Episode 36: Fuck EA

Dragoritus- I see that Overwatch still lacks a story.

Deadpool- So? It doesn't need one.

Dragoritus- Unreal tournament 4 I think it was... had a story mode and it was an arena shooter. But then again Overwatch has these fucking amazing animated shorts of each character that suggests there is a story in this game. But nope you've been lied to... hey kinda like Halo 5 was supposed to be about Master chief being hunted down by Locke and fight him which only happens once in the game which was pitiful and poorly executed.

Deadpool- Ok you've made your point don't make shorts about the game unless it's actually going to be in the game.

Dragoritus- Exactly... so I've gotten bored and watched some gameplayt of Alice madness returns, people keep telling me it's a good game. I tried it once but at the time I wasn't interested and stopped now I'm willing to give it a second chance. Cause I'm getting burnt out from all the ultra realistic games that have very little art style or flare other than being looking so real.

Deadpool- Hey EA pulled another EA.

Dragoritus- Huh (sees Visceral games is shutting down) Oh fuck you EA. FUCK YOU! We just lost a chance for a Dead space 4 or a Dante's inferno sequel because of you and you killed your own franchise that is Mass Effect. (Sees battle front 2's loot crates being shut off due to Disney getting off it's ass) HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Deadpool- Well shit...

Dragoritus- I fear for Dragon age more than ever now... Fuck EA with a giant ass street pole with a stop sign on it up it's own ass.

Deadpool- Damn... That sounds unbelievably painful...

Dragoritus- Activision has kept pretty quiet mostly except for Destiny 2 actually having a mediocre story. But now people are leaving Destiny 2 cause you know it has done nothing new other than a decent story one that when compared to Bungie's other works which is comprised of most of the Halo games very depressing.

Deadpool- Goku somehow achieved Ultra instinct and... overall I hated the idea of Goku getting this power, BUUUUUUUT it's dragon ball Goku MUST ALWAYS BULLSHIT HIS WAY AND HAVE PLOT ARMOR always. The episode itself was cool but it was predictable and the form's design looked awfully lazy. The animation was amazing when compared to the rest of the show, but the best part about this episode was the fact that Goku got his ass beaten.

Goku- Does that mean I get to come back?

Deadpool- Fuck no, your stupidity has gotten overbearingly annoying, the fact you don't know where babies come from is mind numbing even to virgins who simply know the fact of it. I'd argue your more of a gary-sue than any other character in the franchise, sure the new Saiyans are certainly Mary-sues but so where Goten and Trunks, and while Goku spent years dead and achieved the stupid looking super saiyan 3 while Gotenks does it within a few months within the hyperbolic time chamber.

Dragoritus- I gues I'm taking a break from the rantings now eh?

Deadpool- Just sit back and enjoy the Pool of Death's epic rant... Goku, you don't know what a kiss is, you only know how to fight, and you don't have any fucking logic or common sense, such as convincing the omni king to spare the universes that are in the tournament so that you could have more fights in the future. But fuck that idea lets have all of them erased so that they can be returned by the super Dragon balls or be simply scrapped just to be scrapped.

Goku- But the Super balls are a good idea...

Deadpool- And if you loose? Oh wait it's Dragon ball you're not allowed to loose, kinda like Superman, all that power and you always have to win in most of your fights. You never actually grow as a character you have had very few traumatic experiences that doesn't make you better as a character and no one else, that is more worthy than you actually get some attention they rightfully deserve. I want to know more Beerus and the other gods... more that hot Angel Vados...

Vados- Oh my...

Goku- Look whose talkin' I never beat Cell.

Deadpool- Hey I'm a gag character whose also a badass with his sword. You forfeited the match, and even then it was your own son who defeated him oh and somehow you bullshit being dead and are spiritually present to help Gohan defeat cell. Sure Buu is stronger than cell because you know he was unpredictable, the first villain to destroy the Earth just for the giggles but you used something that takes energy from everything it wasn't just you technically it was the entire Earth who killed Buu not necessarily you.

Plus you chose to train Uub over your granddaughter for your own enjoyment of a fight. Sure it's in your saiyan blood to do so but Vegeta has surpassed even the one limit YOU haven't even been able to. He outright refused to fight in the tournament just to ensure that his daughter and wife would be alright. That's something you lack Goku, any legit reason and behave that of annoying child.

Goku- No I don't.

Dragoritus- (Shows Goku punching Monoka to see how strong he is and is pouting after Beerus tells him to stop)

Goku- ...

Deadpool- What happens if you accidentally kill some dude in a friendly fight?

Goku- Dragon balls.

Dragoritus- ... Seriously?

