Chapter 52
The following morning Kid eased off his mare at the station and steered her to the stables. His fellow riders were around the property, busy in their daily chores, and Kid simply lifted his hand, greeting them from the relative short distance separating them. Right now he did not feel like talking to anybody. The night before had been horrible and too long. Kid had been unable to sleep a wink as his mind couldn't stop thinking about Lou. The idea that the following morning he would wake up to an empty, cold house terrified him, and realizing that he did not know where Lou was at that very moment, or whether she was okay scared him even more. How was he going to endure this agony every single day for the rest of his life? There was a woman out there that he adored, and he was supposed to keep living as if she did not exist. How could he ever do that?
After leaving Katy in her usual stall and supplying her with enough water and feed, Kid got down to work immediately. Even though mucking out the stables was not his favorite chore, he welcomed the job today as it meant he could stay between these four walls undisturbed. With all probability all his friends would want to ask him about Lou's departure and how he was doing. Kid knew their interest was not mere curiosity, but wholesome concern. Yet, the Southerner was not ready to answer questions, and he was in such turmoil that it was impossible to express in words how he felt. It was too painful, and this was not the worst. Later today he would have to go to the lawyer and hand in the divorce paper, which still sat in a drawer of his studio desk. In theory, he should have done it yesterday, but he had been too shaken and upset. So today the last step would be taken, and Lou and he would split up forever.
After working for almost half an hour, Kid heard the bell, announcing that breakfast was ready. Although he had not eaten anything since yesterday, he had no appetite. Therefore, he carried on with the task at hand, but this time his solitude was broken as heavy steps resounded behind him. Curiously, he cast a glimpse back, and saw Jimmy washing his hands in the basin next to the tack room. "Aren't you coming for breakfast? Rachel's made pancakes," Jimmy asked. Kid shook his head, without turning to him as he kept his attention on the broom in his hands. Jimmy sensed there was something wrong with his friend, and dared to take a few steps closer. He knew Louise had left, and it was logical Kid was upset about it. "How are you getting on, Kid?"
"Fine, thanks," the Southerner replied curtly, keeping his head low as he now collected the garbage with a shovel.
"For crying out loud, Kid!" Jimmy exclaimed. "Don't give me that! If you don't want to talk about it, fine, but at least you should look me in the eye."
Kid let go of the shovel, which fell heavily on the floor, and like Jimmy had said, this time his angry eyes fixed on the long-haired rider's brown ones while barking, "What the hell do you want me to say? My wife's gone. How do you think I'm supposed to feel? Do you want me to say I feel like crap? All right, I feel worse than crap… happy now?"
"You're right. Sorry. It was a dumb question," Jimmy admitting, patting his friend on the back. "It's just… well, you know, even though you first told us you planned to divorce Lou, I never thought you would go through with it."
"Neither did I, Jimmy," Kid whispered.
"I'm really sorry."
"Thanks. I guess I'll eventually come to terms with it, but it'll take me some time," Kid replied, smiling sadly. Both men remained in silence, and suddenly, the sound of somebody clearing their throat drew their attention. Doritha stood at the door, and on seeing her, Kid sighed. She was the last person he wanted to see right now, but knowing how persistent she was, Kid imagined he couldn't put off their conversation.
"Good morning, Mrs. Maxwell. How are you?" Jimmy greeted the lady politely.
"Very well, Jimmy. And please call me Doritha."
"Uh… Doritha, if you'll excuse me, I was on my way to the bunkhouse. It was nice to see you."
Jimmy walked out of the stables, and when Kid and Doritha were left alone, the young woman slowly approached him. "Kid, where were you yesterday? I came here, and was told Louise was leaving, but then I waited for you at your place for at least an hour."
"I went for a ride," Kid replied. "Riding relaxes me and helps me think more clearly."
"And what did you have to think about?" Doritha asked with a flirty grin. "About us?"
