Kurt had known this was coming. The thing he both wanted and dreaded had finally arrived, not ten minutes prior, and it had been every bit as painful as he had feared it would be. Dave's apology – it had been nothing short of perfect...and indescribably awful because of that.

Kurt knew he should be trying to pay attention to the lecture he was currently sitting through, on conjugating French verbs, but he had already given it up as a lost cause. There was simply no way he was going to be able to concentrate on school work right now, and attempting it was nothing but a waste of time and energy. The idea that he might be able to think about anything but Dave at this moment was just completely unrealistic.

Kurt had strongly suspected this would come eventually, but he had not been prepared for it to come on so quickly and unexpectedly. And he was clearly not the only one whom it had taken by surprise, either. Dave had appeared as unprepared for it as he had been, if not more so. Although the other boy had evidently been harboring this intense remorse for quite some time, Kurt was also sure he had not meant to break down in the middle of a school hallway five minutes before they were both supposed to be in class.

It was his fault, Kurt acknowledged. His heartfelt words of support had unraveled Dave in spite of himself. That had certainly not been his original intention in speaking them; they had simply seemed appropriate at the time. Kurt did not have many opportunities to talk to the other boy openly, and he had not wanted to pass this one up. But irrespective of the intention of his words, they had nonetheless opened up a flood gate that had nearly ended in a complete emotional breakdown.

It had all started with Santana deciding to put herself and Dave on Kurt's "protective detail" leading up to the prom. Kurt was honestly of the opinion that it was all a bit unnecessary, but it seemed to matter to the two of them and if it meant he had to hear a few less taunts between classes, what was the harm? Santana's enthusiasm for the enterprise seemed to be largely predicated on her desire to get sympathy votes for Prom Queen. But Dave quite transparently wanted to protect Kurt for Kurt's sake, and it was the other boy's earnest and fierce defense of him that had prompted Kurt to engage his heart-to-heart with his newly vigilant protector.

"Have you noticed that no one has said 'boo' to me this week?" he had asked, trying to encourage Dave to see that most of the world really did not care as much as he seemed to fear they did.

"It's cause the Bully-Whips are protecting you," Dave had responded, looking very self-satisfied.

"Maybe," Kurt had conceded. "But maybe no one's been harassing me this week because nobody cares."

Dave had shaken his head at this, his expression betraying his obvious belief that Kurt's was being naïve.

"You're dreaming," the other boy had intoned somewhat dismissively.

"Look, I'm not saying that everyone at this school is ready to embrace 'the gay'," Kurt had assured his companion a bit sardonically. He was not a novice, after all. "But maybe at least they've evolved enough to be indifferent."

A pained look of longing had crossed Dave's face at these words. He had obviously wanted to believe Kurt was right, but simultaneously clearly lacked faith that he might actually be right. So Kurt had broken down and said the thing that had been weighing heavy on his mind for the last few months.

"I see how miserable you are, Dave. I could just hate you when you were bullying me but now all I see is your pain."

Indeed, Dave's pain had never been more evident than when Kurt had spoken those words.

"And you don't have to torture yourself over this," Kurt had assured him quietly but with great deal of conviction. He positively hated the thought that Dave was donning an invisible hair-shirt about this. There was absolutely no reason the other boy should be made to feel as ashamed and scared as he clearly was feeling about his sexuality. Kurt knew he needed to do something to counteract the forces that were constantly building up and reinforcing this shame.

Because, in all honesty, he just could not bare the thought that they might win. Kurt felt like he was now engaged in some epic battle with the world's considerable forces of homophobia, and Dave was the ground they were battling for. He simply would not allow the other boy to be sacrificed to society's ignorant, gay-hating crusades. Dave was not going to be a casualty in this war, literally or metaphorically; Kurt was adamant about this. He was determined to wrest his companion from the torture mill of their homophobic world and bring him to a place of peace about his desires, whatever it took. He was going to get Dave to be okay with this, damnit! He had long ago decided that no other outcome was acceptable.

"I'm not saying you should come out tomorrow," Kurt had assured him then, knowing the other boy was not yet ready for a full public disclosure. He did not want to push Dave too far, too fast. "But maybe soon the moment will arise when you can."

Kurt had expected Dave to just nod then, and bid him good-bye. Perhaps say thank you. What he had not expected was to see tears start welling up in the other boy's eyes and his face begin to bunch up in agony. This sight had alarmed Kurt immensely and he had quickly queried: "What's wrong?"

Barely keeping his emotions under control, Dave had started to breathe heavily and audibly. When he spoke he sounded quite choked up and he stumbled over his words.

"I – I'm so freaking sorry Kurt. I'm just…so sorry for what I did to you."

It was a miracle the boy had managed to keep from having a complete sobbing fit right there in the middle of the hallway. He had been less than an inch away from totally balling his guts out. And Kurt had been stunned to realize that, in spite of all the different ways he had imagined Dave apologizing to him in the past, in his head it had never been nearly as sincere as Dave's real apology. For once, life had done him one better than his daydreams. Kurt had been totally overwhelmed by how utterly earnest his former-tormentor's contrition was and in that moment all had been instantly and totally forgiven.

"I know," he had told Dave soothingly, wanting nothing more than to absolve the boy and perhaps heal a bit of his pain. "I know."

