Chapter 49
Together in the Shadows of Beauty
I'm quick in rushing to my door, my need to see Tasuki weighing on me like a heavy fog. I haven't realized how much I've missed him in the few hours we've been apart until I hear his impatient voice coming from the veranda, telling me that the maids are ogling him and to hurry and open the damn door. I stifle a giggle and quickly open my door to appease him. Overjoyed at seeing him again, I fling myself into his arms, earning a surprised grunt from him.
"I take it you're happy," he replies once I've released him, a lop- sided grin spread across his ever-handsome face. Gods, even when he's a teetering old man of seventy, wrinkled and gray-haired, I believe with all my heart that I will still find him beautiful. The thought makes me smile with glee.
He peeks around me, curious as to what my new chambers look like. An impressed whistle escapes his lips upon studying the extravagant surroundings. "Wow," he remarks, "Nice place, huh? Hell of a lot better than mine, that's for sure!" He looks down at me and gives me a wink, letting me know he's only teasing. Still, I can't help but play along.
"You're not jealous, are you?" I ask innocently, slipping my hand into his to lead him into the bedroom.
"Nah!" he answers nonchalantly, "I told them to give you and the other girls the best-and they did! As long as you're happy and comfy 'till I get back, I've got no complaints!" He stops me by pulling lightly on my hand, and surprises me with a swift motion of his arm, seizing me in his warm embrace. I fall into him happily, realizing how much I've missed the simple sensation of him hugging me. And to think that we won't be able to so much as speak to each other for the duration of the on-coming war is far too painful to give thought to. So I simply ignore it even though it is pressing on the corners of my mine. I lost him once, and by the grace of Suzaku he was returned to me, now I am about to lose him again, and I am sure only the combined grace of all the gods of Heaven will return him again. War is volatile and merciless. I could very much lose him forever.
And yet I hold on to him as if we were preparing to spend the rest of our lives together.
"Did things go well in the meeting with Chichiri and His Highness?" I inquire, curious as to what their strategy will be tomorrow. "Is everything prepared?"
"Just about," he answers, tightening his hold on me as if the simple mention of the war could rip him from me. "Almost all of the army divisions are already positioned on the eastern border. We'll be leaving before dawn to join the reserves at the outskirts of the city. We'll travel in back until we reach the battlefields-I just hope Miaka stays put if any of us need to reposition at any time."
"Lady Miaka?" I cry, looking up at him in surprise, "The Priestess? She's going with you?"
"We've tried to persuade her to stay behind, but the stubborn little idiot is set on going with us. I just hope she'll stay put in the back, even though I highly doubt it," he remarks, gazing down at the ground in obvious worry.
At hearing this, I'm suddenly struck with the idea to demand to go as well. If the Priestess is allowed to go, why the hell can't I?! I could take care of myself and not hinder any one; just as long as I'm allowed to be close to Tasuki, to know if he's still here in this world with me. But my better judgment helps me keep my mouth shut. He just risked his life fighting with Shingen to bring me and the other women here, the least I can do is thank him by doing all I can to remain out of harm's way. I can understand the Priestess's desire to be close to her warriors, but it would be foolish and selfish for me to go for the single reason of wanting to be close to Tasuki.
"She's in good hands," I reply, looking up at his tanned face to offer a smile of comfort and encouragement. "She has nothing in the world to worry about."
I know that both of us would like to believe my words, but it is near to impossible. Still, we allow slight smiles to pass over our faces before he sweeps me into his arms yet again.
"Gods, I've missed you," he whispers into my hair, his voice deep and husky, suddenly making my skin flush with warmth. He buries his face in the hollow of my neck, breathing in my scent. "I still can't believe that you want to marry me," he remarks.
"I do--more than anything," I answer, "Tonight, still?"
He pulls away only slightly in order to catch a glimpse of my eyes. "Only if you are entirely sure, Tansho. I don't want to-"
I bring my fingers to his lips to stop his words. He doesn't doubt my love. No, I know with all my heart that he feels my love more intensely than even the character on his forearm-the mark that is now gone due to the sealing away of our beloved god. What he doubts is my ability to become his wife, then watch him ride away into the depths of war, not knowing when I will see him again-or even if I will see him again at all. Like he told me in the carriage on the way to the palace-he doesn't wish to make me a widow before my time.
"I will become your wife on only one condition," I reply sternly, my dark gray eyes settling on his. "If you swear to love me for as long as you live, then I will marry you without a single hesitation."
