as if she's relearning him. He shudders from the contact. It's been so long since she's touched him. Sparks dance along his skin as her fingertips skim along his face. She tilts her head in an almost curious way and her eyes are intensely focused on him.
He wants to kiss her, badly, but he finds he feels almost too shy to instigate such intimacy. She takes the choice from him when she leans forward and time slows as she softly kisses him. Pure sensation takes him over and before he truly accepts that he's feeling her lips again, they're hungrily devouring each other. It's instinctual and her mouth is perfect as he tastes and sips at her lips. Their tongues slide together and the heat is building quickly.
She tries to pull him back onto her, when he places his hands on her shoulders and pushes her slightly away as he ends their passionate clutch.
"Kylo?" she asks in confusion.
"You've only just woken up from a coma, Rey. I won't … I won't just take you in your hospital bed." Much as his body is screaming at him to do just that.
"But I've missed you. I need you." There's a plaintiveness in her tone that calls to him, but he refuses to allow himself to give in to the clamoring of the Bond. She could still be fragile and it simply isn't worth the risk.
"I've missed you more than I think you could ever understand, but we still don't know what happened. I don't even know how you woke up."
"I don't either. I just … I just did. Kes was asleep. She nearly fell out of her chair when I called out to her, then the doctors rushed in. I reached out to you, but you were blocking me." She frowns slightly.
"No … I …. I kept the Bond closed after a while." The hollowness was unbearable.
"But why?"
"It hurt. Feeling you not there. It was nothing like how it feels when you keep your walls up. You're still there, all the time. But … you felt wrong. It was worse than emptiness. I … I just …" He looks away, unable to convey what it did to him to have her fading away.
She shifts and rises to her knees and wraps her arms around him, pulling his head against her breast. "I'm so sorry that you went through that."
"I thought you were going to die. I … I was prepared to go with you." She's so warm and soft. He nuzzles against her.
Rey gasps and pulls back to look down into his face. "No … oh Kylo, no."
"Yes. I discovered something while you were … gone. I refuse to live without you. I … I can't live without you."
"Don't say that, please, don't say tha-"
"No! You don't understand. I nearly went mad. I think maybe I actually did for a while there. And that was just when you were unconscious. I can't imagine the pain if you were actually truly gone. You'll just have to accept this. Besides, it doesn't matter now. You're here, you're back."
He runs his hands along her arms, needing to reassure himself that she's solid and responsive beneath his fingers. Rey still looks troubled but she finally softens and again pulls him to her. He hums contentedly against her as she strokes his hair. Rey, Rey, Rey.
He pushes away the knowledge that he'll have to admit to his actions on Eshara.
She'd coaxed him to lay down with her and they've spent hours simply touching and caressing. She's always sensed what he needs most, and this slow reacquainting is mending his badly battered heart. Right now they're on their sides, with her back to his front and he's deliriously happy to have her again tucked in close. Each sigh, each movement is treasured and catalogued, hoarded greedily. Then her stomach growls and she blushes. He realizes she hasn't eaten a proper meal since she first collapsed.
"Darling, I'm sorry, I should have thought. Of course you must be famished."
"Well, it has been a while," she says ruefully.
It takes him a moment to gather together the will to untangle himself from her, but he manages it. He requests assistance from the staff and soon a medic nervously enters the room.
"Yes, sir?"
"She's hungry. What would be appropriate for her to eat?"
"Uh, there's a medically prescribed diet for her, I'll have it brought now? If-if that's alright. Sir," the trembling woman offers.
"Yes, that is acceptable. You are dismissed."
"Yes, sir," she says as she quickly quits the room.
Rey is watching with a knitted brow. "Why was she so afraid?"
Because he'd threatened to kill her closest family member and those of all of her colleagues. But he's not ready to admit that to Rey. "Some of the personnel find me intimidating," he says vaguely.
Rey snorts. "Well, I can't imagine why." She smiles at him with a lopsided grin that makes him want to kiss her and never stop.
Rey is eating her bland food with enthusiasm while Kylo looks at it skeptically. Surely they could have given her something better than this?
"What is it?" she asks.
"That does not look … appetizing."
