Its Eyes Were Jewels
Chapter 51
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As way of disclaimer, I own none of Anne McCaffrey's characters nor do I own her world (though I sometimes wish I did), I'm simply borrowing them for the time being.
******THIS CHAPTER IS REVISED AS OF 4/6/2017******
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There was a time when she'd wanted thread to take her. When falling to the menace would have been preferable to living her disaster of a life. When her feet were bleeding, and her thighs were bruised, and her eyes were still burned by fire. But that felt like a lifetime ago now. The benefit of friends and family allowed her to see clearly for the first time in months, and she ran. Feet pounding against the earth, she abandoned the cart and ran. It didn't take long for every movement to start to hurt, burning through her calves and up into her lungs as she tried to outrun the leading edge. The thread moved quickly, however. Becoming more easily visible when she dared glance over her shoulder, and the Hold was only barely in view. "Shards," the word floated on a gasp for air seconds before a gust of wind knocked her off balance on the slick grass.
Falling to her knees hard enough to jar her spine, Elrenia tried to rise. Tried to run. Tried not to think of the way that the thread would eat through her flesh. How it would burn. She'd been told it burned. It burned, and ripped, and tore, and she screamed when something grabbed her even as a voice shouted, "Come here!"
What?
Looking up, Elrenia saw nothing but a silhouette atop a dragon. She saw nothing but darkness with the sun glinting sharply from behind, and slivers of twisting grey falling closer and closer the longer she stared. She saw nothing until the man leaned dangerously low on the back of his brown dragon, snapping, "Come here now!" and then the scent of leather, oil and musk hit her. Z'den. His eyes, so green they seemed to glow when she settled on them, flashed with fear as he reached down with one hand. Leaning as far over Arlith's side as he could, shouting, "Elrenia, come!"
It couldn't be.
"Z'den?"
What was he doing away from the Weyr? It was the only question in her mind that moment, and the threat of thread faded away as the overwhelming need to scream at the man bubbled in her gut. How dare he put himself in that kind of danger? How dare he put Arlith in that kind of danger? The fury that flowed through her then was sickening, because Arlith wasn't yet fully healed. There was no reason for him to be away from the Weyr, and if he got wounded further because of this she didn't know what she would do. What could she do? How did he even know she was out there anyway? How did he know she was in danger?
"Move, you deadglow!"
And so she moved. Elrenia was stepping up Arlith's leg a moment later, hand wrapped firmly around Z'den's glove covered fist. He tugged her roughly, forcing her in front of him when she moved to straddle the beast at his back, and bullied her down to Arlith's neck. Pressed himself firmly against her back, and tucked her legs up into an unsteady crouch that left her covered by his muscled thighs when she tried to settle.
"Z'den, stop." He ignored her, tugging her leg back up beneath him when she tried again to settle firmly into her spot, and pinned her to Arlith's massive throat as he took to wing. Shielding her with his body even as she struggled. Tried to stabilize and found herself held in place only by the weight of Z'den's body atop her own.
Heart pounding in her chest, it was all Elrenia could do to keep calm, knowing full well that Z'den would do nothing to hurt her. This, his holding her down like this, forcing himself on top of her, was a matter of safety. An attempt to shield her from the swiftly approaching edge while Arlith was still too low to blink between, and the massive tangles falling just behind them.
Glancing to the side, to Arlith's great big wing, Elrenia watched him fly. Moving so quickly through the air, it looked as though he had no threadscores. No Scars. Nothing. No sign that thread had ever eaten through the wingsail and left him grounded at all. But Arlith wasn't fast enough, though he pumped his wings harder than should have been possible even for a creature of his size.
Thread hit. Z'den grunted, tightened his grip around her as blood dripped onto her face, and her heart pounded in her ears as they soared, blinking into and out of between just for a moment. Zipping away from the leading edge, straight to the hold. Too close. So close it was a matter of luck alone that the brown didn't crash into the western wall as he dipped just a few feet from the ground so Z'den could push her from his back, blinking from sight before she even landed.
The ground was hard beneath her, jarring pain ripping through her joints as she tried to roll into the fall the way Z'den showed her months ago, staring wildly up at the sky. Staring at the spot where her brown dragon and his rider used to be. How had this happened? It…
"No."
Twice they were heavily threadscored. This…
"No!"
