Chapter Fifty Two:…Finally

The meal had been simple, but surprisingly good. The feeling of having survived yet another night was a strange mixture of exhilaration and weariness. But Akkarin told himself to focus on the good right now. He was alive. So was Sonea, and they weren't in iminant danger. That's all they could ask for right now.

Sonea sat across from him, taking in their surroundings with a peaceful interest. He had to remind himself that he had had the dubious pleasure of having spent much time in such environments, whereas all she had ever known was the city they had been exiled from. This place must be quite a curiosity to her. But she looked tired, drained and…well, sad. And to think he had been angry with her for coming, believing she was being deliberately difficult. How could he have thought such a thing? She had chosen to come out here with him, and had defied everyone in order to do so. With that thought, a wave of gratitude and ardour washed over him. He was grateful for her being here, for her giving him a reason to carry on, to focus on the good. But if he was honest with himself, he had been grateful for her, and her strange, but wonderful, life for a very long time, longer than he was happier to admit. Perhaps it was time to say so.

"Sonea?" her name was on his lips before he had properly thought through what he was about to do.

"Yes?"

"Thank you…for coming with me." He thought he heard a small snatch of breath, but she didn't say anything. She looked away, deep in thought. He quickly carried on before he lost his nerve. Words he had wanted to say for months. Words that his aching heart demanded he owned and spoke. "I…regret separating you from Rothen. I know he was more like a father than a teacher."

She lifted her head and looked straight at him then, her gaze piercing and calculating, even in the dim light.

"It was necessary," he continued, his voice almost sounding pleading.

She nodded softly. "I know. I understand." Oh, what was this girl made of, that she could just forgive with a beat of her heart? But then again, it had taken them a long time to get here, to this point.

"But you didn't understand then. You hated me."

A soft breath of amusement left her, but her voice came calm and soft. "I don't anymore."

It was far too tempting to probe her, to ask her more about how she felt about him now. He told himself just because she didn't hate him, did not mean that she cared for him, not by any stretch of the mark. It would be completely unfair on her to go further this conversation. He had done what he had set out to do, even if it had left emotions swirling around inside him like a maelstrom. So, he withdrew. Standing, he went to the makeshift bed she had made. He was already bone tired, and a calm at settled over him, now that he felt that he had made his peace with her, so it didn't take him long to feel himself start to fall asleep. The last thing he saw as he drifted from consciousness was Sonea, looking out into the valley, hugging her legs close to her chest. Thinking hard.

Keeping low behind the tents, Akkarin made it to the other side of the campsite without being seen. He paused, wanting to make sure Leila would be alright. In horror, Akkarin could only watch as Dakova's face snapped over to where she was hiding. He stalked over, and grabbed her by her waist, pulling her back in front of the tents.

"Ah, there you are, my pretty one."

Leila immediately got down on her knees to kneel before him. "Master, I apologise. I needed to—"

"Oh, shut up. Where's that lover of yours? My pet magician has apparently decided to become a fugitive."

"I don't k—"

A slap, like the crack of a whip, echoed across the campsite.

"Oh, please master, don't—" she whimpered.

"I will do what I like, you disobedient whore! What is the point of you if you don't do as you're told?"

"But I have never disobeyed you!"

From Akkarin's vantage point, he could just hear the sigh, a sigh so soft and yet so menacing. "Oh Leila, Leila, if only that were true. You know what I do to disobedients, don't you?"

The sound of a blade being removed from a scabbard , and Akkarin made himself back away. When he wasn't in danger of being seen standing upright, he sprinted in the direction of the mines.

But not before-

Someone was grabbing his arm. It was like someone was trying to shake him. Was that his name he heard, whistling on the Sachakan wind?

This had never happened before. Of all the times he had relived this moment, it had never changed. So…why now?

Instinctively, he pushed the person away with a strong blast of magic.

"Ow!"

That wasn't Leila's voice. This wasn't part of his recurring nightmare. No, that voice…that was…

A groan of pain brought him completely from sleep, and he realised what must have happened.

"Sonea!" the word was torn from him before he realised he had said it. He sat up, and saw Sonea's body in a crumpled ball on the other side of their makeshift campsite.

What have I done?!

He hurried to where she had landed, and gently used her arm to move her onto her back.

Please don't be hurt. Please, oh please, don't be hurt.

He looked her over- there were no obvious signs of injury, but that didn't mean anything. He looked back at her face to find her looking up at the dawning sky above them, a slightly dazed expression clouding her features. When she didn't say anything, his fear increased. "Are you hurt?" he asked, unable to keep the anxiety from his voice. He could feel himself shaking all over.

She looked at him with two slow blinks, then down at herself, and flexed her fingers experimentally. "No, just bruised, I think."

Relief flooded through him, and he let out a deep sigh. Then curiosity got the better of him then. "Why did you wake me?" he asked.

She dropped her gaze from his eyes and looked down at his trembling hands. Hiding them would be too obvious at this point, he supposed regretfully. "You were dreaming. A nightmare…" her voice trailed off, her face flushing.

