a/n: The Doctor, Rose and Jack are starting the next task which is to rescue cattle stolen by an ogre living in the Swiss Alps and return them to the local village. This takes place in 1801 near Lucerne.
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't one anything in the Doctor Who Verse
Milk Maids Don't Yodel
Cowbells clanked in a bright green field of grass as cows quietly grazed. The cattle raised their heads as the wind picked up and an unusual wooshing noise disturbed the otherwise peaceful pasture. Slowly, a pine green police box dematerialized. The cattle snorted and went back to grazing. Within the green box, all was not quite so peaceful.
"Seriously, you want me to wear this! It's like some sick version of Heidi!" Rose complained.
"Nonsense, you look perfectly acceptable for a 19th century farm girl," the Doctor replied.
"Farm girl!" Rose exclaimed in outrage. "Why is it I have to be the one to go mucking about in barns and milkin' cows and makin' cheese while you walk around in your suit like some wealthy landowner?" Rose asked, fussing with her outfit which consisted of brown ankle boots, itchy long underwear, long brown skirt and starched white blouse with a type of brown corset laced up around her middle over which a petit for apron hung. Her hair was in braids covered by a white head scarf and her face scrubbed of all make up.
Jack strolled in just as Rose was about to argue further with the Doctor. Her eyes turned to him and she smiled. Jack was dressed in well fitted brown trousers, brown boots, a white buttoned shirt, braces, a brown vest and a brown and green hat with a feather in it.
The Doctor smirked. Jack turned toward him. "So, Rose and I get to dress up and go play the naughty milk maid and the stable boy while you roam around the countryside as what? The obviously out of place time traveler?" Jack asked, looking the Doctor up an down and focusing on the way his well tailored slacks clung to his bum.
"Oi! This is serious. No fooling around and I mean it Jack. You two are meant to get as much information from the locals as possible so we can find out about this ogre. No distractions. Anything happens to Rose and I'll be blaming you," the Doctor told him.
"I can take care of myself." Rose declared, and crossed her arms. Jack came over to stand next to her chuckling.
"Of course you can. You take care of more than just yourself." the Doctor told her, his voice softening. "It's just…" the Doctor stopped and just grinned looking back and forth between she and Jack.
"Well look at the two of you! Brother and sister. Hansel and Gretel."
"What! Doctor, you can't be serious," Rose stated perturbed, hands on hips. The Doctor just grinned and rocked back on his feet.
"You sure about this Doc? I mean, Rose doesn't look like my sister. More like my hot dairy babe," he told them, staring down at Rose's bosom.
"Stop it! You're going to the farm as brother and sister. You." The Doctor pointed at Jack. "Will be a farm hand and Gretel over here will be a milk maid."
Jack grinned brightly. "I like the sound of that! " He turned to Rose. "You can be the sexy Swiss maid and I can…"
"Stop it. I mean it, Jack. Your brother and sister and that's the end of it. In this time period, it would put Rose in a difficult situation to be unmarried without a protector. You are her protector."
Jack snapped to attention and saluted the Doctor. "Yes, Sir! So, we're to gather intel and sneak back here and coordinate our next move?"
"No, while you two are scouting out the farm, I'll hike around a bit and scan the area for anything out of the ordinary. I'll coordinate our rendezvous through Rose. Oooo I've always wanted to say that! Rendezvous. We sound all James Bondy."
Rose rolled her eyes. "So this milk maid thing, um, what does that mean exactly?"
Jack grinned. "Means you get to fondle cows teats all day, sweetheart," he told her, and winked.
"Seriously? Doctor, you do know I've never been up close and personal with a cow?" Rose told him, nervously.
"It's a cow. You just you know milk it," the Doctor told her, waving his hand in the air as if everyone knew how to milk a cow.
"Oh don't worry sweetheart, I'll teach you. Got lots of hands on experience in this department," Jack assured her, with a cheeky grin.
Rose rolled her eyes. "Come on farm boy. The Tardis can simulate something and you can show me," she told Jack, grabbing his arm and dragging him toward the corridor.
"I do love a good simulation," Jack told her, smirking as they left the console room with the Doctor gaping.
Later that day found Rose sitting on a small wooden bench in a large stone and wood dairy barn with a compacted dirt floor where there was row and after row of tethered cattle each with a young girl beside it squeezing milk into metal pails. Farm hands moved the milked cattle in and out and milk maids would tote full pails of milk to another structure where the milk was poured into a larger vat where it was separated and portioned, some for the making of cheese and some for milk and cream. Rose grasped the cow's teat as Jack had showed her and began working it. Milking a cow was much harder work than she thought it would be. It required strong hands and a rhythm to pull and squeeze and a sense to know when the cow was dry before irritation set the beast on edge. It took her a while, but eventually she got the hang of it. She could also sense the other milk maids eyeing her and whispering amongst themselves. When her pails were full, she stood up and grasped the handles in her now sore hands, wincing a bit, and made the long trek up to the processing shack along with several other girls.
