Chapter 52

"Where do we go from here?" Kristin asked.

Kimberly shook her head. "You're asking the wrong person."

"What?"

Kimberly picked up the notepad and handed it to Kristin. "You are in control, remember? That's another thing that robs you of your power: not feeling in control."

"But I'm not in control," Kristin protested. "If I was…well, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Kimberly sighed and motioned to the table. "Have a seat."

Kristin's brow furrowed, not quite sure what she had in mind, but she did as she was told.

"You're right," Kimberly replied. "You might not be in complete control. But throwing your hands up in the air and saying you have no control whatsoever isn't going to help you either. There are some things you can control, and realizing that will help you gain your power back."

"But…how?"

"We're going to write down your goals for the next few days. Now when I say goals, I mean those that are easily attainable. They can be something as simple as getting out of bed in the morning."

Kristin let out a snort in response.

"Don't sell yourself short. I think that's quite an accomplishment these days for you. I'm sure there are times you want to stay there and not move," Kimberly continued. "So as I said, you're going to write down easily attainable goals for the next few days: those which you can control. This will be your game plan, your guide. You can tape it to the wall if you'd like, check things off as you accomplish them. It's going to help you see the progress you've made. Just avoid anything too lofty." She placed a hand on Kristin's shoulder. "Take your time, and I'll be right here if you need help."

Kristin stared down at the white piece of paper before her for several minutes. Easily attainable goals? She gave a slight shake of her head. She wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to be writing. She knew where she hoped to end up at the end of all this. But she knew full well Kimberly wanted her to break it down into small steps to be able to reach that ultimate goal, only she wasn't sure where to start. She picked up the pencil and wrote a number one at the top of her page, but she wasn't sure what to write after that. She cradled her chin in her hand, looking up at Kimberly.

"Having a little trouble?" she asked softly, moving to sit next to her.

Kristin nodded. "I know where I want to end up, but I'm not sure where to start."

"Okay, well, let's start with that." She picked up the notepad and flipped to a clean sheet of paper. "Write where you want to end up in large letters," she instructed.

Kristin did so. By the end of the week, I hope to help Sylvia cross over, and I would like to be back on the seaQuest with the rest of the crew, she wrote.

"Wonderful," Kimberly said when Kristin was finished. She then read the sentence out loud. "Okay, what are the steps you should take to get there?"

Kristin gave a light shrug.

Kimberly smiled. "What did we just do with the candle and the brazier?"

"We purged old guilt and emotions so I can try to move on and forgive myself," Kristin replied.

"Run with that forgiveness idea. Remember what else we said you need to do?"

"Ask the others for forgiveness?"

"Exactly. That's your first easily attainable goal: talk to your friends and ask them for forgiveness."

Kristin turned back to the first page and wrote that next to the number one. "Well, then we talked about forgiving Frank Knox."

Kimberly nodded. "But I think we need to do a few things before that." She paused. "Have you decided whether you're going to do the hypnosis or not?"

"I…think so," she replied quietly. "It really seems like the best way to encounter Knox; I'd rather see him in a controlled environment rather than…the way he and I have been meeting lately. I'd feel safer."

"Okay, I'm glad to hear that. I was hoping that was the decision you'd make, but then there's a few other things you need to understand. The stronger and healthier you are physically, the better things are going to go. That means you need to be sure you eat and drink properly. Joshua mentioned you had a little trouble in that department?"

She looked down at her hands. "When I'm under stress, eating isn't at the top of my list."

Kimberly put an arm around her shoulders. "Oh, there's no need to explain, sweetie. You're no different than a lot of people, but in this case, you need to remember how vital it is that you keep your strength up. If your physical body is as strong as it can be, then your spiritual body will benefit as well. And since your spiritual body will be encountering Knox, you need to do all you can for it, understand?"

Kristin nodded. "I promise I'll eat and drink properly. Nathan will see to that if I don't." She wrote that down as her next goal.

"He does seem intent on being sure you take care of yourself," Kimberly replied with a laugh. "You're very lucky."

