Author: Raven Shadowrose

Rating: M

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: Sequel to Epiphany, Jeff and Dixie are trying to have a baby, what happens when it is likely to be more difficult than they first thought?

Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for either of them to be used.

A/N: This is a direct sequel to Epiphany, please read that first to understand this story :) Reviews are welcome :)

Thank you to BeethovenRIP and chan. nelson4444 for your reviews and support, more squish :)


Chapter Forty-Nine.

Dixie sat on a bench in the graveyard, Jeff was at work and the kids were at school so it was the perfect time for her to do what she needed to. She wanted to introduce Sam to her dad but she was finding it hard to go over to his grave; she always found it difficult as she remembered everything that had happened in the last days of his life and how much she had let him down. Dixie took a deep breath and then stood up, it was now or never, she had to do this. She was holding Sam in her arms and she slowly walked over to the grave that held her father. 'Hi dad, I know it has been a long time since I've visited you and that I should come here more often.' Dixie sighed and just looked at the gravestone that she had bought for him, she was finding it hard to find the words she needed. 'I wish I knew what to say, I've never really been very good at speaking from my heart. This is Sam, he's your grandson.' Dixie sighed, she felt a bit silly talking to a stone. 'I wish you were still with us so you could see him and hold him. We named him after you; Samuel Matthew Arthur Collier, that's right, Jeff is Sam's father, I bet you didn't expect that.' Dixie looked down at Sam and she held him close to her. 'I know what my marriage to Jeff started out like, we were just friends and nothing more, but, something changed, I changed. I don't know how it happened but I ended up falling in love with Jeff. He's my best friend and I love him so much. He gave me the chance to be a mother, he's a special man.' Dixie paused for breath and she gently stroked Sam's face with her finger. 'Sam has his daddy's eyes, I think he's going to keep them for good. I'm glad about that, I want him to keep them.' She smiled down at her son and kissed his head, she hoped that her dad could hear her talking to him. 'I didn't think that I would end up being a mum, I'm happy that I have been given the chance to know what it feels like to have a child.' Dixie gently rocked Sam in her arms and adjusted his blanket so that he would stay warm.

'Dad, Sam smiled for the first time the other day, he is growing so quickly and I love him so much. I think I'm doing a good job at looking after him, he doesn't seem to have any complaints. I'm looking after Jeff's kids, John and Sophia, too. I love them as if they were mine, I know they're not but I don't think that it matters. They are the sweetest kids that I've ever come across, I know that Jeff is so proud of them, I am too.' Dixie smiled, somehow talking to her dad didn't feel so awkward any more. 'In all my life I didn't think that I would end up as happy as I am now, I didn't think that I would end up with a man, least of all Jeff. I know that I've always loved him as a friend, I didn't think that our marriage would end up as more than one of friendship.' Dixie's mind drifted back over all of the time that she had spent with Jeff; the times that they had laughed together and cried together. All of the times she had supported him; through the divorce, his kids moving away to London, losing Polly, the college shootings and all of the other times that were impossible to count. 'We've always been inseparable, except when we argued and we've always been able to do that well. I think we argue because we're so alike.' Dixie laughed as some of the arguments that she'd had with Jeff came into her mind, all of those arguments ended with them making up by the end of the day. 'Jeff has supported me too, through everything that I went through with the Malones, losing you and Polly, even the smaller day to day things, I can't imagine my life without him in it. Life takes people in strange directions, I am just glad that it has brought me here.' Dixie smiled again, she loved Jeff with all of her heart, he was her rock and she hoped that he felt the same about her.

Dixie looked around her, the graveyard was so peaceful and quiet, there were very few people around and she was using the quiet time to collect her thoughts and think about everything that had happened to bring her to this point. 'I had to have an operation so that I could have Sam, I would have done anything to bring him into the world. I am glad that I did it, Sam means everything to me, he is my little boy and I love him.' Dixie took another deep breath, she was feeling a little bit emotional. 'I wish that Sam could have the chance to get to know his grandfather and his grandmother. I promise that he will know of you and mum and I will show him pictures, it's not the same as seeing you for real, but, it is the best that I can do.' Dixie hoped that her best was good enough. 'I'm going to have to go dad, Sophia and John will be home soon and Jeff will be home not long after them, I don't want them to worry about me and they will do if I'm not there. I'll come back with Sam again, maybe I'll bring Jeff and the kids with me too. See you soon dad, I love you, give my love to mum. I miss you both.' Dixie looked at her dad's grave one last time before she left the graveyard and went home.

Jeff sensed Dixie's mood the minute that he walked into the house, she looked pensive and she was quiet, he wondered what had happened during the day to make her feel like that. The kids were sat at the table and having a drink of juice that Dixie had obviously made for them. 'Hey kids.'

'Hi dad,' John said and Jeff smiled at his son.

'What homework have you got?'

'History, maths and English.'

'If you need any help then you can ask me.'

I know I can dad, they're my best subjects, I can do the work easily.' Jeff smiled again, he was happy that John was such a hard worker at school.

'Good, work hard and you can do anything that you want to.'

'I will.' John went back to his homework and Jeff went over to Sophia.

'How is my little princess?'

'I have homework too daddy; art, science and English.'

'Come on then princess, make a start, your tea will be done soon.'

'You should talk to mummy Dixie, she is sad about something.'

'I will, don't you worry princess.' Jeff hugged John and Sophia and he went into the lounge, Dixie had headed in there earlier, he wanted to know what was bothering her and how he could help her feel better.

Jeff sat down next to Dixie, she was holding Sam and he was asleep in her arms, he just watched her gently rock their son as she held him. 'Hey princess,' he said quietly.

