I'm Alright - Stereophonics

"Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness.

Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand-

Kalahira, wash the sins from this one,

and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit."

Thane's prayer, thin with weariness, was punctuated by a gut-wrenching cough. Shepard's eyes lifted from her dying friend to his lover, who had tucked herself into a corner wearing an inscrutable expression.

"Father, shall I continue?" Kolyat asked, his voice heavy with grief. The movement so weak it was barely visible, Thane nodded.

"Kalahira, this one's heart is pure,

but beset by wickedness and contention.

Guide him to where all hunters return,

where all storms become still, where all stars show the path.

Guide him, Kalahira,

and he will be a companion to you as he was a father to me."

From the corner of her eye, Shepard could see Kasumi mouthing the words of the prayer in time with Kolyat. Zoey felt a rush of affection for the woman, who portrayed an indomitable will in these moments. "Shall we give them some time?" she asked Shepard in a low voice, nodding in the direction of the father and son. She acquiesced with a nod and Kasumi grabbed Thane's hand, giving his forehead a long kiss before she followed Shepard out.

As soon as they were out of earshot of his hospital bed, Shepard asked, "How are you, Kasumi? Really?"

She paused to contemplate her answer. "When you learn someone that you love is sick, a part of your heart lets them go. You make sure that you give them the best damn end to their life that you can, though. We had an unforgettable eight months together, but his illness has always hung over us like a dark cloud. You can't forget the inevitable. When it's a disease as agonizing as Kepral's, it's almost a relief when they pass, because it means they won't suffer any longer."

Shepard nodded slowly. She understood. She had lost elderly and ailing family members before; any loss is difficult to bear, but those to an untreatable illness are like a dull ache you carry during the sickness, while those lost in battle leave a sharp, stabbing pain from the unexpected.

"How are you, Shepard? Really?"

"Death is never easy. But sometimes life is even harder."

Kasumi punched her playfully in the shoulder. "Don't be such a downer!"

"Look at you," she said with her mouth gaping, "I haven't even seen you shed a tear!"

"I love you, Shep, but you take everything so damn seriously sometimes." Shepard looked down to shoot her a narrowed-eyed glare. "Listen. Life's this beautiful, short, fleeting thing. You never know what's going to happen to you next year, next month, tomorrow, even today. If you let yourself get caught up in your misery, you're letting the few moments of happiness that you could have slip between your fingers. I know that, and Thane knows that, and the very last thing that he would want is to have me be this miserable widow just because he's passed on. I love him because he gives me so much freedom to be myself and be happy, even when he's gone. Besides, we'll be together again, one day, in that paradise in the sky. Regardless of our different gods and beliefs, we'll find each other. We found each other in a place as strange as here, who says we can't find each other again?"

Although Shepard wanted to give Kasumi a dose of reality - remind her that she would never be able to hear Thane's laugh, see his smile, feel his skin - she remembered that this wasn't the first time she'd lost a lover. The thought made her close her mouth and nod slowly at her while her respect grew.

"Listen," Kasumi continued, "I've gotta go say goodbye. But keep in mind what I said, alright?" She kissed Shepard quickly on the cheek before activating her cloak and jogging back.

"Good luck," Shepard muttered, but she wasn't sure if Kasumi heard her.


"Alright everyone. We have a new team member on the Normandy, so I'd like to take a moment to introduce Ashley Williams. A few of you may know her from the SR-1, and those of you who do will know that she's an extremely valuable asset to the team. If you haven't met her, be sure to say hello, and be prepared to hear her quote Frost."

Ashley laughed lightly before saluting dutifully, a contented smile on her face. Shepard was unnerved that she could maintain such a facade of calm after they were staring down the barrels of each others' guns only hours prior.

"Ash, don't do this."

Although Ashley's gun was trembling as she pointed it at Shepard, Zoey's hand was unerringly steady.

"How can I know that I can trust you, Shepard?"

"Udina's a traitor. Can't you see that?"

"Don't listen to her!" Udina shouted from behind Ashley. "She's working for Cerberus!"

"And you aren't?" Shepard snapped at Udina before turning back to Ashley. "Listen Ash. I know you can't trust Cerberus, but you can trust me."

"Can I?"

Shepard lowered her weapon; she wasn't foolish enough to holster it, but she was smart enough to know that even if Ashley shot her it would accomplish nothing.