Well, he had known this conversation was going to come up eventually. It was always a case of when rather than if, he supposed, but that didn't make it any easier. He wondered when she had first noticed. And how long had she had been diplomatic enough to pretend not to? He told himself to act nonchalant, like he couldn't care less. "I am used to them, Sonea. They are no reason to wake me." That came out a little more chilly than he had meant it to, but that was quickly becoming a theme in his conversations with her.

She hesitated, clearly struggling to find words. "You were making a lot of noise," she said quickly after a long pause, not meeting his eyes.

A string of foul words danced through his mind. His pride was like her body- bruised. What must she think of him? A grown man scared to go to sleep because of bad dreams, whimpering like a coddled child of the Houses. Suddenly, all he wanted was for this conversation to be over. "Go to sleep, Sonea. I will watch."

She sat up, resting her weight on her elbows behind her. "No- you've barely slept! And I know you won't wake me up when it's your turn to sleep." Once again, there was no pity in her voice. In fact, she just sounded annoyed at him. How many times was he going to be silently thanking her on this strange journey of theirs?

"I will. I give you my word."

He ignored the haughty look of disbelief on her face as he offered her his hand and pulled her to her feet. At least he was getting better at ignoring the tingling sensation her touch left. He glanced over her, checking to see that she was just bruised and nothing worse, as she said she was. She looked fine, but he looked to her face to check for signs of discomfort.

It was then that the sun came out, peaking between the mountain ridges behind them.

And oh, didn't she look glorious in the morning light.

Perfectly pale skin that almost glowed. Large, intelligent eyes that were looking right back at him. Soft hair that moved gently on the wind. Lips that held a gentle curve of invitation.

He may not want to be here. He may not have wanted to have fallen so deeply for her, but how he rejoiced that he was the one man who got to stand here, in the middle of the wastes, and admire her in that moment. Because even though Akkarin didn't believe in any of the Gods worshipped in the Allied Lands, he was certain her ethereal beauty was as close as he would ever come to divinity.

She looked at him curiously, and sent out a tendril of thought to see what was in his mind. Too late he realised the mistake he had made of giving her his hand, and of staring at her so openly for so long. Terror swept through him- had she seen?!

As he pulled quickly back, she turned away from him. He could tell from the rise and fall of her shoulders that she was breathing heavily. As she let out a soft gasp of shock, and a hand went to her face to cover her mouth, and he gave up on the faint hope that she had missed his thoughts, or not understood what she had seen. Then, she turned back, and looked at him. The fear, the horror he had expected to see in her face was no where to be found. Instead, was a slight smile of surprise, a blush of interest and eyes wide with…well, happiness. Joy, even.

Say something! Put an end to this, whatever 'this' is!

Sonea didn't say anything as she stepped closer to him. One deliberate step after another, she never lost eye contact with him as she carefully approached him. Without thinking, his hands wrapped around her arms- he supposed it had been an attempt to stop her, but only a half-hearted one. In fact, the way that his hands perfectly encased her arms made him think for a crazed moment that they were always meant to be there.

Do something! Anything!

She was so close to him now, so close he could smell her faint sweetness. He could hear her slow, deliberate breathing. As her hand touched the shirt at his chest and their lips came a hair's breadth apart, he closed his eyes and simply enjoyed being this close to her. But why did she want to be this close to him? He realised with a jolt what they were doing. With incredible willpower, he managed to push her away just in time, just before their lips met and there was no going back. "Stop. Stop this." He took a deep, calming breath before opening his eyes to face her. "This is wrong," he said, more to himself than to her.

"Wrong? How? We both feel…" she trailed off, blushing, making this even harder.

"Yes," he agreed, not believing it was truly so, "but there is more to consider."

"Like?" she coaxed. He should have known she would not make this easy. With reluctance, he let go of her and took a safe step backwards.

"It would not be fair- to you."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Me? But—"

Stop tempting me. "You're… young. I am thirteen years older than you."

She nodded, considering that carefully. "Well, I suppose that's true. But women in the Houses are matched with much older men all the time. Some when they're as young as sixteen. I'm nearly twenty."

Stop tempting me, please! "I am your guardian," he said forcefully.

She smiled slyly at him. "No, you're not." She almost sounded amused by his attempts to rebuff her.

It was terrifying how easily she was knocking down every single reason he had come up with to keep himself in check. "But if we return to the Guild—"

"Will we cause a scandal?" She took in a feigned breath of shock and covered her mouth. "I think they're getting used to that." How can she find any of this funny? She must have noticed that he didn't share in her amusement, so changed tack. "Look, you speak as if we'll go back and everything will be the same. Even if we return, nothing will ever be the same for us. I am a black magician. So are you."

The now-familiar pang of guilt was pounded round him by his still racing heart. "I am sorry. I never should have—"

A gruff sound of annoyance from her stopped him. "Oh, don't apologise for that," she snapped, clearly more irritated than anything by this point. "I chose to learn black magic. And in case you haven't realised it yet, I didn't do it for you."

