Disclaimer: This entire magical world belongs solely to J.K Rowling. I own nothing.


Dear FanFiction Writers,

Hey! What's wrong with my cardigan? I actually quite like it, so does Gran. In fact she's the one who actually picked it out for me. On that note I should probably warn you, because if she hears you bad mouthing the clothing she picked out for me, then you'll find out there is more to the little old witch than meets the eye. If you have any doubts just ask Dawlish, he still has the scars! The man's never been the same since.

For those of you that actually liked it, I'm just glad some of you have good taste. It was quite a bargain aswell! £32 from River Island! Not to mention it is nice and toasty to wear.

And Hey! I'm not a fat sissy. Did you see me in Deathly Hallows Part 2? *grins*

LONG LIVE DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY!

*coughs* Sorry. Got a bit carried away. *smiles sheepishly* Now back to the rant.

I've been trawling through your stories and d'ya know what? I never knew you muggles were that funny. Seriously, I laughed so hard when I read all your stories pairing me with Luna, Malfoy, Harry, Ginny, Hermione and even Professor Sprout! Come on, you can't be serious? Ginny found the Neville/Harry pairings hilarious but I'm still in shock, Harry actually fainted, but that was when he came across the Drarry stories. *chokes on laughter* Rather him than me!

Just to confirm Harry and Ginny are just dear friends. As are Luna and Hermione, both who are happily married, as am I with Hannah- my adorable little Hufflepuff. I love that woman, if I could, I'd give her the moon. On that note, we're actually expecting out first child soon, I'm still not sure whether to ask Harry and Ginny or Luna and Rolf to be godparents. Ah, oh well, I'll figure it out.

Gran wants me to name the baby after her if it is a girl. *grimaces* Poor kid.

Now there was something else that I was going to say, but I've forgotten. I should probably fish out my rememberall, not that it would actually help me remember what I've forgotten. Oh dammit *something smashes* this Devil Snare's getting out of contr- AHH!

Sincerely, Neville Longbottom.