"Actually yes," Kid replied seriously. There was no use beating about the bush. Doritha needed to know he was not in love with her anymore, and he did not plan to marry as she had mentioned a few times before. Naturally, he would not turn his back to her and leave her in the lurch. Doritha had come seeking his help and support, and he would do his duty as his friend. She would always be special for him, but that did not mean she was the person he would now consider spending the rest of his life with.
"When do you think your divorce will be definite?"
"Doritha, forget about the divorce. We need to talk about something more important, and what I want to tell you is that…"
Kid did not get to finish his sentence because at that moment Rachel stepped into the stables. From the look that the station mistress sent the pair, it was clear that she did not expect to find them there. "Sorry to interrupt. I just came for a tin of molasses from the shed. I didn't know you were here," Rachel said curtly, shifting her gaze between the pair with obvious coldness.
"No problem. It's just me and Kid talking," Doritha replied in a cheerful tone.
Rachel kept a stern face, and Kid could clearly perceive the hostility from the way the station mistress looked and held herself. "Something wrong, Rachel?" the rider asked even though he could guess the reason behind her stiff demeanor. Rachel had grown very fond of Louise, and surely wasn't taking her friend's leaving very well.
The station mistress took a couple of big, resolute strides towards Kid, and said, "I'm well aware that the proper thing to do would be to smile politely and say that nothing's wrong. Yet, I can't keep quiet about this… otherwise, I'll explode." Kid did not say a word, and Rachel continued, "I can't believe you let Louise go, Kid. I never expected this from you."
"From me?" Kid echoed in a slightly irritated tone. "Rachel, this is what Lou wanted, not me."
"Is it? Are you sure? Maybe this is what she thought 'you' wanted," Rachel retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.
Kid shook his head. "I didn't want her to go like this. I told her and even begged her… more than once. But she's stubborn, and didn't hear me out. And she had no reasons to believe she had to go because of me."
"Didn't she? Kid you made it clear from the beginning that you wanted a divorce, and… well, of course other elements came to reassure that belief," Rachel said, turning her eyes to Doritha pointedly.
Kid followed the direction of Rachel's gaze, and his eyes stumbled upon Doritha's puzzled expression. There might be some truth in what Rachel was saying. Kid had never put Lou in the right about Doritha's presence in Rock Creek and his life. Foolishly, he had believed his clear indifference was enough a clue to clarify his intentions to both Doritha and Lou. Yet, it was obvious that Doritha hadn't got the message, and neither had Louise.
"Mrs. Dunne, Kid's a good man, and I'm sure he feels bad for the way things had turned out to be between him and Louise. Yet, they didn't have a real marriage, and it wasn't right for them to stay married under those circumstances."
"I really appreciate your altruistic and totally disinterested comments, Mrs. Maxwell, but this is a conversation between me and Kid," Rachel quipped ironically, which gained her a glare from the younger woman. The station mistress ignored her, and turned to the rider. "Kid, I thought you were different. Don't you have an ounce of compassion in your soul? Haven't you even stopped to consider for one tiny second what this means for the person who's still your wife?"
Kid was getting irritated. It was totally understandable that Rachel felt upset about Lou, but it wasn't right that she hurled accusation after accusation, all of which were totally unfair. "Let me say this again, Rachel. This was Lou's idea… it was her idea! She didn't give me any other option. I didn't want her to go! I'm very fond of her, and this is not what I wanted."
"You could've fooled me," Rachel remarked caustically.
"Louise will be fine," Doritha added, disregarding Rachel's previous words. "As far as I've seen, she's a very capable lady."
Rachel gave the woman a skeptic look, and said, "Yes… I grant you she is, but I'm not sure she can do a lot when she has to face her father."
"Her father?" Kid echoed in confusion.
"Yes, her father… your father-in-law. You know him, and saw with your own eyes how good a father he is to your wife. He almost killed her the last time he was here."
"But Lou's not going to him," Kid replied, a tremor coursing all over his body at the mere idea of Louise at the mercy of John Boggs. "She's going to use her mother's inheritance… she won't live with her father again."