She turned to some of the girls who were all dressed like Rose. "Hello, I'm Gretel."
A blonde haired girl with pale grey eyes looked at her and shyly smiled. "Yes, we know. You're new here. You haven't been milking long have you?"
Rose smiled back at her. "No, my uh family is going through hard times and my brother and me were sent to work," she told them, using the story Jack and concocted. "What's your name?" Rose asked.
"I'm Helene. I grew up here. Your brother is Hansel?"
"Yeah, that's him. Have you met him yet?"
Helene giggled along with the rest of the girls. "He's very handsome and kind."
Rose rolled her eyes a bit. "Yeah, that would be my brother," Rose told them, her voice tinged with sarcasm.
Rose quietly chatted with the girls while they emptied their pails and went back to the dairy barn. By the end of the day, she had made friends with several of the girls. When they went to supper that night, she sat with them.
"So, my brother mentioned there are some dangerous animals around here. I was thinkin' of taking a walk on my day off. Should I be worried?" Rose asked Helene. Another of the girls, Giula, looked nervously at her.
"You are safe as long as you stay close to the farm. The mountains can be treacherous if you don't know where you are going, especially in the mist and at night," Helene told her, staring down at her soup.
"Oh, okay. But it's safe in the day, yeah? I'd love to take a walk and maybe pick some wildflowers."
All chattering at the table stopped and Giula put a hand on Rose's arm. "You mustn't go walking without your brother. These mountains are old and evil spirits lurk about. You have seen the frescos in the village to ward off evils spirits. There's a reason for that. Please, Gretel, take care."
"All right, but I don't understand. Are you saying there's something living in the mountains that would hurt us?"
Another girl at the end of the table looked up. "It's a monster. The Devil's own beast set upon us to test our faith. It took my brother and he was never seen again. It steals the cattle and feasts on blood of the innocent. You tell your brother to stay near the farm and only travel in groups. It's the only way to stay safe."
Rose looked at the girl who was visibly trembling as another girl put her arm around her. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." The rest of supper was eaten in silence.
Jack had made fast friends with most of the farm hands. He was a hard worker with a pleasant attitude. While Rose was having supper with the other milk maids, Jack was relaxing with some of the farm hands playing cards and enjoying a tankard of mead.
"So Bernard, I've heard it's dangerous for my sister to walk in the hills. Should I be worried?" Jack asked, taking a sip of his mead and throwing a card on the table.
Bernard, an older, well built, tall, blond haired, blue eyed man dressed in brown trousers and a light blue buttoned up shirt looked at Jack seriously. "Hansel my friend, you mustn't allow Gretel to wander about on her own. You may see a peaceful looking meadow, but it's not safe. There are evil things hiding in the mountains."
Gerhard, A dark haired young man with light gray eyes dressed in a similar fashion to Bernard, raised his head and looked at Jack. "I would be honored to escort Gretel for a stroll in the meadow, that is, with your consent," he said nervously. Jack smiled and winked at Gerhard.
"Thanks Gerhard, but I think I'll take Rose for a walk. So, you said there's something out there. What exactly should I be protecting her from other than exuberant suitors."
Bernard smiled at him, then became serious and took a long swig of his drink. "We no longer allow the cattle to graze in the north meadows. Many have disappeared from that area and there are strange noises coming from the rock paths leading higher into the mountains. Many villagers have disappeared or returned overtaken by madness telling tales of a demon. Keep close to the farm and you should be safe."
Jack nodded. "Thanks, Bernard. So, anyone up for another round?" Jack asked, throwing his hand of cards down showing a royal flush.
While Rose and Jack made progress at the farm, the Doctor casually strolled over the hills and inclines of the fertile, green pastures periodically scanning with his sonic. He wrapped his coat tighter around him as a cold gust of wind blew in off the Swiss Alps. He quietly muttered to himself about Eternals and their penchant for tormenting him with livestock when he heard the clanking of cowbells. As he crossed a hill, he came face to face with a group of men sitting on some large rocks watching over grazing cattle.
"Good morning!" the Doctor greeted.
The three men stared at him taking in his trainers, suit and favorite brown overcoat and inclined their head. "Good day to you, Sir. Are you lost?"
"Who me? Nawww. Never get lost me. Just out inspecting the area." The Doctor whipped out his psychic paper to show them he was a special investigator sent by the regional council.
The men looked at him askance. "You looking for something special?" one asked.
"Oh you know, anything that effects the cattle. Heard there's been problems, missing cattle, sick cattle, you know, mysteries and all. You lot notice anything unusual?"
They glanced at each other and then at him. "Cattle wander off all the time. It means nothing."