"Yes, I know." She paused for a moment. "Could I ask you something that's been bothering me a bit?"

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

"Talking about the forgiveness factor, we've established I need to forgive Frank Knox, and I'm working on forgiving myself. But what about Sylvia? It's clear that her hate for Frank Knox would be even more deep-seated than mine. Wouldn't she need to forgive Knox to cross over?"

Kimberly remained thoughtful for a few minutes. "That's a good point, but the next hypnosis is really for you. This forgiveness is for you to move on, not necessarily for Knox. You realize that?"

Kristin nodded. "But what about Sylvia? How is she going to be able to move on? Jack mentioned she's angry and confused about what happened to her. That's why she's stuck. And really, doesn't her happiness affect me? Even if I make it through everything with flying colors, it won't make a bit of difference if she remains stuck in the same place."

"You're right," she said with a sigh. She hesitated. "I hadn't wanted to tell you this, but-"

"I already know the hypnosis could be dangerous," Kristin interrupted.

Kimberly gave her a look.

"I wasn't born yesterday," she replied quietly. "Since we're both doctors, I can tell when someone is withholding information…not because you want to intentionally deceive, but because if the patient knows the truth, it could be devastating. Also, Nathan confirmed my suspicions were correct when I asked him. He didn't divulge details, and I don't want to know. But I want you to know I am aware."

"Very well, but there is one detail you need to know. When Lillian used your body, how did you feel afterwards?"

"Exhausted, but that was-"

"It doesn't matter whether you believed it was nitrogen narcosis or not," Kimberly told her. "And every time you've seen Sylvia, how did you feel afterwards…physically?"

"Exhausted," she replied. "And ill."

"And with Jack?"

"The same…" She sighed. "Joshua explained this to me before. It drains my energy."

"Exactly. I don't feel comfortable putting you under hypnosis right now in order to talk to Sylvia. Sylvia herself…I hope she'd know if she could bring you into her world without hurting you."

Kristin shook her head. "But I have no control over that. I mean, I can't talk to her like I did before. I can't just call out to her and instantly hear a reply, much as I'd like."

"I know, but you are the only connection to her in this world right now. I just need to do what I think is ethical, and I'm not going to put you into any danger than I think is necessary. My biggest concern is you, not Sylvia right now. You understand?"

Kristin gave a quiet nod, averting her gaze.

Kimberly clasped a hand over Kristin's. "Look, Sylvia's told you she's still with you, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then I'm sure you two will figure it out. I'm sorry; I wish I had a better answer for you."

"It's all right," Kristin replied. "I can't say I don't understand. I do appreciate the fact you're worried about my well-being."

"Well, why don't we finish this list, hm?"

Kristin nodded and started writing down what they'd discussed about the hypnosis and forgiving Frank Knox. "Then I suppose after the hypnosis would be retrieving the letter, providing everything goes as planned."

"Okay, good." Kimberly then turned the page. "And that leads us to…da, da, da." She made a dramatic gesture with her arms. "Your ultimate goal. Now that you've broken it down into smaller steps, doesn't this seem more easily attainable?"

Kristin looked through the list and then turned the page. "Actually, it does."

"I'm glad. Of course, you need to pace yourself. You don't want to do everything at once, but I think this will help you feel more in control of the situation and realize that there are things you can do to help this along. And the moment you accomplish one of these steps, cross it off your list and congratulate yourself. Feel proud and happy, okay?"

"I'll try," Kristin said with a smile. "Thank you again."

"It was my pleasure. Well, do you think you're ready to go back to your room? I'm sure we've inconvenienced the captain long enough, don't you think?"

Kristin waved a hand. "If I know Nathan, he's probably listening at the door. But I suppose I'd better assure him that I'm fine."

-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-

After cleaning up the balcony, Kristin and Kimberly started towards the adjoining door. Kristin, however, stopped short when she heard familiar voices, ones that weren't coming from the television.

"What's wrong?" Kimberly asked, noting Kristin's hesitation.

