Characters of Inuyasha (manga and anime) belong to Takahashi-san


The Journey Home – Chapter Fifty Four

Kohaku could almost feel his heart clench as he watched in solemnity, the resting place where his father and companions lay in death. His hands shook when he began to remember those days when the empty village he now stood in, used to be the village filled with the proud youkai-taijiya, men and women alike. The village used to be bustling with constant activity, where people were either practicing their fighting skills, or having village dinners filled with dance, food and stories for the young children. It was quiet now, no merry laughing, or the clashing of weapons, just an eerie silence, and nothing more.

His eyes fell back to the burial site.

Chichi- ue…

He also remembered the day when he killed his own father, and the rest of the extermination group. That nightmare had plagued him, it still did, sometimes. Over and over again he would see them, their eyes wide in shock, and the weapon in his hand, the cause. How his father must have hated him when he saw his own son felling him with his kusari-gama.

Kohaku bit his lip in attempt to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

"Do you still think your father hates you?"

The boy slayer spun around in surprise, but then relaxed when he found it was Inuyasha who spoke to him.

"Don't scare me like that."

"Why are you so jumpy today, Kohaku-kun? It's not like you."

The boy sighed. "It's hard…seeing chichi-ue like this…our whole youkai-taijiya village…all gone. All dead, because some hanyou wanted some stupid jewel…no offence to you, of course. Well, you know what I mean."

Inuyasha nodded.

"It's just," Kohaku continued. "I want to ask you something. Naraku killed so many people just for one little thing. Why? Why was power so important to him, that he had the whole village killed, or other innocent people, for that matter?" He looked at Inuyasha for an answer, any excuse to quell the growing anger from Naraku's sick deeds. But more than anything, an excuse to comfort his shaking heart from seeing the burial site.

"He wanted power; obtaining Onigumo's heart was simply not enough. His human feelings for Kikyou-san prevented Naraku from forming into a full-blooded youkai. He wanted to be so strong, that he was willing to kill anyone who got in his way. Even though he never actually, physically killed anyone, he enjoyed manipulating them, playing with their lives, while observing them from a safe distance. In the end, his enemies ended up dead, in either body or spirit, or worse. It was his way of getting rid of competition for the Shikon no Tama. His want of power was a strong motivator. And the jewel answered his calling."

"But, why did he do it?"

"We go through life wondering why. Why were we created to live a life in a certain way? And we also go through life by wanting. Yes, we need food, water, and shelter to survive, but how do humans or youkai really 'live'?

"We all want things, things we think would make our lives better, make us better people, to cast our old selves, and bring change to us. By wanting for things, we drive our purpose in life, our meaning for living.

"Why did Naraku do all these things to obtain the jewel? He wanted to become stronger, it was his desire. He had found his purpose in life, he had found out why he was created, and he had the will to pursue his purpose."

"But if he just wanted power because he thought it was his purpose in life, then I'd say that's a pretty pathetic excuse."

"That may be so, yet he brought death wherever he went, as you said, your whole village was wiped out by him, for a jewel as small as an eyeball. People are…strange that way."

Kohaku looked away in anger, disliking Inuyasha's answer. "That's not fair. He was evil, immoral. Why should he be the one to have lived for another day while everyone else suffered or died? He manipulated people because he thought it was fun, it was his purpose in life? What kind of logic is that?"

"That is life. No one ever said anything about being fair, or logical."

The boy sighed, knowing that he had no chance of winning the argument. "At least there are some good people in the world, eh, Inuyasha-san?"

"You think so?" The hanyou smiled sadly, his eyes looking at the sky, unfocused, as if he was lost in his own world.

"Yeah, you're a good person."

"No, I'm not."

Kohaku opened his mouth to protest otherwise, but was unexpectedly faced by his older sister. Her expression was sad, appearing almost unwilling to speak.

Sango looked at him, but found her eyes falling away, his hurtful words still burning at her heart. She knew that he had said them more out of frustration than anger towards her, but those words still stung like a sharp blade against her skin. The fact that her brother had said them only made the feeling worse. She dared a glance towards him, and he spoke to her, with that same timid voice that immediately caught her attention.

"Ane-ue…"

And that was all that was needed for the woman slayer to run up to her younger brother, to hold him as if she were trying to recapture that lost emotion of simply being here with him as a family, finally reunited. A small trickle of tears fell down her cheeks, yet she still tried as best as she could to stop them. All the words she wanted to say to him, failed, and she could do nothing more but to hold him and tell him everything was going to be all right. Even though Sango knew otherwise…

"Ane-ue," Kohaku said, as quietly as he dared. "I don't hate you."

Sango hugged him tighter. "I hope not. But I wouldn't be angry at you if you still did," and then raising her head to look at him, she found that he was smiling at her. This time she did allow her tears to fall.

