Too Good to Be True

"Okay, Link," Link thought to himself. "What are your options? First we have childhood best friend who's somewhere between a mother, a sister, and a…girlfriend of all things. Then, we have the Princess of Hyrule, ally in battle against Ganon, and likely to make me…the King of Hyrule. Then, there's Malon, simple farm girl and animal lover; always talking to animals… Finally, there's the Zora Princess, parallel with Zelda, but got me into a wedding proposal. Wedding proposal…"

Link thought and remembered a day a little over a year ago when he had had a special talk with Ruto.


It had been a cloudy day at Lake Hylia. Ruto had convinced Link to come there for privacy, away from most of the other Zoras. They had spent most of the afternoon talking, though Link noticed she was mostly asking about his interests. Eventually, they moved to the water's edge, closest to Hyrule Field. Link lay on his back, staring into the sky. Ruto sat a respectable distance away.

As it began to drizzle, she finally asked, "Link, what do you think about me?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking at her.

"You know," she said, moving closer to him and smiling. "Do you like me?"

He had a stoic face on, as he often did back in those days, and looked back into the sky. "Of course I like you. If I didn't, I would've avoided you like a Redead."

"Of course I know you like me," she said. She got closer to his face and said, "But do you like me?"

"You know," he said unflinchingly, "I've been getting the same kind of feeling from the others. You're the first to come out and ask it though."

"Well?" she asked, keeping a smile on.

She saw a chink in his stony countenance and noticed the beginnings of a frown curling into the corner of his mouth. "…I don't know. I haven't really thought about it…especially since the others are…"

Her smile faded and she sat up.

"I'm sorry," he said. "But you know how…"

"Don't worry about it," she said, looking up into the sky as the rain increased. "I've had something that I've needed to get off my chest for a while now."

He looked toward her inquisitively.

"Do you remember all those years ago when I gave you the Zora Sapphire?"

"Oh…yeah," he said, sitting up. "I…"

"You don't have to worry about it," Ruto said, looking at the ground. She had forced a gentle smile onto her face, letting the rain mask her tears. "You were too young to understand. We both were. Zelda already had it returned to me anyway."

"Oh… That's…good…I guess," he said unsurely.

"Maybe we should be going now," she said, getting up. "The rain feels good to me, but I hear Hylians get sick when they get caught in it." When she noticed that Link wasn't following her into the water, she added, "Link?"

"I actually came through this way," he said, motioning toward Hyrule Field. "I just let Epona do her own thing for a while. I better go before she gets too wet. Malon'll have a fit if she gets sick." With that, he ran toward Hyrule Field, taking out his ocarina as he went.


Link thought back on the memory. "It didn't seem like I was being a jerk at the time…" He looked to Ruto and saw that she still had on that gentle smile and wide eyes. It was the same expression she had on her face that rainy day.

"Ruto," he said.

She acted as if she had not heard her name. "Something wrong?" she asked.

"No," he said. "I'm just picking you. That's all."

"Hmph," she nearly laughed, not taking him seriously. "That's a good one. So, who's your real choice? Seriously."

"You," he repeated.

"Oh, come on," she said, folding her arms. "Joking around isn't going to make this easier for anyone."

"I think he's serious," Zelda said.

"He's picking you, Ruto," Malon said.

"No he's not," she said slightly more assertively. "He's just being a goof. It's not very funny, either."

"Ruto, I made my choice and it's you."

"There's no way you could pick me that fast," she said, still managing to hold a smile on her face.

"If you don't want him," Nabooru joked, "I'll take him."

Saria looked up at Ruto and could see right through her charade. She knew that Ruto was just hiding behind that smile, and she suspected the others could see through it as well. "I will take him as well," she said, winking at Zelda.

"Oh, me too," Zelda said.

"Count me in," Malon said.

"Sorry," Link said to the rest. "But I made my choice. Well, Ruto, what do you say?"

