New chapter! This one is kind of dark...and strange...but oh well.

Please leave a review and let me know what you think of it! :)


"You have to stop this Tyler."

Turning around from where he was bent over their shared desk Tyler leveled his gaze at Reid. Looking past his annoyed roommate Reid peered at the two thin lines of cocaine were meticulously drawn out on the dark mahogany.

"And what? Stopping this is magically going to fix everything?"

He's being snarky. He's always snarky when Reid mentions quitting.

Reid scowls at him and locks their dorm room door behind him, kicking off his shoes and curling up on his bed, watching as Tyler took the small rolled up piece of paper, an old math test he'd passed with a perfect score and snorted the cocaine up his nostril.

Straightening up Tyler turns around and examines Reid's disgruntled face.

"So you want me to stop this."

"Yes."

"Because if I stop then everything else falls apart." Tyler is silent for a moment, "You know that Reid."

"No I don't. And neither do you, because you've never tried to quit before."

Tyler raises an eyebrow and whips around, stalking into their shared bathroom and opening the medicine cabinet. A visual display of how fucked up he really is.

"Adderall. Cocaine. Ritalin. Oxycontin. Vicodin."

He lists out the names of the drugs he's on and Reid squirms under his gaze.

"If I stop this shit, I won't pass my classes this term. I won't get a perfect GPA. I won't make varsity swim team. I won't get the summer internship. I won't get into Yale."

"Tyler-"

"Nothing I need to happen will happen without this shit Reid!"

Reid hangs his head, because he knows this. It's true. Tyler has a fucking checklist posted next to his bed, a checklist of things he needs to accomplish in life and he can't do it without these drugs.

He needs to function on a higher level than human beings are meant to. And Reid gets this.

But he doesn't like it. He doesn't condone it.

And the only thing stopping him from going to Caleb is that Tyler is Tyler.

That it's Tyler who's the drug addict.

His baby boy.

His best friend.

He loves him. So much. Too much.

Too much to help him, to save Tyler from himself. Too much. Far too much.

"Fuck Tyler…this…"

"Just shut up about it Reid."

Tyler never talks this way when he's not high. When he's sober Tyler is quiet. When he's high he's authoritarian. But no one ever sees Tyler high except for Reid.

"You haven't slept in two days!" Reid protests weakly and Tyler scowls.

"And you keep bleeding all over your sheets when you sleep! What? Are we listing out the cons to our vices now?"

Tyler paced back and forth across their small dorm room while Reid examines his own bed sheets and finds that Tyler is right, there are blood stains everywhere.

"Shit."

"Yeah. Do you even know how much I fucking spend on bleach because of you? A goddamn fortune."

Hanging his head Reid shrugs, normally he's the bossy one. The stuck up, badass, mouthy one. But when Tyler's high he takes over. Takes control of their relationship and puts Reid in his place. It's normally a good thing because no one else ever puts Reid in his place. They try, but they fail.

"Nevermind, just…fuck it." Tyler sniffs, wiping at his nose and sitting down next to Reid.

He takes one of Reid's gloved hands in his, gently tugging the soft black wool off Reid's fingers and examines the thin spider webs of cuts than run over his palm.

Because while Reid wants to say he doesn't tell Caleb about Tyler's drug addiction because he loves Tyler so much it's also because Tyler has shit on him. Because Tyler's the only one who knows about the cutting. About the blood. About the pain.

They hold each other's secrets.

They try to keep each other in check.

They try to keep each other sane.

And they fail.


The graded paper sits on the dark mahogany desk. A crisp white paper with the small neat printed text and the large red 88% scribbled along the top.

Reid stares at it.

Tyler has locked himself in the bathroom. Reid doesn't know what he's doing. What he's doing to himself.

He just knows that an 88% isn't good enough for Tyler. Knows that Tyler is going to punish himself for this. Knows that he's only going to go harder now.

Which means more studying through the night. More reading textbooks at five in the morning. More time spent on essays and math problems.

More focusing on school.

Which means that Tyler needs more drugs.

Because normal human beings don't function at this level. They can't. They'd die.