This wasn't fair! This couldn't be happening again. Not so soon after the last accident. Before either of them had truly had a chance to heal. The two had barely survived the first time, and there was no chance they'd make it this time. Not while she wasn't there to stop the brown from jumping. How could Oldive save both Z'den and Alana at once? There… there was no way to win
It took a moment to realize that she was screaming, a tortured sound ripping from her chest as the nearest door to the Hold burst open and Zafer appeared just as Elrenia moved to rush back toward the edge. Back to where she'd been with Arlith and his rider. Safe. Breathing their combined scent and unaware that it would be her last moment with them.
"Stop!" Zafer shouted, wrapping his arms around her chest and shoulders to drag her away from the fields, from the encroaching darkness that she sought. Hoping to entice Z'den and Arlith back to the little hold by putting herself in danger. He tried to pull her back to the stone walls, but she struggled. Fought his hold on her with every ounce of strength in her body. Every trick she'd ever been taught by Z'den in her training. "Elrenia, stop!" Zafer shouted over her own screaming. "What happened?"
"Z'den!" was all all she could get through her raw throat, going limp with despair for a split second before fighting again. An excited and confused Jasara was explaining what she'd seen through the window, voice almost lost in the commotion and Zafer pressed himself more tightly to Elrenia's back. Pressed his face into her hair and squeezed. Z'den was so important to him. Family. A close friend. He was important to all of them, and the man hugged her as tightly as he could, and used all of his strength to keep her in place when she struggled and cried out to the sky.
"Elrenia!" he said, voice gravelly, digging his nails into her arms to get her attention, but the stinging pain only intensified her fighting. "Elrenia! Enough!"
"Z'den!" she screamed it, staring up into the grey curtain that brought only destruction. Cursing the force of nature that wouldn't leave her rider alone. "Z'den!" She shouted as though he could hear her from between. "Z'den! You bastard! Come back!"
"Elrenia!"
This couldn't be happening. In all her life she'd never felt as physically ill as she did at that moment, and she fought. Elbowing Zafer in the stomach, she managed to get a few feet away, closer to where she could make out the silvery strands plummeting to the earth without any dragons to stop them. It took a moment for the man to catch up, to pull her back toward safety. Trying not to scream himself as her muscles coiled and fought.
"Z'den!" this was a sob, as she wrenched her entire body so roughly that Zafer drew blood from her arms. "Z'den!" The man wouldn't let her go, and someone helped to pull her back further, away from the darkening sky and into the warmth of the workroom. "Z'den!" Don't leave me.
We will not leave you, dear one. Arlith's voice, so similar to his rider, shocked her to stillness. We will never leave you. The rumble was so loving and gentle that it took her breath away. In her mind again, after weeks of absence. An agony Elrenia hardly realized she'd been feeling lifted with the words, We will never leave you. I love you.
All at once the fight left Elrenia, as she went limp in Zafer's arms. Grabbing the sudden opportunity, the man scooped the tall woman into his arms, carrying her the rest if the way inside while Radez slammed the door shut behind them, blocking out the sight of dragons bursting into the air, mouths flaming the scourge before it could do more damage. They'd timed it, Elrenia could feel it in her gut that they had, but that didn't matter. Why hadn't they come sooner? Why hadn't they been there to stop Z'den from getting hurt? It had happened before. Twice now the dragons saved her from the monstrous spores, but this time they didn't come quick enough.
An eternity past with Elrenia sitting on the floor by the front door, cradled in Zafer's trembling embrace, watching gray eradicated in bursts of orange red through the nearby window. Trying to find comfort in Arlith's words. His promise. They would not leave her, he'd said, and dragons did not lie.
When finally the threat passed over them, a bronze settled on the ground, a man Elrenia vaguely recognized from Fort approaching the house to tell them that they'd send people to help clear the fields later that day. Apologizing for not being there sooner, there had been no indication that thread would be falling that day.
Formalities done, the rider turned to greet Elrenia, smiling up until the moment he actually looked at her face. Ashen with worry, and slick with tears as she pulled herself from Zafer's grip and walked away without a word to any of them. Koth, she begged the blue to hear her as she moved into the field, ignoring the voices calling out to her from the Hold. Koth, come for me, please. Come.
Small one? the blue responded not a moment later, appearing in the air above the hold, obviously worried by the girl's tone, opalescent eyes swirling a frantic yellow-orange. What's the matter?
"Elrenia?!" H'val called out next, sliding swiftly from his dragon's back at the look on the girl's face. "Why are you crying?"
