Chapter 53: Prologue to Battle

Got some cool new fanart. Details in the author's commentary at the end. (And you probably know by now how much I love getting fanart.)

Oh, and my explanation for the aliens' teleportation-like abilities might seem weird coming out shortly after Bringer of Death's super-Q&A special interview thing, but I wrote all this before that had come out, so any similarities are coincidental. Not that I think there are any, but I'm covering my bases because I've been accused of such before (whether or not I was falsely accused I honestly couldn't tell you to this day, it's…complicated. You probably remember…). And I won't ever try and offer scientific explanations for ki, Instant Transmission and so on at the kind of level they're doing anyway. To each their own, and advanced physics is not exactly 'my own'. Still, you should check that out; it's a really great attempt at answering a lot of questions about the DB universe and they did a good job with it.

And so as not to seem biased towards any one story in particular, have I ever mentioned Piccolo's Choice? Another of the stories participating in the DBM2 project, it's about Piccolo choosing to raise Gohan as his prodigy rather than just look after him for a year until Goku returns, so…Gohan is kind of evil there. Another 'evil Gohan' story, while I'm at it, that appears in DBM2, is Gohan: the Fallen Hero, and you know what I'm getting bored of promoting stuff, have a chapter!


The one thing the Super Saiyan did that guaranteed peace in the galaxy was quite simple: Judge, jury and executioner he may have been, but a ruler he was not. Sentient beings have an instinctive predilection to rebel against an authority that oppresses them. But they can support a mysterious avenger or an angry god, leaving the government's hands clean of the dirty work the Super Saiyan carried out—which allowed the government to appear benevolent, too. So all in all, the great achievement of the Super Saiyan was becoming a mythical figure and then remaining one; something even Frieza never quite managed.

—from Fall of the Demon, Rise of the Legend by Siuol Tatsel


Gohan stood resolute, feeling the ki of the creatures slip away as they retreated into whatever 'outside space' they were using to hide in. "Sure, this seems like an un-winnable situation, but..." he turned to Zarbon. "They have two weaknesses."

"Two?"

"Sure. The first is that there's a sort of pattern to their attacks. Like they're not fully autonomous. But it's pretty complex, so...I'm going to need you to use Deep Sight to get a fix on it."

"In the middle of a battle?" Zarbon shook his head. "There's no way—"

"Just try. You're not going to be the one fighting them. Try and focus, I'll stay up as long as I can. And the second weakness..." his eyes narrowed as one of the creatures appeared in front of him, arm raised for a downwards slash. He moved in a blur, catching its hand and twisting, breaking the wrist. Screeching, it retreated back into insubstantiality. "...When they do appear, they're not all that fast. Compared to me, anyway. Don't know about you guys."

"Nope, they were pretty quick from here," Videl muttered, to a grunt of assent from Kuriza.

Gohan ducked left, but wasn't quite fast enough to avoid taking a glancing blow. He swung at thin air as it withdrew, then immediately turned, sensing another behind him. His elbow caught it right in its front row of eyes before it could attack, caving in its face and sending it reeling. It fell backwards, disappearing as it went. Interesting... Gohan thought. It seems they even vanish involuntarily. That does support my theory... "Zarbon! Could use some support, now!" An attack struck him from behind, and he turned the fall into a somersault, regaining his balance and catching an incoming kick in both hands. He heaved the creature's leg up, spinning it head over heels and kicking it away.

"All right!" Zarbon's voice was brittle and scratchy. His eyes were glazed, and he shook slightly. "Can't do it for long...fast movement...too much information...overload..."

"Okay..." Gohan breathed slowly. "Try and analyse their pattern. There's definitely a structure..." He edged left and right, trying to keep his eyes on all his friends at once, waiting for the next attack. Without warning, it began again.

Zarbon stared silently, absorbing the sensory input. Dozens of speakers was one thing, but complex movement on this level was taxing his abilities to their limit. Focus...steady. He's right...there's a pattern...I think I see it... he blinked. "Gohan! It's like a computer program! It's just a simple method of choosing their attack formation from a few set patterns, based on what you're doing...behind you, three seconds!" Sure enough, another alien appeared behind Gohan in approximately three seconds, only to be met with his already-swinging fist.

