Chapter 45:
It had started as a place of solace; a way in which he could find peace to clear his mind and to feel close to her once again. Yet as the months had gone by it had become an addiction, one that his mind and body had become utterly reliant on.
So he kept going there.
Through rain, sun or snow, he would stand there alone, sometimes crying, sometimes talking and sometimes in complete silence.
All that he knew was that when he closed his eyes, as he told her his dilemmas, he could imagine she was still there with him; that her intelligent, beautiful eyes were watching his every expression carefully, as if analysing what he truly meant.
He often wondered if the gaping wound that had slashed across his beating heart would ever close.
But I don't want it too.
And he knew that for as long as that statement was true, it never would.
'I care about her, she's nice, she's funny and she's clever...but she's not you' he told her, once again.
He had tried desperately to find some logical answer for his situation but it never came, and his need to visit this place had gradually become more and more obsessive, starting to have an impact on his everyday life.
He was late for meetings, he missed out on going out with his friends and he was frustrating Dorcas, but one thing that he was sure of was that he couldn't stop.
He still loved her with all he had.
Slowly, and gently, as if stroking the cheek of a lover, he brushed his hand against the cold grave stone asking himself the question that tormented his dreams
Why did it have to be you?
'Elyse?'
The sound of Peter calling from the kitchen caused Elyse to sigh as she was forced to put down the book that she had been reading.
'Yeah?' she replied, climbing off of the sofa and making her was towards him.
'What's all this?' he asked in confusion, turning to face her as she reached the doorway.
He was crouched on the floor, one of their cupboard doors wide open before him, one of his hands holding one of the many jars that filled the cupboard.
'Erm...well...it's Polyjuice potion...' she told him sheepishly, biting her lip nervously.
'Polyjuice –'he began, looking at her strangely 'why?'
'Well, you see, I was talking to Mad-Eye –'
'When? Why were you talking to Mad-Eye?' he interrupted, giving her an accusatory look.
'At James and Lil's wedding!' she snapped, meeting his steely gaze with her own ' and he mentioned that they should have used Polyjuice potion for the event as it would have been more cautious...and he also said that no one had time to brew it these days...so- well – I offered to do it!'
'But you said you didn't want to be involved with the Order!'
'Well there's a difference between being idiotic and plastering my face as the front of the Order by going off and trying to fight them, and doing something to protect my friends!' she argued 'I've told you time and time again that you're stupid for trying to fight them, it's dangerous and it puts everyone you care about at risk! But I have never said that I wouldn't protect myself and the people I care about, so if making a crummy potion will do that –then so be it!'
Peter looked at her in shock, and she felt a warm tinge travel up her neck, reddening her cheeks. She had never shouted at him before, but the frustration and anger she had kept hidden from him had bubbled to the surface and reared its head.
He stayed silent for a second longer, before smiling softly at her and crossing the space of the room to pull her gently into his arms.
'I forget how hard it is for you sometimes' he told her, pressing his lips to her head 'and I'm sorry for that, okay?' he tilted her chin upward to look at him and gazed down at her with his blue eyes.
She knew she should question him, ask him where he went to at night, if there was someone else or something perhaps darker...but when he held her so tight, and looked down at her as the man she loved, she couldn't help melting into him.
Pressing her lips gently to his, she forgot about any deceit, and felt the familiar electricity shoot up her spine as he deepened the kiss, letting his hands roam freely over her body.
'I want you' she breathed through the kiss, and she smiled as a soft groan escaped his lips.
With a cry of surprise she laughed as he swept her off of the floor and carried her towards their bedroom, never breaking the kiss.
Through the rush of emotions, the heat of the moment, and the touch of his hands, she didn't catch the final glance that Peter gave towards the bottom cupboard in their kitchen.
It was barely Eight in the morning, when Peter awoke, untangling himself from Elyse' embrace he quietly made his way to the kitchen.
When he reached the doorway he spared a second to look back at the woman in his bed, and he felt his heart give a pang. She was so peaceful as the early morning rays shone across her soft skin, illuminating her beauty with its gentle touch.
This is for Elyse.
He reminded himself once again of a fact that once seemed so honest and open, but was now more bleary and irrelevant.
Because now, Peter couldn't deny the excitement. He couldn't hide from himself the anticipation he felt for providing his Master with such an opportunity.