Elrenia couldn't even speak, could barely breathe as she choked back another sob and spilled the story to Koth who listened with increasing anxiety, large head whipping back and forth in confusion as his eyes melted to the bright red of panic. One meaty leg extended for the girl to climb up, followed quickly by the blue rider who pushed her when her knees wobbled and her strength tried to fail. Hands shaking where they gripped her waist as he listened in mounting horror as Koth explained the story to him.
"You… you almost got caught by thread?" he breathed, pressing close to the girl's back while Koth took to the air. "And Z'den—"
They blinked between then without a word to Z'den's family, appearing in the sky above Benden a few agonizing heartbeats later. Both were expecting to be greeted by the mourning keens of the dragons but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary as they touched to the ground, and Koth whipped his head to where Arlith was sunning himself lazily on his ledge, staring at him with red eyes and bugling his confusion. Arlith lifted his head abruptly, responding in kind while his eyes bled yellow in concern.
In the bowl, Z'den was striding out of the Weyr with a grin, and not so much as a scratch on him. No new scratches, anyway. Completely unaware of the firestorm headed his way.
"Z'den?!" Elrenia cried, confusion warring nauseatingly with relief. He looked so happy to see her, lips spread in a grin that only faltered when he got close enough to see her tears. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, lips trembling as his movements slowed and he stared.
"What are you doing back?" he asked, lips curling next into a frown at the blind panic in Koth's eyes. "Elrenia, what's happened?"
That was when it all made sense. The letter with the hauntingly familiar words, "It's time." Z'den's sudden appearance in the air though Arlith, staring down at them in concern was not yet recovered enough to fly. Both of them without their scars. The empty space on Arlith's neck where Elrenia thought Z'den had been hugging the creature, he'd actually been shielding her body…
"You deadglow!" Elrenia shrieked the moment he got within arms reach of her, whipping one fist out to punch him straight in the chest as white hot fury flooded her body.
The man stumbled back, looking distinctly confused for a moment before his eyes lit up with realization. He knew. He knew why she was angry, he'd probably known all along that this was what happened. He'd known and he hadn't thought to tell her. Pale cheeks flushed red then, bringing out the green of Z'den's eyes, and Elrenia was almost surprised that he was embarrassed. Why? Because she knew what he'd done? Because he'd done it at all? Because he was expecting her to be grateful?
Voice cracking she screamed, "You sharding deadglow," unable to find anything else that could adequately express the bile trying to rise from her gut. Reaching out to hit the man again, Elrenia was well aware that she needed to get her licks in now before everyone overcame their shock and moved to stop her. It wasn't fair. Even though he was standing there in front of her, very much alive, and safe, the terror had not lifted from her chest. She should have been happy, but she was furious. No. Fury wasn't quite it. She was more than furious. There weren't enough words in all of Pern to describe how angry she was when she asked, "How…" The words wouldn't leave her mouth, though she tried. "What…" There was no way to ask all the questions that she needed to. No way to let Z'den know that what he'd done was unacceptable. "You…" Nothing was adequate. Nothing would erase the knowledge of his wounds from her mind. "Why would you do something so stupid?!"
People were staring, moving closer as Z'den reached forward to pull the girl close to him. To calm her. She resisted. Pushed forward with such force that the blonde man fell back. Lost his footing and tumbled to the ground. Green eyes stared at her in shock, and she tried to figure out what she could say. There was nothing that could explain her position. Nothing that could express the way her heart was beating so desperately. The way she couldn't stand still. The way she had to shift from foot to foot to keep herself grounded because the world didn't feel real under her feet.
"I… I…" Words. She'd known them once. She'd spent years and years learning them, but they wouldn't come now. The crowd was shifting around nervously, not entirely sure what to do. Whose side should they be on? The fallen, injured man? The angry, normally gentle woman? Neither? Both? What was she to say?
"Elrenia?" Lessa's voice, caught somewhere in the realm of anger, and worry, and shock at what she was witnessing. "Elrenia, what's going on here?"
"He's an idiot!" she snapped, choking back something that might have been a sob if the fury wasn't making her ill. "You're an idiot, Z'den. I've never met someone so…" She gagged, shifted to the side. "How…" Shaking legs moved her closer to the man even as Lessa moved to cut her off. "Why would you—"
"Elrenia, you know we don't accept vio—"
"I can't believe you!"
"—lence in this weyr. What is the matter with you?"