She was becoming increasingly irritated and forced herself to laugh, though the mask was deteriorating. "Link, you jerk. Trying to mess with my feelings… I told you, we aren't betrothed anymore. Just forget about the silly promise," she said dismissively, closing her eyes to prevent any tears from leaking out.

"Fine, I'll forget about it," he shrugged. "But I still want to give us a chance."

She sighed and opened her eyes. "But why? Aren't we too different? I'm an entirely different species and a princess."

"I want to repay you," he said. "I realize that, out of all of my…erm…admirers, I've kind of stepped on you the most. With the others, I at least thought about it. But when you were the only one brave enough to come out and ask me about it, I just squashed it then and there. The truth is, you've had equal standing right along with them. I never wrote you off."

She seemed to be speechless for a moment, but quickly put her smile back on and turned away. "Link, this is silly. This seems more like pity than anything else."

"You're right," he said. "It does seem like pity." He casually walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek. "How's that?"

Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were running with tears. Still attempting to hold back, she said in a choked voice, "Just pick someone else."

"I don't want anyone else," he said, taking her hand and forcing her to face him. "I want you."

She trembled under his stare with flushed cheeks. Her breath quickened and she fainted into his arms.

"Aw," Peach cooed, putting an arm around Mario's shoulder. "How romantic…"

"Did you get all that?" Daisy asked. "Where's the star?"

"Um…"

"Excuse me," Ingrid said. "Peach, there is someone you need to speak to. It would probably be best if Mario came along too."

"Okay," Mario said, holding onto her. "Let'sa go."


Peach waited on a golden grassy hill, enjoying the warm wind and generous sunlight. Ingrid and Mario waited a few yards away amongst some fallen ruins and rubble.

"Hello, Peach," she heard a voice say. She turned and saw Sheik, standing there with the sun behind him. She walked to him and gave him a light hug.

"I'm glad you're okay now," she said.

"I'm glad that you managed to save the world," he said. "Do you remember what you said you'd tell me after you saved the world?"

Peach looked back to Ingrid and Mario. Mario looked directly back toward her and could not help giving her a dopey smile with hearts in his eyes. She found herself blushing and smiled. "I remember."

"Well?"

She looked back to Sheik with a sad smile. "I'm sorry. I think it's about time I tell him how I feel…face-to-face. Will you be okay?"

"Just fine," he said. "I suspected you would say no. I have someone waiting for me on the other side anyway."

"Won't she be jealous?" Peach asked jokingly.

"If she is, I have plenty of time to make it up," he said.

"Um, excuse me," she said, quickly going down the hill to Mario.

"Good luck," he said.

"Mario," Peach said, standing nervously in front of him. "I think we need to talk."

"Hm?" he tilted his head curiously. "What is it?"

"We've known each other for a long time now, right?"

"Yeah."

"When you went missing, I thought I had lost you forever. I…regretted never having told you certain things. I don't know why, but it…our feelings seem obvious to everyone except us. Mario…how do you feel about me? You never really talk about your feelings much."

Mario's eyes widened in surprise at the question and he laughed. "Why-a Peach, you don't-a know? Then, let-a Mario explain his-a true feelings to you. Ah, my sweet-a princess, you are the love of my life. You'sa like-a da marinara sauce-a on a fine plate of spaghetti, sweet and-a zesty. If dat Bowser had-a never whisked you away from you's-a kingdom, I would-a never met you, mio amore."

"Oh…" Peach blushed deeply, not expecting him to have said so much at once. "Well…I'm flattered. More than flattered actually." A small giggle escaped her lips, though she nervously stifled it. "Um, Mario. Do you think we should…maybe…go on dates from now on?"

"Yeah! Ha ha ha!" Mario leapt for joy.

"Incoming," Ingrid warned quietly. Bowser quietly stomped onto the scene and was glad to see Peach. Mario immediately stood in front of Peach to guard her.

"Hold on, Mario," she said, gently moving him aside. "I have some business to discuss with him." Then, she whispered, "Namely, a divorce."


