What Have We Done
On the way home from Markham's office in Leeds on Tuesday, the two women were unsure whether to be elated or frightened over what they had so abruptly taken on. More than a little awed at themselves they clung tightly to one another's hand in spite of the fact that Caroline was driving.
Finally finding her voice, Kate said, "What will your mother say about this?"
Caroline cackled loudly, releasing a little of her tension, "Plenty probably."
"How will you tell her?"
Turning her moppet eyes on Kate, "Lord, I don't know." Hopefully, "Any suggestions?"
"Get her drunk?"
"Ha, she is even worse when she's been drinking." Then mischievously, "Oh, right, I've given management of my mother over to you since you seem to have such a way with her."
"Oh no!" Laughed Kate. "No, no, no. You are not putting this off onto me! This was your brilliant idea," she teased. "You and Laurence, I think it's down to the two of you to explain this to Celia."
Caroline grinned, knowing that no matter who told her mother this news, it was going to be a memorable occasion.
All Right!
Coming through the door to the suite laden with carrier bags of baby supplies and ingredients for their supper, Caroline came face to face with her mother. "Mum." Rising to full height and dropping her shoulders, "we weren't expecting you."
Hands on hips, delivering a baleful stare, "Ob-viously."
Deciding to ignore her mother's ire, Caroline looked beyond to Alan, who had an infant in each arm, "Hi Alan." Seeing Edie in an adjacent armchair regarding the scene with a faintly amused expression, she said unnecessarily, "We're back Edie." Caroline took in a quietly observing Laurence, his eyes darting from one to another quickly, missing no nuance of the scene. Glancing at Kate just coming up beside her, Caroline saw that she was quite content to let Caroline handle her mother. Depositing the shopping on the counter of the kitchen, Caroline said in as normal a voice as she could manage, "I see you've met our newest arrival."
Her voice rising to a dangerously high pitch, "Caroline! What the hell on earth can you be thinking…"
"Celia," warned Alan's voice firmly. Closing her mouth she continued to pin Caroline with 'the look' so well remembered from childhood.
Attempting to take control of the situation, "Why don't I make some tea. We'll sit down together and tell you all about it."
"I'll make the tea," offered Kate brightly, grabbing the kettle a beat before Caroline. Their backs to the rest of the room Kate received a glaring, pop-eyed look from Caroline. Not quite stifling a smile, Kate said sweetly and loudly, "you just sit down and visit with your Mum."
Muttering so only Kate could hear, "I am so going to get you for this." Turning to face the room, in her normal voice, "I'll just get the biscuits."
Celia's querulous voice demanded, "I don't want biscuits or tea, I want to know what is going on here."
Facing her mother down, "Mum, we have a guest."
Irate in part because she realizes that Edie has been informed before herself, Celia glared and said stridently, "She probably wants to know what's going on too. Or am I the only one who has been left in the dark?"
Dr. Elliot came on full force now, "All right!" Eyes blazing, Caroline looked pointedly at her mother, "Take a seat, Mum." Surprisingly, Celia did, resuming her place beside Alan. Turning to the kitchen, command still in her tone, "Kate. Put down the tea and come here." The smirk erased from her face, Kate joined her.
Taking the clammy hand beside hers and looking at Kate, at the assembled family, then into Celia's eyes, "In the face of an untenable situation, Kate and I had a discussion and decided to offer to adopt this baby from John and Judith." Her gaze resting on the dark haired infant on Alan's arm a softer look took over her face.
Standing tall, pulling down her shoulders, Caroline looked her mother in the eye again and said firmly, "We did not go into this lightly." She looked at Kate, love returning to her eyes and said more softly, "Kate has always wanted a family and family has always been the most important thing in my life. We saw a chance to have another child, a brother to grow up with Callie." Gazing adoringly at the two babies, "We are pleased and humbled to able to offer both of these children a loving family." Giving her mother a very direct look, "We hope you will be as pleased and proud as we are."
Laurence, unable to contain himself any longer jumped up and stood in front of his Mum, "so we really get to keep him? Dad and Judith signed the papers?" At her smiling nod, he grabbed both women into an embrace at the same time then jumped as he twirled around to throw his fist in the air, "Yes!"