"Elrenia," Z'den tried to soothe the girl, raising a hand to stop the weyrwoman with concern written in every crease of his face, "I'm sorry, I didn't—"
"Shut up! You… don't even… I can't…" Two fists trembled, and the girl whispered, "Fardles," falling to her knees in front of the man. Lessa rushed forward, moving to stop the fight before it could start but two thin hands wrapped in the front of Z'den's shirt and Elrenia kissed him. Hard. The clash of lips and teeth was enough to take his breath away just before she hissed, "If you ever do something like that again I swear on the first egg you won't live to tell the Harpers. Do you understand me?"
"Yes," he breathed, eyes bright as he stared at her.
"I'll kill you myself, do you hear me?!"
"I do."
"Don't you ever do something like that again!"
"As you wish."
A hand wrapped tentatively around the back of Elrenia's neck then, tugging her forward to press their lips together in a more controlled kiss. Soft, almost chaste if not for the heat billowing off of Z'den's body in waves at the weight of the girl in his lap. It was as though, just for a second, everything was alright in the world, until the sound of Lessa's voice broke them from their reprieve.
"You're going to tell me exactly what just happened. And you're going to tell me now."
"Lessa." Z'den's voice was soft, lips a hairsbreadth away from Elrenia's still, but the little woman stepped back and away from them. Allowing them both a moment to rise from the ground.
Even with Z'den's hands steadying her, Elrenia was quaking where she stood, hand wrapped tightly around the brown rider's while he led them all toward the weyrwoman's chambers. Somehow Lessa was blessedly patient as they made their way up, worry wrapped anger flittering the edges of every step they took toward privacy.
Body trembling still as they passed Ramoth, entering the warm chambers beyond, Elrenia didn't release her hold on the brown rider when F'lar looked up with surprise of his own, and pointed them toward seats. Their fingers were entwined, the only reason she was able to keep still (if barely). Stormy eyes kept shifting restlessly toward the man, as though he'd suddenly disappear, and it would turn out he had gotten hurt again. He was going to die from his wounds. There was nothing they could do to save him this time. Outside, Koth and Arlith both bellowed.
Small one, I love you.
I love you, dear one.
The Weyrleader looked curiously toward the ledge, sharing a half concerned look with N'ton who was sitting there with a cup of his own klah. Whatever conversation they'd been having was over long before Lessa snapped, "Now, Elrenia."
"I… I don't—"
"We were lenient when you fought with Farraline," though she maintained her composure through clenched teeth, Elrenia found herself ramping up for a fight. Held in place by her brown rider, and the way F'lar shifted forward to press one hand against the small of Lessa's back. The little woman took a breath before she spoke again, "You both should have been punished further back then, though we knew there was more to the story than either of you let on, but we took pity. You attacked Z'den down there, a wounded man, and we do not accept that kind of violence—"
Raising his free hand, Z'den tried to soothe, "Lessa—"
But this wasn't his battle. The weyrwoman was right, Elrenia had attacked the man down there. A wounded man. A friend. A dragonrider. The most important person in the world. "There was thread at his Hold."
"Well, that answers my question," N'ton said, standing and rushing from the room without another word, blinking into between with Lioth a moment later. It gave Elrenia a brief shock of pleasure to know she'd been right about the dragons timing it to get to the weaverhold in time.
"Elrenia?" F'lar pushed for elaboration. "What do you mean?"
"I… there was thread."
Carefully, calmly, F'lar laid a hand on Lessa's shoulder and said, "Start from the beginning."
So she did. Taking a deep breath before explaining how Z'den sent her to the hold to help with the children while Alana was in labor. How the first time mother was struggling, they needed to fetch wood from a shed deep in the fields. The thread. Z'den sweeping down to save her and getting wounded. The two sat silently, captivated by the story as Z'den reached over, squeezed the girl's hand tight. Tried to force comfort into him through her skin, and murmured softly whenever she started to shake again.
"Z'den, is this true?" F'lar asked, looking to where his woman was staring, contemplating what she had been told.
The brown rider nodded his head. "It is."
"How did you survive that?" The man asked, at the same moment Lessa demanded, "Where are your wounds?"
"I… well… you see," Like a child caught sneaking a bubbly pie, Z'den was at a loss for words, eyes shifting around the room while avoiding eyecontact, before settling significantly on Elrenia's hand gripped in his own. "It isn't important."
"Crackdust." The woman growled in disbelief. "I can't think of a single thing more important. What happened?"
"I don't think," the man squeezed Elrenia's hand one last time before letting go. "I don't think you should be in here right now, flitterby."
"Nonsense. She deserves to know," F'lar reasoned immediately to defuse any further violence, and everyone but Z'den agreed.
So after a reluctant moment he said, "Well, let's start with the letter."