Yet that tiny voice, reserved for the smallest, darkest part of her conscience, whispered "Shoot her".

But Ashley had acquiesced and lowered her weapon, and when Udina had attempted to make a move against Councilor Tevos, Shepard pulled her pistol out with blinding speed and shot the conniving bastard down.

What Shepard couldn't drive out of her mind was the voice.

Was it a rogue part of her conscience? A small portion of her morality that had gone over to the dark side?

It was the same part of her mind that had spoken to her before she had shot down Mordin. Her decision then held reason, but this? There was no reasoning behind this.

What was going on in her head?


James observed from the back as the crew were gathered in the war room listening to Shepard debrief them on the Cerberus coup at the Citadel.

Shepard looked pissed. Her hands were gripping the table and her knuckles were white, her brow set in a deep furrow with a dark shadow across her eyes.

"We're heading to the flotilla next to meet with the quarian admirals. You all have jobs people, let's do them!"

She briskly walked out of the war room, shooting Garrus a dirty look on her way out the door.

"Whoa," James muttered into his ear. "Did you piss in her cereal this morning or something?"

Garrus threw his head back in confusion. "Pissing in cereal? Is that something humans do? That's disgusting."

James let out a rumbling laugh. "Just a saying, amigo. Means that you made her mad. The good commander doesn't hide her anger well." The bulky marine chuckled. "Want some advice?"

Garrus sighed, but didn't respond.

"Chicks love when you apologize. Doesn't matter if you were wrong or right, doesn't matter if she's wrong or right, she just wants to hear you say sorry. Don't know exactly what it is, but I think chicks get off knowing that they're right and you're wrong, and that's enough to make them forgive you." Garrus remained silent in contemplation. "Hey Scars, let's go down to the training area and do some sims. Looks like we won't be shooting anything real for a while."

"Why do you say that?" Garrus asked, following Vega out of the war room. "You have a great shot, Shepard knows that."

"I know I do, but Shepard prefers biotics and finesse over brute strength. She'd rather incapacitate them or throw them off a cliff than fight them head on." The corners of his mouth turned down. "That's what makes her so scary, actually."

Garrus couldn't help but laugh at that. "You haven't fought with her as long as I have, you haven't seen scary."


Primarch Victus,

I know that you have only been off of the Normandy for a few days, but I would appreciate some of your advice in regards to human women.

If, theoretically, I have upset a woman regardless of my good intentions, how do I get back into her good graces? She appears to be holding a grudge against me for expressing my concerns over her. Although it is too difficult to attempt to understand, reparations are required on my part.

Please advise.

Yours sincerely,

Garrus Vakarian.

He rested his hand over his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh before hitting send.

He couldn't believe he just asked the Primarch of Palaven for dating advice. But human women were proving to be like a safe filled with secrets that he was unable to decrypt.

"Hey, Garrus!"

"Ashley!" Garrus's mandibles flew into a wide smile at the presence of his old squad mate in the mess with him. "Damn good to have you back on the ship."

"Damn good to be here," she responded with a cocky smile. "Looking forward to being back on the ground with you, so we can see what three years has done to your sniping against mine."

Garrus threw his head back in laughter. "You're talking to Archangel. You really think I would have gone soft over all this time? You're going down."

She raised her brow in response. "Oh, it's on, bird dinosaur. Don't think I'll go soft on you just because you're the commander's man now."

"I'd be disappointed if you did."

"How's dating a human going, anyways?" she asked, while taking a bite out of a monstrous pile of mashed potatoes. "Are we as squishy as you always thought?"

"Not as squishy as I expected, but much more... complicated than I anticipated."

She downed her glass of water in a few impressive gulps. "We're actually pretty easy. Compliment us and tell us how much you care, let us know out of the blue that you're thinking of us-"

"Hold on, I need to take notes." He pulled out his omni-tool before gesturing for her to continue.

"Anyways. With a woman like Shepard, you have to appeal to her talents, whether it is her great shot or her way with machines. Act a little competitive, she loves that. Let your protective instincts come out sometimes. But the absolute most important thing? Listen. She has a lot that she wants to say, so when she says it, look into her eyes and absorb every word like it's going to change your life. That's the building block for everything else."

Garrus stood quickly. "Thank you, Ashley. That means more to me than you could know. Next time we're on the Citadel, drinks are on me."

"Only if you beat me in a shooting contest at the Spectre shooting range."