"Left...two, to your right, two seconds!" Zarbon frowned as Gohan, acting on his advice, beat back the next three attackers. "Hold on, they're switching pattern. Hmm, it appears there's only about ten in total."

Gohan swung around in a full circle, watching for his enemies. "Just tell me where the next—

"Above you!"

"Got it!" A heavy swing took the alien down, and this time it stayed there. Gohan settled to the ground, rubbing his bruised knuckles. "These things have pretty tough skin..." he trailed off as the whole group phased into view simultaneously, forming a line a few feet away. He could see that nearly all of them were quite badly injured. "They don't look so good...we really did a number on them, huh?"

"You said it..." Zarbon muttered. "Are they surrendering, or what?"

"Um...I don't think so." Videl was standing up now, gazing into the distance. "We first sensed these guys as a ki signal sort of 'jumping' towards us, right? Well..." she pointed at a mountain range a few miles away. "I'm sensing the same thing again...over that way. Only, more this time."

"How many more?" Gohan asked. "Twenty? Fifty?" He paused, sensing it himself. "Huh. No, a lot more than that. Wow, that is...a lot of them. Guys! Get ready!" Silence fell. They edged closer together, all assuming combat stances.

They arrived.

Hundreds of the creatures, thousands, maybe more. They crowded in a circle around the four explorers, filling the landscape, stretching all the way back to the horizon. Not one was bothering to hide or disappear, unless there were simply even more they couldn't see.

"This..." Kuriza turned in a full circle, gaping at the army assembled around them. "...this could be a lot better."

"Well, don't just stand there!" Gohan shouted, powering up to Super Saiyan. "Come and get me! Either leave us in peace, or prepare for battle!"

"Can you take this many?" Videl asked, shifting uncomfortably.

"That would be a negative. I'm hoping they don't realise that, though..." he whispered back. "If they all attack at once, we're dead."

Silence fell, stretching on for moment after agonising moment. Then, one of the creatures began to move forwards, making a beeline straight for Gohan.

"Giraleth ethónilar!" a lyrical voice called. The attacking creature froze in place. A rustling noise came from the distance—the ranks of the horde were parting like waves before some mythical prophet. A humanoid figure rapidly approached, growing larger in their vision as they approached. Their energy was fairly small, but there was something about them—a foreboding feeling, a sense of hidden danger. Not quite ki power...just a vaguely menacing aura.


She stood taller than any of them, and was basically similar to a human, quite unlike the monstrous creatures that surrounded her. Despite her height, she was thin and waif-like, but moved with a confidence that seemed at odds with this frail appearance. She was dressed like some ancient priestess, adorned with finery, and her face carried a faintly bored expression—as they would later find out, this was the general appearance of her race, and even when joyous, angered or depressed, their expressions never ventured from 'bored' into anything stronger than 'vaguely interested'.

"What...what'd she say?" Videl murmured.

"It means 'stand down'," the woman replied, suddenly in front of them, having briefly vanished. "We developed a language specifically for giving orders to the drones—it avoids unecessary confusion."

I see, Gohan noted. She can disappear, too... "Drones? Do you control them? Why did they attack us?"

She ignored his questions, regarding him with inscrutable eyes. "Hmm...perhaps...perhaps you are sufficient, Golden Warrior."

"Uh...golden...me?" Gohan blinked. "I'm...sufficient? For what?"

"I will explain in Citadel. Come." She turned away, gesturing to them. "I will remember you are flat-thinkers...I will try to remain visible to you."

Flat-thinkers? Shrugging, Gohan powered down and followed.

"We're going?" Zarbon arched an eyebrow sceptically.

"Well, if you want to stand around here and test if ignorance is bliss, be my guest, but I don't put your chances with these 'drones' too high once she's gone..." Gohan replied.

Zarbon gulped. "You know what, actually this Citadel sounds great."


Half a galaxy away...

The darkened chamber stirred for the first time in decades. Machines hummed to life, mechanisms untouched by the years whirring into motion.

+++Report: Galactic News Observation #1523205+++

+++Keyword Identified: Saiyan+++

+++Computation: Cold Dynasty Currently Nonexistent+++

+++Query: "Super" Saiyan?+++

In the darkness, a pair of eyes slowly opened. Something red gleamed in the shadows. "Saiyans..." a husky voice breathed. "It is...time."