The Doctor chuckled. "Trust me, I understand how annoying having your charges wandering off can be. Don't suppose you've seen anything unusual out here. Strange people mucking about, strange lights, falling stars…"
"Only stranger here is you. Maybe you have something to do with this," one of them asserted.
"What me? What would I do with dairy cows?" He scratched his head. "I mean other than the obvious. They are dairy cows so I spose if someone had a hankering for fresh milk they might want them but then again, wouldn't it be easier to steal the milk canisters. Stealing cows is work not mention the mess, which I can tell you from experience with a rather rude bull, is nothing to sneeze about!"
The men just stared at the babbling Doctor. "Soooo, I take it you have nothing more to tell me well then? Guess I'll just be off, investigating uh this way." The Doctor told them motioning behind him.
Finally, one of the men stepped forward. "Chief Dairy Inspector, this is no place for a stroll. Evil lurks in the dark places of these mountains and valleys."
"Really? And when did this evil first appear?"
"Many years ago when the moon turned as red as blood and the ground shook with the wrath of God. It's said God sent his angels from heaven to do battle with the fallen angel in these mountains. It was a terrible battle and our Lord triumphed but the Devil's evil monster escaped and hid itself in the dark places, waiting and watching. It seeks out innocent souls foolish enough to wander alone in these mountains. It feasts upon them or leads them astray corrupting their souls."
"You don't say. Don't suppose anyone's ever tried confronting this demon?"
"Many holy men have come to bless this place and try and banish the evil. None have been successful."
"Well, perhaps it's time for a humble Dairy Inspector to give it shot," the Doctor told them, as he practically bounced away up toward the cliffs and caves the shepherds had mentioned. As he marched away, the shepherds grouped together and shook their heads talking about the strange and foolish governmental official marching away to his doom.
The Doctor, oblivious to this comment, continued making his way climbing over rocks and in some cases, sliding down steep slopes all the while scanning for anything out of place. He came to one area where there was evidence of extreme heat causing some of the rocks to appear melted in what the locals may interpret as a demonic formation. There were deep gouges with blackened marks and corroded silver rivulets oozing out of the stone face of the base of the cliff. It almost looked like the rock had been clawed by some large beast and then bled tarnished metal.
"Well, look at you," he whispered in surprise. "You don't belong here. Alusian Brontide," he said, running his fingers over the metallic substance. "You've been here at least a few decades."
He stood up and walked around examining the landscape. He stopped suddenly and ran to an area where there had been a rockslide and began scampering up. He climbed until he reached the top of the rocky slope and looked down at the area he had been investigating. "Ha! Of course! Something crashed into this valley," he exclaimed, listening to his voice echo. A huge grin was plastered onto his face as he shouted out, "Doctor" and his name echoed throughout the mountains. He giggled and looked around and shouted out, "yodle-lay-hee-who." As he was about to shout out something else, a growling deep voice echoed back to him "Oggggtooooor" followed by a howl.
The Doctor stared into the valley and surrounding mountains. He scanned the horizon but could see nothing moving. As he looked down, he observed what at one point must have been a fiery crash site but was now overgrown and weathered by time and the climate of this region. As he paid closer attention, he noticed how the geology in the area must have been altered as a result of whatever crashed there. Minerals and non-terrestrial substances from whatever it was had leached in to the soil and geologic substrata. He began taking scrapings and samples until the light was fading. Soon it would be dark and it would be dangerous to wander about in this steep terrain in the pitch black. He started back to the Tardis and as he left the area, he heard the howling noise again. He paused and looked back the rocky slopes as the setting sun glowed orange and red in the sky almost setting an ominous picture as the darkness from the caves and crevasse seeped outward consuming the grassy and rocky area with menace.
"Definitely enough to make a local farmer worried," he murmured, as he continued back to the Tardis to begin examining his samples and have a telepathic chat with Rose. Later that night the Doctor contacted Rose who was settling down for bed. She smiled as she curled up and closed her eyes.
"So Gretel how goes the milking?" the Doctor teased.
"Next time it's your turn to get up close and personal with the livestock," she retorted. "Seriously, it'll be weeks before I get the smell out of my hair."
"Nawww, the Tardis will take care of it for you. I don't think she wants any more reminders of the whole bull incident. So, other than frolicking about with bovines, did you learn anything about our ogre."
"Not sure if it's an ogre. Everyone here seems pretty scared of something in the mountains. They warned me not to go off by myself and that terrible things have been happening. Not just cows disappearin. People too. What about you?"
"Oh you know, took a little hike in the mountains, met some shepherds, did a little yodeling, found a crash site, the usual."
"Yodeling and a crash site. Sounds like a full day." Rose told him giggling.
"Yep! Talked to Jack?" he asked.
