A/N: Mentions of sexual assault, so read with caution if that is a trigger. Nothing too descriptive.
Also, a Hamilton reference or two :)
Thank you for the reviews. Next up, Alex's return to SVU in wake of Elliot leaving.
BETWEEN THE SCENES: CONGO - PART 2
When Alex arrived back in the Congo after Christmas, things were a little better between the two of them. Things were still strained, and Olivia still wasn't herself, but they had at least talked enough to share their hurts and struggles.
They were lonely. Yes, they were lonely for affection and sex, but it was more than that - they missed the friendship and the support the had provided to each other, even at their worst of times.
Olivia, for her part, was depressed wondering if she would ever be a mother; wondering how Calvin was; wondering why Alex had to keep leaving her. Maybe her being alone was the Universe's master plan for her - one last cruel joke on the daughter of a rapist.
Alex had a lot of insecurities, too. She missed Olivia, but it wasn't just her. Alex had made friends with very few people in the Congo. She didn't have her support system. She didn't know how to connect with Olivia right now, and was questioning whether that's even still what Olivia wanted. Maybe I shouldn't have left again. Either way, Alex was glad to have seen Olivia for Christmas, but she was still feeling hurt that Olivia was so consumed in her own grief that Alex was becoming an afterthought - at least in Alex's mind.
Then it happened. The thing both Olivia and Alex had feared since Alex left - Alex was attacked.
She wasn't raped, but it was close - too close. It February, broad daylight, and the only time Alex had gone anywhere alone during her time there. Her body was beaten and she felt violated just having someone's hands on hers that she didn't want, in places she didn't want - even if it wasn't technically rape. Then there was the gun that was held on her during the attack. The men only stopped when they found, and stole, her ICC badge, but not before hitting her in the face, causing a cut and a bruise.
The worst part was that she wasn't sure she had the nerve to tell Olivia. She didn't want Olivia to worry. To freak out. To say 'I told you so' about the dangers. Olivia would never say such a thing to anyone - least of all Alex, but still, Alex felt uncomfortable sharing with the one person in the world that she should be able to talk to. The one person who would understand and not judge her. The person that - she hoped - loved her more than anyone else.
But she couldn't.
The first week, after the attack, she called Olivia rather than Skyped her. She didn't want anyone to see her bruises. She hadn't even been to work that week - her supervisors insisting after she had to disclose to them what happened because of the stolen badge.
The second week, the bruises and cuts were still there, but not as bad. Part of Alex hoped Olivia would notice and ask - forcing her to tell her.
But Olivia didn't notice.
Even though they were video chatting, Oliva seemed distracted and distant. She was engaging in conversation, even more than normal, and Alex was glad for that. But if she noticed the bruises and cuts, she never asked. So Alex didn't tell her.
#
(A/N: Get ready for some Hamilton references in this section.)
"I've missed you so much this week," Olivia said during one of their calls in early March. "And there you are, an ocean away. Do you have to live an ocean away?"
The words came as a surprise to Alex. She had missed hearing that Olivia missed her and longed for her.
"Well, I'm officially done in early September, but I do get a week at home this summer," Alex said during one of their calls that spring. "My mom and sister want to go upstate to visit my uncle."
"That sounds like it'll be fun," Olivia said.
"Come with us, Liv," Alex said.
"Alex..." Olivia said.
"Take a break. Run away with us for the summer, even if just a week -."
"Alex, I've got so much on my plate," Olivia said.
"We can all go stay with my uncle. There's a lake I know," Alex said.
"I know," Olivia said, smiling. She remembered the lake. They had shared a number of romantic walks there when they were dating.
"In a nearby park," Alex said.
"I'd love to go," Olivia said, not adding the implied "but" on the end.
"You and I can go when the night gets dark," Alex said suggestively.
"I will try to get away," Olivia promised.
"I know you're very busy. I know your work's important. But I'm crossing an ocean and I just can't wait," Alex said. "You won't be an ocean away. You'll only be a moment away."
#
Sunday evening, Olivia fired up Skype and sent the chat request to Alex they normally did. There was just a 5 hour difference for them. Lately, Olivia had been calling on Sunday mornings when she woke up, knowing it was early afternoon for Alex. However, today, she got called out in the morning. By the time she called Alex it was nearly 11 pm where Alex was, though just 6 pm in New York City.
It was mid-April and Alex would be home for a week in just a couple of months. Then, they would only need to wait a little more than two months before Alex was home for good.
"You look tired, Alex," Olivia said. "I know you have to get up early. We could have rescheduled."
"No, I don't mind," Alex said. "I'm just glad I got to talk to you."
Olivia had finally started to be herself again. She had also noticed how tired Alex looked. She looked rundown and weary. How long has she been like this and I've not noticed?
"Me, too," Olivia said. "I also am trying to get time off when you're here. Munch has to have knee surgery, but hopefully, that won't come until after you are here."
"I really hope it works out, Liv," Alex said. "My mom keeps asking about you, too. I swear, I think she worries more about you than she does about me."
Olivia laughed but then stopped when she noticed movement in the background behind Alex and heard a voice.
Alex's apartment in the Congo was small. A desk. A queen bed with a night stand. A small closet and dresser. A bathroom right off from the bed. A chair and a small kitchenette. Basically, from Alex's desk near the foot of the bed, Olivia could see the entire apartment except the kitchen.
And what she saw was a tall, leggy, dark-haired woman coming out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel.
"I'm sorry," the woman said, drying her hair with another towel. "I forgot to grab my lotion." She walked over to the nightstand and opened the drawer, grabbing a tube of lotion.
Olivia's mouth dropped open, and her face said WTF. Alex turned around when she heard the voice.