Part of the strangeness of Citadel was the way once you entered one part of it, all memories of the rest became hazy and vague—you could never quite picture more than one place at a time. The one thing that did pervade all attempts at recall was a sense of sanctuary, that you were in some untouchable place outside of normal existence. Currently, they sat in a small, sparsely decorated room, in simple wooden chairs. A pair of the monstrous drones guarded the door. T'ensha—for that was her name—stood facing them, leaning on some surface they could not quite see. It was to do with the same mysterious ability that enabled both drones and Speakers (as she identified herself) to vanish, and to move invisibly and intangibly. She explained it thus:

"You are able to travel from your world to ours. Therefore I assume your scientists have at least considered the possibility of more dimensions than the three commonly perceived, correct? Four, counting time, anyway." She paused. "What we do is simply to move through a fifth dimension—a direction not normally comprehensible to beings of this universe, let alone accessible. Hence when I call you flat-thinkers, it is only in the way you would refer to a two-dimensional being, say a living drawing, 'flat'. It has less dimensions than you. You can move in a way it cannot. The object that supports my weight at this moment is too far in the fifth direction for you to see...I am resting on its edge."

"I see..." Gohan said, rubbing his temples. "But...'flat-thinkers'..."

Zarbon nodded. "Indeed. Note emphasis on thought. This implies..."

"...that it's not a genetic ability," Gohan finished. "You've learned to do this."

T'ensha appeared genuinely taken aback by their quick deduction. "I...see that you have quite the analytical mind...both of you. It is true that our ability—Shifting, we call it—is not genetic, however, our brains are well-adapted for higher thought functions, such as picturing five dimensions in ways comprehensible to beings normally confined to our four. I highly doubt other races are capable of duplicating such a feat."

"Well, that's nice," Videl said wearily. "Real nice. What I'd like to know is why your guards shoot first and ask questions later."

"Forgive us," the Alfheim native pleaded. "It is just...only one other group of off-worlders has ever landed on our planet before. We sent a diplomatic envoy to meet them...we did not expect them to respond with such hostility, and many Speakers were lost before sufficient drones could be summoned to overpower them."

"Hence the transmission..." Kuriza nodded. "'Ghosts'...so, these drones. What are they?"

"We created them. They are not sentient, exactly...their intelligence is around that of a plant. They are biological machines, designed to carry out physical tasks our own physiology would not permit us to perform easily. Combat is only one of these." There was a long pause, and she felt the need to fill the silence. "I suppose I should explain why I invited you to our capital." General assent. "Very well. Curiosity, mainly. I was going to let them kill you, hoping to avoid another slaughter of our people...but then you only threatened to fight if you were not left in peace. I was...hopeful you would not be like the others."

"There are good and bad examples of every race," Zarbon said diplomatically.

"Aaaaand..." Kuriza cocked his head to one side. "Could the other seven people listening in please stand where I can see them? Don't try this spying crap with us."

"How did you—"

"I've been watching your eye movements. You keep glancing at points around the room for confirmation. Then, you continue a line of conversation based on some cue they give you."

T'ensha sighed. "Brothers, sisters...the time for secrecy, it seems, is at an end." Seven more of her kin duly materialised. "Please understand, we merely—"

"The last visitors started a massacre." Gohan waved a hand, smiling. "You're well within your rights to be cautious. Don't worry about it. Now...I guess you probably want to know why we're here."

"Correct," an older male Speaker replied. Named Darye, as they later learned, he spoke abruptly, and always seemed rushed, whatever he was doing. Right now, he pushed a pair of elaborately-rimmed glasses up his nose, hopping from one foot to the other as he waited for a reply.

"Simply put, we're on an exploration mission," Gohan said. "Our planet has had limited contact with the wider galaxy, so we set out with multiple goals...determine the galactic political situation...fight injustice, I suppose, though that was kind of an accident...and bring back the wisdom of the stars, if that isn't too poetic a way of putting it."

"Not at all..." he trailed off, mentally composing his reply, sniffed, and continued. "Well, I suppose it's the least we can do to offer our hospitality. I'm sure there's much we can learn from each other."