"Not yet. They keep us pretty busy, although I hear he's a bit popular."
"Well, it is Jack after all."
"Yeah, I'll try and talk with him at lunch tomorrow. So, crash site?"
"Something crashed in the mountains. Something not of Earth, probably a ship from the Klakoren Nebulae judging by the residue."
"What's that mean?" Rose asked.
"Well, could be a survivor lurking about. Might just want a lift home" the Doctor explained, as he poured some of his scrapings into a beaker.
"Or, it could be a bit cranky after being stuck here with nothing' but cows and people accusin' it of bein' the devil. Can't imagine that puttin' anyone in a good mood. People here says it eats and terrorizes people," Rose told him.
"Yes, well I didn't say it would be easy or that we could just walk up and offer it a glass of milk now did I. It's been here alone and hiding for decades."
"So, can you scan for it?"
"Not without knowing what I'm looking for which I don't. There's a lot of lifeforms that come from that area of space, not to mention, this is an entirely different universe. Could be anything."
"Guess it's the old fashion approach," Rose suggested.
The Doctor smiled. "Send in the lovely yodeling milk maid to sing the cranky alien into submission," he suggested.
Rose mentally rolled her eyes. "I'm not yodelin. Jack and I will see if we can find some sort of trail."
"Oh all right, but contact me as soon as you find something. I'm going back to the crash site and see if I can find anything. Might try the yodeling again. It did seem to respond to it."
"Seriously?"
"Oi! I'll have you know I once yodeled with Franzl Lang, the yodeling king. He said I was his best student," the Doctor told her, sniffing a bit and preening. "Yodeling is an acceptable form of communication in over 1.253% of civilized worlds in the Universe. Don't mock the yodeling, Rose Tyler," he further lectured her.
"Right, look I have to go some of the girls are coming in. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Stay out of trouble!" The Doctor's head snapped up
"Stay out of trouble! Like I'm the one that wanders off," he muttered to himself.
The next day, by the time Rose finished her shift in the dairy barn, she was bleary eyed, her hands throbbed and her back ached from hunching over on the stool. She slowly made her way out of the barn noting the misty chill in the air and wrapping her shawl tightly around her. As she walked toward the milk maids sleeping quarters hoping to catch a nap, Jack ran up to her.
"Hey there my milky minx.!" he told her, enthusiastically.
Rose glared at him as he obviously wasn't any worse for wear from his farm hand duties. "Hi Jack."
"What's wrong sweetheart, cows talking back to you?" he teased her.
She glared and put her hands on her hips. "You try sittin' on hard wooden bench hunched over milkin' cows in a musty, smelly barn and then, carrying heavy pails up the hill to the equally smelly processing building and see how you feel. At least your out here in the fresh air movin' around."
"Awww, I'm sorry sweetheart. Look on the bright side, milk maids have really lovely skin."
Rose just glared at him. "Did you want something, Hansel?" she asked, using his assumed name knowing it would irritate him.
He stiffened. "Yeah Gretel," he told her emphasizing Gretel. "Heard anything from good old Dad lately?" he snarked back at her.
She grinned. "Yup! He thinks we should take a walk and enjoy the countryside."
"Really, well, bet I know where we can take in the best views," he told her, and held his arm out. She slipped her arm around his and they made their way from the farm in a northerly direction toward the ominous, cloud enshrouded mountains. They quietly chatted on their way with Rose telling him about the Doctor's discovery. Just as they reached a meadow carpeted in red wild flowers, they heard the sound of a rock slide. Jack stopped and looked toward a rocky incline. They paused and heard a groaning noise and then some snorting. Rose turned and looked at Jack.
"What was that?" she asked him quietly.
He shook his head no and then they both slowly approached the area where they heard the sound. They stopped a few feet away from a forested area where the elevation abruptly changed. They heard some branches snap and gravel and rocks moving.
"Jack, maybe we should um hide or something. I don't suppose you brought your sonic blaster?" Rose asked nervously, staring into the darkened wooded area.
"No, the Doc wouldn't let me bring it but I do have a spare micro gun tucked away in a safe place, but it's not the most accessible right now."
Rose looked up at him and he turned to her with a cheeky grin and a wink. She rolled her eyes. "You weren't kidding when you told me that story about the smuggling ring in the Astoran Belt were you?"
"A guy has to be prepared," he told her, still smiling but now looking into the woods.
Suddenly, the trees moved and a very large creature burst out and stood before them. Rose's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. "Big," she said.
Jack gripped her hard. "Really, really big," he told her, never taking his eyes off of the fifteen foot tall humanoid type creature, with three heads, six arms, two legs and carried a an old tree as a staff.
"Run?" whispered Rose, beginning to tremble.
"I don't think so," said Jack, staring up at the creature who towered over them. "The Doc is so gonna kill me."