"It's food, that's all that matters. Anyway, the medic said I would get sick if I ate anything richer. Now, tell me what's happened while I was … asleep. How's Vitok? I'm actually surprised she hasn't come to see me yet." A strange sadness flits through her eyes.
"She was with you every day. I'm sure she's just giving us time together." Or she has no wish to be in the same room as him. He suppresses a flinch.
"Oh. Well that's nice of her. But I've been unconscious for almost a month, it feels … strange not to know. Tell me something about what's happened?"
Now is the time to explain about Lann Trenn, he knows it is. But he just wants to stay in this bubble with her and avoid anything difficult. He's missed her so much and he needs her desperately. Tomorrow. He'll tell her everything tomorrow.
"I have been focused entirely on you and your recovery," he finally offers. His eyes close involuntarily, remembering how he'd lost himself so utterly.
She stills and reaches out for his hand. "I'm alright. I'm here."
"I know … I know … I just … I can't explain what it was like. I truly believed I was going to lose you and that there was nothing I could do." He remembers his message to his mother and he realizes that's something else he needs to tell her. Just not now. He will … in time.
He startles awake in the middle of the night, Rey pressed close against him, sleeping peacefully. But it's too similar to when she was gone from him and he shakes her awake in a panic. "Rey!"
"Huh, wha- what is it? Is something wrong?" she asks sleepily.
His heart starts to slow down but he's still breathing quickly. "I just … I needed to know you were still … here."
She shifts in his arms until she's facing him. Her eyes are hard to make out in the dim light, but he sees concern and love. "I can't imagine what it must have been like. I … if I had to watch you slipping away … I understand. At least I think I do. I remember how frantic I was when you … when I thought you might die. I'm here. The doctors all say that I'm in excellent health. You don't need to worry, I'm right here." She puts her hand on his heart and the signs of panic are receding.
He still doesn't know why she's healed so thoroughly or how she woke up, but he's so grateful that he doesn't find a need to solve the mystery.
Rey looks into his eyes. "You seem … you seem haunted."
He huffs out a mirthless laugh. Haunted is actually quite apt. "I am. You … I know you say you understand, but I don't think you can."
"Then show me, let me in."
He shakes his head. "No … it's too much. Just let me feel you, let me hold you. That's all I need."
She raises a brow. "That's all you need?"
He smiles a bit. "No …. that is not all I need. But it's all I'm willing to take until I return you to your rooms tomorrow."
She wriggles against him provocatively and, oh, it does things to him, but he's firm in his conviction. "Rey …"
"Oh, alright. But I'm going back to my quarters first thing in the morning and you, you're taking the day off."
Her expression is wickedness itself and he nods enthusiastically. "I don't intend to let you out of bed for days," he growls as he nips at her lips.
She kisses him deeply then moves her mouth to his ear. "Good," she whispers.
It all crashes in on him at once and he crushes her to him as she lets out a startled squeak.
"Maker, Rey, I love you so much," he says into her hair, holding her as tightly as he can. "Never leave me again."
"I won't, I promise. I love you."
"Thank you, oh stars, thank you." He's not sure if he's thanking Rey, the Maker, the galaxy, the Force … he just knows that she's come back to him and he's never letting her go again.
Ever.
A/N: Thank you to my marvelous beta, CharlotteCAgain, who finished her amazing story, Commemoration. I highly recommend it!
Thank you Mr. Downing, who absolutely outdid himself this past Friday. It was the one-year anniversary of when I first started posting fanfic. He reached out to Juulna who reached out to MissHarper who in turn reached out to the Reylo fam. They put together a 26-page document full of well-wishes, poetry, art/graphics, and a one-shot. I'm still stunned. Then to top it all off, he had my first fic, 'He Knows He Needs to Stop' bound so that I could hold my first 'book' in my hands. Thank you Mr. Downing, Juulna, MissHarper and everyone for such kindness. Thank you.
Thank you readers! This last few days have been completely overwhelming. So many of you have congratulated me on my first year of writing and I suspect you must be a bit sick of me. :) However, not everyone is on tumblr, so I want to thank you all for your amazing support of my writing. Thank you so much for giving your time to my work. I am grateful and humbled.
P.S. I am again behind in responding to reviews, that will be rectified today. My sincere apologies.