My statement carries an obvious solemn connotation, and I know that he understands it. But our eyes still hold each other's affectionately, no anxiety, no bitterness towards our circumstances. We understand that tonight may be the only night we spend together as husband and wife, and yet the blunt realization of this doesn't seem to truly bother either of us. Both of our lives have been harsh and unpredictable, and yet we found each other in the midst of turmoil and fell in love in spite of numerous obstacles. And even though we have spent most of our time separated from each other, our intense passion has stayed alive. And we have somehow bonded to each other so that even though we are miles apart, our souls still find their way to each other over the mountains and oceans. Yes, I belong with him. And he belongs with me. If we have only one more night, than so be it. I will become the wife of the only man I've ever loved, and if I become a widow, than so be that as well.
"I swear," Tasuki answers me, his voice just as firm as mine.
This is all we need to know and to understand. All that is left to do is arrange a time and place for us to be married, and I'm quick to bring up that subject with a gentle smile to break to odd seriousness of our demeanors. I can tell that he is just as desperate to relapse into his usual nonchalant disposition.
Upon a quick discussion of locations for the event, I mention the seraglio courtyard. "It's like nothing you've ever seen," I gush, "It's absolutely gorgeous!"
"We've got plenty of time, Tan" he replies happily, "Let's go give it a look!"
I balk slightly when he entwines his fingers with mine to pull me after him. He turns his head to look back at me, wondering at my sudden behavior. "What's the matter?" he asks, surprised.
"You've-you've never--called me that before," I stutter. He's never before used any kind of pet name for me; just simply "Tansho". But I would be lying if I said I didn't like the sound of this plain but rather cute new name. Tan. I smile even though I'm still a bit shocked.
"Call you what? Tan?" he asks, "You don't like it? It just kinda slipped out-I can call you by your full name if you want."
"No, no," I quickly protest, shaking my head, "I like it; I've just never heard you call me anything but my whole name. But I don't mind at all!"
"Good!" he retorts, squeezing my hand affectionately and pulling me out of my bedroom and into the tiny alcove of my quarters. Here, he pulls me into him yet again and seals his mouth over mine in a breathtaking, blazing kiss that leaves me motionless for a few moments before I'm able to find myself. I return his hungry kiss with as much intensity and fire in which he gave it; both relaxed and enamored by the familiar but missed sensation of his smooth lips spread over mine. I slide my hands around his shoulders, pulling him deeper into me, pressing us closer together. In only a few more moments, I expect us to be sprawled on the floor, our clothes in heaps beside us as we entangle ourselves after far too long of being apart. But somehow I find the self-restraint to pull away from him before I wrestle him to the floor. I give him a final peck on the lips before smiling wickedly at him.
"Oh, that's just cruel," he protests quietly, pretending to be on the verge of tears.
"Now, now," I whisper, leaning into him to run my lips gently over the curve of his chin and the pronounced edge of his jaw, "We have some work to do. We'll have plenty of time tonight after the ceremony."
I watch as his eyes soften from the firm desire they once held. He understands what I want. It will be wonderful to make love again after so long of being separated-but it will be enhanced far more than we can imagine to make love on our wedding night.
A few minutes later and we are walking slowly hand-in-hand down one of the many pathways that amble throughout the courtyard. We weave our way around the colossal magnolia trees, sometimes having to duck so as not the hit our heads on the outstretched, warped branches weighed down with the heavy white blossoms. The drooping arms of the willow trees sway in the late summer breezes, dipping into the tiny steams that nourish them. Tasuki and I reach the center of the garden where the fountain stands guarded by the gazebos. My eyes wander towards the largest gazebo without my realizing it, and I find myself remembering the sorrowful story of Lady Tsuya. I tear my eyes away from the beauty of her gravesite and gaze up at my lover through the shadows caused by the thick arms of the magnolia trees. He's studying the fascinating splendor of the fountain and the circle of gazebos that surround it, his lips curved in an appreciative smile at its grandeur.
"How about here, Tan?" he asks, nodding at the nearest gazebo that stands on the west side of the fountain. He turns toward the west wall of the seraglio that separates it from the rest of the palace. "The sun will be setting over that wall-it'll be real pretty if we standing right here."
My lips part in bemusement; I never would have imagined he'd think of something like that. But he's right; the sun will be setting right in front of this gazebo, and it will no doubt awash the courtyard in exotic reds and pinks-the colors of good fortune and happiness. I smile up at him.
"How thoughtful," I remark, "I never would have though of something like that. It's perfect!"
Pleased with himself, he grins pompously at me. I grin back.