Kurt had wanted to reach out and touch Karofsky then, to comfort him, but something in him had regretfully resisted the impulse. It felt like it would have been too intimate and the gesture would either have catalyzed the breakdown Dave had worked so hard to keep at bay, or it would have made the other boy slightly defensive in panic that someone else might notice. So Kurt had resisted, in defiance of his instincts, and simply tried to use his voice and his face to assure Dave that he was, in fact, completely absolved.

Dave had seemed surprised by Kurt's ready and sympathetic forgiveness, smiling ever so slightly through his misery and looking like a child who had feared a reprimand and instead received kind understanding. And then, all of a sudden, it was as if Dave was re-donning the mask he wore for the world at large. The change-over in his voice, face and demeanor was so dramatic, so thorough, and so swift, it could not have been more striking than if he had actually put on a literal mask. Kurt was almost in a state of shock at how easily and readily the boy could switch between modes, turn off his genuine self and step into the persona he maintained for the wider world. He clearly had a lot of practice at it.

"Cool, thanks," he had said, all dude once again.

Although he had not meant to betray them, Kurt's feelings of concern over Dave's emotional compartmentalizing must have shown on his face, for Dave had given him a once-over after saying this and subsequently softened his manner somewhat.

"Remember, wait for me here, alright?" he had said. The statement was half command, half plea and Dave was clearly deadly serious about it.

Kurt had just nodded then slightly to the other boy, not able to think up anything to say that would suffice before the bell rang. It moved Kurt that Dave was so earnestly concerned about his well-being, even if he was not actually in nearly as much danger as the other boy seemed to fear. It was a strange thing, Kurt realized, the fact that he and Dave were now so very protective of one another. Not so terribly long ago they had been hostile enemies, of a sort, and now here they were each desperately trying to shield the other from harm. It was odd how fast and immediate the transformation had been.

Yet, as Kurt reflected on this, perhaps it wasn't so odd after all. Ever since Dave had kissed him, Kurt had felt a strong underlying need to aid the other boy in being reconciled to his sexuality. Even when Dave had been tormenting him, Kurt had never entirely lost sight of why the other boy was behaving with such animosity toward him and he had always understood, deep down, that Dave was not really hateful towards anyone but himself.

In fact, in many ways, Kurt had seen this day coming a long ways off. He could recall an afternoon several months past sitting in his parked car on campus, waiting for Karofsky to leave so he could go in to see Rachel, and using that time to imagine just what he would do if and when the other boy expressed genuine remorse and asked for his forgiveness. Kurt had known, even then, that in all likelihood Dave would come around sooner or later, that he would be sorry, and that when that moment arose, the other boy's pain would subsequently and inevitably become, at least partially, his burden to bare. But knowing that had not made baring it any easier.

Kurt was certainly grateful that Karofsky was no longer directing his inner turmoil in violent ways at faulty targets, namely himself. But this change-over brought with it a whole host of new challenges and concerns that Kurt was only just learning how to contend with. The problem was Dave was now looking to Kurt openly for guidance, and Kurt was not exactly feeling entirely up to the task. Although he was, by now, a lot better than Dave at navigating the vast and turbulent waters of homophobia as a gay person, he certainly had not perfected the art; indeed, he was beginning to suspect there was no possibility of ever fully mastering this task. It would always be, to some degree, hit and miss, trial and error, an enterprise dependent on improvisation.

Kurt desperately wished there was something he could tell Dave, some pearl of wisdom he could impart to the other boy, that would make this easier for him. But no such piece of advice existed. There was no sure-fire road map, no fool-proof manual or set of instructions; it was something one had to learn to negotiate, day by day. Being gay was not a simple individual embodiment, Kurt knew, but an on-going social process that always ultimately had to be contended with in the moment. And one learned it simply by doing.

In that sense, Kurt felt a lot like the parent tasked with teaching their child how to swim. At some point you just have to let go, stand back and watch as the child tries desperately to keep their head above water. The overwhelming impulse is to help them, to pull them back to dry land. Yet you have to resist, because you know you won't always be there to buoy them up, and the child needs to learn how to fend for itself. It was a painful process and Kurt hated the thought that he was going to have to watch Dave struggle to keep his head above water. But he also knew that he would not always be there to rescue Dave, either. The boy was going to have to learn, eventually, how to keep himself afloat, and coming out was going to be his first big step in that.

Kurt knew all too well why Dave was so scared. To be sure, it made him slightly sick to his stomach when he thought about how painful this process was going to be for the other boy, especially at first. And there was, indubitably, a part of him that desperately wanted to just let Karofsky cling to him forever. But Kurt knew that if he did that, he would ultimately be doing the other boy nothing but a disservice.

Because hellish as that drowning feeling was, at first, staying in the closet was its own kind of hell, as well. And while keeping your head above water became easier the longer you did it, keeping yourself under wraps and closeted become harder and more hazardous the longer you did it.

It was not hard to see just how much misery Dave was in right now. But it was also understandable to Kurt why the other boy would want to stay there: the hell you know often beats the hell you don't. His task, now, was to convince Dave that that feeling of drowning, after you throw yourself in, quickly subsides; it gets better and you breathe easier sooner than you think. Although it would be really scary and painful at first, coming out was like ripping off a band-aid. The acute pain only lasts a short while and the underlying wound, once exposed, actually does slowly begin to heal.

Kurt knew Dave wasn't ready just yet to be thrown into the deep-end without any kind of safety net. But that moment was on the horizon and it was fast approaching. The other boy had come a long way in a very short space of time and Kurt had faith that he was, indeed, strong enough face this full-on. Now the task was helping Dave to see this for himself.