It wasn't long until both sister and brother began talking in easy conversation about everything and nothing. The years apart between them seemed to disappear in an instant, any sadness or misgivings, gone, as they chatted about the happenings in their lives. Nothing was left out, and there was no need for any topic to be hidden between them.

Sango mostly talked about Miroku and Shippou, how they had stayed with her to help rebuild the old taijiya village back to what it once was. She was happy that they had decided to stay and keep each other company, just like a family, or what was left of it.

It wasn't until sometime later that she and Miroku decided to become husband and wife, an event which still today left her thinking how she ended up marrying such a hentai of a man. Not that it mattered much anymore. He still had the odd habit of touching at the most inappropriate times, however, Sango would sometimes have the feeling that he only did so, was so that he could distract her from what he was really trying to say to her.

This had gone on for some time, which resulted with their relationship not going as far as she had hoped. And it didn't help matters, whenever the houshi decided to go on for long walks, alone, leaving her and Shippou to wait, and hope for his return.

"Really?" the boy asked in surprise. "I thought…"

Sango only shook her head sadly. "No. Every time he left…I was always afraid that he would never return…or that he found another woman." Those times when she was alone, tending the gardens, a sense of longing for the past would creep within her. Memories of that past were vividly relived, so vivid that Sango could almost touch them, hear them speak to her, hear them laugh.

Her friends, her family, but those times were gone. And that made her evermore fearful that she would lose Miroku and Shippou, without her knowing where they had gone.

Not knowing…

"But he always returned, didn't he?"

She nodded, managing a little smile, "Yeah." Again she looked at him, his face reminding her of the last time he looked so carefree. That time had been so long ago, she had almost forgotten what his smile was like. To see him like this, so happy…

It was a miracle.

"What was…he…," she struggled uncomfortably. "He…Inuyasha…like to you?"

For a brief moment, the boy displayed a look of confusion in his eyes by her question. "I don't know. You tell me. I mean…you did travel with him before."

"I know," she answered. "I just want to know. I'm so confused right now…I'm not sure how I can say it, but I feel that I don't know him as I thought I did before."

"Well…," he began, standing up to straighten his legs, "he confuses me sometimes. Sometimes he says things or does things I don't quite understand. But I guess he was always like that.

"It was very hard before, for me. There was a time when he didn't want me around. We had walked to this village, and he told me to stay with you."

Sango gasped.

The boy nodded. "He told me to stay. I asked him why, and he said there wouldn't have been much point in me going with him, called me useless and that. Again I said no, and you know what he did, ane-ue? He punched me right in the stomach, just like that. And when I came to, he was gone.

"I didn't know what to do…stay in the village or go look for him. I guess I became angry and decided to follow him just to show him that I wasn't useless.

"The first few days were difficult; I couldn't find any traces of him anywhere. But after that, I think he knew that I was following him, because he started leaving obvious signs. This went on for a long time, until I finally figured out just where he was heading to in such a hurry. Right back here," Kohaku shook his head and then started laughing as if the whole situation had been humorous to him. "He made me go in one big circle, and I never realised it. And then he asked me again to stay here at the village, but I said,

"No."

Inuyasha blinked once, and then quite suddenly, ruffled the boy's hair, saying,

"You really are hopeless."

Sango did not speak for a while, her surprise preventing her to say anything to her brother. But her mind whirled loudly at this discovery. On two occasions, according to Kohaku, he had been so close to her, perhaps even inside the very walls of the village, and on both occasions she had been oblivious to his visits. Furthermore, the hanyou had encouraged him to stay, yet he refused to do so.

Why?

And how many more times had they actually come to this village, every time without her knowing whether she would be able to see her dear brother again, not knowing whether he had escaped from Naraku's grasp.

"I was ashamed." Kohaku replied, his face turning red, reflecting his embarrassment. "Ever since chichi-ue…died, I was afraid of what you would say to me. I was afraid that if I looked at you, your eyes would say how much you hated me. I didn't want that."

"I don't hate you. What makes you say that I would?" Sango asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"I-it's because…," he turned away from her. "You hate him. You really do, don't you."

Sango found that she could not answer, as her body felt numb by the soft tone her brother was using. It was now apparent to her that he admired the hanyou as a mentor, even a surrogate brother. He had been there for him, while she could not even see him. Or was it because Kohaku had chosen to stay away from her because of his guilt?

His reasons for staying away would probably never be answered, Sango already knew this, yet still, there was a small pang of jealously from being unable to be the one there for him. Kohaku had already grown up with his travels with the hanyou, and under his guidance. It was no wonder his habits were so eerily familiar, so much like him, especially when his anger got the better of him.

Shutting her eyes for a brief moment, she drove those emotions away, not wanting them to overcome her better judgment. There was no need for ill feelings, not when it had already caused so much trouble. Did it matter that he had grown up with someone else, someone who she herself felt so uneasy about, only to see the boy smile as a result?