Deadpool- Get the fuck out of here until you've actually re-earned your badasery don't come back. Jesus christ the idiot doesn't understand anything else besides fighting, even his enemies have more character development than he does. Piccolo learned how to let his evil nature go become more of a father to Gohan than even Goku. Vegeta finally got the chance to show he can become a good person underneath that hardened shell and semi-redeemed himself, Buu had a heart tugging moment with Hercule Satan of all people, and funny enough even Frieza set his bitterness with Goku aside to ensure the universe would survive though he's more than likely still a evil prick and plotting to kill Goku.

Dragoritus- Yet he hasn't changed since... well ever. So Halo wars 2's single player story dlc about the Flood is available... I'm not paying extra for a single player experience nor am I paying for the horde mode. Dlc that is story based or single player only, shouldn't be payed for, if it's to add to the already existing story or a game mode that should have been there at launch then make that free Witcher 3 did it why not anyone else? I'm looking at you Dragon age and Batman Arkham knight shitty overpriced dlc what's wrong you!

Death- Still no news of your entry sister Fury.

Fury- People think I look ugly and that my armor is... feminist inspired? Huh I wonder if they ever looked at Death at the begining of Darksiders 2 without any of his armor equipped he's just wearing leather pants and boots now look at him in the comics see he's quite different too. In the comics he has green eyes and has that awesome armor which is in game as a set. I mean I was also redesigned by the same guy who designed the entire series' characters. Plus War had a different armor set, Death had multiple so why can't I?

Darksiders fan poser- YOU'RE COMIC BOOK LOOK WAS BETTER!

Fury- Yes I know I was rocking with my cleavage, and in fact I'm wearing boob armor it doesn't even make sense but hey Uriel is doing it! So let's hope I get to have multiple outfits like Death... or Bayonetta you know takes some inspiration from my brother's wife.

Bayonetta- Love the shoes my dear.

Fury- Thank you.

Darksiders fan poser #2- HIGH HEELS DON'T BELONG IN DARKSIDERS!

Uriel (Shows high heeled armored shoes)- Is that so?

Lilith (rocking her demonic heels)- Excuuuuse me?

Darksiders fan poser #2- Oh uhhhhhhh... DARKSIDERS IS RUINED AND IS APPEALING TO FEMINISTS!

Dragoritus- Stop trying to ruin the return of a series that deserves a 3rd sequel and actually has reasons for having sequels.

EA- WE HAVE A PLAN TO RUIN STAR WARS MORE THAN GEORGE LUCAS!

George Lucas (Palms face)- Not this again...

Mickey Mouse- EA, THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!

EA- Uuuummmmm uhhhhhhhh...

Mickey (beats the shit out of EA)- FIX! THIS! SHIT! DON'T RUIN MY REPUTATION AND MAKE ME HAVE TO REMIND YPU WHOSE THE BITCH!

EA- I'M SORRY I FIX IT... temporarily...

Mickey (beats up Ea again)- GET THE FUCK UP BITCH! AND UNFUCK YOUR SHIT!

Deadpool- Damn...

Hellboy- Oh crap...

Some guy- The four horsemen are Death, War, Pestilence, and Famine! Not Fury and Strife.

Dragoritus- Death is the only one named, War is implied while the last two is up for debate and therefore could be anything due to them not being given a name.

Fury- Can we get back to the argument of my "fashion sense" not this petty (sighs) argument.

Dragoritus- Agreed.

Same guy- NO I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE GOING TO HELL FOR LYING SATAN WORSHIPPING SCUM!

Dragoritus- Ummmm... ok? You do you random guy overzealous guy, not judgin ya.

Sam- So... Goth fashion?

Fury- Yes! Look at my armor!

Raven- Not bad.

Jinx- I like the demonic eye placed above your boobs.

Fury- Awww thanks!

Alice- You're hair is rather floaty.

Death- Wait... I thought we only had three teenage daughters...

Bayonetta- (Whistles nervously)

Death- You adopted another?

Bayonetta- (shows Alice's magnificent hair physics and dresses) She makes my hair physics look like plastic. Even more so when compared to yours!

Death (looks at Alice)- You don't mind us adopting you right?

Alice- This is rather odd, no one has ever decided to adopt me before.

Chesire cat- Quite delicious if I'd say so myself.

Bayonetta- Oh hell yes, Chesire!

Luka- You call Bayonetta?

Death- Fuck off she's my wife in this story, boy.

Luka (Runs away)

Death- Creep.

Bayonetta- Oh are you jealous?

Death- No...

Alice (Points)- He's cheeks are blushing.

Raven- Oh wow I didn't see that.

Jinx- That's cute.

Sam- Huh good eye.

Bayonetta- Awwww you do have feelings. (kisses Death's mask)

Death- Stop. (Bayonetta kisses his mask again) Stop that.