He would be the one to give the Dark Lord his victim, and he would be the one awarded for his duty.
And Peter found that utterly exhilarating.
Only the sound of his feet padding across the kitchen floor could be heard through the apartment, and the creaking of the bottom cupboard.
Extending one of his slightly chubby hands he grasped one of the bottles that Elyse had stocked it with and tucked it immediately into his robes.
Quickly, no longer taking the care to remain silent that he had before, he scribbled a note for Elyse and left it on the side where she would find it, before summoning his shoes, flattening his hair with his hands and apparating from the building.
He had gone to his Master first, something that both excited and horrified him. But through his master's joy of his plan, Peter reminded himself that he was keeping himself safe.
Nothing could defeat His power.
He had felt pride when he saw the envy of the other Death Eater's; he imagined their jealous glances on their faces from behind their masks, and how they would whisper amongst themselves when he had left.
He was far more important than any of them to the Dark Lord, a social placement he had never been used to; having always been the least important Marauder amongst his friends.
He didn't ever register the smug looks on the Death Eater's faces, or the disgust in their voices when they spoke of him. He never once noticed the glint in his Master's eye whenever he divulged critical information too him; betraying his friends, one by one.
So when he arrived at the Order, just after Eleven, Peter was full of energy and purpose, feeling very aware of the jar of liquid that was present in his pocket.
'Morning, Wormtail!'James' enthusiastic voice welcomed him, as he had entered the living room.
'Morning Prongs' he grinned easily 'is Mad-Eye in today?' he asked, somewhat casually.
'Nope, he's at the Ministry until this evening' James replied, his gaze focused on the Four month old baby in his wife's arms.
'Hello Peter' she greeted him warmly 'are you coming to London with us?'
'London? Who's going?' he asked her.
'Oh, well we came to meet Alli and Sirius, and Remus may be joining us later, he had something to do first...' her voice trailed off, as her mind wondered to Remus.
'Erm...yeah! I'd love to join you' he told her, a smile plastered on his face, as he hid the annoyance he felt at not having already been invited.
'James, can you run and sort out a bottle for Harry, he's getting hungry' she told her husband.
'Of course' he grinned, looking down at the small child who was starting to whinge, before moving quickly from the room and heading towards the kitchen.
'Ouch, ouch, ouch, Harry! No!' Lily told the child, chose tiny hands had clasped around her hair.
'Here, let me help you' Peter chuckled, his heart thumping wildly with excitement, he quickly moved towards Lily, gently taking the baby into his arms as she tried to loosen his grip of her hair.
'Much better' she grinned, finally free of her child's grasp.
Peter laughed merrily, turning the child to face him 'with a grip like that, you'll be an ace on a broom!' he told the boy, as he carefully fished the remaining few strands of Lily's hair, that had broken off, from the child's fists.
When he had gotten a few strands, he smiled at Lily 'do you want to go back to Mummy now?' he asked, handing the child back to her.
'Thanks Peter' she grinned.
'No worries, Lil, I'll be right back anyway' he told her, leaving the room quickly and heading for the stairs.
His heart was pounding in his chest as he found himself standing outside Dorcas' door, he knew she had been in the kitchen with James, he had heard her as he passed it on his way to the staircase, but he was terrified of her coming back.
Quickly, with shaking hands he opened her bedroom door. He stuck his head round the door at first, wanting to assure himself that he was completely alone before entering, and with a relieved sigh, he did so.
He moved silently and quickly, trying to contain his raspy breath and the calm his thumping heart. He glanced once more at the doorway, before taking the small glass bottle from his pocket and the note that his master had so perfectly forged, and putting them beside each other on her dressing table.
With a relived smirk his eyes absorbed the setting before him, before he hurried out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
'So...Remus is coming with you today huh?' Dorcas cringed at herself. She knew she sounded desperate, trying to obtain information of Remus' whereabouts through his friends, but she had reached the end of her tether, her desperation had outweighed her pride.
'Yeah, I think so' James replied, glancing at her from the corner of his eye as he prepared Harry's bottle' but he said he had something to do before, so we're not too sure...we thought he was seeing you' he frowned, turning fully to look at her.
'No, he's not' she sighed, looking bashfully down at the floor 'he's so hard to read...one minute he'll be fine, and then he'll disappear! I mean sometimes it's for hours, but other times it's for actual days!'