"That isn't your choice to make," T'ensha pointed out. "The council—"

Darye snorted derisively. "Bah! By the time the council have held their committees, filed their paperwork and debated their minutiae, our visitors will have been and gone! Our love of bureaucracy has made the council, in short-term matters, completely ineffectual! Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather pressed for time. Good day!" He strode off, vanishing into the fifth dimension before he reached the doorway.

T'ensha almost smiled. "Don't mind him. He has many virtues, but patience is not one of them. He is right, though...if the council wanted you to leave, it would take several months to make the decision official. But I'll put in a good word for you, anyway."

"Hey." Kuriza whispered to Gohan. "Can I say 'we come in peace' or do you want to?"

Gohan rolled his eyes. "They already know we come in peace, idiot, you don't need to."

"How about 'take me to your leader'?"

"Didn't I tell you to stop watching so much TV?"


Peaceful days followed. Citadel was like a waking dream—the architecture sloped in and out of perception, all twisting corridors and stairways that defied logic. Speakers, and the occasional drone, faded into view and then disappeared. White, blue and gold formed the dominant colour scheme, giving an ethereal appearance to the whole place.

Both the natives and the travellers learned much. For their part, Gohan and company told of the wider galaxy—something Alfheim's inhabitants had never known much of—and of their own personal history, the trials and battles they'd faced in recent years. They became minor celebrities, in fact, once tales of their initial battle against the advance guard of drones spread, becoming exaggerated as such things are—the nickname 'Golden Warrior' was especially popular.

In return, the Speakers answered all questions about their species, their society and their planet as best they could. Gohan noted several subtle parallels with the state of affairs there with those on Nemea and, indeed, on Earth—these went into a new chapter in his ongoing book, on the tendency of any society, on any world, to fall into certain patterns.

Of particular interest was the Shifting ability. Gohan was determined to understand it, at least intellectually if he physically lacked the ability to observe the fifth dimension naturally. Currently, he was staring intently at a hologram projected between himself and T'ensha, who sat opposite him in a long, open-air room. The hologram projected what appeared to be a cube with another, smaller cube inside it.

"Consider the tesseract," she instructed. "It is to the cube as the cube is to the square."

Gohan nodded. "So what I'm seeing isn't actually the whole shape...it's a 3-D cross-section."

"Correct. When I use the part of my brain that lets us see this higher dimension, I can observe the entire shape...you've studied the equations?"

"Yes...on a mathematical level, at least, I'm starting to grasp the concept. It's just difficult to find a way to relate that to the visual, spatial areas of my brain..."

She paused, studying him. "I must say, you've taken to some rather advanced mathematics extremely quickly...and only a child..."

"I've had one hell of a teacher, trust me." His mind briefly drifted off to countless hours of advanced studies, his mother's way of expressing her determination that he wouldn't follow his father's uneducated path. He blinked, refocusing on the tesseract. Okay...so...how do I try and understand this thing? It isn't impossible. Nothing's impossible. His eyes narrowed. The world that I can see...these three dimensions...it's flat. Picture it as a flat plane, like a piece of paper. This thing...this thing is solid, it's more real than I am.

"Watch as I move it through the fifth dimension," T'ensha said, before tapping a button on the projector. The image flickered, then began to move. The inner cube moved outwards, expanding and folding around the shrinking outer cube, until they completely changed places. "You see?"

And now...it moves through my 'paper' universe...now I'm seeing a completely different part of it...right. And come to think of it...she's part of this higher dimension too, right? I wonder if her ki... he focused on her energy, trying to let his ki sense do what his eyes could not. Dot. Line. Square. Cube. Tesseract. Move up. Greater depth. He gasped. "What's this energy...?"

Her eyes widened. "Don't tell me you can sense my true self..."

Gohan nodded. "It's like...seeing the real world after living among cardboard cutouts for my whole life...wow..."

"That's impossible! Your brain just isn't wired to—to—"

He grinned. "Well...see ya. This is pretty tiring, actually. I'm going to go make sure Kuriza doesn't eat you out of house and home, 'kay?" He stood up and wandered off, leaving T'ensha in a daze. I don't believe it...he combined his factual knowledge and his warrior's instincts to detect something anyone would have said was literally beyond him! Just who, and what, is this child?