Three months later…

Zelda sat in her courtyard, quietly reading a book as the reconstruction of the spire continued on. There was no escape from the sounds of men hard at work echoing in throughout the castle. She resolved that it was better than being cooped up in her room. At least this way, she could enjoy the sun and the lively atmosphere.

A shadow abruptly cast itself over her reading. She looked up and saw Malon smiling down on her. She was lugging a case of milk bottles. The farm girl asked, "Is that a good book? You're not the type to let someone sneak up on you like this."

"It is part of my studies," Zelda said. "It's been so noisy around here that I didn't notice you. I've had to put in a lot of effort to catch up in my studies. How goes the ranch?"

"Great, actually," Malon said, setting the case down. She sat down and took out two bottles of milk, handing one to Zelda. "Mother's been planting a few small gardens here and there, not to mention getting some interesting customers for her herbs. Salome's helping us sort out our finances really well. I always thought upper-class people were just lazy no-nothing snobs who paid others to do everything for them… No offense, Zel. Dad and Ingo are working hard to make sure all the animals are up to par."

"And you?" Zelda said after sipping from her bottle.

"I'm doing fine," Malon said reservedly.

"But?" Zelda said knowingly.

"Well," Malon said, looking down at her bottle, "I'm going to miss Link. He moved in with Ruto a few weeks ago. It looks like they're official."

"You know what that means," Zelda sighed with a tired smile.

"We've got to find another cute guy," Malon said.

"It's such a bother," Zelda said.

"You're lucky. At least you get to have princes asking for your hand."

"They just do it for political favor. Besides, there are very few men as innocently charming as Link. I suspect all of my suitors will just be philanderers."

"They can't all be bad," Malon said. "Besides, you don't have to marry royalty. Your father didn't."

"Yes, but outsiders still call my mother a whore behind her back," Zelda frowned. "They're just lucky we have freedom of speech in this country. Saying such things about a queen…"

"Well, outsiders still think my mother is a drug peddler. We just have to deal with it. I'm sure there's a dating service in town somewhere. If you sneak out of the castle one of these days, maybe you can check one out."

"If Impa lets me," Zelda said, finishing her milk. "She still shadows me, even as we speak. And yet, I hear Ruto gets to go wherever she wants."

"Speaking of wandering, have you heard from Saria at all?"

"She's been wandering around Hyrule quite a bit. Last week, she sent me a letter from Gerudo Valley. She's helping the Gerudo people with their agriculture."

"Have you heard from Peach?"

"She sends me letters, though I rather dislike the messengers," Zelda said.

"The doppelgangers?"

"They know they aren't welcome here, but I allow them to relay our messages. Apparently, they've taken up residence with the Wanderer. Better there than here."

"Agreed," Malon nodded, finishing her milk with a final swig. "Anyway, I've got to get back to work. And in case I don't see you next week, happy birthday!"

"Thank you," Zelda smiled graciously.

Once Malon had left the courtyard, Impa walked in, greeting her along the way. Once she reached Zelda, she held out an envelope. "Our friends dropped this off. It seems to be from Peach."

"Good. I've been expecting a letter from her. Let's see what it says," Zelda said, taking the envelope.


Peach led Mario, Daisy, and Luigi through the dark, but small cavern. Large, glowing crystals lit the blue walls of the familiar cave. Luigi was trembling with fright, holding Daisy's hand as she strolled through uneasily.

"I don't like-a this place," Luigi shuddered. "It's-a giving me the creeps."

"Are we there yet, Peach?" she asked. "Luigi's like five seconds away from losing it."

"There's the entrance," Peach said, pointing to a hatch in the ground. "Mario, would you mind opening that?"

"Sure thing," he said. Once it was open, he said, "Ladies first."

"Thank you," Peach said, hopping in.

"I don't know about this," Luigi said, holding Daisy's hand tightly.

"Don't be such a baby," Daisy said, pulling him in. Mario soon followed.

