Chapter 53
Dragon 9:35
Nublis/Drakonis
The West Road
[Present]
They set off again very shortly after dawn the next day. "I should tell you the rest," Said Rous, "since I started."
"Only if you're sure. I was asking myself whether retelling such things actually did more harm than good." Alistair glanced at the sky; he hoped it wasn't going to rain.
"Fergus knows all this, of course. Oswyn some. Actually, it was good to talk to Oswyn; there is an understanding between us…"
"After Ostagar, I walked east for a further week and found myself at Lothering.
Ser Maron
"I remember looking down from the Imperial Highway at the village and seeing it deserted. I walked into it and then noticed that an armoured man was slumped in the lookout chair several yards above my head. From what I could see he seemed to be wearing Templar armour but I thought he must he dead, he was not moving. I could see no-one else. I went straight past the Chantry and crossed a bridge. I had been angry with the Maker for several days at that point and in any event was wholly lacking in the serene state of mind to undertake meaningful prayer."I headed instead straight to the tavern. I needed a drink. As I pushed the door open it did not occur to me that, it was strange that although Lothering was deserted all the buildings appeared to be intact. I entered the tavern. There was a large blond man sitting nursing tankard at one of the tables. I went past him and he did not as much as blink. There was another large man behind the bar with dark hair pale blue eyes an oval face and what appeared to be a several day's beard growth so I walked up to him.
"The barkeep, for such I thought he was, took a good look at me with some amazement. Then he said quite politely, 'If you are not some kind of demon come to take my soul, is there anything this humble Templar can do to help you?'
'I am no demon.' I said surprised.
'But if you were…' He reasoned, 'Wouldn't you say just that?' He paused and looked me over again. 'Ruiseart, help me out here, do you think she's a demon?' I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He seemed pretty far-gone.
"The blond one was very slow to turn his eyes to me.
'Is she even real?' He asked eventually.
"The Templar behind the bar reached out his hand and stroked my jaw with his thumb. 'She appears to be… A bit grubby, though.' He added as an afterthought. I prised his hand away. He did not seem annoyed.
"The blond one shrugged as if he had reached the limit of his wits, 'I dunno, Maron, demonology was never my strongest subject… Ask the Revered Mother…'
'Ruiseart,' Said Maron, 'We sent the Revered Mother and most of the novices away the day before yesterday. Don't you remember?'
"Ruiseart gazed fixedly at his tankard and grunted. 'I thought it was strange that that awful woman wasn't nagging me for just having a drink…' He burped and his whole body sagged.
"Ser Maron shrugged his shoulders.
'Can you—' I asked.
'How did you get past Berold?' He interrupted me.
'Berold?'
'Yes he was supposed to be on lookout…'
'I thought he was dead,' I said.
"Ser Maron cursed loudly. This seemed to rouse Ruiseart who had nodded off.
'Ber…? Oh, I may have given him a little something…' Ruiseart said. 'Who cares anyway?'
'I bloody do!' Ser Maron erupted, 'I'd like some prior notification of when I'm about to die, thank you very much, even if it's just to arm myself and commend my soul to the Maker!'
"But Ruiseart appeared to have fallen asleep again or was pretending he had.
'Now—' I said to Ser Maron.
"Suddenly Ser Maron was holding a dagger to my throat, it was almost as sharp as his piercing blue eyes. 'Recite something from the Chant of Light…' He commanded.
'Although I am an Andrastian I'd never paid much attention to the formalities of my religion. It was an extremely bad moment for my mind to go blank, but go blank it did. I recall thinking how disappointed our chaplain Mother Mololl would be with me… I could see the frown on her pretty face in my mind's eye.
"To survive all I had survived and then to die because some intoxicated, dull-witted Templar had got it into his head that I was a demon, all because I couldn't recall some idiot verses…
"It was not the right thing to do but I laughed out loud at the absurdity of it all.
"Ser Maron said, 'Demon, you die here…'
'By Andraste's mercy, if I'm a demon how are you going to kill me with just a dagger?' I was practically screaming. And then the words came tumbling out. 'The one who repents, who has faith/ Unshaken by the darkness of the world/ She shall know true peace.'i
"Ser Maron inhaled, his nostrils dilating and he removed the knife from my throat.
'Please…' I all but collapsed face down on the bar, 'Give me a drink…'
"Without saying a word, he turned round, uncorked a bottle, poured a generous shot into a clay cup and banged it down on the bar in front of my nose.