Reid sighs and leans back against his headboard and leaves Tyler to his own devices. If he overdoes Reid will know. If he doesn't, then it's not Reid's problem.

He tugs his gloves off and examines the maze of red lines that are carved into his skin and frowns.

This is bad.

He gets that.

It's a bad thing to do.

But oh…it just feels so good.


Swim season is over. Probably forever for Reid. He fucked up last fall, fucked up bad and got himself suspended, nearly expelled. He's been banned from all sports. All extracurricular activities.

Not that it matters to him. To anyone.

He didn't even fucking like swimming. He just did it because his dad did it. Because his dad told him to do it. Because Tyler and Caleb and Pogue did it.

But yeah, he didn't give a fuck about it.

It gave him a larger canvas now anyways. Now that he didn't have to strip down to a fucking speedo and show the world his scars and worry about people forcing him into mental institutions.

Sometimes, when Tyler was busy wasting his life away pouring over notes and formulas in the library at three in the morning Reid would lock the dorm room door. Lock the bathroom door.

He'd place the small handhold mirror on the floor in front of him and sit there with his back to the large mirror that hung on the wall so he could see where he was cutting, what he was cutting and he'd take a small razor blade.

The old school kind. They were so pretty. He'd always thought that, even before all this started. He'd always thought they were pretty. Silver and shiny and sharp.

And so he'd take the small razor blade and he'd dig it into his back, tracing along the scars that were already there. Digging in. Deeper and harder and he'd feel the pain and the tearing, cutting, slicing of his skin.

And he'd see the blood drip down the ridges of the healed over scars and he'd feel alive. He'd feel alive and safe and he'd feel that strange high.

He'd feel invincible. Like nothing could touch him. Nothing could hurt him.

He'd feel like he was alive.

Like he was safe.

Tyler didn't matter anymore. Not when he was digging that blade into his skin.

His dad, bless his slowly dying soul, didn't matter anymore.

Caleb and his hurtful words didn't matter anymore.

Pogue and his sharp glances didn't matter anymore.

Nothing matter when Reid bled.

And that was all he wanted.


Tyler sits on the floor of the bathroom and stares at the bloody mess that is Reid's back.

"Well."

"Don't fucking start with me Mr. Coke Addict. I'm not in the mood."

Tyler scowls and sniffles, wiping his nose.

"I wasn't going to…" He trails off, because he was going to.

"Fuck you Baby Boy." Reid snarls.

There's a beat of silence before Tyler responds. A thick heavy beat of silence that hangs over them.

"You'd like to I bet."

Reid stiffens but then Tyler reaches out and touches his back. Touches the red, raw, bleeding cuts that Reid painstakingly carved into his skin and runs his fingers down Reid's spine and feels Reid melt under his touch.

The blond shivers for a moment. He is, after all, wearing only his boxers kneeling on the cold tile floor of their bathroom. So he shivers but he knows it's more from Tyler's touch than the cold tile and he twists, feeling his skin stretch and the cuts tear and sting and looks into Tyler's bright blue eyes.

Watches as Tyler smirks and then slowly bring his hand to his mouth. Hot red blood covers Tyler's hand, Reid's blood and Tyler slowly licks it away, finger by finger, slowly, tantalizingly, his tongue trailing along his strong tanned fingers.

"Oh you bitch."

And just like that Reid is on him, lips attacking Tyler's. He can taste his own blood on Tyler's tongue and their teeth slam together and their hands trail each other's bodies, gripping and tugging and grasping.

Tyler practically rips his own shirt off and Reid is already working on his belt as they stumble to the bed before Tyler stops, jerking Reid back.

"What?" Reid practically begs, he's dying here, his erection is poking through his boxers and Tyler reaches down and grabs it tight and he's dying, with Tyler touching him.

"It has to be your bed."

"What?"

There's a flutter of confusion in Reid's voice but he doesn't bother with it and shoves Tyler down straddling him.

"Your sheets are already covered in blood." Tyler hums, his mouth pressed against Reid's neck and he nips and sucks and licks and Reid moans loudly because he's in heaven here. With Tyler kissing him.

