At 10:30 on the morning after Thanksgiving, Mamí and I were sitting at a booth in Lulu's Diner deep in conversation about the fact that my father was finally retiring. Annie was asleep in her carseat on the bench next to me, a typical New York baby who wasn't bothered in the slightest by all of the commotion around her. Brittany, Susan and Lizzie had left for the Lima Mall at 5:15 in the morning, for their usual Black Friday shopping extravaganza. Brittany had always gone more to laugh at the other two than to actually shop, but it was tradition, a completely insane one, but still.

"I don't understand, after all this time of working like, a billion hours a week Papí just all of a sudden decided he wants to retire? When did he even figure this out?"

"He started talking about it when we came back from New York, he meant what he said yesterday about you teaching him what his priorities are. It may have taken him twenty-five years, but seeing how you were with your wife and daughter when they were so sick, I think it really hit home for him."

"I know about what happened when I was born." I quietly confessed. "When you were telling Brittany, I was listening."

"Mi amor, you are many things, but quiet is not one of them, I knew you were there. It wasn't a secret, it was your story to hear whenever you were ready. But yes, your father had to go back to work five hours after you were born, and even if he hadn't needed to, he probably would have anyway. Saving lives came easy to him, but when emotions got involved, when it was his own daughter fighting, his own wife struggling, it was too hard." My mother took a breath before continuing, and I waited anxiously. "I don't think he ever regretted that until he saw how it could have been if he'd stayed. It broke his heart to watch you look so torn, but it also impressed him so much to see that you turned out to be stronger than him."

"Okay." I paused, thinking about it for a minute. "So he went back to work and just told them he was done?"

"No, he actually didn't make the decision until after your abuela passed away, and he spoke to you outside the house. He knew then that there was still a real possibility of redeeming your relationship, of having a good one with his granddaughter. All his life, he thought that being published in journals, being the head of cardio thoracic surgery, creating new surgical techniques were the most important things in the world. But he missed a lot of your life, and a lot of our marriage and he didn't want to miss any more. The next day, he went in and started searching for a replacement."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I'm still going to work, but my job is much more flexible. We'll spend time together, travel a bit, come see you girls in New York."

"That's great Mamí. And I do want to work on my relationship with him. To tell you the truth, a few months ago, I wouldn't have even thought about trying, but he's different now."

"He's the man I married again, Santana. You only ever saw small glimpses of him."

I considered that while I ate my French Toast, and knew that my mother was right. The few memories I have of being with my father as a child were good ones. As a teenager, he was gone most of the time, and when he was around, I'd thwarted his efforts to spend time with me. Now, I was realizing just how much I'd always sought his affection, which was the exact reason I'd pushed him away. But it was far past time to have a good relationship with him, and although we were in different states, I was willing to put in the work.

"Brittany and I want to do Christmas in New York. With the dance showcase a few days before, we thought it might be nice to invite everyone..." I trailed off, still awkward about asking people to do things.

"I don't even have to ask you father, we'd love to be there, mija. He's finished with work on the seventeenth, and I think this is a great way for him to start his new life off right." Mamí was grinning, something I don't think I'd ever seen before. "And I think it's great for the three of you to start your own traditions. Christmas in the city will be beautiful."


Later that afternoon, I was sitting with my back against the headboard of Brittany's bed, Annie laying in the space between my legs shaking her squeaky cat toy. Britt was bouncing up and down excitedly, opening up bag after bag of the purchases her mom had made for the baby. The amount of shopping everyone did for our daughter was beginning to border on intervention-worthy, both for their own wallets and for the sake of the space in our apartment. But seeing how excited they all got, I couldn't exactly be the bad guy who put an end to it.

"Hey Britt, come sit with me for a sec." I patted the bed beside me and she stopped at the twelfth pair of Carter's pajamas to come to my side.

"Hi." She smiled, and planted a kiss on my lips. "Sorry, I got really excited about showing you the clothes. But I forgot, I haven't done that all day."

"Mmmm, you're right, you haven't." My eyes met hers and I took a deep breath. "Do you still want to go tonight?"

"I mean, I'd like to go, but it's totally your call Santana. I'm not the one Rachel has been harassing about it for five weeks."