I suddenly feel tired even though I've hardly spent any time on my feet today. It is not a feeling of exhaustion; it's more like the desire to simply sit and relax in order to admire this gorgeous place. I move away from Tasuki towards one of the many magnolia trees. I would like to sit in the gentle shelter of one of the little gazebos, but I opt to let the thick, twisted branches of one of the magnolia trees protect me. I plop down quite unceremoniously by the trunk of the nearest tree and arrange my skirts around my legs, which are bent comfortably to the side to allow me to lean back against the firm tree. I sigh at the softness of the grass beneath me and the scent of the magnolia blossoms wafting down from the canopy over my head. I lift my head to call to Tasuki to come join me, but to my delighted surprise, he has already followed me to my little resting spot. I watch in interest as he eases himself to the ground a little more delicately than I bothered to do, and without warning, takes advantage of my invitingly soft lap. He leans back on the soft grass beneath the tree and rests his head on my thighs, arranging his arms comfortably on his stomach, and crossing his out-stretched legs.
I giggle at how completely content he appears, a sly smile on his face, his eyelids drooped closed. "Well," I comment, "Why don't you just make yourself comfortable, my dear."
"Why thank you very much, Tan baby," he retorts quietly, peeking up at me coyly with one open eye. I cannot rebuke him or his delightful charm. And I can't help but think of different he is from the man I first knew-the man who tried his damned hardest to stay away from me. I will never forget the stunned expression of his handsome face when I sat myself down in his slap that night at the tavern. And I especially will never forget his reaction to my brazen hand slipping beneath his overcoat and shirt to roam over his stomach. I grin at the memory and allow a chuckle to escape my lips. This catches his attention.
"What're you laughing at?"
"Nothing," I answer, "Just remembering when we first met."
He gives a knowing laugh, and I suddenly realize that we never before really discussed our beginnings. Curious, I decide to inquire him on a few things that have passed through my mind lately.
"Why did you fall in love with me?" I ask boldly, slipping my fingers into the silky strands of his hair splayed out onto my thighs. "I guess a better way to put that would be what made you want to take a chance on me?"
His eyes open slowly and I watch as they narrow in thought. He angles his head upwards toward me. "You were-just-different, I guess you could say." I frown. I expected more than that. He catches my meaning and is quick to elaborate. "It's just that with every woman I've met since I left home, there was always something about them that reminded me of either my mother or my sisters. But there was absolutely nothing about you that made me think of them."
I blink in astonishment. "Really?" I ask. "Nothing?"
He shakes his head, rubbing my thighs gently with his fiery hair. "Nope!" Then he gives me a devious grin that makes me frown slightly in worry. "And I think that little trick you pulled in the tavern helped wake me up."
"What trick?" I inquire curiously.
"You know, when you plopped down in my lap and started groping the hell out of me right in front of Chichiri and Nuriko!"
My fingers fly to my mouth. So he remembers that as vividly as I do. "I didn't grope you!" I quickly protest. "It's called 'caressing'."
"Whatever the hell you call it -- you certainly did it good!"
I can't help but giggle. And here I've thought all along that it irritated him what I did that night. But, according to his new revelation, it was quite the opposite.
After the initial shock of finding out my sly little touches actually helped, I muse over what he told me earlier for a moment. I remember him telling me once that his main reason for disliking women so much is due to his female-dominated family and the high-maintenance personalities of his sisters. But was there really nothing about me that reminded him of them? I wore powder and lip rogue occasionally. Certainly that would bring up unhappy memories of his sisters perhaps torturing him with their cosmetics, forcing him to the ground to paint his lips bright red just to watch him squirm and beg to be let go. But no. He said there was nothing.
"And what about you?" he suddenly asks, startling me from my thoughts. "What made you think of me as more than just another client?" His eyes are serious when they gaze at me, telling me that he had wondered this for quite a while now. "Why me and not another man? You must have known plenty who were different from all the others."
"That's true," I reply, an image of Akahito's sun-darkened face flashing in front of me for a moment, "I have known many men who struck me as kind or gentle or genuinely loving. But it wasn't those things that drew me to you. I sensed something in you very strange-something I didn't quite understand at first. Now that I truly think about it, I believe that it was the spirit of Suzaku I felt in you. I knew somehow that you were entirely different than all the men I've known-you were both gentle and powerful, and you were passionate and mischievous. There are too many things to name. But I still sensed them all, and I realized that I would never have the chance to know another man quiet like you." I glance down at his curious face and trail my fingers through his thick hair again. "I couldn't pass that chance over-I think it was my only one."
He looks up at me with satisfied eyes, and I can tell how deeply his soul is touched by what I just told him. Has no one else ever told him what a magnificent man he is? Am I the only one to have recognized the beauty and loving nature of his being? Certainly not-his Priestess and his fellow warriors must have felt it at some point in time. If they have not, they are fools.