'I apologise.' He said later. 'I should have realised you were no demon when I noticed your face was dirty…'
"By then he had explained that the Templars had carried out an enforced evacuation of the village a few days ago in which they were much aided by the dire news that reached them from Ostagar. I told him I had come from there and described a little of what I had seen.
'So it's true we lost?' Ser Maron asked me for the umpteenth time.
'We lost.' I said yet again.
"Although I was not unaccustomed to alcohol only rarely had I gotten drunk before. I was sitting opposite him at one of the wooden tables, several bottles between us and our cups.
"Ser Ruiseart, who was virtually comatose had slipped from his chair to the floor and was snoring loudly a few yards away.
'Why are you staying?' I asked.
'We're going to try to hold them back…' Ser Maron shrugged, 'or at least slow them down…'
'But that is futile,' I said. 'You are all going to die.'
'That may well be,' said Ser Maron, 'but it is our duty.'
'Aren't you afraid?' I asked.
'I would be a fool if I wasn't.' He replied. 'What are you doing here?' he then asked.
'I was looking for my brother… I was going to...' I swallowed my drink quickly. Ser Maron poured us both another one.
'You were saying?' He asked.
'It doesn't matter now. Nothing matters now, I think.' I said.
'All I really have is the Chantry. I was either a foundling or the child of a mage. I have never particularly cared to find out which. The only brothers I have ever had are here now with me. Ruiseart and the others.' He said looking towards his sleeping comrade. 'This is what I must do. This is what I was trained to do. To protect the Chantry and the Maker's children above all else.'
"He took another drink.
'Is there nothing you will miss? Nothing you regret?' I asked him.
'I like a good drink as much as the next man. Lyrium was always helpful, it made me feel powerful and strong, it helped me sleep too, but our lyrium supply ran out days ago, and then there were women….'
"I hesitated. 'Women?' I asked eventually.
'Yes, from time to time.' He was staring at me intently now I noticed.
"For a moment, I did not know what to say. I considered what I have been through this last month. I then thought about what lay ahead of me. My parents, my brother, my friends, even my casual lover, Dairren, and Mabari hound, all gone. I sighed.
'Is there anything I can do for you?' I asked him.
"He looked away. Quite purposely, I put my hand over his as it lay on the table. He flushed.
'You don't need to feel sorry for me he said.'
'I don't,' I said, 'I just feel lonely. I have lost everything I valued. Everything that helped me make sense of life.' As I said this, I realised that he was first living being I had touched in over a month.
"We were both quite drunk by this stage, quite maudlin.
"He extended his hand and ran his finger over my jaw again. 'Would you…'
'Yes.' I replied.
'You're quick' he said, 'but you didn't know what I was going to ask.' His thumb moved to my lips.
'Yes I did.'
"He tilted his head to one side. Then he looked over at where Ruiseart lay and seemed to make up his mind. 'Let's go upstairs' he said. Picking up the bottle and our cups.
"I must have looked surprised. 'There are rooms up there,' he said.
"I followed him.
"He collected a bunch of keys from behind the bar. Then we ascended the staircase. He quickly chose a room and opened the door. We went in.
"He proceeded to light some of the lamps. 'You might want to wash,' he said, 'I should have thought of that before, I will get you some water.' He returned soon afterwards with a basin full of water and several washcloths and gestured towards another door.
I nodded and after glancing quickly at the bed went in to the other room carrying the basin. I removed my leathers picked up the washcloth and scrubbed myself over very quickly taking especial care to remove all dirt from my face.
"When I returned to the bedroom Ser Maron was pacing nervously up and down having left the bottle and the cups on a side table.
"We were very civilised at first, we put our arms around each other, kissed, but then desperation or urgency took over and before long we were tussling like overheated adolescents on the bed.
"We paused to catch our breath. Then he kissed me again. We were more careful of each other this time.
"Halfway through he stopped and looked at me, there was a puzzled expression on his face. 'You are better at this than I.' He said sounding surprised. I laughed. 'Who are you?' He asked.
'I am Lady Rosaura Cousland of Highever.' I said grandiloquently.
'As if…' Said Ser Maron.
'I am whoever you want me to be.' I said toying with an amulet on a leather thong that lay around his neck. He still looked concerned. I tried again. 'I am a fugitive, a refugee, like everybody else.' He seemed happier with that.