Harassing was definitely an understatement. Since breaking the solemn vow of graduating Glee Club members to reunite at Thanksgiving during their first year in New York, Rachel and Kurt had made it a personal mission to plan something every year after. Despite their constant pleading, even in the early years when I did spend the holidays in Lima, I refused to go. I didn't want any of the others to see back then that I'd basically amounted to nothing, especially when they all were doing so well. But now, for the first time, I was actually proud of my life, and after discussing it with Britt, we decided it might be a nice idea.

"I do want to go, I'm just not sure that any of them are going to react well to me. I mean, you were there the first time I saw my friends after I didn't show up at Sam's funeral, the first time I saw Quinn after her wedding."

"And once the actually took a second to understand the hell you were going through, they were the ones who were apologizing. No one has any right to judge you for that, and if they do, then we'll leave and never see them again. But I don't believe that they will, I think that they'll be glad to see you happy and doing really well."

"I hope so Britt. I do really want to see them, and I do want them to meet Annie."

"We'll go and play it by year then. You feel uncomfortable for a second and we'll leave." She kissed me again, sealing that promise, and I leaned into her.

"I know they're probably all going to be drinking. I want you to know that it's totally okay if you feel like joining them." I flicked my eyes away from her's, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Hey, look at me." She put her hand under my chin. "You don't need to feel insecure about this, especially not with me. Number one, I don't feel any need to drink to have fun tonight. Number two, this is the first time you're going to be around people who are drinking and people who don't know why you don't anymore. Even if I did want to drink, this would definitely not be the night that I'd decide to."

"Thanks, Brittany." I said softly. "I just never want you to feel like my vast array of issues hold you back from doing things."

"Our issues, remember? We don't go through things alone anymore. And you'll never hold me back, you shouldn't even think that way. I love you and everything about you, don't ever forget it."


A few hours later, one of my hands squeezed Brittany's like a vice, and my other arm held Annie against me as we walked into BreadStix. I wanted to go, really, I did, but I was still so nervous about seeing these people I hadn't seen in years. In high school, I'd been a raging bitch to most of them, and all they really knew of me after that (besides the fact that I'd been brutally attacked) was that I never returned phone calls or e-mails, and that I'd completely blown off both Quinn's wedding and Sam's funeral. Yeah, to them, (even if my friends did defend me) I was probably sophomore year Santana with way more issues.

"Santana, Brittany!" Finn called from a long table in the back of the restaurant and Brittany waved with her free hand. At least he and Rachel were there already, hopefully Rachel could distract people from my presence with her big mouth.

"Hey guys!" Brittany skipped over and I tried to contain my eye roll when I saw Artie already sitting (as opposed to his other positions?) at the table. I guess my resentment towards him still hadn't died, but I smiled politely.

"Well hello ladies." He gave us that weird smile that no one else seemed to find creepy but me. "Long time, no see."

He droned on about some kind of video game production project he was working on, and I could tell that even Britt was trying to keep from zoning out. He'd hardly even asked about us, which led me to believe he didn't care, so I stepped away and let my mind wander. We were lucky that Rachel used Twitter excessively, and had been known, of late, to be a little heavy on the hash tag #brittanababy. At least the direction our lives had taken was no surprise to anyone, it made things slightly easier.

"Relax." I heard Finn say quietly to me, pausing to ruffle Annie's hair. "I spoke to every one of them personally once you agreed to come. They're all happy that they get to see you and Brittany after so long and especially, that they can meet the goddaughter that Rach and I can't stop raving about."

"You called them?" I asked, although I wasn't sure why Finn's thoughtful gestures surprised me anymore. "Did you tell them about..."

"No, I'd never tell them about something private that you're going through, you know that, but yes, I did call them. I'm happy you're finally here, and I didn't want anyone making you feel uncomfortable. Rachel and I both agreed that although we have fun doing this every year, it means nothing in comparison to our friendship with you."

"Wow. Thanks Finn. You're really trying to soften me up, aren't you?"

"Too late I think, you're becoming a big old softie without any help from anyone else."

I punched him playfully on the arm and noticed that Kurt and Blaine were walking in the door on either side of Mercedes. She looked fantastic, and I felt a grin forming on my face.

"Wheezy!" I called out, surprising myself that I'd made an effort to be the first to say hello.

