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Chapter 53.
After a while, they would neither be very sure how long, they moved back from each other a little and then, holding hands, sat back on the couch. Serena watched Bernie, she could still see the tension in her legs and a muscle kept twitching in her cheek. Had she done the right thing in sharing? She thought yes, she'd dealt with her own shame and guilt a long time passed. They still stabbed at her at times but that was rare. She could see the shame was still crippling for Bernie, but hoped, prayed to a God she didn't believe in, from a religion that she didn't follow, that He would heal her heart and soul.
Bernie was looking back at Serena, in awe all over again at how amazing this woman was. How she could just let the words come, they didn't get trapped in her mouth like they did for Bernie. She had been serious about killing the two men who'd hurt her Serena so. It wouldn't be that hard she reckoned, but, no, the brunette had said no. That didn't mean she couldn't wish a thousand painful deaths on them and then another one for good measures
Serena broke the silence.
"Hey you. How are you feeling?"
Bernie considered this for a moment.
"Hungry, dirty, restless."
"Shall we try to do something about some of that?"
Bernie nodded and offered a shy smile.
"Okay my love, why don't we get showered and dressed and then walk into town for some air and I'll buy you lunch?"
A happier Bernie squeezed Serena's hand and acquiesced. Some thoughts struck her and she pulled back a little. The vascular surgeon watched and waited to see if she would offer them or if she needed a little prompting.
"I, um."
"Try to tell me."
"I should probably go home."
Serena rolled her eyes at this and Bernie winced.
"Look Bernie" she began, not all that gently, "can we stop? If you truly want to go home, I won't stop you but shall I tell you what I think?"
"Please"
"It's been a traumatic few days for all of us, no, stop, it's not your fault" she qualified as Bernie geared herself up to apologise.
"That's simply a fact. You find trauma difficult to cope with, even though you're a trauma surgeon, when it comes to your own, well, you hurt yourself and I'm not sure being on your own right now is helpful. Me - I'll spend day and night worrying about you, plaguing you with calls and texts. Jason will spend day and night worrying me about worrying for you."
She took a breath to assess how this was going but hey, in for a penny, in for a pound.
"We like you being here. It's not a hardship. There's plenty of space. It doesn't need to be complicated or have rules. Well some rules, about times etc for schedules. You can stay till you are ready to go."
She took another breath.
"And besides. Jason and I have already given you your own room"
"Wh-what?"
"I had Jason unpack your car this morning into the guest room next to mine. It's yours whenever you want it, for how long you want it."
She felt a stab of fear as Bernie looked at her with flashing eyes. Had she got it wrong? She just wanted to love on this woman and look after her. She started to apologise.
"I'm sorr..." was all she managed to get out before being silenced by lips pressed to hers, kissing her fiercely but with such love that her head was spinning when Bernie broke the kiss.
"Could you be more perfect Serena Campbell?"
The brunette laughed hard.
"You haven't lived with me yet" and regretted that as soon as it came out. Bernie just laughed but then grew serious.
"I want to be here so much. I feel safe."
"Good" said Serena, satisfied.
"But you should know. I'm a terrible houseguest"
Serena actually snorted at that.
"We have shared an office for a year now and I haven't killed you. Thought about it, planned it, but not followed through" winking at Bernie as she said it.
The blonde laughed.
"That's me trying as well" she giggled.
"Oh god. Offer rescinded. Get out."
Serena teased, briefly suppressing the stab of fear even as she joked with the army medic.
Bernie bit her lip. "Thank you" she whispered in such a soft voice Serena nearly missed it.
"What for"
"For knowing me better than I know myself, for helping me, supporting me...loving me" she added bravely, dropping her eyes to her hands and playing with a loose thread on the pyjamas she was wearing.
"My pleasure Bernie, honestly. I love you."
Bernie so desperately wanted to say it back but she couldn't make it come. She shuffled closer and looked with big eyes up at Serena.
"Can we add something to our plan?" She asked, voice trembling a little.
"Of course."
"Will you hold me for a bit?"
"Come here"
Serena opened her arms and Bernie all but fell into them, lying back into the warmth and safety of Serena Campbell, her rock, her love and her entire world. Where she wanted to be found over and over again, everyday, forever.