All but Peach were surprised to find hardwood flooring and a hall leading to several different rooms. She confidently led them into the room on the left. There was a large couch, a large television, and various pictures of Peach on the walls. "Make yourselves comfortable," she said. She walked over to the door on the far end of the room and went in.

Daisy clicked on the television. "How does this work, especially in a place like this?"

"It's a trade secret," Wanda said, stepping out of her mourning room with Peach. All eyes turned to her, and everyone instantly saw the resemblance between her and Peach. "Is anyone hungry?"

After moving to the dining room table, which already had food prepared and on the table, Wanda asked, "So, Mario, have you and my daughter gotten married yet?"

Mario nearly choked on his pasta. "Mama-mia!"

"Um," Peach stammered, "we've decided to hold off on marriage…indefinitely."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Wanda said.

"Don't be," Peach said. "We love each other very much, but…there are a few too many complications. I don't really want to load him down with royal duties. We have enough difficulty having privacy as it is."

"Don't forget Bowser," Daisy smirked.

Wanda inquired, "Wouldn't Bowser be discouraged from kidnapping you if you were married to Mario, though?"

"That's just it," Peach said. "Bowser was utterly crushed when I told him I was going to marry Mario. I had to promise him that I wouldn't just to get him to stop sulking so much. It's no big deal, really. Mario and I still had a private unofficial ceremony. You know, nothing in the records."

"But you do live with each other, correct?" Wanda asked.

"Of course," Peach said. "Even though we didn't have a formal marriage, he's still, for all intents and purposes, my husband. Isn't that right, Mario?"

"That's-a right," he said pecking her on the cheek.

She giggled in response, "It's nice to be on the receiving end of those now and then."

"And how about you two?" Wanda asked, turning to the other couple.

"Who? Us?" Luigi asked, looking around as his face turned red. "Well, gee…"

"Uh…" Daisy tried to say, twiddling her fingers. "We… We're still dating. I mean, he's my big green number one guy…and I'm his…Daisy Bell. Sing the song, Luigi."

"I don't know," Luigi said bashfully.

"Pretty please," she cooed.

"Don't be so shy, Luigi," Wanda said. "You know the chorus." She sang:

Daisy Daisy

Give me your answer do!

I'm half crazy,

All for the love of you!

It won't be a stylish marriage,

I can't afford a carriage.

But you'll look sweet upon the seat

Of a bicycle made for two.

Both Luigi and Daisy's faces were burning up and they were speechless.

"I suppose you'll be saving that for your proposal, eh Luigi?" Wanda teased.

"Leeet's not rush things," Daisy said, laughing nervously. "We're not even to first base yet."

"What's first base again?" Peach asked.

"Say," Daisy interrupted. "Peach told me the clones were staying here with you. Where are they?"

"They decided to take the kids out," Wanda said. "They'll be back in a few hours. Anyway, does anyone have any plans until Bowser attempts another kidnapping."

"Yeah, actually," Daisy said. "Luigi and I will be setting up a few travel plans for our next big Mario Party. Mario usually sets the whole thing up, but…"

"But?"

"We're going on a late honeymoon vacation," Peach said. "I was thinking some place small and classy like Poshley Heights."

"You mean near Rogueport?" Wanda said somewhat uneasily.

"As a matter of fact, we'd have to ride a boat to Rogueport and a train from there to Poshley Heights."

"Are you sure that's safe?"

"It's just a name. Besides, I have my Mario with me. The worst that will happen is Bowser kidnaps me. And we know how that always turns out. Why? Something else wrong?"

"It is inevitable," Oni's voice echoed in Wanda's thoughts.

"Don't worry, dear," she heard Empress Shine's voice say. "I've made sure that Salvation will come to this world. Just a few months more…"

"Mommy?" Peach repeated.

"Hm?" Wanda snapped out of her thoughts. "No. It's nothing."


Link sat on the log in the fishing pond, letting his fishing rod and his bare feet dangle into the cool water. He wore the Zora Tunic and his boots lay at the shore. When he felt a tug, he pulled and began to reel the line in. After a great deal of effort, he pulled out a bass the size of a puny goldfish. After removing it from the hook, he disappointedly tossed it back into the pond. Ruto suddenly surfaced with a particularly large bass in her teeth.