"Satan! Is that really you?" She broke away from Kurt and Blaine and stopped her motions to hug me when she saw what was in my arms. I thought I saw a flicker of sadness, probably about Sam, but she pushed it away quickly. "Girl, you still look hot! I can't believe I haven't seen you since Mr. Schue's not-wedding, and now here you are all married and old. And look at this beautiful baby girl."

"Hi Mercedes! You're dressed as a girl today." Brittany turned and chirped, winking at me. She'd really had everyone convinced during her second senior year that she thought Mercedes and that Unique kid were the same person. If only they'd fully understood her sense of humor, and realized that she didn't really believe that. It was her way to hold on to some of the past when we'd all left her behind.

"Brittany, wow, you look great. I can't believe you just had a baby." Mercedes pulled Britt into a hug and I smiled watching them.

"Really? I can show you the scar if you want..." Britt started to lift her shirt and I grabbed her hand.

"Babe, you know I think it's beautiful, but I think 'Cedes believes you without seeing it."

Mercedes gave me an appreciative look, and I smiled and nodded. Truth be told, it was her reaction to all of this that I'd probably been most concerned about. Besides Quinn, and obviously Britt, she'd been the closest thing to a friend I'd had in the Glee Club, and I'd just totally blown her off, even before everything went crazy. Maybe it was Finn's phone call, or maybe Brittany and Rachel had always been right about all of us being a family, even years later. She was standing there not judging me, and pretending that everything that had happened between the last time I'd seen her and this very moment didn't exist. That was pretty cool.

"I've heard some of your stuff." She told me. "Kinda sucks that you're with Columbia, if you ever wanna jump ship, HTTN Records would be thrilled to have talent like yours. And that's even without hearing your voice. I don't know why you're not singing, but you should be."

"Santittany!" Puck, who had apparently lost the Mohawk, screamed before I could answer Mercedes and I rolled my eyes. "I've seen-and done-a lot of MILFs in my time, but you two are definitely the hottest. Any chance married sex is boring you, and you want to spice things up in the bedroom with some Puckasaurus?"

"Puckerman, I'd suggest you shut your mouth in front of my kid if you want to keep your balls outside of your body." I threatened, and Britt frowned at the thought of violence.

"Hey, hey, easy! I'm just kidding." He threw one arm over each of our shoulders and smiled at Annie. "She looks just like you, Brittany. How's married life treating you guys?"

We told him about New York, though I kind of had the feeling that he'd heard a lot of it from Finn, since they still spoke occasionally. I was happy to hear that he'd finally sold a screenplay and was waiting for the casting to start. Puck and I had always had a lot in common, a lot a potential with very little faith in ourselves, though we'd hidden it well behind cocky attitudes. I was glad that he'd stopped getting in his own way too.

"You look like you're doing really well, Santana." He told me when Britt went to go see Quinn, her husband Archie and Tina who'd just come in.

"Yeah, I am. Sorry, you know, that we didn't keep in touch."

"Me too, I've known you since I was five. But I get it, you may have ruled the school in high school, but it still pretty much sucked for you. I'm surprised you didn't cut all your ties."

"Who would have though, right, that I'd be best friends with Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson? At the end of Junior year, I was planning on changing my name and going to live in a lesbian colony, I was so over it."

"What the hell is a lesbian colony?"

"Not a real thing. But yeah, then Berry and Lady Face let me live in their apartment, and it's like Hotel California with them. I'm stuck for life."

"And you secretly love it."

"Unfortunately."

I was nervous when everyone sat down and started ordering drinks. They remembered me as the girl who would finish bottles of scotch with Puck almost every weekend, who did bodyshots off of Brittany, who got trashed at Mr. Schue's not-wedding and (thanks to Tina) hooked up with Quinn. Those probably should have all been reasons enough why I didn't drink anymore. I didn't want anyone to ask anything, I didn't want to have to explain. Brittany took Annie back from Mike, who'd become infatuated with her, and slipped her into my arms. She always knew exactly what to do to comfort me.

"We'll both have strawberry lemonades." Britt told the waitress and squeezed my thigh.

"Lopez! You're not going to have a drink with me?" Puck called from across the table, and Finn kept his eyes on me.