"It was clear that he wanted to experiment, try out new things, we entertained ourselves for several hours… I… Alistair… I am sorry, I did not think…"
"So you made love to a Templar in Lothering." He summarized looking straight ahead; his hands were entwined tightly in Dusk's bridle Rous noticed.
"I did."
"And you are an Andrastian…"
"I am."
"I think I would prefer to dwell on the second thing rather than on the first, even though it might be less important to your story overall."
Rous put her hand on his, "Remember what I taught you…"
"Oh yes." He said loosening the reins immediately and leaning forward to pat Dusk on the neck.
"Contrary to popular belief, most Templars are not virgins." Alistair remarked, "Chastity, not celibacy, is the requirement but at least half do not even abide by that… As you know." Rous thought she detected something slightly censorious of his former comrades in his tone or was it disenchantment?
"But you were, weren't you? A virgin, I mean, when you left the Chantry." Rous guessed.
He blushed slightly. "I was… until Neriya."
"How old were you?"
"Twenty-two."
"A late starter, why?"
He hesitated, and then mumbled something she didn't quite catch. "What?"
"I think I was a little afraid of women…"
"You? Afraid?"
"Well, when I hit my teens, I realised I… Well that I liked women, but I didn't really know any… Any at all… There was that woman, Isolde, of course, Eamon's wife my 'belle mére'. She called me within my hearing 'le petit bâtard' and 'le petit idiot', because she thought I was so stupid I couldn't even understand… But a child recognises the tone and will eventually pick up the words. I remember when Eamon introduced her to me when I was ten or eleven or so, he told me she would be the mother I never had; she was standing behind him scowling… and I recall thinking 'I don't think so.'
"There was cook and the servants, but they were always too busy to take an interest in me… Later there were the Revered Mothers but the Chantry ensured that most of them were bitter nature… The guys, my fellow Templars in training, talked incessantly about women, naturally, and that somehow made them even scarier. I listened eagerly, of course, but I never had anything to contribute and sometimes I would be teased for that, but it was nothing that I couldn't handle either with humour or a quick bout of fisticuffs behind the privies."
He flashed a smile at Rous, "Intercourse... sounded… absolutely terrifying… quite apart from the threat of lightning…"
"Lightning?" Rous asked.
"Lightning. In their wisdom, the Revered Mothers assured us that we would be struck dead by lightning if we indulged our carnal impulses. Needless to say, it wasn't true."
Rous shook her head, "I really can't imagine what that must be like… Growing up in isolation from the opposite sex. And having those foolish ideas foisted upon you… Fergus, Ser Gilmore –I don't think I've mentioned him— they were my main playmates… They'd been around my whole life. I knew what little boys were made from a very young age… How they thought too…"
"Slugs and snails and puppy dog tails…" Recited Alistair and laughed.
"Pretty much. That is as good a summing up as any." She pulled out a water canteen from her saddlebag, took a quick drink and passed it to Alistair. "Should I continue?" she asked as she was tucking it away.
He snorted. "Of course you should. I need to grow up. This was all long before we met… So whatever I may feel is to a certain extent, irrelevant."
Rous nodded.
"Ser Maron seemed very appreciative. I've never really understood why men, especially good men, feel so much gratitude after making love; most of the time their partner is as willing as they and has got out of it as much as they have, but in any event he was and he asked me if there was anything, he could do for me.
"I had been thinking things over for a while by then… We had given ourselves time to relax; perhaps we had even fallen asleep. I can't quite recall. But in any event, I replied that there was.
"I told him I wanted to stay and fight with the Templars.
"As I expected, he was disturbed by this, his jaw clenched somewhat. I could see immediately that it had given him pause, but I was very grateful that he did not simply reject my request out of hand.
'But you yourself recognised that resisting the hoard means death…'
'Yes.' I replied, 'but I am tired of striving to find something for which to live. Believe me or not in these last few weeks, I have lost my entire family… My family was my life. I have nothing.'
'You are too beautiful for such a death.' He muttered.
'As if beauty had anything to do with it!' I exclaimed, 'Everything passes, even beauty, especially beauty…'
'Well, yes,' he said, 'but still…'
'Is it because you think I can't fight? I can you know… I'll show you…' I was stark naked but still jumped off the bed.