James sighed, looking at the frustration in Dorcas' eyes, he didn't know what was going on with his friend either, whether it was because of Polly or something else, but there was no way on earth he was having that conversation with her.
'I think this is something you need to discuss with Remus and not me, Dorcas' he replied, slightly frostier than how he had meant to.
'I have tried James' she replied coarsely 'which is why I have no clue as to where he is right now, or where I stand with him, I wasn't trying to be nosy using you, I was just worried about him'
James could see the honesty in her eyes, and hear the distress in her tone, and he immediately felt guilty for his rudeness. Over the years of which he had known Remus, he had always been extremely protective over his friend, particularly when people asked questions about him. It had become a habit of their group to push away anyone that questioned his whereabouts, or why he often went missing, and that often meant being rude.
'Sorry' he muttered 'I know you're worried...if I see him I'll tell him to get in contact with you okay?'
'Thank you' she smiled softly, although the sadness didn't quite leave her eyes, as she turned and left the room, returning to her bedroom which in her present state was feeling more and more like a cage.
She couldn't stand being cooped up; not being allowed to see friends or family, or to even leave the confines of Headquarters.
It's driving me mad!
She swung her door open and threw herself angrily onto her bed. It was for the best, that was something she knew, she couldn't see friends or family members without putting each of them in serious danger; not after what had happened to Dearborn.
As he mind wondered to her missing friend, she closed her eyes tightly to prevent the tears.
Since she had started at the ministry he had been like a mentor to her, taking time to show her the ropes and introduce her to everyone. It had been like having an older brother to look after her, and she had completely idolized him.
And when he disappeared...
No. Don't think about it.
Being stuck in one house, with one room of her own, had not helped her grief. It had not helped her to keep her mind off of things, when there was very little for her to do except to think.
With another loud sigh, she sat up in bed, her eyes roaming across the room towards her window, but before her eyes met with the familiar crispy glow of the December sun, they caught something else. Something unusual, and out of place.
Frowning, she scrambled across her bed and over to her dressing table, where she found the unfamiliar glass bottle and a note beside it.
She opened the letter first, and her eyes widened with both surprise and happiness as they were met with the familiar scrawl.
Dear Dorcas,
I know I've been a complete prat to you lately and that you're
Probably extremely annoyed with me at the moment.
Please forgive me. It's just that I've been finding it so hard to
Come to terms with my feelings for you when the only person
I've ever felt this way before is Polly.
I want to talk to you, to spend time with you, and I know that
This is hard to do at Headquarters so I came up with a plan.
Beside this letter is a bottle of Polyjuice potion, it has Lily's hair in it.
Take it, and meet me outside Ollivander's at three pm this afternoon.
That way we can go on a real date, and people will just think it's me and Lily
Out as friends. I hope you can forgive me for how I've been lately.
I'll see you there,
Remus x
Her stomach erupted with butterflies, and her breath caught in her throat as her mind finally registered the words before her. With a grin that she couldn't for the life of her suppress plastered on her face she fell backwards onto the bed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it tightly to her.
Any frustration and anger she had felt that morning had completely evaporated as she thought of what he had just told her.
She knew that he had loved Remus with everything he had, and for him to compare his feelings for her with what he had felt for Polly, caused tingles to shoot up her spine.
He wanted to take her on a date.
So much that he had told his friends that he was too busy to go out with them, and made use of a potion that would get him in trouble if he was discovered.
She appreciated that she needed to keep this between them. Anyone who knew would either tell her not to go due to her safety, or would judge Remus for his rule breaking. It felt forbidden to her, and romantic, and the thought of the day to come filled her with complete excitement.
She glanced at the clock on the wall, and read it to be half past twelve, with a small giggle she ran into the bathroom adjourning her room and turned on the shower.
Today was going to be a good day.
When she had awoken, he hadn't been there.
Basked in the rays of the winter sun, she had rolled over, stretching her arm out to touch him, and she had found nothing but empty space.
With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach she had let out a deep sigh, before getting out of bed, wrapping her dressing gown tightly around her, and heading for the kitchen.
As soon as she entered, she saw the note from Peter on the side.
Gone to Headquarters to see the boys
Will be back later.
Love you
Pete
She pursed her lips slightly, annoyed that seeing his friends had been so urgent that he had left her in bed alone that morning, but she knew he hadn't spent time with them in a while and she was glad to see he was reconnecting with them.