'Hi Jeff.' Jeff noted the sadness in Dixie's voice.

'Dix, what's wrong?' Dixie stayed silent and she just kept looking at Sam. 'Dixie, come on princess, what is making my beautiful wife so sad?'

'I went to the graveyard today.'

'Okay, why did you go there?'

'I wanted to show Sam to my dad.'

'What happened?'

'I just sat by his grave and talked to him.'

'What about?'

'About you, Sam, Sophia and John. I told him how much I missed him and mum.'

'Of course you miss them princess, they are your parents, it's okay to miss them.'

'I do miss them, a lot. I would give up anything to see them again, they didn't get the chance to see me become a mum or to hold their grandson.'

'I am sure that he heard everything that you had to say Dixie, I'm also sure that he saw Sam too and that he loves him.' Jeff put his arms around Dixie and Sam, he gently held them close to him.

'What about my mum, do you think she heard me too?'

'Of course she did sweetheart.'

'I hope you're right.' Jeff pressed a gentle kiss to Dixie's head and he just held her, being hugged always made Dixie feel better.

Dixie snuggled up to Jeff, she just wanted to feel close to him now and Jeff's arms around her made her feel loved. 'I know that my mum and dad would have loved to have been grandparents. I wish that they could be here to see Sam and hold him. Sam won't be able to see his grandparents either.'

'He has us Dixie, he also has his brother and sister who love him very much.'

'I know, what about your family Jeff?'

'My mum is dead as you know and my father isn't exactly the loving type.'

'What about your brother and sister?'

'My sister knows about Sam, I've told her all about him. I don't really talk to my brother.'

'Why not?'

'Richard takes after my dad, we don't agree on many things, mainly about Jamie.'

'Your nephew.'

'Yeah, he's a good kid, he's studying to be a nurse.'

'I remember you telling me.'

'Everyone is so proud of him, except his dad, he thinks it is a woman's job.'

'He sounds like a right piece of work.'

'I don't think you'd like him princess.'

'I probably wouldn't.'

'It doesn't matter Dixie, not everyone can have the perfect family life.'

'Maybe you should invite Margaret and Jamie round to see us.'

'I might just do that.' Dixie smiled at Jeff and she kissed him on the cheek, Jeff rarely talked about his family or saw any of them so she thought it would be good for him to see them again. She often worried that Jeff was out on his own without his family, maybe seeing Margaret and Jamie would make him happy.

Jeff rested his head against Dixie's and he closed his eyes, Richard and his dad hadn't approved of him marrying Dixie, it is why they weren't at the wedding. It was also the reason Margaret and Jamie weren't there, he'd just told Dixie that they were busy and couldn't make it. Jeff didn't want Dixie knowing the real reason, he wanted to spare her feelings. He'd always loved Dixie, even when they were just friends and he would do anything to protect her. 'Jeff,' he heard Dixie calling him.

'Yeah?'

'You should call Margaret now, invite her round to see us, tell her to bring Jamie too.'

'Maybe I will.'

'Go on love, do it now.'

'Maybe you're right.' Jeff took his phone out of his pocket and dialled Margaret's number, he listened to the ringing until she picked up. 'Margaret, it's Jeff.'

'Hello, what can I do for you?'

'I thought you might like to come around and see Sam.'

'How is the little one?'

'He's doing well, growing bigger by the hour.'

'Good. I'd love to come and see him, when are you free?'

'Friday, if that's okay with you.'

'It will be later on, about five.'

'Yeah, that's good. Bring Jamie with you.'

'I will do, just the other day he was talking about you.'

'He was?'

'He looks up to you Jeff, you know he does.'

'I'll see you Friday, Sophia and John will be here too.'

'I bet they're so grown up.'

'They are.'

'I'll see you all on Friday.'

'Thanks Margaret.'

'You're welcome, bye Jeff.'

'Bye Margaret.' Jeff put the phone down, he realised he was quite looking forward to seeing Margaret and Jamie.

Dixie had been quietly listening in to Jeff talking to Margaret and she went over to Jeff, she put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. 'See, wasn't so hard, was it love?'

'No, you're right, I guess it wasn't.'

'It will do you good to see some of your family Jeff.'

'Yeah, it will.'

'Come on, let's go and see to the kids, they'll be getting hungry and we both know how they look forward to take away night.'

'I'd forgotten about that, do you think they'll want pizza again?'

'I think so.' Dixie chuckled, it had become quite the ritual for them to have pizza on take away night. She stood up and followed Jeff into the kitchen, Sophia and John were quietly doing their homework at the table and they looked up when the door opened. 'Hey kids,' Dixie said. 'I was thinking we might order pizza.'

'Yeah mummy Dixie, pizza, it is take away night after all.' Dixie smiled at the kids and she picked up the phone, she was looking forward to sitting down with Jeff and the kids and enjoying spending the evening with them all.

Jeff sat in the lounge held Sam in his arms and talked to him as Dixie prepared plates for the pizza in the kitchen with Sophia and John's help. 'Your auntie Margaret and cousin Jamie are coming to visit soon. I just know that they're going to love you.' The more Jeff thought about seeing Margaret and Jamie, the more he realised that he was looking forward to it and couldn't wait to see them. He had been away from his family for so long and he realised that he was missing them. 'I can't wait for them to meet you Little Bug. You're not so little now, I still think that I'm going to call you Little Bug though, I like it and I know that mummy does too.' Jeff listened to Dixie talking with Sophia and John in the kitchen, it felt good to know that he had his own little family now and nobody would take them away from him.