"I don't know why you're so excited, said Caroline indulgently as she put an arm around Kate, "its twice the number of nappies you get to change."
"No problem" said Laurence airily, unaware that he would later regret these words. Taking the little boy from Alan, "So, what will we call him?"
Kate asked, "What did your Dad and Judith call him?"
He shrugged, "They only ever said 'the baby' when they paid any attention to him at all."
The two women looked at one another, they hadn't considered names yet, in spite of Caroline's fine speech. "We'll have to talk about that," Kate replied. At the signal from the kettle they returned to the kitchen, Kate to the tea and Caroline to the biscuits both quite glad to have something to do besides return the gaze of their parents.
After tea, Celia followed Caroline to the nursery where she headed to change the baby boy. Once inside she pushed the door closed and Caroline realized that Celia had only been biding her time. She knew it would have been wishful thinking to believe that her earlier announcement would close the matter.
Standing at the end of the changing table where she could see Caroline's face, Celia studied her daughter for a moment. "So, are you trying to keep John in your life? Is that what this is about?"
Shocked, Caroline's head snapped up, "What are you talking about?"
Impatiently, "Adopting John's son. Laurence is almost grown, you were just about shut of him. Now you've taken in his son. Surely this means he is going to be on the scene for another 18 years."
"The terms of the adoption were very clear. Neither John nor Judith will have anything more to do with this baby," Caroline assured her mother. "They go on with their lives totally separate from his. They've been well compensated to do so."
"And you believe that is going to happen?"
"What choice do they have? They've agreed, signed the papers, accepted the money."
Unconvinced, "You know how these two have a way of ending up on your doorstep when least expected. Wouldn't it be better to get them help for their drinking and let them raise the child?"
"Mum, they haven't turned up since we've lived here. The front desk is manned 16 hours a day and you'd need the security code to get in otherwise." Meeting her mother's gaze, "In a perfect world, yes it might be better for them to raise him. But unless they are willing to get help and stop drinking that isn't going to happen. Anyway, who would oversee that process and make sure this baby is cared for?" Picking up the infant she'd just changed to cradle him on her arm, "The authorities. If anything went wrong, he's in the care system." Caroline's eyes still on the baby, "I don't know if I could…"
Eyes on Caroline for a long moment watching her face as she continued to look at the child, stroking his head, touching his face, Celia looked again at the infant. "He does look quite a lot like Laurence as a baby, doesn't he?"
"Blue eyes lovingly on the baby boy, "Yes, doesn't he?"
"Is that what started this?"
Looking at her Mum, Caroline realized that they may as well have this conversation now. Indicating the rocker, Caroline picked up the infant and placed him into the arms of her now seated mother. "I don't know if I can make you understand this, Mum. I'm not sure I understand it entirely." Dropping onto a nearby stool as she watched them, "John first told me that Judith was pregnant the day you and Alan were at Muriel's. The day Gillian and I went to the hotel to see about its suitability as a wedding venue." Meeting her Mum's eyes, "I'd learned only a little earlier that Kate was expecting. I drove all the way to Halifax thinking about these two babies, considering the homes they would be born into, their futures, everything. It was all very emotional for me because I still loved Kate and I had so much regret that I'd made such a mess of everything between us."
Celia's face had softened as she watched her daughter, saw the tears form in her eyes at the last sentence.
"When the topic of babies first came up with Kate, I'd never considered the thought of having another child. I dismissed it without thinking it through, never even considering how important it was to her." A small rueful smile on her lips, "Only one of many mistakes on my part." Using a finger to collect the moisture from each eye, "By then of course, I'd had plenty of leisure to consider everything and found that having Kate in my life was more important than anything else. And oddly, I felt almost as badly about not being allowed to be part of her child's life as I did about being estranged from Kate."
"When John told me about Judith's pregnancy I couldn't help wondering how her alcoholism would effect the baby. What kind of life it would have…" Shaking herself from her musing, "So, in short, I've been thinking about both of these babies for a long time. When Laurence called last Friday night and we went over there I saw that my fears for this baby had been realized." Eyes on her Mum, pleading for understanding, "I couldn't turn away and do nothing."
