Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. I do not own any of it, nor do I get paid for it.
A/N Thanks for the amazing response on the last story. I was very nervous about using a new style of story-telling and I am so glad that you guys enjoyed it.
Here's the promised interlude. It goes from angst to the fluffiest fluff far too quickly.
'Human Nature' was a Seventh Doctor novel before being a Tenth Doctor episode and I have used it for convenience in the timeline.
Happy Reading!
Interlude: Life With You
"Here," said the Doctor as he poured Fitz a drink. "Single malt, given to me by a very old friend."
Fitz took the glass and sipped the whiskey slowly. "Thanks," he mumbled, going back to staring at his feet.
The Doctor sighed and sat down opposite him at the kitchen table. "I am truly sorry for your loss, Fitz," he said.
"Yeah, I know," said Fitz, taking a long gulp of his drink. "So, this Guardian was just doing it for fun? To mess with us?"
"Unfortunately, yes," said the Doctor. "It's what they do, Fitz. Meddle with the lives of ephemerals, sometimes for their gain or sometimes merely for their own amusement."
"Rina's death wasn't funny!" snapped Fitz before falling quiet again. "Sorry," he sighed. "I know it's not your fault."
The Doctor stared at him compassionately. "You are allowed to be angry, Fitz, and you have to allow yourself to mourn her. Don't feel the need to apologise for it," he said quietly.
Fitz looked at the amber liquid in his glass as he spoke his next words quietly. "I wasn't in love with her," he said.
The Doctor raised an eyebrow, but waited for him to elaborate.
"It was Jarrett who fell in love with her. Jarrett Vincent who had a good job, a nice house, who planned wonderful dates for her and who loved her the way she deserved," he confessed, self-loathing pouring in through every word. "I am a monster, aren't I? Because I don't feel like a man who lost the woman he loved. I feel like...well, I don't know what I feel, to be honest."
"Not knowing what you feel does not mean you don't feel anything, Fitz," said the Doctor kindly. "Nor does it make you a monster."
"But I don't...well, I feel guilty, an-and sad, but it isn't any different from what I have felt when someone else died. Is that it then? Am I just getting used to death, Doctor?" asked Fitz, tears gathering in his eyes.
"Oh, Fitz, I am so sorry," said the Doctor, looking quite pained himself.
Fitz shook his head bitterly. "I am becoming like you, aren't I? Except if you lost Rose, you would be going mad by now. And I'm sittin' here with a drink in my hand," he finished in disgust.
The Doctor was silent for a while. "Forgive me for saying this, Fitz, but it is a rather unfair comparison," he said quietly.
"Why?" demanded Fitz. "Because I didn't know Rina for as long, or because I wasn't myself when I fell in love with her?"
"Did I ever tell you about the time I disguised myself as a human and went into hiding in 1913?" asked the Doctor. At Fitz's confused look, he continued. "I had a friend with me, Benny. For me, it was a curiosity to see what human nature and love had to do with each other. So, I changed my biology and hid as a human."
"You didn't know who you were?" asked Fitz, curious despite himself.
"No, I thought I was John Smith, a schoolteacher," said the Doctor. "I, well my human self, he fell in love with a woman. Joan Redfern, she worked at the school too. I-he planned to marry her and have a family. But when I was back to being myself, I found that my feelings for Joan were no longer what they once were. I felt terribly guilty, of course, and terribly sad too, but I knew that I was the Doctor, and not a human man who could give her what she desired."
"So, you're saying I wouldn't have loved Rina after the brainwashing was gone?" asked Fitz.
"I am not saying that," said the Doctor gently. "Perhaps you would have, or perhaps you wouldn't have, and I am truly sorry that you will never get to find out for yourself. My point is, you are allowed to doubt your feelings for her, Fitz. She fell in love with Jarrett Vincent, and you have to ask yourself if she would have loved Fitz Kreiner too."
Fitz fell silent. "Then how did you and Rose manage to fall in love even when you weren't yourselves?" he asked quietly.
"Again, that is an unfair comparison," said the Doctor. "I am not a human being, Fitz. I do not fall in love the way humans do. When I choose to love someone the way I love Rose, well, let's just say that things are a lot different."
"But Rose is human," protested Fitz.
"Yes, and it was one of the things that made me think that what I felt for her shall remain unrequited. But there are things in our past, mine and hers, that have had an impact on the way I have chosen to love her. Oh, I fell in love with her long before I knew better, but with everything that I know, I consider myself incredibly lucky and I intend to spend as much of my time with her as she will allow," he confessed quietly. He shook his head, as if realising that he might have said too much. "I am sorry that you won't get the same with Rina, Fitz, but it doesn't do to dwell on what could and might have been."