I lean down and brush a feathery kiss over his lips, letting my hair slip from behind my shoulders to tickle his face. He reaches a hand up and takes a strand of it between his fingers, tucking it behind my ear, then letting his fingertips brush over my cheek before falling onto his stomach again.
"I've wanted to tell you something since I got back yesterday-I just haven't gotten a good opportunity yet until now," he replies, easing his way off my lap and sitting up in front of me.
Intrigued, I'm quick to urge him on with a perplexing gaze.
"Do you remember last night when I told you all that happened on our trip?" he begins. I nod silently. "Well, I didn't really tell you everything. When I got knocked off the ship while we were journeying to Hokkan, I sure as hell thought I was gonna drown. But right before Miaka jumped in to try to help me, I thought I saw you."
I knit my eyebrows together in bewilderment. He saw me? In the ocean? My mind whirls, and I suddenly remember the strange dream that I had the night I lost our child, but the memory does more damage than good. The image of the blood-soaked bed linens causes me to suck in a deep breath and turn my face away, hoping he won't see my memory. I'm not yet ready to tell him. Not now. Not when he needs strength and faith. Hearing about my miscarriage will only hurt him; I cannot do that to him now. I compose myself quickly and angle my face towards his again. "What do you mean?" I whisper.
"I just thought I saw your face in the waves, just beyond my reach. And I thought I heard you calling out to me," he answers, his voice slightly unsteady. "And then I thought I saw you again when Nuriko died. I was leaning up against a rock, crying my eyes out, and I could have sworn you were right there in front of me for just a few moments. Then you were gone."
My heart begins to race madly in my chest. What happened that night? How is that I dreamed of him, and he saw visions of me in the exact places I dreamt him to be in? Did my soul travel over the ocean and lands to seek him out?
"Those aren't the only times though, Tan," he continues, "We were in the Sairo desert, under Tomo's spell. It wasn't until days later that I found out all of us had been out there in the middle of the desert for days, slowly dying while our minds were trapped in Tomo's illusion. When we eventually came to, I thought I felt you for a moment before I totally woke up and realized where I was. And the last time was when Chiriko died. I was leaning over him and I felt something touch my hair, and it reminded me of how you would run your hands through my hair. I was sure that when I turned around, you'd be there standing over me. But you weren't."
I lean my head back against the thick trunk of the magnolia tree, my heart pounding, my blood flowing insanely through my veins. Dear gods, what happened to us that night? How can it be explained? For a moment, I wrestle with myself, wondering if I should tell him about my dream. I saw him in all those places, I called out to him, I touched him, and yet I thought it was only a dream. Is it possible that my spirit escaped my body and reached him somehow?
"I dreamt of you," I whisper, my eyes staring blindly into the beautiful shadows of the garden around us. "I saw you in the ocean, and sitting in the snow, in the desert, and with Chiriko." I meet his astounded gaze. "And I called out to you when you were in the water, and I tried to comfort you when you were weeping for Chiriko. I thought I was only dreaming. I thought you would never know I was there."
He stares at me as if I am a witch, or a clairvoyant. And yet there is not fear or suspicion in his exotically beautiful eyes. There is what can only be called awe. And it is buried deep in his gaze, never to be uprooted. "How can that be?" he asks gently, lifting his hand and placing it over mine.
I say the only thing that I know to say. "I missed you so much," I reply. "I guess we just missed each other too much to stay apart any longer."
"Yeah," he answers weakly, as if it is only one of hundreds of answers. "I guess so."
A/N: Well, as you can see, some loose ends are slowly but surely being tied up. But damn, it's hard keeping up with them some times. I actually have to keep tract of all the loose ends and when I plan on addressing them and tying them up in my "idea book" (where I write every idea, thought, etc. for all my writing). From one writer to another, trust me - write it down the minute it comes to you and your life will go a lot smoother. ^_^
Anyways, sorry for the tangent. Ok, so Tasuki and Tansho have discussed the wedding and everything's set! But will they have a chance to enjoy it with the war looming in the distance?
Thanks a bunch for all the great reviews. I'm ecstatic every time you guys mention anything about my fic that you liked. It makes me feel very fulfilled as a writer. I'm going to be so sad when this story is completed, but I'm definitely going to feel like I've contributed to the world of writing. ^_^
Oh, P.S, I'm very sorry for the late update, but as I warned last chapter, my schedule is starting to really get freaked up. I'm about to start a part-time job, too, and I can only imagine what that's gonna do to my writing habits. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there. ^_^
Together in the Shadows of Beauty
I'm quick in rushing to my door, my need to see Tasuki weighing on me like a heavy fog. I haven't realized how much I've missed him in the few hours we've been apart until I hear his impatient voice coming from the veranda, telling me that the maids are ogling him and to hurry and open the damn door. I stifle a giggle and quickly open my door to appease him. Overjoyed at seeing him again, I fling myself into his arms, earning a surprised grunt from him.