Trying to understand, "And Kate agreed to adopt John's baby with you?"
"We talked it through and, yes, amazingly, she did."
"And John and Judith are out of it? Altogether?"
"Yes, that is what we all agreed to."
A loving twinkle in her eye, "I still think you're mad. Your forty-seven now, with two infants to raise." Then mischievously, "Some women are becoming grandmothers at this age. Are you sure you can keep up with this lot?" Seeing that Caroline considered this a rhetorical question, Celia mused with a muted air of admiration, "I hardly know you since you've fallen madly in love."
TK
Later that evening, dropping into bed beside Kate, "We're going to have to figure out how to synchronize these two. Callie will be awake again in two hours."
Looking a little frightened, "Caroline, what have we gotten ourselves into?"
Also scared but trying to be reassuring, "We'll figure it out."
"You and Laurence go off to school again tomorrow and I'll be on my own. Mum has an appointment in the morning and then sets off to see Dad."
Remorsefully, "With all that we have on at work getting the new school up and running by autumn, I don't think I can take any time off just now. " Knowing that Kate needs a back up, at least in this initial period, "What about Mrs. Nelson from downstairs? She always wants to hold Callie. Do you think she would come up and help out part of the day?"
Brightening a bit, "We can ask."
Laughing and groaning at the same time, "I've really done it now haven't I Kate?" Then cheekily, "It does rather serve you right though for hanging me out to dry with my Mum."
Grinning tiredly, "Oh, the look on your face!" Raising her brows, "Besides it was your idea, only fair you tell your Mum."
Unable to refute this Caroline changed the subject, "What will we name him?"
Shyly, Kate offered. "My Dad's middle name is Thomas."
Kissing the ever-seductive lips, "Would you like that?"
"Do you like it?"
Considering, "Yes. Its classic, goes with the traditional names the rest of us have. My Dad's middle name is Aloysius." Laughing at the face Kate pulled, "we couldn't do that to a poor defenseless baby though."
"No." she agreed. "Kenneth is nice though." Seeing Caroline's tender smile, "You loved your Dad, didn't you?"
"He was good to me. Even if he wasn't always to Mum." Turning serious, "We had some good times the two of us. He'd take me out on Saturday afternoons. We'd go places, do things. I was always torn though at leaving Mum behind. She always tried to make out like she was glad for the time on her own, but I know she was hurt." Tears rolling now, "There just wasn't anything I could do about it."
Pulling her close, Kate kissed the tracks of the tears, tasting the salt. Saddened again at the hurt people could inflict upon one another Kate vowed that she and Caroline would do better with their family.
What Now
By Sunday afternoon of the first full week with Thomas in residence, Caroline and Kate were both exhausted. They'd been experimenting with ways to put the two babies into sleep patterns that would minimize the number of times each night that one or the other of them, would need to get up. They tried each taking a night of getting up to let the other sleep through but they still both woke up. They tried alternating with one another each time one of them cried but they were both awake anyway.
In between caring for babies they had worked to get the nursery supplied and organized for a two-baby household. Laurence had been a great help, carrying up the box containing the new cot that afternoon and efficiently putting it together in the now over-crowded study. They had found that they all got more rest if each child was sleeping in a different room.
Finding a quiet moment they drooped on the couch shoulder to shoulder. "If we are this tired after a week, what is life going to be like from now on?" Kate was genuinely worried. "Mum has helped out when she could but we can't rely on her indefinitely. She has her hands full with Dad already."
"I know," Caroline agreed. "Mum and Alan are living in Bradford now. Not convenient under the best of circumstances and they are even older than your Mum."
Sighing, "People do have twins, triplets even now with IVF. I suppose it gets better after a while, when they begin sleeping through the night?"
Stricken at the fatigue in Kate's voice Caroline's sense of responsibility for putting them into this situation surfaced again. She'd wanted Kate to enjoy being a Mum for a while. Hoped that even before Thomas' arrival she would reconsider going back to work for the fall term. Be willing to be at home with the baby for the first year, at least. Now, she had saddled her with two babies and they were both exhausted. Gripping her hand, "I'm sorry Kate. I didn't think this through very well, did I?" Coming to terms with the idea, "We'll have to get an au pair."