"Oh. Yeah, I guess so." It is true. His sheets are already covered in bloodstains. What's a few more stains?

"Fuck me now." Tyler mutters and Reid sucks in a deep breath. His heart aches for a moment but then his balls ache more and he forgets that he's not supposed to enable Tyler when he's high. Because Tyler is high right now. Of course he's fucking high because Tyler would never-

Tyler doesn't do this stuff when he's sober. Not this kind of stuff. Not with Reid.

But that fucking kid knows just what to do. Just what to say to twist Reid around his little finger and make him forget what he shouldn't forget.

"Jesus Baby Boy." Reid hisses and he bends Tyler over and digs the lube out of the desk drawer.

It's rough, it's always rough with them. They're a little insane, a little crazy, a little addicted.

They like it rough.

They want it to hurt.


Caleb sits down on Tyler's bed to wait as Tyler showers in the bathroom. Pogue stands by the door texting Reid, or trying to. The blond boy is AWOL and even Tyler hasn't heard from him since lunch.

The small teddy bear that sits on Tyler's bed looks lopsidedly up at Caleb who smiles, only Tyler wouldn't bother trying to hide his teddy bear.

He picks up the small bear and examines it. It's small and soft and Caleb squeezes it before frowning. Something isn't right and he turns the bear over, noticing a small hole by its tail. He sticks a finger in and feels a Velcro patch and rips it open. Pogue glances over at him with a question on his face and Caleb gestures him over.

Inside the bear are at least six small baggies of little white pills.

"Shit." Pogue mutters and Caleb pulls the bags out and lays them across the bed.

"Tyler!"

"What?" Tyler calls back over the sound of the water running and Caleb and Pogue share a long look.

"Is Reid…"

"Of course it's fucking Reid."

The water shuts off and Tyler emerges with a towel wrapped around his waist. He pales once he sees the pills spread out on his bed and opens his mouth.

"Tyler, did you know Reid was doing drugs?"

"Reid?" Tyler sputters and glances between his friends.

"These are hard drugs Tyler, this is really bad."

"Reid could get in a lot of trouble for even having these in your dorm, let alone taking them."

"Reid-"

There's a bang as the door slams against the wall and Reid stands there in the doorframe, pale eyes narrowed.

"Reid what?" He hisses before seeing the pills spread across the bed and his eye flash to Tyler.

Caleb stands up and makes to grab at Reid who dances out of his grasp.

"What is all of this Reid? Do you even realize how much trouble you could get in for this? Let alone how dangerous this is?"

"Excuse me?" Reid opens his mouth and glances at Tyler again.

"Some of these pills could kill you. You could end up with a serious addiction to some of this stuff." Caleb says, moving to grab Reid again and Reid backs away.

"You could get Tyler in serious trouble for keeping your stash in the dorms too." Pogue adds, because he knows Reid better and he knows what to say to make it hit home. Knows to bring it all back to Tyler.

Even though he's hitting home the wrong point.

Reid stares at Tyler who's just standing there. His face pale and his eyes wide and scared and he's just standing there and throwing Reid under the bus.

Because he's a fucking addict and he needs his pills to live. To survive.

Because he's Tyler and he's scared but he's also perfect and Reid is the one who fucks up. Reid is the one who's fucked up and that's what the world sees every time they look at him.

Reid stares at Tyler and sees him. Sees the fucked up little asshole who he calls his best friend who's letting him take the fall for his mistakes and Reid thinks he's dying.

But he also knows that if he doesn't do this…Tyler will die.

So he stands there and doesn't back away when Caleb grabs at him again and lets Caleb grip his arm tightly and feels the sharp sting as the cuts on his arm reopen and he stares at Tyler.


"I don't even know what to do with him. Like…how did we not see this?" Caleb asks as they sit around Pogue's dinner table.

Tyler bites his lip, thinking maybe you didn't see it because it's not him? But even then you never saw the cutting either and maybe that's because you never fucking talk to him? Or acknowledge him? Or take an interest in his life except for when he fucks up? He wants to say it. He wants to scream it all at Caleb.