"Got one," she said, holding it out for him. The poor creature's blood was running down her chin.

"Did you kill it?" Link asked, grimacing.

"Yeah, so?" she said, pulling herself onto the log.

"We're not allowed to keep the fish, you know," he said. "The pond owner is gonna' be steamed. It'd probably be best if he didn't see that.

"Oh," Ruto said, dropping the fish back into the water. "Want me to eat it underwater?"

"Nah," Link said, wrapping one arm around her waist. "We'll just explain to him later."

"Later?" Ruto asked as he dropped the rod.

"Later," he smiled, wiping the blood off of her face.

As he began to kiss her neck gently, she giggled nervously. "Link…what if the pond owner sees us?"

"Good point," he said, stopping promptly and picking up the rod.

"I didn't say stop," she smiled. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him underwater with her.

A few minutes later, both of them came out of the water giggling and walked toward the exit. Once they were back in Lake Hylia, they floated on their backs side-by-side, holding hands.

"Ruto," he said.

"Hm?"

"I'm really glad I picked you. I hope I can make you happy for the rest of your life."

"Thank you, Link," she said. "I hope Zora life isn't too strange for you."

"Actually," he said, rolling so that he was upright, "I have been thinking about something for a while now."

"What is it?" she asked, sitting up.

"In all the times we've been together recently, I still haven't figured out some things about you," he said uneasily.

"Am I doing something wrong?" she asked.

"No nothing like that," Link said. "I mean…I don't know how Zoras…do certain things. By certain things, I mean…things that lovers do. Things that sometimes lead to…children."

"Oh," she blushed. "You mean mating…"

"I wouldn't put it quite like that, but…yeah. Not that I want to rush things…"

"No, it's fine," Ruto said. "I've actually been waiting for you to initiate things, but now I see you just don't know how."

"I know how for Hylians…not that I have any previous experience. I just go with what I read in the books."

"I understand," Ruto said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's basically the same. Zoras just need a little more stimulation. Want to try?"

"I don't know. This doesn't violate any Zora traditions or anything does it?"

"Well let's see," she said, pretending to think hard. "Yeah, I think interspecies premarital sex is frowned upon in Zoran society."

"Oh…"

Then, she gave a mischievous smile. "All the more fun in doing it. But it's just a little too easy for someone to see us here, even underwater. Know any other places with a decent body of water?"


Link and Ruto strolled into Hyrule Castle Town. Ruto was fully clothed in a blue dress, brown shoes, and an oversized, wide-brimmed purple hat to disguise her as a Hylian. Link led her into a particularly luxurious hotel.

"Hello," the clerk said, looking upon his odd state of dress. "Hey, kid, out of the way. Can't you see I have a customer? Hello, Miss. You look a little ill. Perhaps a stay in our facilities will help."

"Actually, we're together," she said, wrapping her arm around him. "Don't worry, he's not a poor as he looks."

"Thanks," Link said dryly. "Anyway, just give us the room with the biggest tub."

"And how will we be paying for our stay?" the clerk asked.

Link dropped two golden Rupees onto the desk. "How's that?"

"Excellent," the clerk said, tossing him the key to their room.


As Link and Ruto lay in each other's arms in the Jacuzzi-sized tub, they noticed the candles beginning to flicker out. Link nudged her, "The light's are giving out. Ready for bed?"

"I guess so," she said sleepily. "But leave the tub full. If I start choking in my sleep…"

"I know, I know," he said, lifting her out of the tub. "But I know for a fact Zoras can do just fine sleeping out of the water. I've done it myself a few times."

"Link," she said, as he set her down on the bed. "Thanks for today. Everything was wonderful. I hope it was for you, too."

"It definitely was," he said, kissing her forehead. "I hope all our days can be just as great as this. Sweet dreams, Princess."