Sitting upright at this startling thought, leaving Caroline with nothing to lean against, "Caroline that seems a little…"
"What?" Leaning the other way against the sofa arm, "you'd prefer us both to be so tired all the time that we start fussing and arguing? That is what'll happen you know." More gently, "I'd like for us to enjoy this Kate."
"More expense."
"We can afford it."
"You can afford it you mean."
Tiredly, "please tell me we aren't going back to counting and keeping score."
Indignantly, "Well, I've been a drain on you ever since we got back together, haven't I? I couldn't help with the move the way I should have, bed rest for weeks, all the hormonal stuff. Now, I can't even keep the house and take care of the babies." Taking her hand away from Caroline to wipe away tears formed by feelings of inadequacy."
Placating, "Kate, your just tired."
Pulling away as Caroline tried to hold her, Kate said sharply, "don't patronize me Caroline."
Quelling the hurt that rose in her at this rejection. Rejection, always her point of weakness with Kate. Managing to rise above it, knowing it was simply exhaustion, Caroline slipped to her knees, forearms on Kate's lap so she could look into her eyes. Tenderly, "Kate, we didn't have nine months to think this through. You've been such a good sport about the whole thing and I feel like I've managed to get it all wrong again." Pleading now, her heart in her voice, "Please. Please let me try to make it right."
The tone in Caroline's voice had reached her and the blue eyed gaze disarmed her as usual. She could never hold out against this exasperating, compellingly irresistible woman. In a milder voice but still setting the record straight, "Caroline, we made this decision together. We'll figure it out together." Tilting her head with a rueful smile, "I don't want to snap at you. Guess that's still a sore spot for me."
"I know it is. If I'm honest, it likely would be for me too if the tables were turned." Caroline's eyebrows came together and she had to swallow before she could continue. "The thing is Kate, being able to afford the option of your not working for a while makes me feel a little as if I'm helping to make your dream come true. I know what you said about conception but the truth is I couldn't give you the baby you wanted. I can give you time with the baby." Looking sheepish, "Well, two babies." Then regretfully, "And now you're too exhausted to enjoy anything." Searching Kate's face, "Is an au pair such a bad thing?"
With a long sigh, "Maybe not. I've just… never thought about it before, I guess."
Putting her face very near Kate's, "Will you let me look into it tomorrow?"
Shaking her head with a smile playing on her lips at Caroline's persuasiveness, "I'm not in love with the idea but I'm too weary to deny it might be an answer for a while."
Laurence, finding them with heads together murmuring was disappointed that no one was bothering about supper. Rolling his eyes and collapsing into an armchair, long since accustomed to finding them in such a position, he voiced his concern, "what's for supper anyway."
Caroline slipping back onto the sofa to give him her mother look, "Since you are still working off your truancy escapade, what did you have in mind?"
Sheepishly, "Oh yeah." Also remembering his promises to be a help to them with the babies, "I could make omelets." Seeing that this brought a smile to both tired faces, "I'll even tidy the kitchen after."
"Oh, there was no doubt in my mind about that," replied Caroline with a pointed look at her son.
Less Tired
"Kate, are you sure you'll be alright alone with them until your Mum gets here?"
Slipping her hands under the fitted navy suit jacket and onto Caroline's diaphragm Kate held her firmly, taking time to let her eyes drift from stacked heels, up tights clad legs to the curves beneath her favorite white dress, the one that had a tendency to ride up when Caroline walked and on to the slender spotted throat before placing a provocative kiss on the ever so slightly crooked mouth. Lingering, "I'm feeling less tired today."
A little breathless, Caroline replied, "Yes, you are."
Standing back slightly, "They did better last night after we put Thomas's cot into the study." Pleased at sending Caroline to work in this condition she released her, "So, off you go. We'll be fine."
Ready to pursue a retreating Kate, Caroline was stopped only by Laurence brushing past on his way to the door, "Ready Mum?"
"Right," she replied, giving Kate a reproachful look only to receive a self-satisfied smile in return.