"Kid, she doesn't have a cent!" Rachel contradicted him. "She won't get the money you're talking about until she's twenty-one. Where do you think she's heading when she has no means to survive?"
"She… she can't go back to her father," Kid uttered as if he were in trance.
"Did you know John threatened her to death if she didn't give him a grandchild? What do you think he'll do when she turns up at his door 'unpregnant' after being sent off by her husband?"
Kid blanched and panicked as he listened to Rachel. Now things made sense to him, and he understood why Lou had flatly refused his offer to accompany her while she settled down. She was clearly returning to her pa's home, a panorama which looked ten times worse after what he had learned from Rachel just now.
"That's not our problem," Doritha stated. Her affable disposition had completely vanished; she was tired of hearing Rachel Dunne's spirited defense of Louise as if Doritha did not count. Lou was history, and now she was Kid's woman whether Rachel or anybody else wanted or not. "If her father's such a beast, I'm sorry, but that's her cross, not ours."
Kid hardly heard what Doritha was saying since his mind was completely focused on one single idea. "I have… I have to go and find her," he muttered, his voice trembling because of the fear he was feeling.
Rachel smiled in support while Doritha exclaimed, "Are you crazy? You're not going anywhere!"
"I need to get to her before her father does," Kid said, fearing he was already late, and thousands of terrible images filled his mind.
"No! I won't let you!" Doritha barked. "Louise is a clever girl, and can take care of herself. She's nothing to you."
"Doritha, let go of me," Kid said, as the woman had possessively taken hold of his arm. "I'm going after Lou. She's my wife… and … and I love her!" The words rushed out of his mouth before he actually knew what he was saying. As his declaration blurted out in the heat of the moment echoed in the cavernous stables and Doritha's eyes stared at him in shock, Kid took a deep breath as he repeated, "Yes, I love her… I love her!"
The words had an immediate effect. Doritha's eyes opened widely in clear surprise and the hand which had clasped Kid's arm tightly released him and flew to cover her mouth.
"I'm sorry you have to learn about it this way. I didn't plan for this to happen, but it did. At the beginning I thought I just sympathized with Lou because of our similar stories with our fathers. I even tried to deny something was happening to me for a while, but I can't anymore."
"And… and you don't love me?" Doritha asked in a neutral voice, trying to sound indifferent.
"Not the way you deserve," Kid admitted. "I'm really sorry."
Doritha sighed. "I feared this the moment I saw you and her together. I'm not a fool or blind, and every time you turned your eyes to her, well… you looked like a fool. I can accept that because I don't actually care, Kid. You might love her, but she doesn't love you. I do, and I can be a good wife. You can even learn to love me again like you grew to love Louise."
Kid shook his head. "I'm sorry, Doritha, but no. If Lou's not in my life, nobody else will be. That wouldn't be fair for you."
"Then you'll end up all alone and miserable," Doritha threatened him.
"Yes… you're probably right."
Realizing that neither her threats nor her offers had worked, Doritha knew she had been defeated. So without another word she turned on her heel and walked out. Kid's eyes desperately shifted to find Rachel's. "I really need to go after Lou."
"I know," the station mistress replied with a smile, and perceiving the meaning in the words he had not uttered, she added, "Don't worry about Doritha. I'll talk to her, and make sure she's fine."
"Thanks, Rachel. I owe you so much," Kid said as he opened the stall door, ready to saddle Katy for a long ride to St Joseph, which he hoped would have a happy ending.
"You don't owe me anything. Just make sure Lou's fine. And remember how stubborn your wife can be. So be firm with her, and don't let her push you away again. She might need a lot of persuasion."
Kid smiled. "Yes, I'll take that into account. I just hope to find her."
"I'm sure you will," Rachel replied, and as Kid finally pulled Katy out of the stables, the woman stood there smiling and praying that this couple of fools would finally meet in the real sense. They deserved a happy life together. Fortunately, Kid was already on his way to make it reality, and if Lou didn't make things too difficult, there might be something to celebrate when they returned to Rock Creek.