"It sounds like we've got company," she replied. "I wanted to see the others; I just didn't plan on it being so soon. I thought I'd have more time to prepare."

"You're still worried they're angry with you?"

Kristin shook her head. "I'm not sure. I just…"

"Remember, you don't need to accomplish everything on that list right away. Take your time. Ask Nathan to help you if you'd like. Just relax. Take a deep breath. Good. Now another."

After several deep breaths, Kristin felt she had mustered up the strength to turn the door handle. When she did, everyone in the other room turned to look at her. And it was indeed almost everyone from the senior staff. The only ones not there were Joshua and Chiefs Shan and Crocker. Kristin tried to be cheerful, hoping to break the ice a bit. "Having a party without me?" she said with a small smile.

Nathan moved to her side, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Actually, everyone came by to see you. I've been trying to keep them entertained while you've been away." He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "Everything go all right?"

She nodded. "Everything's fine; I'll have to tell you all about it later," she whispered back.

"The captain was just telling us about his unfortunate encounter outside," Ben said.

Kristin's smile faded as she quickly realized what Ben meant: Nathan's cheek. She felt a shiver run up her spine as began to tremble slightly. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean…" she began nervously. "I-"

She felt Nathan's hands rub her shoulders in a calming gesture. "Yeah, well, I was just lucky I wasn't alone when I walked into that bloody tree."

"W-what?" Kristin asked.

"The tree branches that scratched my face," Nathan replied. "Did you forget so quickly?" He then leaned in closer to her hear. "I figured they didn't need to know the truth. Just calm down, all right?"

She gave a nod and took a deep breath. "Oh, um, right. I guess I did forget," she recovered quickly.

"You did a great job on patching him," Lucas piped up, "but I'm jealous he might have a scar." He stepped forward and wrapped the doctor in a hug. "But I'll live with that," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm glad to hear that," she replied, her tone matching his. As she broke the embrace, she asked, "When did you get back? Did you have a good time? How is your father?" She then noticed Lucas' smile fade as he and the captain exchanged a glance. "He cancelled?" she asked Lucas quietly.

Lucas nodded, giving her a grin. "Yeah, but he says we'll get together soon. I'm fine about it, though. Don't worry about me." He nodded towards Ben, Tim, Miguel, and Jonathan. "The guys took me out and showed me a good time. We had fun."

"We sure did," Ben said, moving to hug Kristin as well. "He's really okay with it, Doc," he assured her.

Kristin nodded and whispered a, "Thank you," to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. As Ben broke the hug, she turned to see the others lined up.

"You didn't think we were going to let Ben have all the fun, did you?" Katie said, holding out her arms.

Kristin gratefully entered her embrace, feeling tears sting her eyes.

The others followed suit, and someone handed Kristin a tissue by time everyone was finished.

She dabbed at her eyes. "This is really a wonderful surprise. I'm glad you're all here. I've missed you."

"That's exactly why we're here," Ben replied. "Because we've missed you, and we're just glad to see you're feeling better. It's a reunion of sorts."

Kimberly, who was still standing near the adjoining door stepped forward and gently pulled Kristin aside. "It looks like you're in good hands. I think I should probably go, unless you want me to stay?"

Kristin looked back towards the small group gathered around the room, thinking.

"Just remember, you don't need to do everything on that list right this instant."

Kristin nodded. "I think I'll be okay. Thank you for checking, though."

"Of course, dear," Kimberly said, giving her a hug goodnight. "How about I stop in sometime tomorrow?"

"That would be wonderful, thank you."

"Anytime. Goodnight…and have fun." Kimberly then bid the others a quick goodnight and left the room.

"Well, we won't stay too long if you need your rest," Ben stated, "but we did bring you a few presents to keep you occupied since the captain informed us you're still supposed to be resting."

Nathan ushered her to sit down on the sofa, and he sat next to her.

"Oh, but I feel much better," Kristin told them. "I certainly hope you don't plan on leaving right away."

