Hi guys. Sorry the updating is still slow. I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I don't feel very motivated to write this story anymore. I'm having some sort of writer's block and I'm running out of ideas, plus I barely get reviews anymore and it's very discouraging. So please if you want me to continue this story and update faster post a review, it doesn't take that much time :3

Enjoy the chapter (:

Chapter 53 iSlowly recover

~ * Brad * ~

I lie down on my bed in my apartment, staring up at the ceiling. Carly, Sam and Freddie went off to some iCarly fan day. They asked me to come but I don't think all the attention and fan wars are really my thing. Today's gonna be a boring day.

It's been about 3 months now since Freddie and I were involved in that incident in the city. We have been talking to the psychiatrist every week and for me, things were going pretty well.

We discovered that Freddie indeed has PTSD and it's been hard to deal with. In the first few weeks it seemed like Freddie only got worse. He had lots of flashbacks and he even started to become anxious and had some panic attacks.

Then after that stage he started isolating himself from us. Sam was absolutely helpless. She wanted to help him and be there for him so bad but Freddie just kind of pushed her away and sat in his room depressed.

It was horrible to see. We all tried to cheer him up and be there for him but it didn't work. And of course, Marissa realized something was wrong and we had to tell her what happened.

It worried her so much and once Freddie found out we told her he was so mad at us and started to even push his mom away too.

It was absolutely devastating for Sam and Marissa. Whenever I came around Carly's every night I almost always found Sam crying on her couch, Carly trying to comfort her and calm her down.

Marissa sat at the Shay's kitchen table every morning before she went to work ranting to Spencer about what happened between her and Freddie or Sam and Freddie the previous day and crying, Spencer trying to comfort her down in his usual Spencer ways.

Sam and Marissa both were absolutely broken cause of the situation and the way Freddie acted towards them. It was terrible to see them like that and I wouldn't wish it to anyone.

Carly and me kind of just felt confused and lost. We didn't know what to do at all and just tried to keep ourselves together for each other and for the three Benson's and Spencer.

About 1,5 month after the incident it got to the worst point when Freddie would lock himself in his room depressed all day and tried everything he could to keep up well with his school work to not disappoint his mom or himself, not talking to or seeing anyone. He'd only come out for school and iCarly rehearsals and webisodes and then even when he did, he'd talk as least as possible and went home to lock himself up in his room again as soon as he could.

For Sam that was her breaking point, she'd stay at Carly's all day, trying to keep herself together and not burst out in tears every minute. Me and Carly would try to cheer her up and do fun things with her to keep her mind off everything, but it was hard, especially since I saw Carly was having a really hard time with it too and I wasn't feeling great about it myself either.

So that pushed all of us to ask the psychiatrist for more help. We asked her if she could give some medicine to Freddie to make him feel less depressed and anxious. And thank god she did give him that.

Under the influence of the medicine Freddie seemed to be getting better slowly and that was a big relief for all of us. I started to feel completely okay again regarding the incident, sure I still thought about it sometimes and it made me sad but that was it.

Sam and Marissa couldn't be happier when they saw Freddie started to feel better again and they even started to give the psychiatrist small presents to thank her for it, which in my opinion is a little over the top since she just gave him some medicine and it's her job.

But still I was glad things were starting to go a lot better again. Carly and mine's relationship grew more and more and I felt more in love with her than ever, and that felt amazing.

On the other hand, Sam and Freddie's relationship only seemed to go downhill. There was a lot of tension between them and they started to argue a lot again like they used to do when they dated for the first time.

I knew Sam was still just really hurt about what happened and she couldn't help but turn her sad emotions into anger like she had always done before her and Freddie got back together.

Freddie got annoyed by that and didn't understand where all her anger came from which caused them to argue even more.

Now, that's still the case. It's like the better Carly and mine's relationship gets, the worse Sam and Freddie's is becoming.

Freddie is trying to build off his medicine use which causes him to be moody and chaotic, which is something Sam isn't used to from him and causes them to argue more than ever.

Ever since Sam and Freddie got back together I've never seen them argue like this. I know it's driving Carly crazy, especially at times when I'm not there with them and she's alone with them.

The tension between the two of them really worries me and I don't know how long they and Carly can still take it…I don't have a good feeling about this…

~ * Freddie * ~

I sit in the backseat of Carly's car with Sam next to me. We're on the way back home from an iCarly fan day. Today was hectic, how could it be different on fan days, but it wasn't just because of that.

It's like the better I'm getting, the more upset Sam gets with me and I have no idea what I've done to her to be treated this way. I mean, yes I pushed her away about 1,5 month ago, but that was just to keep myself from hurting her. And I know it did hurt her, but it wasn't like I asked for this to happen.

Normally if Sam and I were in a backseat together we'd act all lovey-dovey, I'd wrap my arm around her and she would put her head on my shoulder. And I would stroke her hair while holding her hand and whispering sweet things in her ear. And she would try to turn me on, and then I would make love to her when we got home, but it's different now, it's all different…

Today has been pretty crap, you never know how fan days turn out but this one definitely didn't go well.

Of course first of all, fans went crazy over me and Sam being together. But of course the way Sam is, that annoyed her and she started fighting with some of them, which caused 3 people to be taken to the hospital.

I roll my eyes to myself. ''I can't believe you put 3 people in the hospital.''

''Well they annoyed me…'' Sam groans slightly.

''I thought you were over that… you haven't been this way in months Sam.''

''Well I'm sorry I can't live up to your expectations of me.'' Sam sighs.

''Sam I didn't-''

Sam cuts me off. ''Just shut uppp!''

I shake my head and sigh deeply. Why the hell is she being like this. I'm becoming better and happier again, isn't that what she wants? Doesn't she want me to be happy?

Carly sighs. ''Sam I'm sorry but I'm with Freddie on this one…why are you being like this?''

Sam groans. ''What is it pick on Puckett day today?''

Carly sighs again. ''No I just wanna know wh-''

Sam cuts her off again. ''Just drive…'' she sighs.

The whole way home Sam, Carly and me just sit in the car silent. I stare out of the window confused about the whole situation. I really just don't understand why Sam's being this way. I'm gonna have to talk to her when we get home cause I can't take this.

After Sam's fight with the fans the day went pretty well, until a few hours later. When Sam's around iCarly fans or any other people apart from me, Carly, Brad and my mom she starts to put up her tough act again, and I just don't get why she does that. Doesn't she understand we all love her for who she is?

At a certain moment Sam and I were left alone today behind the scenes. I thought that would be a nice moment to talk about what's going on lately but apparently Sam didn't think so…

I tried to talk to her and in the end that ended up with her slapping me in the face, and that hadn't happened in nearly a year! I didn't even insult her or said anything bad about her, I just wanted to know what's going on.

Maybe I'll include my mom in our conversation at home, she's a woman, maybe she will understand what's going on with her…

The way Sam's acting is honestly worrying me… she hasn't acted this way in so long, and I know she only does it when something's very wrong or whenever she doesn't know how to deal with her emotions.

I glance over at her and sigh sadly to myself as I see her look out of the window, playing with her fingers. I look into the mirror, my eyes meeting with Carly's, and the look into her eyes tells me that she worries about Sam and our relationship too.

If this continues any longer, it will just ruin our relationship, and that's my biggest fear. I can't and don't wanna lose Sam. She's my wife, my best friend and my everything, and no matter what happens I love her more than anything and that will never change. I will NOT lose her! I'll do everything it takes…