Hawke stood nervously behind Sebastian as he gazed into the fire. His words echoed in her mind as she studied his posture, how he wanted to speak about their relationship. He was nervous, tense. He had said nothing since he arrived, gathering his thoughts maybe, she wasn't sure. But the silence was beginning to overwhelm her.

"Talk to me Sebastian," Hawke whispered, gently placing her hand on his shoulder. "What can I do to make this easier for you?"

Sebastian turned to look at her, his blue eyes filled with a sadness she hadn't seen since he talked about his family. Was this pained expression now directed toward her and their future together? If there would even be a future? He reached for her hand and she accepted, and he led her to the couch. Hawke settled on to the soft cushion and Sebastian sat beside her, close enough for their knees to be touching. He did not release her hand as he began.

"The first time I was sent to the Chantry, I hated it," Sebastian admitted. "I understand now that my parents had sent me there for several reasons. My behavior led me to be a disgrace to the family name, the way I carried on with women and drink. Hiding me in another city was a logical decision on their part, and if it worked out that I became a brother of faith, they'd come off looking better for having made that decision for me."

"If I remember correctly, you were still quite young when they sent you away," Hawke said. "That could not have been easy for you."

Sebastian shook his head. "No, it wasn't. I had been a prisoner of sorts at first; I wasn't locked in my room, but I was watched by a member of my parents' personal guard. One supper I found a note under my plate, someone offering to help me escape. I assumed it was one of the many women of Starkhaven I had taken to my bed, someone who cared enough to find me and try to help free me for the reward of being with me again." He paused for a moment. "I hate to admit my arrogance and ego back then."

Hawke gave his hand a gentle squeeze, trying to picture a time when the man before her was flirtatious and cocky. She couldn't see it, knowing him as he is now, but this wasn't the first time he had admitted to his colorful past. "And so you escaped."

"Aye," Sebastian said. " Conveniently my guard turned in early for the night, and so I snuck out of my room. The letter I received told me where I could find rope and a bow to ease my flight. I found an open window, secured the rope, and freedom was mine. It was dark out, so when the figure of a woman approached me, I did not recognize her at first. Not until she was as close as you and I are now did I find out it was Elthina."

"The Grand Cleric?" Hawke did not expect that. "Why?"

"She didn't care for the way my parents handled the situation, the situation being me. That my parents had used the Chantry for political gain upset her."

Hawke didn't understand. "Besides preventing further misdeeds on your part, how did they use the Chantry in that way?"

"Becoming a Chantry Brother meant living a chaste lifestyle," Sebastian explained. "Up until that point I was lucky enough to not have fathered any bastard children. This was my parents way to ensure that would never happen. One of my brothers would take the throne, and then his heirs after him, and the Vael's would continue to rule over Starkhaven for generations to come."

"Sounds like Elthina was looking out for you from the very beginning then," Hawke said.

"Indeed. She handed me the endowment my parents left, told me to use it to start another life if the Chantry wasn't the one that I had wanted. When I realized I could have done anything, been anyone, gone anywhere... the only place I wanted to go was back to the Chantry. Not because it was what my parents wanted, but because, for the first time, someone let me decide what I wanted for myself." Sebastian paused, unconsciously tightening his hold on Hawke's hand. "For years the Chantry has been what I wanted. And now... now I'm faced with another decision."

"Remaining in the Chantry or ruling Starkhaven," Hawke said.

Sebastian nodded. "But it is more than that. I've been a part of the Chantry for over a decade now. I never would've even considered giving it up, but then my family was murdered. And all I could think about was revenge. And then there you were, taking up my cause without even having met me."

"That was not a difficult decision on my part," Hawke said. "When I read that the Flint Company had even killed the children, I had to do something."

"You did not have to protect me when I confronted the Harrimans," Sebastian continued. "But you did. You did not let me fall under the weight of the words that desire demon spewed, nor have you tried to influence my decision on the Chantry or Starkhaven. Elthina, on the other hand, has made her opinion perfectly clear."

"She wants what she believes is best for you," Hawke stated.

Sebastian stood then, releasing Hawke's hand as he returned to gaze into the fire. "That's just it Hawke, the problem I have had most of my life. My parents did what they thought was best. Elthina as well." He turned to look at her. "You have never been clear in what it is you want me to do."

"What does it matter what I want?" Hawke asked. "This isn't my decision to make, and was never about me."

"That is where you're wrong," Sebastian whispered. "This is very much about you."

Hawke hadn't expected those words from him. She had always assumed that while she might have been a small part of it, the bigger decision was always his faith or his title. To hear their relationship, whatever it was at this point, carried more weight than she was aware, frightened her.

"I am fearful you will resent me in the future," she admitted. "If what I think truly matters to you, then I will tell you. But please know it comes from a place of extreme bias, as I can not think clearly sometimes when it comes to you."

Sebastian laughed, breaking the tension in the air. "Nor I when it comes to you." He returned to the couch and sat beside her. "Every time I try to think about what is the right thing for me to do, my thoughts drift to what would benefit the both of us. So I say again, this decision is very much about you."

"Do you want me to say that I want you to leave the Chantry?" Hawke asked quietly. "Fine, I do. I want you to give up that life, let me help you reclaim Starkhaven, and then I want the both of us to live happily ever after. But that is a young girl's fantasy Sebastian, it's not important, and certainly not something you should base a life changing decision upon."

"It is important," Sebastian insisted, and he raised his free hand to caress her cheek. "You are important, and I can no longer deny that a future with you, regardless whether it's in Starkhaven, Kirkwall, or elsewhere, is a third option that I want to, and must, consider."

"Then consider it," Hawke said. "But know whatever you decide, I will support you."

Sebastian pulled his hand away, and lifted hers to his lips. After a soft kiss to the back of her hand, he stood. "I know. Though I do not deserve your patience in this matter, I do appreciate it."

"You have it," Hawke assured him. "For however long it takes."

She walked him to the door, and then watched as he set off into the night, no doubt returning to the Chantry. Though she would've rather him stay the night, giving her a chance to sway his decision in her favor, she knew that wasn't a possibility.

Not yet, anyway.


Author's Note: A short story written about Sebastian's escape attempt can be found on the Bioware Exiled Prince website, written by Jennifer Hepler.