Jack Sparrow- They could stop but that would imply they will stop so why not just go with with what the seas takes you.

Revy- Hey you got a drink I can have?

Jack Sparrow- Maybe... what's in it for me?

Revy (Shows off tits and flips him off)- This work.

Jack Sparrow (hands over a bottle of rum)- Why is rum gone?

Death- Of course...

Dragoritus- Well this is interesting... NOW ON WITH TEH MOTHER FUCKING SHOW!

IN THE LEGENDARY BAR OF BADASSES

Death was seen in the bar again as Asura was sitting and asked "So you're back huh?"

Death then stated while pouring a drink for Asura "Kratos is paying me triple the amount I was payed before."

Asura then shrugged and said "Well you did earn it."

Death then handed Asura the drink and said "Your damn I did, I literally had to clean up a broken down building... I don't clean up buildings."

Then the door was kicked down as a musclier blonde man with a smile on his face was seen as Death waved and said "Hey All Might."

(All Might- This guy... this fucking guy. He's an older man whose teaching younger heroes and has incredible strength, from My hero academia and the most powerful and most popular Hero in the series. Plus he's voiced by Chris Sabat, who is Piccolo and Vegeta... and Shenron. You know when this man voices a character he owns that character now.)

All Might placed his hands on his waist and gave a forced laugh "HAHAHA! I AM HERE!"

Death gave an unamused stare and said "I clearly see... All Might."

Then there was a long silence as All Might dropped a sweat and began to steam and thought "Shit not now!"

All Might then raised his hand and said "NOW I AM GONE! (runs off)"

Death and Asura looked at each other as Death asked "Why did that happen?'

Asura shrugged and suggested "Maybe a date with Midnight?"

Death shivered and said "No I doubt that...

Death and Bayonetta's house Last Night

Death was strapped to the bed naked as Bayonetta was in a dominatrix outfit along with the character Midnight and said "Ready my dear husband."

Death groaned as Midnight gave a sinister smile and said "Oh don't worry we'll make this last the night..."

X TRIANGLE CIRCLE SQUARE SQUARE LEFT STICK RIGHT STICK X X X!

Presently

Death shuddered and said "Why does my wife have so many friends who are willing to go into a threesome?"

Asura then shrugged and stated "I don't know maybe it's a umbra witch thing?"

Death then stated "Her mother doesn't do that as far as I'm told."

Then the door opened again and a humanoid creature walked in, his face was comparable to an octopus, his beard was made from a numerous amount of tentacles which coiled and wiggled in place. He had a crab claw, a crab peg leg, an a black trench coat with barnacles growing out of it and said "Do ya fear Death?"

Death then pointed at the man and said "I AM Death, Davy Jones."

(Davy Jones- From Pirates of the Caribbean, Davy Jones is... single handedly the best villain in the entire franchise, because when he showed up Jack was afraid and would do anything to get Jones away from him. Things got dark with the introduction of Jones, his design was unique and life like, and better yet was the fact he had a submarine sailing ship known as the legendary Flying Dutchman plus he had a pet Kraken which is badass enough on itself. But the mots badass thing Jones has ever done when you think about it... he literally killed a man with his beard... gross yes but still the fact he killed a man with his beard is insanely badass.)

Davy Jones then scoffed and said "And yet so easily coerced into a bartender."

Death eyed Jones as Kratos burst out of the office and shouted "Death we need more beer!"

Death grunted and slammed his head onto the counter shouting "FUCK!"

Davy Jones gave a sinister smirk and left the bar as Death growled in rage before Bayonetta walked in with baby Ashley in her arms and kissed Death's mask and said "Calm down hubby... plus I adopted another daughter..."

Then a girl with Black hair or was it dark brown... it it's hard to tell, she wore a white and blue dress with a bow over the back of her hips which had a skull at the center, the girl had bright green eyes and a bloody knife in hand. Death stared at the girl and said "Why am I not surprised by another adopted daughter?"

Bayonetta looked at the girl and said "This is Alice Liddle."

(Alice Liddle- From American Mcgee's Alice series... yes the man is named American Mcgee oddly enough, the series is a twisted dark take on Alice in wonderland. Alice seems unstable and somehow she's gain the ability to enter other people's minds, their own wonderland so to speak...

Deadpool- So basically she's a not so scary Alma Wade from F.E.A.R.)

Death eyed Alice whose hair physics literally broke reality as Death pointed at Asura who was chuckling and said "I'M NOT CLEANING THAT!"

Asura then countered "Heheheh well she is your daughter now right? So she is your responsibility."

Death gave an unamused glare at Asura who took a drink out of a cup and said "Savage."