"You're on."

Neither Garrus nor Ashley knew that James had been hiding behind the elevator for the duration of their conversation, just listening to the sweet intonations of Ashley's voice.


As Shepard crossed the tunnel to the geth ship, her heavy grav boots weighing down every step and the might of the stars menacingly wide open above her head, she focused her thoughts on Garrus to keep herself from becoming crippled with fear.

Who did he think that he was, turning on her like that? He had followed her every command without question for months, and now after one of the most vital and difficult decisions of her career he had to throw her under the bus? It was crap, that's what it was!

He had no idea what it was like, living with your decisions as a commander. Did he not think that the ghosts of Jenkins, Kaidan, Jack, Legion, Jacob, and Mordin haunted her every moment? It was hard enough having to live with her being hard on herself, never mind him being hard on her.

She clenched her fists in frustration. It was undeniable that the war had been hard on everyone. It had taken her six months in prison to accept that sacrifices would have to be made for the greater good, and it was about damn time that Garrus realized the same thing. They had met as optimistic go-getters changing the world one bad guy at a time. But with an enemy as thorough and ruthless as the Reapers, you had to make whatever decisions were necessary to stop them, regardless of the cost.

"Shepard? Earth to Shepard, I'm holding a new pistol in front of you."

Zoey jumped when she realized that Tali and Javik were watching her expectantly, so lost in her thoughts that her actions had gone into autopilot. She thanked Tali while taking the Arc Pistol from her, equipped it, and moved forward.

Happiness at spotting enemies was a strange response, but the focus required to take down the geth was a welcome distraction from thoughts of the open stars and her relationship frustrations. Tali's sabotage was incredibly useful: Shepard had her use it constantly, and they watched as they geth quickly turned on each other and took themselves down. She threw a group of geth troopers in the air with singularity before Javik shot a round with his Scorpion into the fray. There was a pause before a series of small explosions, sending bits and pieces of the geth flying. When the smoke cleared, all the hostiles were eliminated.

"Clear, and I didn't even get to use my new pistol."

"I'm sure there will be more," Tali responded.

"You find this primitive weaponry to be impressive?" Javik scoffed.

"Let's just move out," she said with a roll of her eyes. Fighting with Javik reminded her that she missed having Garrus at her six.


Garrus,

Hope things are going well on the Normandy without me.

I don't have much time, but let me give you a quick piece of advice.

Communicate. Ask her how she's feeling, and listen to her when she answers. You have to talk about everything in human relationships, but be conscious about when you bring up your own issues because if you do it when she's emotional already you're in for a verbal lashing. Especially with a woman who has as much fire in her as Shepard.

Be patient, be prepared for days when you're the bad guy, and apologize. Everything else will fall into place.

Best regards,

Victus.

P.S. If all else fails, buy chocolate. Unless she's losing weight, in which case, for Spirit's sakes, get her either flowers or jewelry.

P.P.S. On that note, don't buy her a ring unless you want to get married. Look it up on the extranet, DON'T ask any of your female human crew members or they begin to make strange squealing noises.


"Did... did you just punch a quarian Admiral?"

Shepard shook her hand to clear the stinging sensation. "I think I did," she whispered to Tali, "And it felt good."

"He deserved it," she grumbled in response.

Specialist Traynor's voice rang over the intercom. "Commander, urgent message at your terminal."

"We'll talk later, Tali," Shepard shouted over her shoulder as she jogged to the door.

Shepard reached the CIC, flashed Traynor a wave, and addressed the light flashing at her terminal.

Zo-zo,

I need you to meet me on the Citadel as soon as humanely possible. I'll be at Apartment F in the Presidium.

Please hurry.

Love,

Dad.

Her grip on the table increased as she read the message until her biotics bent the metal beneath her fingers. Several red flags had gone up in the brief message: her father hadn't called her Zo-zo since her age was in the single digits, her mother had always been the parent to write to her, and her father hated the Citadel.

Something was wrong, very wrong. She jogged briskly to the cockpit, attempting to keep her mind from clouding with concern.

"Joker, I need a rush course to the Citadel."

He spun his chair to face her. "You sure, Commander? We were just there, and it'll take us at least ten hours to get -"

"Just get us there, Joker. No questions."

Her lips pursed into a tight line, she left the cock pit with her mind on the bottle of white wine in her fridge.