"I take it you're happy," he replies once I've released him, a lop- sided grin spread across his ever-handsome face. Gods, even when he's a teetering old man of seventy, wrinkled and gray-haired, I believe with all my heart that I will still find him beautiful. The thought makes me smile with glee.
He peeks around me, curious as to what my new chambers look like. An impressed whistle escapes his lips upon studying the extravagant surroundings. "Wow," he remarks, "Nice place, huh? Hell of a lot better than mine, that's for sure!" He looks down at me and gives me a wink, letting me know he's only teasing. Still, I can't help but play along.
"You're not jealous, are you?" I ask innocently, slipping my hand into his to lead him into the bedroom.
"Nah!" he answers nonchalantly, "I told them to give you and the other girls the best-and they did! As long as you're happy and comfy 'till I get back, I've got no complaints!" He stops me by pulling lightly on my hand, and surprises me with a swift motion of his arm, seizing me in his warm embrace. I fall into him happily, realizing how much I've missed the simple sensation of him hugging me. And to think that we won't be able to so much as speak to each other for the duration of the on-coming war is far too painful to give thought to. So I simply ignore it even though it is pressing on the corners of my mine. I lost him once, and by the grace of Suzaku he was returned to me, now I am about to lose him again, and I am sure only the combined grace of all the gods of Heaven will return him again. War is volatile and merciless. I could very much lose him forever.
And yet I hold on to him as if we were preparing to spend the rest of our lives together.
"Did things go well in the meeting with Chichiri and His Highness?" I inquire, curious as to what their strategy will be tomorrow. "Is everything prepared?"
"Just about," he answers, tightening his hold on me as if the simple mention of the war could rip him from me. "Almost all of the army divisions are already positioned on the eastern border. We'll be leaving before dawn to join the reserves at the outskirts of the city. We'll travel in back until we reach the battlefields-I just hope Miaka stays put if any of us need to reposition at any time."
"Lady Miaka?" I cry, looking up at him in surprise, "The Priestess? She's going with you?"
"We've tried to persuade her to stay behind, but the stubborn little idiot is set on going with us. I just hope she'll stay put in the back, even though I highly doubt it," he remarks, gazing down at the ground in obvious worry.
At hearing this, I'm suddenly struck with the idea to demand to go as well. If the Priestess is allowed to go, why the hell can't I?! I could take care of myself and not hinder any one; just as long as I'm allowed to be close to Tasuki, to know if he's still here in this world with me. But my better judgment helps me keep my mouth shut. He just risked his life fighting with Shingen to bring me and the other women here, the least I can do is thank him by doing all I can to remain out of harm's way. I can understand the Priestess's desire to be close to her warriors, but it would be foolish and selfish for me to go for the single reason of wanting to be close to Tasuki.
"She's in good hands," I reply, looking up at his tanned face to offer a smile of comfort and encouragement. "She has nothing in the world to worry about."
I know that both of us would like to believe my words, but it is near to impossible. Still, we allow slight smiles to pass over our faces before he sweeps me into his arms yet again.
"Gods, I've missed you," he whispers into my hair, his voice deep and husky, suddenly making my skin flush with warmth. He buries his face in the hollow of my neck, breathing in my scent. "I still can't believe that you want to marry me," he remarks.
"I do--more than anything," I answer, "Tonight, still?"
He pulls away only slightly in order to catch a glimpse of my eyes. "Only if you are entirely sure, Tansho. I don't want to-"
I bring my fingers to his lips to stop his words. He doesn't doubt my love. No, I know with all my heart that he feels my love more intensely than even the character on his forearm-the mark that is now gone due to the sealing away of our beloved god. What he doubts is my ability to become his wife, then watch him ride away into the depths of war, not knowing when I will see him again-or even if I will see him again at all. Like he told me in the carriage on the way to the palace-he doesn't wish to make me a widow before my time.
"I will become your wife on only one condition," I reply sternly, my dark gray eyes settling on his. "If you swear to love me for as long as you live, then I will marry you without a single hesitation."