Two months later...

Zarbon ducked away as Videl pressed the attack. He jumped over a low kick, striking back but slowing down so she could see him moving and block.

"You're still holding back!" she accused.

"Of course," he said calmly. "You're relatively new to truly advanced martial arts, whereas I've been a soldier of Frieza most of my life, and more recently a spiritually-trained fighter. It wouldn't be fair to go all-out. Don't worry, if I lower my power level like this you still give me a good workout."

She spun, trying an elbow strike but missing again. "One day...I will overtake you! All of you!"

"Gohan, too? His father?"

"Come on, that doesn't count!" She swung at him again, and he raised an arm to defend, but without warning Gohan appeared between them, catching both hands. He didn't materialise completely from invisibility, like the Speakers and drones, and nor did he appear in a blur of motion, like someone using Instant Transmission or simply moving very fast. It seemed more like he assembled, dozens of tiny pieces blinking into existence, the gaps rapidly filling to form a solid image of the young warrior. They stood there for a second in stunned silence, then lowered their fists.

"Gohan..." Videl shrugged. "What was...just...what."

"My sentiments precisely." Zarbon arched an eyebrow.

Gohan laughed out loud. "It worked! Awesome! Well, technically it's not quite Shifting like the natives here do it—I can't actually percieve the fifth dimension—but in effect, it's the same thing. I guess I sort of opened up a passage through the dimension, for a fraction of a second, and 'jumped' through. Like this!" He 'disassembled', then reappeared on the other side of the room. "No ki signature to trace, see?"

"Right..." Zarbon nodded. "Pretty cool. I'm guessing you don't have to 'lock on' to an energy signal to use it, right? So it's better than Instant Transmission?"

"Not exactly. It's true that I don't need to lock on like that, but I can only 'jump' to somewhere I can see, so its range is kinda limited." He sat down, pulling a notepad from his back pocket. "But it's not the most important thing I've learned here anyway. More of a party trick, really. The important thing is what I can conclude about sentient beings in general, having encountered not just wider galactic culture, but two isolated ones as well, here and on Earth. Yet the same social patterns emerge. It's fascinating."

"So, how long are you planning to stay here?"

"Not too much longer. I reckon we'll only need to visit one or two more planets, and only for a day or two each...just to confirm some stuff I noted on Nemea, if it's true of all, or at least most, worlds in the former empire. In terms of new techniques, I wouldn't have much hope for learning too many. I mean, Shifting isn't nearly as useful as Instant Transmission...I think learning anything revolutionary is pretty rare, honestly. While many aliens have a pretty high power level, that's just genetics...if anything, Earth has some of the most spiritually-aware martial artists in the universe, and some of the most diverse techniques."

Videl smiled. "No place like home, eh?"


It's an age-old problem. We've often heard that politicians are the worst sorts of people to put in charge of a nation—anyone who wants that kind of power shouldn't be allowed to have it-but it's interesting to note that this seems to be a universal phenomenon, as I've discovered in my travels. Power attracts the corrupt, whatever species they may be.

—from Groundbreaking Science by Son Gohan


+++Activating Protocol Alpha+++

+++Subject: Saiyans. Action: Terminate+++

+++Hatchiyak Deployed+++


Well, finally got that one done. The first part of the Countdown saga is pretty much done, and we're moving on to the second now (of three, though the third will probably be pretty short).

Q: Well, that happened. The species is very interesting, but the power levels are seeming wonky to me. How can they floor Zarbon, Kuirza and Videl with their differences in power? I mean, an attack that would floor Kuriza I could see bringing Zarbon near death if he was very lucky, but Videl would be dead.

A:They were testing the heroes, not fighting seriously until Gohan put up some actual effective resistance. Really, the drones' purpose is more as guards to drive potential threats away than as soldiers to kill them.

Q: A wild update appeared!

These 'ghost' warriors seem interesting. Could it be Raichi?

A:Nope. But funny you should mention Raichi.

Q: Wasn't expecting to see a BTtL chapter today due to everyone and school. Short for the same reason but I don't mind. It was a good chapter introducing an alien race that, if my hunch is correct, steps into a different "dimension". Using dimension as a loose term here

A:Correct!