"'It's time'," Elrenia repeated the words, knowing they would haunt her for the rest of her life. "Part of the note in your pocket was missing, but I watched Alan write it. Watched him give it to Fencer. I sent Fencer to you."
There was silence for a moment, weighing heavily on Elrenia as she sensed something was wrong. She'd missed something. Something terrible. But nothing could have prepared her for the words, "You gave him the wrong location."
"Excuse me?"
"Rather…" Z'den looked over at Lessa, saw the horrified look on her face, and said, "You gave him the wrong time."
All of the blood left Elrenia's face.
"By the egg…"
It wasn't possible. It wasn't possible and Elrenia wouldn't even consider it because that would make all of his injuries her fault. It would mean she was the reason he rushed out of the weyr that day. Took Arlith to wind like it was the end of the world. Was threadscored so badly that he almost died and his dragon almost killed himself. She couldn't handle that. Simply couldn't handle the thought of almost killing Z'den. She'd sent Fencer to Benden just like she'd been told to. Somehow the silly boy had gotten the wrong time, but that wasn't her fault! She gave him a clear image. The sun hitting the Weyr exactly as she remembered, the lake covered in a thin layer of ice, as it was just… just before the hatching. The… the hatching she missed because…
"No…"
"It's okay, Elrenia."
"It's not okay." The woman shook her head, reaching for Z'den briefly before pulling her arms back, retreating into herself as she stammered,, "No. I… It…"
"It's okay."
"It can't be okay."
"It is," he insisted, grabbing her hands away from her hair before she could take hold the delicate strands to pull.
"You could have died." Elrenia's voice was deceptively low when she said it, eyes going glassy. "You almost died. I almost killed you."
"No, Elrenia, no. Don't say that."
"Arlith almost killed himself that day. He was getting ready to jump between forever."
"But you saved him."
"And if I hadn't?"
Z'den's eyes all but glowed with emotion, moving from his seat to kneel before the girl, cupping his hands around face while she tried to breathe. Elrenia didn't know what to do. What could she do? It was her fault that the brown and his rider couldn't fly thread. It was her fault they almost died. It was her fault they faced such unbearable pain, and before she could talk herself further into despair the man leant forward and kissed her.
"Please understand," one rough hand released her face to running over the back of her head, grip her neck gently and rub soothing circles into her spine, "Elrenia, this absolutely had to happen."
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"If you'd known, you never would have sent Fencer to me," the man whispered the words, a fierceness in his eyes that Elrenia didn't recognize. "If you knew this is what would happen, you wouldn't have called on me. You wouldn't be…" Z'den's throat seized, a high noise leaving him as he shook his head. "I needed to be there to save your life."
"But…" The thought that she might have died wasn't nearly as overpowering as the memory of when Z'den almost did. "That doesn't matter."
"Nothing in all of Pern matters more."
"How did you wind up at the hold today if Fencer brought you there months ago?" F'lar asked, staring at his weyrmate with something like awe. "He took you to the future?" It seemed impossible, but Lessa had done it. She'd traveled hundreds of years into the past and brought the oldtimers forward to save Pern. It seemed impossible that a tiny blue could do it, but they were so much like dragons. And if they were anywhere close to as loyal it wasn't much of a surprise.
But Z'den made no effort to answer their questions. Neither denied nor confirmed their suspicions. He kept his eyes firmly on the girl in front of him, head bowed to stare at her knees in shame. Sadness. Fear. "When we saw you running from the edge…"
"I'm so sorry." The words were barely audible. Little more than a whisper of air, and Z'den shook his head. No.
"I'm not sorry." Somehow, for him, it was that simple.
We will be threadscored a thousand times, if it means that you are alive, dear one.
"Arlith," the creature's name was a whisper as Elrenia turned to stare out toward the ledge. Shocked. Horrified. Loved. "Neither of you are ever allowed to do this again. Do you understand me? You almost died."
"When you were wounded you went back to the time you came from," Lessa finished the story over the quiet begging of the former candidate, eyes shifting between the two curiously as she spoke. "I'm in agreement with Elrenia on this one, Z'den. If you pull a stunt like that again, I'll ground you for the rest of time."
As you might be able to tell from the revision, I've returned. Everything was awful for a while, and this wasn't something that I could focus on while my world was falling apart. But things are better now, so I'm finishing this. There is one last massive chapter left for this story. It's already completely written, I'm just doing some proofreading and minor revision right, so I'm planning to have it up within the week.