She made herself a quick cup of tea, before quickly getting ready for the day.
It was unlike her to stay in bed so late, particularly when she had planned to go to Diagon Alley for Christmas Shopping.
Normally, she would grimace at the thought of how busy the shops would be and how long she had to queue, but she knew it would not be the case today.
As the war was progressing, and times were growing darker, Diagon Alley had become less and less busy as it had become a more frequent haunt for Death Eaters.
She flinched slightly, at the thought of having to see Bellatrix and her new husband parading through the streets but she had avoided it as long as possible, and she knew that as a Pureblood, she was not a target.
Within the hour she was hurrying through Diagon Alley, her list of presents clasped in her hand and a thick scarf wrapped around her neck, protecting her from the cold wind.
As she passed the Three Broomsticks, a glimpse of dark red hair caught her attention from the corner of her eye, and she turned to see Lily hurrying across the street.
'LIL!' she called loudly, frowning as Lily didn't turn to greet her 'Lily!' she called again, jogging over to meet her friend, and grasping her arm tightly before she could hurry off.
Elyse raised her eyebrows in surprise as Lily jumped violently, spinning around with her wand extended straight towards her.
As recognition dawned on Lily's face, Elyse watched as the ferocious expression on her friends' face softened, and was replaced with a smile.
'Oh, sorry Elyse...I was in a rush, and I guess you made me jump' she laughed, looking strangely uncomfortable and nervous.
'Where are you going? Do you fancy a drink or something?' Elyse asked, indicating towards the Three Broomsticks.
'What? Oh, no, sorry El, I was supposed to be meeting...erm..James, about five minutes ago...and he...he's got Harry...'
'Oh...I thought he was with the boys today...' Elyse frowned.
'Oh yeah he is! But we all ended up coming up here' Lily replied quickly 'to London that is, not here, which is why I've got to go...so...erm bye!'' she squeaked, and with a blur of red, she was pacing down the street moving quickly away from her.
'Erm...okay...bye?' Elyse muttered turning and walking back in the opposite direction that Lily had disappeared in.
Shaking her head she carried along the street, trying to focus on her shopping rather than the odd behaviour of her friend. As she cleared her mind and headed for the next shop, she stopped in utter surprise at the sight of Peter standing casually with Sirius and Alina outside of Flourish and Blotts.
Hesitantly, not wanting to get the same reaction she had from Lily, she made her way towards them, taking care to call out his name before reaching him to not make him jump.
He turned in surprise at the sound of her voice, and immediately smiled at her, causing her stomach to flutter and her cheeks to warm.
'Hello you' he kissed her lightly on the lips 'I didn't know you'd be here!'
'I didn't know you would all be here either' she replied, smiling at the others, and kissing Peter back.
She opened her mouth to speak again, but her words were forgotten and her chin dropped slightly as the sight of Lily Evans exiting the shop beside them with James and Harry met her eyes.
She paused, trying to comprehend the physical possibility of how Lily had managed to somehow get to Flourish and Blotts when barely a second before she had been walking towards Ollivanders.
'Oh hello El!' she greeted her brightly, her cheeks flushed from the cold, and a broad smile on her face.
'How – how did you get here?' Elyse blurted out, her brows furrowed with confusion.
'What do you mean?' Lily asked, suddenly looking equally as confused 'we apparated to London...but we just wanted to quickly pop in here before heading to Oxford stre –'
'No, not how you got here...but how you got here!' she replied, feeling frustrated as everyone looked at her with utterly blank expressions.
'I don't understand...' Lily stated slowly, glancing around as if to see if any of the others had an insight into what Elyse was trying to say.
'Lily, I saw you literally one minute ago and you were walking in the opposite direction!' Elyse said, utterly baffled by Lily's strange behaviour.
Lily frowned, her green eyes piercing into Elyse's as if trying to determine whether her friend was joking, and apparently realising that she wasn't her confusion turned to concern.
'Elyse, I've been in Flourish and Blotts for the last twenty minutes, and I haven't seen you at all...' she told her slowly, staring at her as if she was mad.
'Lily! I saw you over there! I spoke to you! You said you were going to meet James and get Harry?' Elyse turned, looking at each of them, trying to find an explanation.
'You are joking aren't you?' Lily finally replied, now looking worried.