Q: With a planet called Alfheim, i expect to see fairies. Specifically, 9 different races, such as spriggan and cait sith. also, madman playing god after kidnapping 300 people.

I hope that its a reference to what i think its a reference to.

Q:I'm curious about these new teleporting aliens...the name of the world is Alfheim, something that suggests Norse mythology, & the realm of the Elves. I wonder if they're benign or malicious?

A:Sort of. They're loosely related to the concept of Elves, and the Speakers actually look elvish. However, I'm not going to stick exactly to the '9 races' thing; I'm interested in Norse and other mythologies, but no expert, and besides, I have some very specific plans for how all this relates to the future of the story, right up to Even Further Beyond. So they're kind of like elves, but not exactly. Because I didn't just want to do Elves IN SPACE!

Although, here's something from Wikipedia, which as we know is always 100% correct (right...?):

"Like spirits, the elves were not bound by physical limitations and could pass through walls and doors in the manner of ghosts..."

Didn't know this before writing most of the chapter...weird.

Q: Ooh, I wonder what Gohan's "souvenir" is?

A:Oh, I'm sure it's nothing important, nothing that will ever come up, ever. You expect me to pull a Chekov's Gun?(has totally done exactly that multiple times in the past) ...Right. Yeah, it's significant.

Q:They seem more like Predators to me...But,seriously though,all those Planets,aren't they even gonna visit one?!And no GT one?!But I can see Raichi's Fortress coming!

A:Oh, they're visiting planets. They're on the second already. No, not a GT one. I'm not a fan of the Black Star Dragon Ball saga in particular. I don't mind the concept of a space trip—hence this saga—but as with so much of GT, the flaw lies in the execution. How did you see Raichi coming? Are you psychic?!

Q:Oh,and the EFB-thingy was good,but 2 things:remove Syn and keep Deus,but stick with Omega,and,secondly,no Vegeta Jr.?A three-man (Super)Saiyan Squad'dbe much more ,are the others gonna be killed O.o?!),but,since you've mentioned Time Travel and how dangerous it is,and,well,Humans learning STUFF,Miira aand Towa?What about Neko Majin?And,well, Ozotto?

A:Right, I've had similar thoughts. Syn Shenron will be replaced by Deus, but its ultimate form will still be Omega Shenron. Not that it'll necessarily look, act or be like GT's Omega. Though that's not to say it necessarily won't. Well, Vegeta's still a villain...Goku and Raditz are the protagonists...and as for Miira and Towa, I haven't actually played DBO, I just know some stuff about it. Neko Majin? Probably not. Ozotto? Again, don't think so.

Also, spaces. Use them.

Q:BTW,is anybody gonna drawyour Characters?

A:I'm glad you asked:

New Fanart

So Pokewarrior 2000 did a cool drawing of SSJ2 Raditz, which you can see on deviantart: /art/SSj2-Raditz-Break-Through-the-Limit-367818042 ?q=gallery%3Apokewarrior2000&qo=0

And for a quick reminder, there's also thrubardockeyes' Break drawing, Fael955's colouring of SSJ Vegeta, and I-Am-So-Original's Tenkaichi edits of Raditz and Future Trunks, all of which I mentioned before.

And finally! This:

Broly 'Saga' Kai

Yeah, even this on its own takes up a lot of space...still haven't got to Perfect Cell yet. If you don't get the joke/reference with Broly's rambling...eh...sorry. I might have to explain it if too many people don't get it, but I'm hoping most people will.

(Everyone is waiting for the fight with Cell. It's kind of DULL. Also character development happens.)

Goku: What's this? Character development? Can't have that. Quick! Deploy the Movie Character!

Paragus, as played by Kevin Costner: I'm undeveloped and one-dimensional.

Raditz: Kickass! Let's blindly trust you with no misgivings and go to your planet, despite the fact that if all our best fighters die in space there'll be no-one left to stop Cell!

Cell: Ah, a cunning plan. Except for, you know, all of it.

Kuriza: Meowth! That's right! (sneaks on board)

(They go into SPACE, which the author forgets to describe in detail.)

Paragus, as played by Keanu Reeves: Allow me to blandly give you a tour of the castle.