My statement carries an obvious solemn connotation, and I know that he understands it. But our eyes still hold each other's affectionately, no anxiety, no bitterness towards our circumstances. We understand that tonight may be the only night we spend together as husband and wife, and yet the blunt realization of this doesn't seem to truly bother either of us. Both of our lives have been harsh and unpredictable, and yet we found each other in the midst of turmoil and fell in love in spite of numerous obstacles. And even though we have spent most of our time separated from each other, our intense passion has stayed alive. And we have somehow bonded to each other so that even though we are miles apart, our souls still find their way to each other over the mountains and oceans. Yes, I belong with him. And he belongs with me. If we have only one more night, than so be it. I will become the wife of the only man I've ever loved, and if I become a widow, than so be that as well.
"I swear," Tasuki answers me, his voice just as firm as mine.
This is all we need to know and to understand. All that is left to do is arrange a time and place for us to be married, and I'm quick to bring up that subject with a gentle smile to break to odd seriousness of our demeanors. I can tell that he is just as desperate to relapse into his usual nonchalant disposition.
Upon a quick discussion of locations for the event, I mention the seraglio courtyard. "It's like nothing you've ever seen," I gush, "It's absolutely gorgeous!"
"We've got plenty of time, Tan" he replies happily, "Let's go give it a look!"
I balk slightly when he entwines his fingers with mine to pull me after him. He turns his head to look back at me, wondering at my sudden behavior. "What's the matter?" he asks, surprised.
"You've-you've never--called me that before," I stutter. He's never before used any kind of pet name for me; just simply "Tansho". But I would be lying if I said I didn't like the sound of this plain but rather cute new name. Tan. I smile even though I'm still a bit shocked.
"Call you what? Tan?" he asks, "You don't like it? It just kinda slipped out-I can call you by your full name if you want."
"No, no," I quickly protest, shaking my head, "I like it; I've just never heard you call me anything but my whole name. But I don't mind at all!"
"Good!" he retorts, squeezing my hand affectionately and pulling me out of my bedroom and into the tiny alcove of my quarters. Here, he pulls me into him yet again and seals his mouth over mine in a breathtaking, blazing kiss that leaves me motionless for a few moments before I'm able to find myself. I return his hungry kiss with as much intensity and fire in which he gave it; both relaxed and enamored by the familiar but missed sensation of his smooth lips spread over mine. I slide my hands around his shoulders, pulling him deeper into me, pressing us closer together. In only a few more moments, I expect us to be sprawled on the floor, our clothes in heaps beside us as we entangle ourselves after far too long of being apart. But somehow I find the self-restraint to pull away from him before I wrestle him to the floor. I give him a final peck on the lips before smiling wickedly at him.
"Oh, that's just cruel," he protests quietly, pretending to be on the verge of tears.
"Now, now," I whisper, leaning into him to run my lips gently over the curve of his chin and the pronounced edge of his jaw, "We have some work to do. We'll have plenty of time tonight after the ceremony."
I watch as his eyes soften from the firm desire they once held. He understands what I want. It will be wonderful to make love again after so long of being separated-but it will be enhanced far more than we can imagine to make love on our wedding night.
A few minutes later and we are walking slowly hand-in-hand down one of the many pathways that amble throughout the courtyard. We weave our way around the colossal magnolia trees, sometimes having to duck so as not the hit our heads on the outstretched, warped branches weighed down with the heavy white blossoms. The drooping arms of the willow trees sway in the late summer breezes, dipping into the tiny steams that nourish them. Tasuki and I reach the center of the garden where the fountain stands guarded by the gazebos. My eyes wander towards the largest gazebo without my realizing it, and I find myself remembering the sorrowful story of Lady Tsuya. I tear my eyes away from the beauty of her gravesite and gaze up at my lover through the shadows caused by the thick arms of the magnolia trees. He's studying the fascinating splendor of the fountain and the circle of gazebos that surround it, his lips curved in an appreciative smile at its grandeur.
"How about here, Tan?" he asks, nodding at the nearest gazebo that stands on the west side of the fountain. He turns toward the west wall of the seraglio that separates it from the rest of the palace. "The sun will be setting over that wall-it'll be real pretty if we standing right here."
My lips part in bemusement; I never would have imagined he'd think of something like that. But he's right; the sun will be setting right in front of this gazebo, and it will no doubt awash the courtyard in exotic reds and pinks-the colors of good fortune and happiness. I smile up at him.
"How thoughtful," I remark, "I never would have though of something like that. It's perfect!"
Pleased with himself, he grins pompously at me. I grin back.