'Of course I'm not! I don't understand...' Elyse trailed off, not knowing what to make of the situation itself...she knew she had seen Lily, she had spoken to her face to face but looking at the others, she could tell that they didn't believe her.
'Maybe you thought it was...' James began, but she quickly cut him off.
'Look into my mind!' she blurted, turning to Alina 'you'll see! I'm not going mad, it was definitely Lily!'
Sirius opened his mouth to reply to her, but Alina lifted her hand cutting him off. She looked at Elyse, staring intently into her face, the piercing stare reminding her strangely of Dumbledore.
Elyse didn't know exactly what she was looking for, but seemingly she found it, as the grim line that Alina's mouth had fallen into slackened slightly, and she nodded her head shortly with consent. Everyone stood in a strange silence, as they watched the exchange, but Elyse never moved her eyes from Alina's. She barely noticed the feeling of Alina seeping into her mind, it was an odd tugging sensation in her mind that enlightened her of another presence, but the pain or discomfort she had waited for did not come. She stood patiently, her gaze fixed on Alina's expression, waiting for her to bear witness to the situation.
It took less than five seconds before Alina's blank expression turned to one of shock. Her eyebrows shot up, and her mouth dropped slightly; her eyes making full contact with Elyse's now filled with belief.
'She's telling the truth!' she told everyone.
'But how can she be?' Lily asked, looking at Alina 'I've been with you all this whole time! It couldn't have been me!'
'Well if it wasn't you...' Elyse began, an ice cold sensation filling the pit of her stomach.
'Then who was it?' James asked grimly.
Dorcas made her way quickly to Ollivanders, scowling at her idiocy.
Her encounter with Elyse had shaken her up, making the reality of what she was doing finally hit home. In her haste to see Remus, in her happiness over his words and the thought of truly being with him, she hadn't paused to consider what precautions she needed to have been taken.
Namely, undertaking the traits of the person she was posing as. Cursing herself once again, she thought back to the confused expression on Elyse' face as she had hurried away from her, and grimaced at what the implications would have been had it been someone other than Elyse that had seen her.
And charging through Diagon Alley looking ready to kill really isn't helping.
She stopped in her tracks for a second, as her mind processed that thought. She needed to calm down, and she needed to adapt 'Lily behaviour.' Taking a deep breath, she wiped the frown off of her face, and pulled her grimaced lips into a neutral expression, as she started forward once again at a more leisurely pace.
However desperate she was to see Remus, she needed to stay under radar, and she definitely did not want her cover to be blown before she reached him.
It took all the self restraint she possessed to prevent herself from running around the final corner that she knew would open up to reveal Ollivander's and the short distance before her suddenly felt like miles, but within seconds she made it turning then final corner to find...nothing.
He wasn't there.
Disappointment hit her like a punch in the stomach, making her hands slightly tremble and her heart fall to the floor.
She reached the shop front and with a heavy sigh she leant against the window, her eyes fixed on the corner she had just turned; waiting for the familiar sight of his sandy brown hair to come into view.
The loud crack of someone apparating caused her head to jerk around to the opposite direction, her heart rising with hope and her mind expecting her eyes to be met with the sight of Remus Lupin.
It took less than a second for her heart to stop in sheer terror, and her eyes to widen in horror. As she reached for her wand, the cacophony of screams erupted in the streets, and His high pitched cackle sent chills of dread through her body.
She didn't have time to form words, instead she through a string of non verbal curses at rapid fire directly at him, but with barely a flick of His wand, they were all effortlessly deflected.
His thin, snakelike lips twisted into a taunting scowl, and his blood red eyes narrowed as they made direct contact with her own.
It was at that moment that she knew she was going to die.
She no longer heard the blood curdling screaming of terrified shoppers, her heart thudded loudly in her ears, as if trying desperately to beat its way out of her rib cage.
She lifted her chin defiantly towards him, and stared directly into his eyes, bracing herself for the end.
'Avada Kedavra' he hissed.
And a flash of green light erupted before her eyes.
A/N: Okay, so I wasn't planning on updating till next week, but Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is out tonight at the cinema and I don't have tickets so I needed to keep my mind off of the fact that I could be watching it right now lol.
Thank you so much for all of your reviews, they really mean so much!
Keep reviewing though, they do keep me going!
Thanks!x