Goku: Nah, food.

Nail: Food?

Goku: Food.

Break: Did I mention I'm here?

Goku: Considering your performance against Cell, I'm starting to wonder why you are.

Raditz: Well, I'm bored. Paragus! You're an NPC, you've seen the script, right?

Paragus, as played by Jeff Goldblum: Well, um, you, uh, see, I wouldn't...necessarily...say that—

Raditz: What happens next?

Paragus, as played by Running Joke: Eh...Broly is the Legendary Super Saiyan.

Raditz: The Legendary Super What?

Paragus: Legendary Super Saiyan.

Raditz: Legendary What Saiyan?

Paragus: Super Saiyan!

Raditz: What Super Saiyan?

Paragus: Legendary.

Raditz: Legendary.

Paragus: Super.

Raditz: Super.

Paragus: Saiyan.

Raditz: Saiyan.

Paragus: All together...

Raditz: You don't mean...Broly is...is...SOYLENT GREEN!

Paragus: What.

Raditz: No, wait. Rosebud?

Paragus: ...

Raditz: The half-blood prince?

(Paragus falls unconscious through overexposure to idiocy)

Raditz: Well, whatever. Hey, how's it going, Goku?

Goku: Broly is trying to kill meeeee!

Raditz: Wait...that must mean...he's the Legendary Super Saiyan! Damn, why didn't Paragus tell me when he had the chance?!

Goku: Legendary Super What?

Raditz: Come on, it isn't that hard.

(Broly turns into the INREDIBLE HULK. Only not like Raditz did. Better. Like, uh...like Red Hulk. Only he's green. But Raditz wasn't green, he was golden...there isn't a golden Hulk...er, well not Green and Red Hulk literally, I mean...ugh, never mind.)

THE BROLY, while beating the crap out of everyone: I came here for one reason, to attack and keep coming! Not to ask but just to give, not to want but just to sing, sing the power of THE BROLY! Because this freak of nature right here is just beginning to swell, and when I get big enough brother, there ain't gonna be room for anybody else but me and all THE BROLY's floating through the veins!

Goku: I honestly don't know what's going on anymore.

Raditz: Well, you lasted longer than me. I gave up around the time I tried to figure out how the Kami/Piccolo/Katas/Nail fusion worked.

Break: Don't worry, guys, I got this!

The Incredible Broly: You want to fight THE BROLY?! How should you prepare? Should you jump off the tallest building in the world? Should you lie on the lawn and let them run over you with lawnmowers? Or should you go to Africa and let them trample you with raging elephants?

Break: What...are you on?

The Ultimate Broly: RAAH SMASH (beats up Break. And everybody else. Again.) Load the spaceship with the rocket fuel, load it with the warriors!

Gohan: Well, anyway, my turn!

The Ultimate Broly of Ultimate Destiny: I will dig my claws into your organs, scratch into your tendons, bury my anchors into your bones!

(Gohan flees in terror at the sheer tide of NONSENSE emanating from Broly)

Kyle Hebert: And so, it appears that there is no-one left to stop Broly! And what about Cell? Can even the awesome might of the Super Saiyans—

Captain Space: You weren't even in this movie! Begone!

Kyle Hebert: Damn it, he found me! Narrator—AWAY!

The Be-All, the End-All, the Please-All, THE BROLY: The family that I live for only breathes the air that smells of combat!

Gohan: Are you done now? Got it all out of your system yet? (Pause, reads script) Wait...you've been using exclamation marks by the truckload, haven't you?

Broly: Why yes, good sir, to perpetuate the appearance of intense anger.

Gohan: You're not supposed to do that...you can't do that...WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN PUNCTUATION?!

(Gohan's rage breaks)

Broly: Er.

(Gohan kills him. It doesn't take long.)

Goku: Wow. That was...quite a big deal you made over, well, some grammar.

Gohan: I HAD A VERY STRICT TEACHER.

MEANWHILE

Chi-Chi: ...Huh.

EDIT SEVERAL WEEKS LATER (currently on chapter 70, at the time writing: Apparently the site automatically deletes multiple exclamation marks. That kind of ruins the joke. Broly was originally using two to four after every rambling sentence.

Egh.