But still…

"It's because he still had feelings for Kikyou-san, isn't it? But she's dead. He knows that, and so do you." Kohaku continued, his voice beginning to shake from her silence. "I'm dead too…was. Are you going to say the same things to me? Are you going to say, that you would forget about me?" He watched her, the expression on her face angering him, yet at the same time; it made his heart ache, because it was obvious that Sango was hurt as well. She probably felt that he had abandoned her, breaking her hopes of ever finding him again.

"Kohaku," she finally said. "I would never hate you, not my own brother. I could never think of such a thing. I don't know if you believe me or not, but you don't know how much I worried for you, wondering whether you were still alive, still safe. Every chance I had, I went to search for you, and praying, just praying…

"I didn't want you suffering alone under Naraku's control. Just thinking of how tight his grasp was around you, your mind under his torment, I couldn't stand not knowing where you were."

"I-I'm sorry I didn't come to see you. I just—"

Sango touched his face, "Don't worry about it. You had your reasons." She then gave him a blue cloth bag, saying, "Would you…g-give this to him? I don't think I saw him eat last night. I know he was with you earlier, I saw him."

"He wasn't—"

"I know." She answered before he could finish, knowing that Kohaku was going to deny the hanyou's presence in fear that she would say something. "I just wanted to… You really look up to him…don't you?"

"He made me feel like myself again. It was like…like I didn't need to feel sad anymore, that I didn't need to feel alone…or die alone."

The woman slayer simply nodded, her mind, now elsewhere.


A sigh escaped Kagome's lips as she struggled in vain to get comfortable inside of her sleeping bag. Everyone else appeared to be asleep, their eyes closed from the darkness of the night, ignorant to the world around them, while the shadows from the flickering flames of the fire danced wildly on their faces. The young miko turned to the other side, in all hopes that it would be more comfortable for her tired body. However, try as she might, she simply could not get to sleep. Yes, her body was tired to the point of pure exhaustion, yet her mind was not. Kagome didn't know what it was that kept her mind so excitable that it refused to sleep like the rest of their companions. So carefully, she unzipped her sleeping bag, slid quietly out as to not wake anyone up – especially Kouga who decided to stay – and just as quietly, she tiptoed out of the campsite to take a night stroll.

Despite the somber aura which seemed to have settled itself amongst herself and her friends, Kagome began to hum a nonsensical tune, more to keep her spirits up more than anything else. Nonetheless, a few seconds later, she gave up to the hopelessness she was feeling, and promptly fell back onto the soft grass. Tears began to sting at her eyes causing her vision to become blurry, but the young miko hurriedly wiped them away with the sleeve of her shirt.

I won't cry…I have to be strong…

And yet, she had seen Inuyasha cry. The one person whom she knew that never would have liked to be seen as someone able to be reduced to tears. He didn't like appearing weak, in fact he hated it. Inuyasha always had the incredible will to hide his innermost feelings. But for him to unwillingly show them to her alone, must have broken every rule he had made for himself.

Kagome never would've guessed how she managed to hold it all in for him, even she was surprised. His tears, his aura, were almost enough for her to want to breakdown and cry with him. Was this stinging pain felt only when someone else was crying? Of the many times she had cried, was this how he had felt? Because if it was, she didn't want it to hurt anymore, it was simply too much.

Kagome did not want Inuyasha to hurt anymore.

If only she could find him again.

Since last night when he had disappeared into the tops of the trees, she could not find any trace or hints of his whereabouts. Though she knew to leave him alone, in hopes that he would appear on his own accord, perhaps even be part of the group once more.

Kagome would have waited, yet she found that she could not sit still and do so. Every place where she could think of, she looked for him, only realising much later, just how hard it was for her to look for even a tiny clue of her hanyou.

Where are you, you baka?

Kagome touched her shoulder at the place where the hanyou had cried. Even though she had changed the shirt, the feelings of his tears were still there, making her heart twinge in sadness. She wished he was here, with her, so that she may try to console him.

For a moment, the miko closed her eyes to shut out the beautiful starry sky, and the silhouettes of the trees which loomed over her. There she lay for a while, trying to allow sleep to take her. But she noticed soft footsteps approaching her instead, and then a hand with sharp fingernails, gently running through the fringe of her hair.

She opened her eyes from the featherlike touch, finding Inuyasha gazing at her, his eyes glowing eerily from the darkness of the night.

"You can't sleep?" He asked, his ears also twitching in question.

"No, not really," sitting up, Kagome rested her chin on her knees, "How about you? You look tired."

"I've…never been good at sleeping."

"But you've always slept soundly at my house."

Kagome smiled when Inuyasha chose not to reply, and patted the ground next to her. "Please stay, at least for a while."