'Please.' He said, 'I don't doubt you—'
'Rous.'
'Rous. Just give me a moment.' He turned over and looked at the ceiling covering his eyes with a hand. 'Rous. You have been as kind to me as anyone in my life ever has…'
'—' I opened my mouth to retort.
'For the Maker's sake let me finish, woman! I am just a humble Templar and slower than you… But I have another favour to ask of you, a task, if you will…'
"He got up and started to pull on his clothing. He gestured for me to do the same and out of respect for him, I did.
"We left the room on our way down the staircase to the tavern main ground floor we encountered two figures caught tight in a passionate embrace. The taller larger one was obviously a Templar, the second figure was wearing an orange and gold novice's robe, the light from the tavern was dim on the stairway but as I went past them I noticed that they were both male.
"Ser Maron who was following me stopped for a moment I was worried that some argument or even a fight was about to break out but there was only a quiet whispered exchange and a slight metallic sound which later I realised may have been the bunch of keys changing hands.
"When he followed me down Ser Maron was shaking his head, 'Seoras was always somewhat different,' He said, 'But a fearsome warrior still.' As we exited the tavern, I noticed that it was empty and Ser Ruiseart was no longer there.
"We crossed the bridge and headed for the Chantry.
"Ser Maron heaved open the heavy oaken door. It was dimly lit inside. Incense was burning. On one of the last pews, I noticed Ser Ruiseart. He was on his knees and his head was bent in prayer.
"A large Templar, partially dressed in armour, with skin darkened by the elements and long black plaited hair was reading from the Chart of Light. Whereas his voice did not have the singsong cadence usually developed by Revered Mothers, it was full of restrained power and dignity. There was no doubt in my mind that he believed every single word he was reading. It was strange and haunting to hear those lingering versus intoned by such a masculine voice.
"Ser Maron turned to me, 'Our Captain Ser Bryant.'
"We went quietly to the back of the chapel. From here, it was apparent to me that most of the Templars were now following the service. There were many wide- shouldered bodies kneeling devoutly in the pews.
"It may have been my imagination but at one point I was sure Ser Bryant raised his dark eyes from the text of the Chant and glanced at me. I suddenly felt self-conscious and out of place, it was as though my thoughts had become transparent. I was convinced Ser Bryant was aware of what had been happened between Ser Maron and me. Nevertheless, he smiled at me. A smile full of serenity and welcome.
"Ser Maron approached a much smaller figure that hitherto I had not noticed. He bent over it and quiet words were obviously exchanged. As they came up to me, I saw the person following him was a small blonde woman dressed in the robes of a novice.
"Turning to her Ser Maron said, 'Charbelle, this is Rous. Rous will be taking you to Denerim on Balin's cart.'
"The girl for she was little more than that, turned her blue eyes to me. 'Surely, Charbelle you will not now refuse to go to Denerim with another woman. Rous is strong and an able fighter, she will be able to defend you should anything happen.'
"I admit I was furious at being placed in this position, my face went rigid and my hands were both clenched into fists. Ser Maron glanced quickly down and had undoubtedly seen them. He put his hand on my shoulder, 'Rous let's go outside.'
"Under the stars he turned to me and said, 'Rous she's my sister I do not know or care whether we share the same blood but we were taken to Redcliffe Chantry on the same day and have grown up together. She's just a small girl, Rous, innocent as sunlight, yet she refuses to leave. Think what the Darkspawn will do to her…'
"I did. I thought about the corpses I had seen, and these were fighters I reminded myself, and felt my anger begin to ebb away.
"Ser Maron did not hesitate to press home his advantage, 'I know you have lost your brother whom you obviously loved very much, but imagine if he could have been saved through the goodwill of a stranger… As I have told you before, you have already done more for me than most other people, but please Rous, please escort my sister to Denerim Chantry. I can give you some money but apart from that if you do this for me, I will bless you and your brother my final breath. By Andraste's virtue you have my word on that.'
"I bowed my head. What could I do but accede to his request? 'You have me,' I replied, 'I agree, but give all your money to Charbelle, no doubt I shall make my own way. And spend your last breath on something worthier.'
"Suddenly Ser Maron wrapped his arms around me and buried his face on my shoulder, for a brief moment I thought this was a fresh attempt to renew our intimacy and then I realised he was crying.
i Canticle of Transfigurations 10:1, p 406 TC.
