Thessia
Liara's skycar set down in front of the T'Soni estate and Sen looked at her friend. Something lay in Liara's eyes, something deeper than the story she had been relaying, something other than the secrets that she had revealed thus far. Sen bit her lip, knowing that she needed to ask a question, but uncertain of the words with which to voice it. Her inquiry still had no form, no shape, but perhaps, if she gave it thought, she would be able to figure it out.
"Mother never…never talks about you." Sen mentioned.
"No." Liara shook her head and the pain in her eyes deepened. "She wouldn't."
"Did you…did you two have an argument?" Sen wondered. "A disagreement or something that drove you apart?"
Liara bit her lip, as if wondering how to answer. "Of a sort, you might say." she answered at last. "But it was neither of our doing, and beneath the brutality of extreme circumstance. I miss your mother, Sen. I miss her every day."
Though Liara's words were sorrowful, the asari laughed. Her eyes faded back into her memories, and Sen found a smile spreading across her face as Liara's mirth ensnared her.
"Why are you laughing?" Sen asked.
"Because I have been blessed." Liara replied. "It is so very rare in this life, Sen, to find those who care for you enough to never lie to you. Many friends are made who, when faced with presenting the truth, will dance around it, or shade it beneath so many layers of pleasantness that the bitterness of their words is dulled, and the truth they give you skewed. I have had three people in my life who have never shied away from being brutal in their honesty."
"Oh?" Sen asked.
"Serena Shepard. My father. And your mother." Liara said. "They all cared for me, and loved me in their ways, but never once did that love keep them from giving me the full gift of their truth, no matter how much it may have hurt me at the time to hear it."
Loved me in their ways…Liara's words played out in Sen's mind and puzzles wormed into her brain.
Love? Sen wondered. Did my mother love Liara T'Soni? Is that what their disagreement was about? Did Liara not return her affection? Or did…did something happen between them, so long ago? Something that should have kept them together, but instead drove them apart? Something like…something like Liara's lover returning from the dead. Oh great Goddess…
Sen shook her head, clearing away the thoughts. It was simply impossible. If her mother had loved Liara T'Soni in that way, then she surely would have spoken to her daughter about it. Or showed her in the many melds they had shared through Sen's childhood and over the decades.
Sen smiled as she remembered visiting Zhira on Illium, a few months after meeting Mira and establishing a relationship. She had spoken to her mother with exuberance, joy, and all the giddiness of a much younger maiden in love. Zhira had smiled at her daughter, rested a hand on her shoulder, and given her advice that she remembered to this day.
You're smart as all hell, Sen. But smart and love don't always mix. Listen to that heart of yours that you know so damn much about, all right? Learn from it. Sometimes love means not doing the smart thing. And that's okay.
Sen had asked her mother about those that Zhira had loved and, ever candid, her mother had asked for a knowledge meld. Through their link, she had shown Sen all of the ones that she held dear to her heart. A human woman, for ten years. A turian male, for twenty-three. An asari, whom Sen remembered from her childhood years. That had perhaps been Zhira's longest love, but it had not lasted.
In the meld, Zhira had shown Sen the triumphs of her relationships, but also the failures. She had been unequivocally fair, revealing to her daughter the moments that Zhira herself had been at fault. With great care, Zhira had taught Sen the pitfalls of affection and the grandeur of romance. Her daughter had emerged from the meld a wiser asari, but still…she had made mistakes. Mistakes that had jeopardized her relationship. Mistakes that Sen still hoped were not permanent damage between her and the woman she loved.
Sen exited the skycar and gathered her bags, deciding to save her questions for Liara until she had heard more. She would do the smart thing and be patient in her inquiries. Well…all but one.
"What happened next?" she asked as she walked through the doors with Liara.
Liara grinned at the eagerness she heard in Sen's tone.
"I continued to get better." she answered. "There were still days in which I craved oblivion, days in which I simply could not eat or think, or do anything but lie in bed and stare at the wall in listless, exhausted silence. Zhira continued to be patient. She never pushed me too far. She never demanded that I leap ahead in my recovery. She never asked more from me than I could give. If I did not have the strength to fight that day, she would sit beside me, hold my hand, and tell me to apply as much pressure as I needed to escape the pain in my body and mind. There were days in which a brief squeeze was enough…and days when I feared I might have broken her hand. If ever I did, she never mentioned it."
Sen nodded. The word "stoic" did not begin to describe Sen's mother. Zhira, like Liara, felt everything that surrounded her. Every emotion was greeted, recognized, and processed without flinching. Sen had noticed…those who felt everything, weathered everything, greeted the world with a false dispassionance that made them seem invulnerable. Stoicism was an attributed often given to those who refused to let emotion touch them. For Sen, the word bore a different meaning. It connoted those who were so at ease with themselves, so assured and confident in their emotions that their strength rendered them almost invulnerable.
Such was the character of Zhira T'Aryn. Such was the character of Liara T'Soni. Such was the character that Sen wished she possessed. But there were moments still where she hid from her own heart and kept secrets from her own mind. There were moments still where Sen refused to admit anger, confusion, or grief. Perhaps, someday, she would be as strong as her mother. As pure, fierce, and unassailable. Until that day, she would learn.
Sen entered the guest room she had stayed in earlier and began unzipping her bags as Liara opened drawers and the closet, making certain that Sen knew she was to consider this place a home of sorts.
"There was one night, however." Liara paused by the closet door, clinging to it as she remembered. "One night when Zhira did push me. I was so afraid, so broken…a fragile and trembling thing. I did not wish to listen to her that night." Liara confided. "But to this day, I am thankful that I did."