Akkarin stared at into her eyes, unable to reply. Not because he had nothing to say, he had plenty he could retaliate with, but because of what he was looking at. Those eyes. Those galaxy-deep, earth dark eyes, they held the future. It had happiness, it had love, it had hope.

She held his gaze unwaveringly, then rolled those wonderful eyes and turned away when the silent dragged on awfully, crossing her arms protectively across her chest.

"Well, this is going to make things awkward."

It was painful to watch her suddenly look so vulnerable. She wanted this, just as much as he ached for it. So... so why on earth was he holding back?

Focus on the good.

"Sonea, wait."

She half turned back, the sun behind her, burnishing her hair so it had an almost auburn sheen. She stilled as he moved forward and reached to brush a lock of hair out of her eyes. He noticed her deep intake of breath. Despite his failing resolve, she needed to understand his reticence. She needed to know this wasn't about her.

"Either of us could die over the next few weeks," he murmured.

"I know, I understand," she replied, the fire in her eyes dying, her arms dropping back to her sides.

"I would be happier knowing you were safe."

Then the fire was back again, or at least a small kindling, and he held back a laugh. Of course, she was probably the only person in the world who would take romantic concern as insult. Despite the anger, those eyes were still so beautiful.

"No, I won't start that argument again, it's just..." How to tell her? How to explain he'd give up everything, everyone, just to have her carry on looking at him like that until they were both old and grey? Oh, those eyes. Those eyes that were looking at him as if he was everything. I choose you, they told him. But will you choose me? Yes, he would choose her. Every single time. "Oh, you...you test my loyalties, Sonea."

She frowned up at him, a beautiful look of confusion coming over her face.

"How?"

Because I could save the world but lose you. And that's not a world I want to live in.

He let his fingers trail across her frown, shivering ever so slightly at the contact. What was the point in a full explanation, when in reality he was probably going to have to show her?

"Oh, it doesn't matter. It's too late anyway. I started to fail that test the night you killed the Ichani."

Her mouth dropped open, and she blinked at him, clearly not expecting that. He was surprised she was as surprised as she was. He thought he'd been obvious, and laughed again. She smiled up at him- not the smile of co-conspirators, or of forced politeness. Those he had seen before. This was a smile of genuine affection. And with that smile, he failed the test.

His hands curled around her narrow waist and pulled her close, so close he could feel her heart beating fast against his own. She trembled ever so slightly in his hold, but he could tell it was in anticipation, not fear. He couldn't quite bring himself believe this was real.

He brought his head down to hers, and dropped his forehead to rest against her own. Her hands slipped around his neck, and she sighed softly, relaxing into him. He felt her rise a little onto the balls of her feet, a single word on her lips. "Finally."

They stayed like that, on the precipice of the moment, a final hesitancy on behalf of them both. Eyes closed, no longer needed, lips close enough to feel the other's shallow breath.

Finally, unable to resist, he brushed his lips gently against hers, not wanting to overreach his invitation. Her response was soft and warm and welcoming, and finally, finally, all doubts over the truth of this moment were forgotten.

He could tell she was drowning in this new sea of sensations as much as he was when her fingers pulled roughly through his hair, so he gently deepened the kiss. She quickly rose up higher on her toes. He enjoyed the "oh" she gasped out between kisses as his hands were slipped lower on her body as she moved against him.

He lost track of time as his lips moved over hers, then over her jaw and throat and back again, her sweet scent filling his mind. Finally, needing air, she pulled away. Leaning heavily against his chest with both palms, she let out a very shaky laugh. "You're...pretty good at that," she breathed.

He chuckled. "You know, I think I can do even better, but I'll need to do some experimentation..." He took her jaw in one hand and made to kiss her again, but her finger at his lips stopped him.

"You should get some sleep."

"Now?!"

She laughed softly. "Yes, now! I'll keep watch. Seriously, you need it." She ran her fingers across the stubble that had grown over his jaw, concern in her eyes. Then she smiled coyly up at him. "I won't disappear, I'll still be here when you wake. I'd swear on the honour of my House, but I don't have one."

He smiled broadly at her joke. "Well, neither do I, or a Family for that matter." He took her chin between his fingers, tilted her face closer toward him and brushed his thumb over her lips. "Of all the magicians in that room who could have chosen to believe me, and it was you. It was only you," he murmured, his lips brushing against hers with each word. He felt her shiver at the touch and lean her warm forehead against his cheek. "By the eye, Sonea, what did I ever do to deserve you?"

She leaned back to look him in the eye solemnly.

"You told me the truth, treated me as an equal and took a chance on me. No one else has ever done that." She then leaned forward to whisper in his ear, the sensation making him light headed. "Now enough of all the compliments- do as I say, will you? I need you at your best."

He kissed her deeply. "Of course, my lady. I'm yours to command."

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