After with some hesitation, he nodded, and sat down next to her. Kagome then leaned onto his shoulder, her hand on his arm.

"You're shaking, Kagome. Why?"

"I…I thought when you weren't here… I thought you had gone, and didn't want to come back."

Inuyasha wrapped his arm around her in apology. He hadn't meant to cause her to worry; he just needed time to think. At least that was what he liked to have done. However, most of his time had been spent just sitting amongst the top of the tree branches, simply staring listlessly at its green lush leaves rustling lazily from the passing breeze.

Inuyasha could not care less to think. It was just too painful to bear seeing their faces again, let alone wanting any conversation with them. And yet, somewhere in his mind did not like the idea of lying idly around while things were left unresolved. After all, there was a time when even he was a part of…

Perhaps, if I went back…

What for?

…T-they'd probably just tell me to go away…

Of course…

So he had just sat there, undecided, almost wishing that he could just disappear without anyone noticing.

He then stopped himself before going any further with that train of thought. Inuyasha knew that Kagome was still there, perhaps even worried about him. He had to go back to her.

And that was where he found himself now, as he gently nuzzled against the miko's soft, dark hair.

"What should I do now?" He asked suddenly, breaking their silence.

"I really don't know," Kagome replied, squeezing his arm. "Maybe…maybe we should wait and see what happens. It's been tough on everyone. They're probably thinking about the same things as we are."

Inuyasha did not reply straight away, only rested his chin on top of her head, and let out a sigh.

"I'm glad…you're here with me."

"Always," Kagome replied, closing her eyes as sleep began to seep in, "always…"

"Kagome…?" But all he heard was a light snoring noise drifting into his canine ears, making them twitch uncontrollably. Looking down, he found that the young woman was indeed asleep, with her head nestled on his chest, and with a small smile on her face. Unknowingly, he felt his heart flutter at the sight of her peaceful, sleeping face with the warmth of her body so close to his, as he gently lay her down onto the grass. Then lying down next to her, he simply watched her breathe evenly as she dozed on, and wondering what she was possibly dreaming about.

"Wan-chan…" He heard her giggle in her sleep, and this time, Inuyasha did roll his eyes heavenward at the way she had said those words. Of all the things she could have said, she had to say that.

"You stupid woman," and leaning closer, Inuyasha could not stop the smile growing on his face as he gazed upon the miko's features more closely. With shaking fingers, he lightly touched her cheek, over her long dark eyelashes, and then gradually down to her lips, while watching Kagome's closed eyes for any sudden movements of discomfort. Inuyasha's face moved closer still, with his lips just inches away from hers, and yet he trembled in hesitation, frightened if he was caught.

Should I? He thought. Would she mind if I did…?

Unconsciously, he licked his lips.

Maybe…

Suddenly, Inuyasha's eyes narrowed suspiciously, and his hand went straight to his face with a slap. He then brought his palm into view, and saw none other than the squashed remains of Myoga, his flea youkai 'servant'. His tiny body shook, then popped back into his original shape. However, before he could speak, Myoga broke into a sweat from Inuyasha's dark look.

"I-Inuyasha-sama, I am so h-happy to see you so well tonight."

"I could not say the same for you, Myoga ji-jii." Inuyasha answered, squashing the flea between his fingers in pure irritation. "Are you alone?"

The tiny youkai smiled cheekily. "I don't know if I should say yes or no to that sort of question. Especially when we saw what was about to happen between the two of you?"

"What do you mean, we?"

"Did I say 'we'?"

The hanyou did not even need to turn around to know that someone was behind him, and that if that person had been anyone else, well, Inuyasha would have been very upset.

"All right, Kai-kun. You can come out of hiding."

A red faced youkai with blue hair and light blue eyes, peered from behind the trunk of a tree. He laughed nervously, not liking the fact that the old flea was also pinning him with the crime of having witnessed the hanyou almost kissing the young miko.

"Uh…" Kai began sheepishly, "You're not…angry are you?"

"No." The hanyou replied, squashing the flea yet again. "But tell me, why are you here? Is there trouble?"

The young ookami youkai nodded quickly, "Big trouble. You know that old houshi and his group? I saw them heading in this direction. He knows you're here."

"Really now?" His face suddenly turning cold, almost vicious, "He does not like to give up, the stubborn 'old' man. Let him come. I am stubborn as well."

"What, just like that?!" Kai answered disbelievingly. "No plan or anything?"

However, the young youkai only saw the hanyou's eyes glow wickedly at some hidden joke, which then quickly disappeared as he turned away from them, and yet the quiet menace in his voice remained the same.

"Believe me, boy." He answered. "I had been waiting, planning for this moment to surface…for years. Let us just hope he has the rest of the jewel pieces for me."


Sorry for the long delay. I had been working all this time, and then coming home too tired to write about anything.

Hope you enjoy this chapter.