Ok so some random thoughts I have to add onto the bottom.
But so here is an update after there semi-intense break up scene.
"Bye," I whisper into the microphone on my cell phone. I hit "End" and shut my eyes, fighting the tears I know shouldn't be trying to escape my own eyes. As I fight, the harder they fall. I hit Adam's name in my phonebook.
"Hey," he answers right away, "how are you doing?" he asks concern imbedded deep within his feminine voice.
"Can you come over," I ask sobbing into the phone, " I really need someone here,"
"Of course, I'll start walking now, ok? I'm already out the door, I will be there in about five minutes," he says calmingly.
"Thanks Adam," I continue to sob to myself, using so much effort of the little energy I have left, just to sound coherent enough for him to understand.
"It's no problem, Clare. Five minutes, hang in there," he say sweetly before hanging up. I sit down on my couch, pulling my knees up to my chest. I snake my arms around my legs and rest my face on my knees. I continue to breathe, all while I shake, the tremors like an earthquake within my body. I slide my arms up my legs and rest my head on them, causing the pain of my knees on my forehead to dissolve almost instantly, unlike the pain of losing Eli. Breathing grows harder, and hyperventilating kicks in. I hear the door open and click close quickly as I gasp for arm.
"Clare," Adams says while his footsteps near quickly. The couch dips lightly with the weight of his slender body. His left hand finds my back and rubs up and down slightly, creating warmth from the friction between his hand and my hoodie.
"We broke up," I I choke out, causing a new round of tears.
"Clare, I'm so sorry, really," he says, shifting to face me getting a little closer. His arm makes its way all the way around my side and I collapse into his shoulder. His right leg hangs off the couch, his left making a triangle shape with the other, resting on the couch. I throw my arms around his neck and he pulls my torso closer to his. "It's ok, Clare," he whispers into my ear, stroking my hair.
I twist slightly and plant myself in the triangle he has formed with his legs, tears falling free still. I rest the right side of my head on his left shoulder and he wraps both arms around me, holding me comfortably. I yawn, finally able to feel the moisture on my sweat shirt gathering from the tears dripping off my chin. My knees are bent again towards Adam, my feet on the couch. The tears continue but they slow, my cheeks feel stiff from the dried salty tears.
I drift into a sleep at some point, and sleep until my mom gets home from work. The door opens and shuts, like when Adam came in.
"Clare," she says loudly, I can feel Adam's body tense up. "What is going on?" she says, sounding closer than when she called out for me.
"It's a long story, I think she would rather tell you herself," he says thinking fast, he has just his left arm between the couch and myself, wrapped around me, his right has his phone in it. Her heels click around the couch and I can sense her standing in front of Adam and I, I continue to feign sleep hoping to fall back into it.
"I am her mother, you know," she pressed, Adam breathes in deeply, in then out. This breath was a silent sigh.
"I understand that, but its personal to Clare, and I know she wouldn't want me to tell you for her, I wouldn't feel comfortable." he says, his body releases the tension as he speaks.
"Oh, oh no," she says walking away. In my head I can see her shaking her head "No," with her finger tips pressed to her temples. Once I count up to twelve, the set of stairs to the second floor, I stir.
"Thank you," I turn my head to look up to him. He smiles, showing nearly perfect teeth.
"I didn't know you were awake," he whispers, soothingly in my ear. "I should probably go then, let you talk to your mom," he suggests.
"Come with me to talk to her, I'm afraid I'll break down again if I talk to her alone." I ask him, he looks side to side with his eyes before nodding slightly. I slowly move away from him putting my feet firmly on the ground. He stands up first, offering a hand to me. I stand up and we walk slowly towards the stairs. I look up and hesitate.
"Come on," he says grabbing an arm dragging me up the stairs. We get to the door of her room, he knocks, making it impossible for me to run.
"Come in," she says fast and sharp. I open the door, but Adam pushes me through it. "Well, what is it?" she says sounding quite annoyed.
"Uhmm," I start, unsure of how to go on. Terrified to repeat the words of what happened, terrified to think I could break down in front of my mother.
"You're pregnant, aren't you," she asks, I laugh, almost wishing it would be that simple to say to her. Adam stares at her in disbelief, looking incredibly shocked. "I've got it down now, it isn't even your boyfriends kid, its this ones, you're a whore." she stands up, approaching me quickly.
"No," Adam speaks up, "They broke up,"
"That's it," I say tears welling up where they recently stopped. "We broke up," I turn into his shoulder to cry.
"Then you got with him, great even better." she says sarcastically.
"No, I don't think you understand, she isn't pregnant. Her and Eli broke up," he starts to clear things up. "I'm not even able to get with any girl, because I biologically am one," he says softly. I hear the pain in his voice as he says his most personal secret. I storm out of her room and walk to mine, Adam hot on my heels. He shuts the door behind us and we sit together on my bed.
"I'm sorry," he says to me, apologizing once again for something that isn't his fault.
"Its not your fault," I remind him, sniffing lightly. He wipes away a tear or two from my eyes. "I love him, you know, I really do." I sniff again.
"I know you do," Adam agrees.
"But he lied to me about something huge," I continue to vent to Adam.
"I know, Clare. He didn't tell me either, if that helps at all.." he offers. I stay silent for a little while then look away. "He'll com around," he continues.
"I don't know that I want him to," I admit. "I don't know if I could ever take him back," I feel the prick of tears, but he wipes them away before they have gone any place.
"That's enough crying," he pauses. "I understand why you wouldn't," he strokes damp bangs out of my eyes.
"We went a lot father than I thought I was comfortable with the other day," I confess to Adam.
"You don't mean you two had sex, right," he ask shocked, yet scared.
"No, we were fully clothed, well mostly. When we were babysitting Jayden, he was asleep, we started to, uhmm well, make out. We ended up on top of me, and he had a few buttons of my shirt undone, the bottom ones, but never the less they were undone." I say quietly just in case my mom was waiting outside.
"Oh, that's, wow," he stutters. "Well, maybe you just need a little time to think about things. Maybe you'll be able to forgive and forget it all," he suggests.
"He is the only person I have ever felt like this about. K.C. and I were more like very close friends, compared to how I feel about Eli." He says, I lay down on my side, facing the way he is sitting. I wrap my arms around my stomach, feeling tired again.
"I think we'll have to have a talk about it. Maybe I can be strong and do what is best for me, and not take him back, but it's Eli." I say, he does what I did, only he perches himself up on his left elbow.
"He loves you," Adam reminds me.
"I know," I whisper. I look at him, he is resting his head on his arm which is no longer supporting him, he looks like he could fall asleep at any minute, I feel that way. Somewhere while thinking, I do fall asleep.
So who has seen Inception? AMAZING!
What about Willow Smith's song, Whip My Hair, who's heard it?
These are my two favorite things right now, aside from all of you, of course.
REVIEW? Ehh? I could use a pick-me-up.
VENT TIME!
Saturday, I asked one of my very best friends if he cared that we were talking less and less, he said it didn't bug him, but he missed it, it just wasn't necessary.
Later that night I decided that I didn't need that, so I deleted him off my face book.
Last night (Tuesday) He realized and asked why, I explained to him. We had the only in the movies "I'm sorry, I still love you, Goodbye," talk.
But Then I texted my single most best friend Conor, who was proud that I didn't give into Kevin, and I didn't cry!
VENT TIME OVER!