But he doesn't.

Because he has a Calculus exam tomorrow afternoon that he needs to study for. And an essay for English that he needs to finish editing. And two chapters in his history textbook to close read. And a worksheet for Astronomy that he needs to finish. And a million other things.

And he doesn't have time to scream at Caleb.

Or time to come clean about this.

He has work that he needs to do.

Things.

Important things and he needs to get going. Get working. He's wasting time here.


Reid sits in Pogue's extra bedroom, where they've locked him in. Or at least where Caleb locked him in.

Tyler stands there and looks at him.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Sure. You say that."

"Reid…"

"You're a fucking addict Tyler. I can't trust a fucking word you say anymore."

Tyler takes a step forward into the room.

"That's not true."

"No? Then why do they still think I'm the one snorting cocaine and not you?"

"Because….because I have…"

"Work to do?"

"Yeah." Tyler whispers and Reid looks away.

"Just fucking leave Tyler."

"Reid-"

"I said leave!"

Tyler backs out of the room while Reid glares a hole into the wall.

"I'll fucking cover for you, but we're fucking done after this Baby Boy. Fucking done."

The door shuts softly and Reid hears the lock click.

He feels dead inside.

His best friend just let him take the fall. His best friend just left him alone. His best friend just left him. Period.

Tyler left him.

Reid drops his head into his hands. He feels like he's dying.

What is he now? The fucked up son just like his fucked up dad who can't even stand up for himself? Who can't even stand up to his best friend because he's in love with him. Because he's head over heels in love with his best friend and he doesn't have the balls to tell him. To even fucking mention it because the only time Tyler ever gives him a second glance (at least that kind of glance) is when he's high on some dangerous cocktail of drugs that he snort of up nose and that doesn't really make Reid feel that great at all.

And his other friends, his other best friends think he's a fucking cocaine addict without any proof, because they expect him to be the fuck up. Because they expect him to be…

Fuck.

Reid digs his short stubby nails into his palms and feels the pain. Relishes in the pain and wants to fucking be done with this shit.

He feels his skin break and he digs in harder and it hurts.

Ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts.

He loves it.

He needs it.

Fuck.


"You can't send him away."

"He needs help Tyler, he needs professional help." Caleb shrugs, "Maybe it'll even knock some sense into him."

Tyler bites his lip. There's a pit of guilt, of shame, building in his stomach. Fuck. Reid is willing to take the fall for this. Tyler knows he is. Knows he will.

But he shouldn't let him.

He should come clean. And he should get help. And try to quit. And be a good friend. A good best friend. And he should love Reid like Reid needs him to. Like Reid wants him to because he knows all about that. (Of course he knows about that.)

And there's so many things that he needs to do. That he should do.

And there's not enough time, not enough energy, not enough motivation for him to do them all. Not on his own.

Tyler fingers the pills in pocket and squirms.

"Caleb, you can't…Reid doesn't need…"

He opens his mouth.

To confess his sins. To clear the air. To unburden his soul.

But the words won't come and Caleb stares at him in confusion.

"What Tyler?"

"Nothing."


For a moment Caleb wanted to have Reid arrested, but Pogue thankfully talked him out of that.

"He needs to see that his actions have consequences!" Caleb had argued and Pogue had shoved him hard. It was one of the few time Tyler had ever seen Pogue hurt Caleb.

"He does see that Caleb. Of all people Reid is the one who fucking sees that."

Tensions were running high and Tyler was losing it.

He was going insane. He swears to God he's going insane.

The pills weren't enough. Not enough to keep him from losing his mind. Because his best friend is taking the fall for his mistakes and he's still running out of time to do everything he needs to do.

And what the fuck is life worth without Reid here anyways?

It's the thought that keeps creeping into his mind and he can't make it go away, but at the same time he can't spare a minute of his precious schedule to actually think about it.

So he just stresses out and cries in the bathroom while he stares at the useless calc homework he needs to do and then remembers the essay that is due Friday and thinks maybe by Friday Reid won't even be here and fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

What is he? Without Reid?