Beverley
Striding down the corridor to her office Caroline looked more preoccupied than she had for months. Several of her staff looked after her curiously when their morning greetings went unreturned. Stopping at Beverley's desk, "Do you have a few minutes Bev? Good, bring a pot of tea and a couple of cups."
Of all the people who worked for her, Caroline knew that Beverley was most dependably in her corner. Time and again she had proven to be resourceful and diplomatic. Seeing all that she should and pretending not to see what she shouldn't. Without preamble, "My twat of an ex-husband has gotten his alcoholic girlfriend knocked up. A little over a month ago she delivered him a son, which they have unceremoniously neglected. Laurence was at their flat a week ago Friday, calling me in tears when they passed out and he didn't know what to do for the baby."
Seeing Beverley's outraged face, Caroline held up her hand, "Kate and I went over and brought them both home with us." A little nervous at telling the next part, "Um, we've gotten them to agree to proceed with a private adoption."
Watching Beverley's mouth open and close twice without saying anything, Caroline drank her tea and waited.
Finally trusting herself to speak, "Caroline, are you sure? Callie was just 3 months old last week."
Sighing tiredly, "I know, Bev. Kate and I are exhausted and we've only just begun. We are going to need help, an au pair, something. Any suggestions?"
Beverley took a sip of her tea. She could see the dark smudges of tiredness under Caroline's eyes. Knowing first hand the drive and stamina of her boss it was clear that she'd been drained by a week of caring for two infants even with her and Kate working together. Considering the discussions between Caroline and Kate that would have resulted in such a decision Beverley suspected that at least some of the fatigue she saw in Caroline was emotional.
"I have a couple of thoughts. Let me make a few calls and I'll get back to you," said the ever-capable Beverley. Starting out of the room with her cup she turned back, "Are you up for your schedule today?"
Caroline, feeling better just because her friend Beverley was on the case, said with the first smile Beverley had seen this morning, "Yeah. Sure. Bring it on." Giving her one more speculative look, Beverley headed out the door.
The Paragon
"So who is he? This paragon?" piped Celia.
"Mum. Do you always need to be so sarcastic?" Caroline sighed and put Callie into her mother's arms hoping that the baby magic would calm her down. Perhaps at least quiet her voice. "He was a classmate of William's. He goes to Harrogate College. He is one of the oldest of seven children so he has helped with little ones all his life."
Adamantly, "Well that hardly means he's ready to take on two infants all night." Contemptuously, "A boy his age, what, 18?"
"Nineteen, Mum. Would you say that if he was a girl?"
"Well…"
Before Celia could go further, "His older sister had twins last year and he has spent the winter taking the night shift there. Now they are sleeping through the night he is looking for another job. He is working his way through university. His family lives next door to Beverley, so she knew he was looking around. We were very lucky to get him."
Moving smoothly in where Caroline left off, "Very lucky. He started on Monday night and we got the first full night's sleep we've had since Callie was born." Smiling intimately into Caroline's eyes, "it has been quite refreshing."
"Humph." Celia pursed her lips sourly eyeing the two sitting arm in arm on the opposite sofa.
Edie, holding her husband's namesake, took up where Kate left off. "He is quite good with them, Celia. I've been here a couple of mornings this week and he helps Kate get them bathed, fed and down again before he leaves at 10. He's very personable too. He goes to classes the rest of the day, then he tells me it's home to sleep until time to come back over here at 11:00pm. He studies between taking care of the babies."
Laurence chimed in, "And he was the best rugby player at SH in the last ten years, Coach Lincoln says."
Looking around the room and seeing that she was outnumbered Celia only frowned. Her eyes resting on Alan last, "I don't know why you have that expression on your face." He tried harder to suppress his smile and raised his eyebrows even higher.
Hearing the oven timer, "Right, dinner in 15. Laurence, wash your hands and set the table then pour everyone something to drink." Kissing Kate before she got up "and you get to relax and enjoy our guests tonight as my thanks for taking such good care of our babies all week." Eyeing her mother as she passed, daring her to make another comment. Celia looked up at her as if she had gotten her all wrong and Alan chuckled out loud.