"You're telling me to mourn her and move on?" asked Fitz calmly.
"Yes, I suppose I am," said the Doctor. "Take as long as you need, Fitz."
Fitz sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I get what you are saying, I really do. Thing is, Doctor, I am not sure I can," he confessed. "I can't be sure that what am I feeling, or more specifically not feeling, has to do with Rina or if I have just become too much like you."
The Doctor considered him quietly. "Are you happy with us, Fitz?" he asked.
"Yeah, I am, at least I think I am," said Fitz. "You're right, I do need time. But not on the TARDIS. I think I need time away from here."
The Doctor nodded. "I understand," he said. "Is there somewhere you would like to be?"
"I don't know," said Fitz. "I'll know in the morning. That alright?"
"Of course," said the Doctor. "Good night, Fitz."
Fitz mustered up a small smile and nodded. "Night, Doctor," he said. "Tell Rose too, would you?"
"Of course," said the Doctor with a soft smile as Fitz finished off his drink and went towards his room.
Rose had been quiet as she had showered and put on her pajamas, her mind on the Guardian's words. This bond, whatever it was, seemed important and she had a feeling that it had something to do with the conversation that she and the Doctor had somehow managed to put off several times now.
It was after Rome that she knew she had fallen asleep before hearing what the Doctor had had to say. He'd tried again and again, but they always seemed to be interrupted by a new adventure or a new calamity. She shook her head and went to the library. She'd have answers soon enough.
The Doctor was sitting in his armchair by the fire, having changed into his usual clothes. He looked up and smiled softly at her as she entered.
"How is he?" she asked as she sat down sideways across his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"He says he needs time away from the TARDIS," said the Doctor, a hand stroking across her bare legs as he pulled her closer with the other.
"Where will he go?" asked Rose, concerned.
"He'll decide in the morning," sighed the Doctor. "How do you feel?" he asked, looking at her in concern.
"Alright, I guess," she said. "You?"
"Fine," he said, letting his fingertips dance across her legs. "So, the bond?" At Rose's nod, he sighed and continued. "It's a telepathic bond, linking of minds between people who...well…"
"Love each other?" prompted Rose.
He smiled softly at her. "Yes," he said sincerely. "It happened when we met Cassandra. She was compressing you to death, and the only way would have been to telepathically touch your mind and throw her out."
"But you and I have done the telepathic thing before, remember?" asked Rose, slightly confused. "When Amy and I helped you unlock the memory of the Vardans."
"Ah yes," said the Doctor. "I had my shields up at that time and I had invited you and Amy in, and besides, things for us have changed since then."
"Because of Arkytior and the Other?" asked Rose, in the same, calm voice that she had been using.
"Partly," he said honestly. "But mostly because I stopped denying it to myself. I was in love with you, Rose Tyler, and I knew that if I just let these precious moments between us go by unrequited, I would live the rest of my lives in regret."
Rose's eyes softened momentarily before she composed herself. "So, because you touched my mind when you were aware of your feelings, the bond was formed?"
The Doctor nodded. "Telepathy for me and my people can be a very intimate act, Rose," he said. "It can be used as any other sense, provided the shields are up and we are able to control it. But when someone comes along that we care about the way I care about you, it is very difficult to control it."
"So it was an accident," concluded Rose with a grimace. "Is that why you practically ignored me for a week after that?"
The Doctor drew her closer. "I would be lying if I said that it wasn't an accident, Rose, but I do not regret it," he said sincerely. "As for the week that followed, well, it was because I was ashamed."
Rose stiffened and started to withdraw. The Doctor hastened to reassure her. "Not of you, darling, I would never be ashamed of you," he said, pulling her back into his embrace. "I was ashamed because I wanted to do it properly. Court you, show you all the wonderful places in the universe, and when you were ready, ask you if you wanted to bond with me. Instead, I barged in without your permission and made myself at home," he said.
Rose brought a hand to his cheek and touched it softly. "You don't have to do all that," she said quietly.
He shook his head. "I do," he insisted. "You deserve so much more, Rose. I was sorry I was so distant in that week, but as silly as it sounds now, I had convinced myself that I didn't deserve to be close to you after what I had done. The pain was my punishment."