They were supposed to keep each other under control.

They were supposed to keep each other's secrets and hold each other tight and keep each other sane and instead they've fucked each other over and it's all falling apart.

And what is he without Reid by his side anyways?


Tyler slams on the break of the hummer and does the sloppiest parking job in the world as he stumbles out of his car and runs over to where Caleb is strong arming Reid into his mustang.

"Wait! Wait Caleb!"

"Tyler…what is going on?"

"I need to talk to you, I just…hold on for a second." He tugs Reid out of Caleb's grip and places himself between the two. "Just...I have to talk to you Caleb."

"Can't this wait? I have a consultation all set up for Reid."

"No, it can't fucking wait." Tyler snaps and tugs Caleb away, "Please, I have to tell you something."

Reid watches them with tired eyes.

"Tyler…I got this." He says gently, "You don't have to do this."

And then Tyler looks at him and shakes his head.

"No Reid, you don't have to do this." He takes a deep breath and looks at Caleb, "It was me."

"What?" Caleb frowns.

"Those were my pills. My drugs. Not Reid's."

Caleb takes a step back.

"Tyler, you don't have to cover for him, it's okay."

"I'm not covering for him! He's covering for me! I'm a fucking drug addict okay?! I fucking snort cocaine to make it through the week. I take Adderall by the handful to get through my homework. I have bags of Oxycodin and Percocet and I can't make it through the day without taking those fucking pills. I'm addicted and I need them and Reid…Reid knows. He's always known and he knows how much my grades and my GPA and my class standing mean to me and he was going to let you send him away just so I could keep…doing what I thought I needed to do."

Caleb stares at him as if he's never seen him before and there's a moment of silence before he grabs Tyler and Reid and shoves them in the direction of the house.

"Get in there and fucking wait for me." He snaps as he pulls out his phone and calls Pogue.


"Wait…Tyler is the drug addict?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Well."

Caleb and Pogue sit there, trying to figure out what the fuck to do with their two younger friends while Tyler and Reid sit, squished together on the sofa, heads bent towards each other.

"I fucking came clean, now you have to."

"Who says I fucking have to?" Reid squeaks, pale eyes glaring at Tyler.

"I do, I'm a fucking drug addict but you're…you're something else."

"I'm not addicted to…this." Reid mutters and Tyler rolls his eyes so hard all Reid can see is white for a moment.

"Please, you can't lie to me Blondie."

"Fuck off Tyler, you threw me under the bus."

"I'm a fucking drug addict, I panicked!"

"Oh, and that's your excuse? You're a drug addict? Funny."

"What are you then? You were going to let Caleb ship you off to some military boot camp?"

"And what? You'd rather I ratted you out?"

"I'd rather you stood up for yourself! I'd rather you fucking put me in my place for once instead of letting me walk all over you."

"I don't-"

"You do! Everyone you love you let put you down Reid. Your dad just throws shit at you and you pretend it's all fine. You let me shove you around and you just go with it. You don't deserve that."

"You…you think I love you?" Reid said dully and Tyler paused, noticing that Pogue and Caleb were looking at them oddly.

"Reid…"

"What are you two arguing about?" Pogue asked, eyes narrowed as he sensed something was wrong in the room.

"Nothing." Reid snapped and Tyler scowled.

"Show them." He prompted and Reid shoved him.

"Fuck you Tyler."

"I fucking came clean! We do this together or we don't do it at all Reid. Show them!" Tyler hisses, pulling at Reid's sweatshirt and Reid jumped away yet Tyler kept hold of the sweatshirt and Reid wiggled out of it, trying to escape.

"Tyler, don't make me-"

"Show them Reid."

"No! I can't! Please..."

"Reid," Tyler moved closer to Reid who had backed himself into the wall. "Show them…please."

He reached forward and grabbed onto the soft fabric of Reid's t-shirt and Reid let him. He let Tyler touch his skin and he looked away.

He looked away as Tyler pulled his shirt over his head and touched his shoulder gently and squeezed his arm reassuringly and whispered in his ear.