"We won't if you don't want us to," Katie told her. "But you speak up the minute you've had too much."

"I will," Kristin replied as Katie placed a large box wrapped in white paper with baby blue seahorses and lavender seashells topped with a baby blue bow. "But you didn't need to get me anything."

"We wanted to," Jonathan assured her.

"There's a little something in there from each of us…sort of a get well kit, if you will," Ben explained. "And these go with it." He motioned to a vase sitting in the center of the table filled with a dozen yellow roses.

Kristin hadn't noticed them before. "Oh, those are lovely," she replied. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Go ahead, open the box now," Ben urged her.

Kristin carefully lifted the lid and peeked inside. The box was stuffed with all kinds of goodies. "Oh, my; I'm not sure where to start."

Lucas leaned over her shoulder. "At the top is usually a good way to go."

Kristin shot him a smile and took the first thing off the top. "A book of inspirational stories," she muttered.

"That's from me," Tim replied. "I thought it might keep you occupied while you're resting, and I was hoping it might cheer you up if you're feeling a little down."

She gave him a nod and mouthed a, "Thank you," as she reached for the next item. The moment she picked it up, she knew who it was from. It was a copy of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. "Oh, Lucas," she gushed. "Thank you."

He gave a shrug. "Well, I figured since you didn't get to finish it the other night, you should have your own copy you can watch anytime you'd like. Maybe you and I could watch it together sometime?"

"I'd love that; thank you, dear." She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

She continued rifling through the box. Katie gave her a bath and body basket with lavender lotion, candles, and aromatherapy bath beads, and Miguel gave her a small dolphin figurine that happened to look identical to Darwin. There were just two more items left in the box, but they were both wrapped up.

She chose a rectangular box wrapped in blue paper first. She carefully unwrapped it, and when she lifted the lid, she found it was a photograph of the whole crew. "Oh," she breathed softly. "This is lovely; I don't have one of all of us. When was this taken?"

"After our little run-in with Marilyn Stark," Jonathan told her. "I thought you'd like the frame it was in too."

Kristin ran her hand across the bottom of the silver frame. There, etched in the metal, were images of seashells. "Oh, I do, thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied.

She then picked up the last box and glanced at Ben. "Well, what in the world could this be?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he teased. "Just open it."

"I won't regret it, will I?" she asked with a wink as she began unwrapping the small package. She was surprised when she saw what it was. "Playing cards and poker chips?"

"Yeah, I hope it's okay. It's been a while since we've all played. What do you say?"

Kristin hesitated; the realization that everyone just gave her such lovely presents when she hadn't been very kind to them suddenly hit her, causing tears to well up in her eyes once again.

Katie was the first to notice. She squeezed her way through and had a seat next to Kristin, putting an arm around her. "Oh, Doc, what's wrong?"

Kristin shook her head. "I…I just don't…"

"Good going, Ben; your gift made her cry," Lucas muttered.

Kristin waved a hand. "No, it's…it's not his fault. I mean, I appreciate all the gifts. I'll cherish them dearly. I just… I don't know why you're being so sweet to me." She shook her head. "I certainly don't deserve it."

"How can you say that?" Katie asked her, running a hand through Kristin's hair. "You've done so much for us in the past; why wouldn't we show you how much we care?"

"Because I haven't been very open with all of you lately. I kept things from you, lied even. And you all knew that, didn't you?" Kristin looked down at her hands, wringing them nervously. She felt Katie's arm tighten around her shoulders, she felt Nathan take her hand in his.

There was a long moment of silence before anyone spoke, however.

"I think we're all guilty of withholding information about certain aspects of our lives," Katie finally said. "We all know you were just trying to protect us."

Kristin took a ragged breath. "That still doesn't make it right. I…I was hoping you'd forgive me."

"Oh, Doc, of course we forgive you," Katie replied. "We've already forgiven you long before you asked."

"That's what you do with family," Ben added. "You forgive their shortcomings because you love them. You never had to ask."