I suddenly feel tired even though I've hardly spent any time on my feet today. It is not a feeling of exhaustion; it's more like the desire to simply sit and relax in order to admire this gorgeous place. I move away from Tasuki towards one of the many magnolia trees. I would like to sit in the gentle shelter of one of the little gazebos, but I opt to let the thick, twisted branches of one of the magnolia trees protect me. I plop down quite unceremoniously by the trunk of the nearest tree and arrange my skirts around my legs, which are bent comfortably to the side to allow me to lean back against the firm tree. I sigh at the softness of the grass beneath me and the scent of the magnolia blossoms wafting down from the canopy over my head. I lift my head to call to Tasuki to come join me, but to my delighted surprise, he has already followed me to my little resting spot. I watch in interest as he eases himself to the ground a little more delicately than I bothered to do, and without warning, takes advantage of my invitingly soft lap. He leans back on the soft grass beneath the tree and rests his head on my thighs, arranging his arms comfortably on his stomach, and crossing his out-stretched legs.
I giggle at how completely content he appears, a sly smile on his face, his eyelids drooped closed. "Well," I comment, "Why don't you just make yourself comfortable, my dear."
"Why thank you very much, Tan baby," he retorts quietly, peeking up at me coyly with one open eye. I cannot rebuke him or his delightful charm. And I can't help but think of different he is from the man I first knew-the man who tried his damned hardest to stay away from me. I will never forget the stunned expression of his handsome face when I sat myself down in his slap that night at the tavern. And I especially will never forget his reaction to my brazen hand slipping beneath his overcoat and shirt to roam over his stomach. I grin at the memory and allow a chuckle to escape my lips. This catches his attention.
"What're you laughing at?"
"Nothing," I answer, "Just remembering when we first met."
He gives a knowing laugh, and I suddenly realize that we never before really discussed our beginnings. Curious, I decide to inquire him on a few things that have passed through my mind lately.
"Why did you fall in love with me?" I ask boldly, slipping my fingers into the silky strands of his hair splayed out onto my thighs. "I guess a better way to put that would be what made you want to take a chance on me?"
His eyes open slowly and I watch as they narrow in thought. He angles his head upwards toward me. "You were-just-different, I guess you could say." I frown. I expected more than that. He catches my meaning and is quick to elaborate. "It's just that with every woman I've met since I left home, there was always something about them that reminded me of either my mother or my sisters. But there was absolutely nothing about you that made me think of them."
I blink in astonishment. "Really?" I ask. "Nothing?"
He shakes his head, rubbing my thighs gently with his fiery hair. "Nope!" Then he gives me a devious grin that makes me frown slightly in worry. "And I think that little trick you pulled in the tavern helped wake me up."
"What trick?" I inquire curiously.
"You know, when you plopped down in my lap and started groping the hell out of me right in front of Chichiri and Nuriko!"
My fingers fly to my mouth. So he remembers that as vividly as I do. "I didn't grope you!" I quickly protest. "It's called 'caressing'."
"Whatever the hell you call it -- you certainly did it good!"
I can't help but giggle. And here I've thought all along that it irritated him what I did that night. But, according to his new revelation, it was quite the opposite.
After the initial shock of finding out my sly little touches actually helped, I muse over what he told me earlier for a moment. I remember him telling me once that his main reason for disliking women so much is due to his female-dominated family and the high-maintenance personalities of his sisters. But was there really nothing about me that reminded him of them? I wore powder and lip rogue occasionally. Certainly that would bring up unhappy memories of his sisters perhaps torturing him with their cosmetics, forcing him to the ground to paint his lips bright red just to watch him squirm and beg to be let go. But no. He said there was nothing.
"And what about you?" he suddenly asks, startling me from my thoughts. "What made you think of me as more than just another client?" His eyes are serious when they gaze at me, telling me that he had wondered this for quite a while now. "Why me and not another man? You must have known plenty who were different from all the others."
"That's true," I reply, an image of Akahito's sun-darkened face flashing in front of me for a moment, "I have known many men who struck me as kind or gentle or genuinely loving. But it wasn't those things that drew me to you. I sensed something in you very strange-something I didn't quite understand at first. Now that I truly think about it, I believe that it was the spirit of Suzaku I felt in you. I knew somehow that you were entirely different than all the men I've known-you were both gentle and powerful, and you were passionate and mischievous. There are too many things to name. But I still sensed them all, and I realized that I would never have the chance to know another man quiet like you." I glance down at his curious face and trail my fingers through his thick hair again. "I couldn't pass that chance over-I think it was my only one."
He looks up at me with satisfied eyes, and I can tell how deeply his soul is touched by what I just told him. Has no one else ever told him what a magnificent man he is? Am I the only one to have recognized the beauty and loving nature of his being? Certainly not-his Priestess and his fellow warriors must have felt it at some point in time. If they have not, they are fools.