Finally, the woman looked up and saw Alex was on the computer video chatting with someone.
"Oh," she said. "I'm sorry, Lex. I didn't realize ...I'm sorry." She stopped talking when she saw the fear in Alex's eyes and went back to the bathroom.
Alex turned back around quickly and saw the look on Olivia's face.
"Olivia, it's not -" Alex started to say, but was cut off.
"It's not what it looks like? What the hell is it then?" Olivia snapped.
It wasn't what it looked like. Alex wasn't sleeping with the woman, even though they had been sharing a bed for a few months now.
"I'm not sleeping with her," Alex said.
"Oh really? So, she's sleeping on the floor somewhere in that tiny apartment? Or she just comes over to shower there? Let me guess, her shower is broken and she just happens to keep her lotion in your nightstand," Olivia was livid.
Yes, they had agreed they could date and see other people, but she didn't want to see the half-naked woman in Alex's apartment. And well, Alex was going to be home soon. This time apart was almost over, and they were making plans for the future. How could Alex be sleeping with someone else while making plans with her?
There was an explanation, but Alex couldn't give it to Olivia quickly. Not without going back and telling Olivia about her assault. About the nightmares. About the PTSD.
Emma was a colleague. One of the few people she had shared the details of her attack with, aside from her superiors. And she was the only person Alex had actually talked to about how she was feeling about it.
Emma understood. She was also a prosecutor with ICC handling sex crimes. One with more experience here than Alex, so she understood what happened to Alex. Not only had she worked with hundreds of victims over the years, but she had experienced sexual assault herself while in the Congo. She was part of the reason the women in their office were instructed never to go anywhere without an escort. She had insisted on it. She saw the signs in Alex. And she reached out.
She stopped to check in on Alex one night, seeing that Alex was having a hard time focusing at work. It was then that she witnessed first-hand Alex's panic attacks. She sat with her. She calmed her down. And she stayed with her. She held her all night and comforted her.
And she came back the next night. And the next. And when she saw that Alex wasn't getting better; that she wasn't talking to anyone else, including this girlfriend of hers back in New York, she moved some of her stuff in with Alex. She went through the same experience and spent too many sleepless nights to think Alex would sleep without feeling safe.
And Emma did make Alex feel safe. She did all the things Alex wanted Olivia to be able to do but wasn't. All because Alex hadn't told her. All because of Alex's damn insecurities.
And now, it looked like something else entirely even if it was purely platonic. Emma was as straight as an arrow, after all. And while she was attractive, there was no attraction between the two of them...even when they were sharing a bed.
"Olivia, please, I can explain," Alex said.
"No, you don't need to explain," Olivia said. "I think I understand fully."
"NO YOU DON'T!" Alex yelled. She was mad now because Olivia wouldn't even let her try to explain.
"Then tell me. Explain it to me, Lex," Olivia said, echoing Emma's nickname for Alex, and dripping with sarcasm.
Olivia's tone only infuriated Alex. How dare she question me? After all this time. Of dealing with Olivia's moodiness the past few months. Of Olivia barely being present for her and being distant. Of Olivia having midnight visitors showing up for favors and not explain it to Alex. Of Alex feeling alone and scared and Olivia not even noticing or even bothering to ask questions when Alex dropped hints.
Alex wasn't sure about anything anymore - even Olivia.
"You know what? You're right," Alex said. "I don't need to explain anything to you because we're just friends. And apparently not even good enough friends that I can even talk to you about this."
Olivia clenched her teeth together to keep from yelling back at the blonde. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, friends," she said. They stared silently at each other for a moment. "I've got to go, Alex."
"Yeah, me, too," Alex said.
They both ended their call and let the tears fall. It was the last time they talked before Alex returned to New York.
#
May 18
Alex was sitting in her office early one morning prepping for a trial when Emma knocked on her door with a slip of paper in her hand.
"Hey," Alex said looking up to see her friend. "What can I help you with?"
"I have a message for you from a Captain Cragen," Emma said.
"What happened?" Alex said. Her heart stopped. It was the middle of the night in New York.
"Some sort of emergency at SVU," Emma said. "It says to call ASAP. Is that -."
"Yes," Alex said. "Will you excuse me for a moment?"
"Of course," Emma said. "Let me know if you need anything."
Alex nodded and watched Emma shut the door before picking up her phone.
"Cragen."
"It's Alex," she said. "What happened?"
"There was a shooting in the squad room yesterday," he said. Before he could continue, Alex interrupted him.
"Olivia? Please tell me she's okay," Alex said.
"She's fine, Alex," Cragen said. "But Elliot," Oh no, not Elliot, "he had to shoot a 14-year-old girl. She grabbed a gun and started shooting in the squad room. She killed Sister Peg. Long story short, Elliot shot her and killed her. It was a good shooting, but ..."
"I know," Alex said. She knew where this story was going. "Is he going to lose his job?"
"I hope to hell not," Cragen said. "But between you and me, he'll be lucky to get out of this with his pension in tact. He's going to need help. I didn't want to wake you last night, and I wanted to figure out where things were going with Elliot first."
"I'll make some calls," Alex said.
"Alex, I know it's a lot to ask, but I need you here. Olivia needs you here," Cragen said. "After the year she's had..."
"I'll be there as soon as I can," Alex said. "I was supposed to finish up in about 3 or so months. I'll request to come home early."
"Thank you, Alex," Cragen said.
"No, thank you for calling," Alex said.
She hung up the phone and requested to leave the Congo - immediately.
Regardless of what happened between them a month ago, Olivia needed her, and Alex was going to be there whether Olivia wanted her to be or not.
Alex Cabot was going home.