Kristin felt tears threaten to fall once again as a lump formed in her throat. She covered her mouth with one hand, hoping to stifle it, but the sob escaped nonetheless.

"Oh, Doc, shh," Katie soothed softly, wrapping her arms around the older woman.

Kristin gave a nod and did her best to calm down. After a few moments, her cries had stopped. "I'm sorry," she muttered, lifting her head to look at the others. "I appreciate the gifts very much, but I appreciate you all more than you know. I just…sometimes, I don't know what I did to deserve all of you."

"We feel the same way about you, Doc," Ben replied, making his way around the sofa to kneel in front of her. He wrapped her in a tight hug. "But please, don't cry anymore. This is supposed to be a happy time."

She nodded. "I am happy, I promise."

"Good. Now how about some poker?"

-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-

They spent hours talking, laughing, and playing several games of poker. Kristin won every hand, but she was sure the others were letting her win. She didn't mind that, though; she was just enjoying being with them. She'd forgotten how much she missed them. Not only that, what Kimberly had said began to fall into place for her a bit more. She was sure she didn't want to lose her position, so she was more determined than ever to make sure she accomplished the goals she'd written down. She couldn't imagine life without the others…and she was fairly sure they couldn't imagine life without her.

By the fifth hand, however, Kristin's attention span was waning. As she looked at the cards in front of her, the face values of the cards blurred together. She tried to stifle a yawn because she could see the others were still having fun, but she couldn't help it.

"You know, I think we should call it a night," Nathan finally said. "You could all come back tomorrow."

Kristin shook her head. "No, it's all right. We can finish this hand."

"You look like you're going to fall asleep right here," he told her.

"The captain's right," Katie said. "We can always play more tomorrow. You promised us you'd get enough rest."

Kristin nodded, this time, not adding a protest. She was tired, and although she was grateful the others had stopped by, she wasn't sure she could stay awake much longer.

The group helped clean up, said their good nights, and left the room.

"Well, that was a lovely evening," Kristin said as soon as she and Nathan were alone.

"I'm glad you thought so. You sure you're all right with everything now?"

"I'm not completely all right, but I'm getting there." She told him about the list Kimberly helped her make. "It doesn't seem so impossible for everything to turn out all right now."

Nathan placed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm glad to hear it." He paused and looked at her for a moment.

"What?"

"I was just deciding if I should give you the present I got for you now…or if you'd like to wait?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You got me a present too? When did you have time for that? And why? I think you've done more than enough for me. I-"

He sighed and walked into his side of the room, coming out with a small black velvet box with a small gold bow. "I bought this shortly after we got back…and that was before things between us became strained." He paused, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Please know I'm okay with that, though. This is…just a token of my friendship." He handed her the box. "I hope you like it."

Kristin flipped open the lid and gasped softly; inside was a gold locket. She looked at him, her brow furrowing slightly.

"I know how devastated you were when you lost Sylvia's ring. My original plan was to get you a ring that looked identical to it, but then I thought differently. I figured there was no replacing that." He took the box from her and placed the locket around her neck, helping her fasten it. He then ushered her into the bathroom, turned on the light, and moved her to stand in front of the mirror so she could see. He then opened the locket, and there inside was a photograph of Sylvia. "But I figured this was still a way she could be close to your heart."

"How…how did you…" Kristin began in shock.

"Find the photo?" Nathan finished. "When were at the museum the other day, I asked. This, of course, was before your fainting spell. Do you…do you like it?"

She turned to him. "Oh, of course I do. I love it." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. "But you didn't need to. I haven't given you anything."

Nathan returned the hug. "I wanted to. And you have given me more than you know." He paused for a moment. "Well, I suppose I should let you get some sleep." He turned to leave, but Kristin caught his arm.

"You don't…need to go, if you don't want to. I mean...I'd like it if you stayed."

Nathan gave her a smile, and put an arm around her shoulders. "I'd like that too."

A/N: Many thanks to MadameGiry25 for helping me brainstorm on this chapter.