I lean down and brush a feathery kiss over his lips, letting my hair slip from behind my shoulders to tickle his face. He reaches a hand up and takes a strand of it between his fingers, tucking it behind my ear, then letting his fingertips brush over my cheek before falling onto his stomach again.
"I've wanted to tell you something since I got back yesterday-I just haven't gotten a good opportunity yet until now," he replies, easing his way off my lap and sitting up in front of me.
Intrigued, I'm quick to urge him on with a perplexing gaze.
"Do you remember last night when I told you all that happened on our trip?" he begins. I nod silently. "Well, I didn't really tell you everything. When I got knocked off the ship while we were journeying to Hokkan, I sure as hell thought I was gonna drown. But right before Miaka jumped in to try to help me, I thought I saw you."
I knit my eyebrows together in bewilderment. He saw me? In the ocean? My mind whirls, and I suddenly remember the strange dream that I had the night I lost our child, but the memory does more damage than good. The image of the blood-soaked bed linens causes me to suck in a deep breath and turn my face away, hoping he won't see my memory. I'm not yet ready to tell him. Not now. Not when he needs strength and faith. Hearing about my miscarriage will only hurt him; I cannot do that to him now. I compose myself quickly and angle my face towards his again. "What do you mean?" I whisper.
"I just thought I saw your face in the waves, just beyond my reach. And I thought I heard you calling out to me," he answers, his voice slightly unsteady. "And then I thought I saw you again when Nuriko died. I was leaning up against a rock, crying my eyes out, and I could have sworn you were right there in front of me for just a few moments. Then you were gone."
My heart begins to race madly in my chest. What happened that night? How is that I dreamed of him, and he saw visions of me in the exact places I dreamt him to be in? Did my soul travel over the ocean and lands to seek him out?
"Those aren't the only times though, Tan," he continues, "We were in the Sairo desert, under Tomo's spell. It wasn't until days later that I found out all of us had been out there in the middle of the desert for days, slowly dying while our minds were trapped in Tomo's illusion. When we eventually came to, I thought I felt you for a moment before I totally woke up and realized where I was. And the last time was when Chiriko died. I was leaning over him and I felt something touch my hair, and it reminded me of how you would run your hands through my hair. I was sure that when I turned around, you'd be there standing over me. But you weren't."
I lean my head back against the thick trunk of the magnolia tree, my heart pounding, my blood flowing insanely through my veins. Dear gods, what happened to us that night? How can it be explained? For a moment, I wrestle with myself, wondering if I should tell him about my dream. I saw him in all those places, I called out to him, I touched him, and yet I thought it was only a dream. Is it possible that my spirit escaped my body and reached him somehow?
"I dreamt of you," I whisper, my eyes staring blindly into the beautiful shadows of the garden around us. "I saw you in the ocean, and sitting in the snow, in the desert, and with Chiriko." I meet his astounded gaze. "And I called out to you when you were in the water, and I tried to comfort you when you were weeping for Chiriko. I thought I was only dreaming. I thought you would never know I was there."
He stares at me as if I am a witch, or a clairvoyant. And yet there is not fear or suspicion in his exotically beautiful eyes. There is what can only be called awe. And it is buried deep in his gaze, never to be uprooted. "How can that be?" he asks gently, lifting his hand and placing it over mine.
I say the only thing that I know to say. "I missed you so much," I reply. "I guess we just missed each other too much to stay apart any longer."
"Yeah," he answers weakly, as if it is only one of hundreds of answers. "I guess so."
A/N: Well, as you can see, some loose ends are slowly but surely being tied up. But damn, it's hard keeping up with them some times. I actually have to keep tract of all the loose ends and when I plan on addressing them and tying them up in my "idea book" (where I write every idea, thought, etc. for all my writing). From one writer to another, trust me - write it down the minute it comes to you and your life will go a lot smoother. ^_^
Anyways, sorry for the tangent. Ok, so Tasuki and Tansho have discussed the wedding and everything's set! But will they have a chance to enjoy it with the war looming in the distance?
Thanks a bunch for all the great reviews. I'm ecstatic every time you guys mention anything about my fic that you liked. It makes me feel very fulfilled as a writer. I'm going to be so sad when this story is completed, but I'm definitely going to feel like I've contributed to the world of writing. ^_^
Oh, P.S, I'm very sorry for the late update, but as I warned last chapter, my schedule is starting to really get freaked up. I'm about to start a part-time job, too, and I can only imagine what that's gonna do to my writing habits. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there. ^_^