"You were in pain?" asked Rose, startled. Suddenly all the headaches and tiredness she had observed in him made sense. Guilt bubbled in her stomach at the very idea that she had been responsible for that. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He smiled sadly and kissed her wrist. "Don't feel bad, Rose, you couldn't have known," he said. "A bond cannot be completed without consent and since I had gone along and started the process without you knowing, I deserved the pain that came with it."
"It's not complete?" asked Rose in surprise, tightening his grip on him.
He shook his head. "No, it isn't," he said. "There are several stages to the bond. We are still at the initiate stage. If you choose to accept, it will be an accepted bond. An accepted bond then has to be validated through a full telepathic bonding during consummation."
Rose flushed a little, but nodded. "So, if I accept, it would be like getting engaged? And then the validation is like marriage?" she asked, trying to understand.
"To put it simply, yes," he said, his hearts racing despite himself. "Rose, do understand that you can reject the bond if you want. An incomplete bond will start to hurt you if you don't accept or reject it soon."
Rose's brow furrowed. "What would happen to you if I rejected it?" she asked.
The Doctor hesitated; he had been hoping she wouldn't ask that. "I-I will be…" he stopped himself from saying he would be alright because he knew she would catch the lie. "It will hurt me," he confessed. "But please, Rose, you should only accept if you want to. The bond is not to be taken lightly. We would be bonded for life, Rose, mine and yours. There would never be anyone else for us."
Rose was quiet as she processed all that. The Doctor let her gather his thoughts, choosing to observe the goosebumps that rose on her calves when his fingers ran over them. The pain would be agonising if she refused him. He didn't know if he would survive it or be driven to regeneration. Even the new regeneration would acutely feel the pain, like a constant thorn. There was a reason that the instinct to bond had been bred out of Time Lords by Rassilon.
Rose cleared her throat and the Doctor looked up at her. She looked determined. "If I choose to accept, what would we have to do?" she asked.
The Doctor's hearts started to race again. "We will have to touch our minds, very briefly you understand. Then I would ask, and you would have to accept. Or reject, if you want to."
"And all this telepathically? Will I be able to do it?" she asked, ignoring the last part.
"Yes," he said.
She licked her lips and held his gaze for a moment. "Okay," she said softly.
His eyebrows shot up. "Rose?"
"I want to accept," she said, blushing a little.
"Rose, I want you to be sure," he said earnestly.
She smiled and kissed his forehead. "I am sure," she said. "You said yourself that you would have asked me eventually, right? Besides, when did we ever do things in the right order?" When he still looked a bit torn, she rested her forehead on his. "I know what I want, Doctor, and I love you. As long as it is you and me, I am alright with it, yeah?"
He pulled back and stared at her, slightly stunned by her fervent words. A smile started to blossom on his face and her answering giggle, made laughter bubble from his chest. In a swift gesture, he lifted her off him and deposited her into the chair opposite his before kneeling in front of her. Rose squeaked in surprise but her giggles fell silent when she saw the intense look in his eyes.
"May I?" he asked, lifting his hands towards her temple.
Rose scooted forward in her chair and nodded. Keeping his gaze on her, the Doctor cupped her face like he was holding the most precious of treasures in his hands. His fingers touched her temple and their eyes fluttered shut.
Rose found herself in the familiar orange haze again before it abruptly cleared into a bright light. As the light died down slowly, Rose saw herself standing alone at the ice skating rink that looked vaguely like the one on Europa. She looked around for the Doctor and saw him waiting at the other end of the rink, looking at her with an expectant smile.
"Rose Marion Tyler, will you do me the honour of accepting this bond?" he asked, and despite the distance between them, she heard the words as clearly as if he had whispered them in her ear.
Instinct taking over, Rose closed the distance between them by skating towards him. He caught her hands when she finally reached him. "Yes," she said, meaning her acceptance completely.
His smile became impossibly wider, and a slow, golden haze began to take them over. Abruptly, they found themselves back in the library. Rose opened her eyes and was surprised to see tears blurring her vision. She blinked them away and looked at the Doctor, whose eyes looked quite moist too.
Wordlessly, she closed the distance between them and kissed him softly. Without breaking the kiss, the Doctor picked her up bridal style and carried her out of the library.
The accepted bond continued to hum gently between them.
A/N And there we are. The bond is accepted.
This was way fluffier than what I thought it would be. Oh well, hope you liked it anyway. The final adventure in this story is up next and Fitz is thinking of leaving. Part 1 will be up soon. See you then!