"It's okay. We're gonna be okay Reid. We're going to get better. Together. I promise."

And Reid wanted to look at him. Wanted to see the promise in those blue eyes that he loved so much. Too much.

But he didn't. Because Tyler was an addict and he couldn't trust him. Not right now. He just couldn't. He couldn't trust Tyler to love him right now. But he wanted to so much.

Still, he turned around when Tyler prompted him and he closed his eyes tightly and waited for the gasp that he was sure was coming.

And it came.

"Oh my god." Caleb exhaled as he saw the bloody mess that was Reid's back. The dangerous carved artwork Reid cut into his own skin.

"Holy fuck." Pogue muttered, "What did you do to yourself Reid?"

"I…I…I had to. I needed…to…" Reid trailed off.

Because they wouldn't understand. They couldn't.

No one could.

Except maybe Tyler.


Caleb doesn't send them away. Of course, they both know that they can tell Caleb no, that he doesn't own them, control their life. But they both trust him and life is so much easier when they bend to his will and he sorts out all the details for everything.

He doesn't want to send them away though and Reid practically faints when he hears that.

They have to go into counseling though. And talk about their feelings and shit. And Tyler goes to rehab during the summer and comes back seriously annoyed and pissed off, but better.

Better in a way.

Reid isn't sure what's going on between them anymore. If anything is going on at all even.

Tyler talks to him. Of course he does, they're best friends.

But something is different. It has been different ever since Caleb nearly shipped Reid off to some drug boot camp and Reid showed his best friends the strange artwork that he likes carving into his skin.

Ever since Tyler made that odd remark about Reid loving him and then never mentioned it again.

So Reid is a little freaked out when Tyler kisses him.

It's three in the morning and they're out, with supervision from Pogue and Kate, messing around at the Dells and the sun had already set but there's still a few faint pink clouds in the clear sky and the stars are just starting to glitter and it's cold out and Reid took off his sweatshirt and gave it to Tyler, even though it means he's only wearing a t-shirt and Kate nearly shrieked as she saw what Reid had done to his arms but Reid took it off anyways.

And now Tyler's warm and Reid is shivering slightly but then Tyler loops an arm over the shorter boy and Reid shivers more.

Because he's cold, yeah, but Tyler is touching him.

Tyler smirks at him and Reid scowls and thinks about asking for his sweatshirt back but then before he can even form a proper thought Tyler leans down and presses his lips to Reid's.

It's short, only a few seconds. It's chaste. It's sweet.

It's nothing like the hungry, angry, pain filled, pain seeking kisses that Tyler would give Reid when he was high and using Reid as an escape for the stress and anxiety and tension that built up inside him. Like when Reid was using Tyler for the pain. The physical pain of Tyler holding him down and fucking him hard and fast and bruising him and scratching him and making him bleed and the emotional pain, of being so in love with Tyler and knowing all this, all they shared, all they did, meant nothing to Tyler.

This short kiss was nothing like that.

It's nothing like that at all.

Tyler gives Reid a look that Reid can't decipher and he smiles at the blond and presses his nose into Reid's hair and they stand there for a little bit before it gets too dark and Pogue calls over to them that they should go.


They sit in their dorm room, watching each other carefully.

It's their final year, senior year and Reid is banned from the swim team which is probably a good thing because all his cuts have healed over and now his whole body is covered in artful but terrifying silvery scars and it freaks people out when he even wears a short sleeved shirt nowadays so he just doesn't anymore. Tyler is being watched from all sides because it's senior year and it's the most stressful year and college admission letters are due to come in any week now and everyone is waiting for Tyler to breakdown into an aching ball of anxiety and stress.

They sit there and watch other.

"Did you unpack already?" Tyler finally asks and Reid nods. He is after all, sitting on his made up bed instead of the bare mattress like Tyler and Tyler nods.

"New sheets?" Tyler asks.

"Naw, I just spent a fortune on bleach."

It takes Tyler a minute, to remember that he once said those words and he laughs.

"You think you're funny don't you?"