"It's Lopez-Pierce." I rolled my eyes at Puck and looked at Brittany, feeling a little panicked.

I would tell them for you, but you know that you need to be the one who says no. Her eyes told me. You can do this, tell them whatever you want, whatever truth you want to tell them is your truth to share.

"She'll take a Johnny Walker Black, neat." Puck told the waitress and I inhaled sharply.

"No, I'm fine with the lemonade. I don't...I gave up drinking." I felt too many eyes on me, and I looked down, pretending to do a button on the baby's dress. There was a stunned silence, and the waitress slowly backed away. "I'm going to go change her diaper."

I stood from the table and walked quickly to the bathroom, feeling like I was going to cry. It wasn't like I hadn't expected it to come up, hell, I probably even expected it from Puck, but it made me feel lesser. Maybe I could have one drink without risking a dark spiral, but probably not, and that wasn't a risk I was willing to take. I'd be lying if I said I no longer felt the urge to have a drink every day, good or bad, so the road I was on was still long, no sense wandering off now. Brittany was two steps behind me, I knew, and I could hear Quinn ripping into Puck at the table.

"Didn't you learn when you got me drunk and knocked me up not to pressure people into drinking?" She yelled at him, and if I wasn't so upset I would have laughed.

When I reached the bathroom, I held myself up against the wall and Brittany pulled me close to her, baby between us, when she made it in. I wasn't going to cry, I just wanted to remember the reasons again, the reasons why I broke myself from that dark place.

"The last time we were against the wall in a bathroom, you weren't this strong." She whispered into my hair. "You've been sober for nine months honey, that's a strength, not a weakness. Do you want to go home?"

Before I could answer, Quinn burst through the bathroom door face flaming.

"I told Puck I was going to cut his dick off if he didn't apologize to you. Rachel's out there screaming at him some more. Are you okay?"

"Wow." Brittany let out a small giggle. "Both of you threatened to dismember Puck tonight. Some things are never going to change. Usually I'm against violence, but I think he had it coming this time."

"It's not his fault." I said quietly. "We had a nice conversation not a half hour ago, I guess he just expected me to be how I used to be. People don't walk around thinking people are alcoholics, I guess. But I did miss us threatening his junk. I don't want to leave Britt, I was having a good time. I just feel like an idiot now."

"You're not an idiot, Santana." Quinn spoke before Britt could. "And if you didn't notice, those of us that know you had already ordered soda, and once the waitress felt safe enough to come back to the table, the others changed theirs too. Even after all this time, we all still support each other, crazy as it sounds."

"Quinn, I'm saying thanks to you twice in a three day period. I think that's more than I've said it in twelve years."

She laughed and took the baby from me so I could wrap my arms fully around Brittany. After an extremely long hug, followed by an even longer kiss, we made our way back to the table. Puck was staring down sheepishly and Rachel was still glaring. I looked from Tina to Mercedes to Artie to Mike, and none of them really knew where to allow their eyes. I kind of felt like Rachel, with an uncanny ability to make any situation about her.

"Guys." I finally said, knowing that what Quinn said was right. "I have a drinking problem, and I haven't had a drink since February, okay? Now can we please go back to talking about anything else? Fight the overwhelming urge to dedicate songs to me."

"You know they all want to!" Mike broke the tension. "Luckily, I can't sing. But maybe Finn wants to sing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun again? Because it was so appropriate and not at all creepy the first time."

"Santana, ignore him, since he can't be serious for a second. I'm pretty impressed with you." Tina smiled, and I realized she wasn't the same gossip queen she used to be, she'd grown too.

There were nods and murmuring all around, and Puck came over and gave me a hug. This would happen among people who were less supportive, some day, and I was glad that for the first time, it was with people who still found a way to love me after so much time. Britt was smiling proudly at me, and I stuck a breadstick in my mouth to show her that I was totally fine. For the rest of the night, we all talked about our lives, our futures, and told stories about the ridiculousness of our shared past. It was a positive feeling, and I finally felt a sense of redemption of the things that we all held against each other in the past. It was different, being together as adults, but it was good different. We'd all see each other again at the wedding, and I felt like maybe I would actually try again to put in an effort. They were family, more like distant cousins than my "family" in New York, but still family nonetheless.