"Naw, I just think your sense of humor matches mine." Reid answers with a small smile and Tyler nods and moves over to sit next to him.

He leans over and runs a hand along Reid's strong jawline and his platinum hair and he kisses Reid. Gently.

Because he doesn't want to hurt Reid. Not right now. Not anymore.

"You think we're gonna be okay?" Reid asks him after Tyler leans back, Reid's thin gloved fingers are tracing the silvery scars he's left on his arms and Tyler shrugs.

"I don't know."

"Jeez, you're comforting."

"Fuck off." Tyler snaps and Reid frowns.

"Fuck you." He says and shakes Tyler off and disappears out the door. Tyler watches him go for exactly ten seconds before he jumps up to follow Reid and apologize.


Tyler relapses three times before senior years ends. Reid sits with him through every withdrawal. Tells him it's going to be okay. That he's stronger than this. Better than this. That he can do this.

Reid sits with him and lets Tyler kiss him, but he never kisses Tyler.

That knowledge haunts Tyler and he wonders if all the shit he's done to Reid has permanently damaged their relationship.

Pogue says Reid's just nervous. Just cautious.

Caleb says Reid' just being careful.

Reid doesn't say anything about it. Tyler's never attempted to ask. He's too scared of what the answer might be.

But then Reid's dad dies. Well, Reid's dad shoots himself in the face and Reid comes home to find the walls of the apartment have been repainted with his dad's brains and Reid is gone.

Just like that.

Gone.

Caleb can't find him.

Pogue can't find him.

And Tyler can't find him.

It takes a while, a week for Tyler to track Reid down and when he does it's not a pretty sight. Reid's covered in bruises and blood and he's retraced all the cuts in his back and his arms and Tyler opens the door to the shitty motel Reid's staying in and sees Reid kneeling on the floor of the bathroom with a razor blade over his wrist and his knees give out.

"Oh my god."

He stumbles forward and Reid stares at him and Tyler rips the razor blade away from Reid and ends up cutting himself on the sharp metal edge and Reid frowns because he likes seeing his own blood but he hates seeing Tyler bleed. Seeing Tyler hurt.

"What are you doing here Tyler?" He asks slowly but Tyler ignores him.

"Are you trying to fucking kill yourself?" Tyler gasps out, still holding the blade between his bloody fingers and Reid's eyebrows knit together and he tilts his head before it hits him.

That he'd been gone for a week with no contact and the first thing Tyler sees is him taking a razor blade to his wrists.

He laughs.

"Oh, no."

It only when Reid laughs that Tyler relaxes and he leans over and peers at what Reid's done to himself this time.

It's a delicate maze of intersecting lines, raw and red and fresh and it is quite beautiful, if only it wasn't carved into his best friend flesh.

"I thought you were…"

"Yeah, not gonna happen."

Tyler leans back and sucks in some air.

"Are you okay?" He asks and Reid shakes his head.

"I'm kinda fucked up right now."

They sit there for a while, thinking about how they've been in this situation so many times before and Tyler reaches out and holds onto Reid's hand tightly.

"It's okay to be fucked up right now. It's okay because we're going to be okay. We just have to give it time." He says and Reid smiles at him slowly.

"Okay. I trust you." And then Reid leans over and kisses him.

"Thanks for finding me." Reid says after he leans back, eyes on the cold tile. "Thanks for not letting me…do too much to myself."

And Tyler nods.

"I've got your back this time. Promise."


It takes them a while. Of course it does, it's hard beating stuff like this.

But they do.

They can't watch Scarface anymore because every time Tyler sees coke in movies he goes a little crazy. And Reid can't get into fights anymore, because he likes the pain too much and he likes people hurting him too much so the rest of the boys have to keep a close eye on the blond and his sharp mouth.

Tyler gets into Yale.

But he doesn't go.

He goes to Boston University instead, because it's cheaper and just as good and closer to home and there's not as much stress hanging on his shoulders at Boston.

He goes there and Reid follows him.

They live together and breath together and hold each other's secrets and keep each other sane and love each other and this time…

This time it actually works.


So...thoughts? Please leave a review!