Chapter 51 – Oh Baby
No Copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!
Paul
After twenty-six hours of labor my son was born on the 20th of January, a healthy 8 pound 5 ounce boy who looked just like me. Mom had been eager to bring out all of my old baby pictures to prove to us that little Tuari Paul – Ari for short – was my clone.
My son was perfect, ten fingers and ten toes, a head full of the softest raven hair and big brown eyes, but he was a crier. At only three months he craved constant attention and entertainment, and he was determined to suck his mother's tits dry once she was in his line of sight.
My poor baby had it rough. Not the new baby, MY baby, Corrine.
I hated to leave her every morning for work, but I had no choice. Ari was a handful and she was barely coping. She tried to hide it from me, but I could easily tell. She hardly smiled anymore, she hardly talked, ate or slept. She was always covered in Tuari's vomit, dressed shabbily in sweats and my old t-shirts because she had no time to look after herself. She'd even taken a scissors to her beautiful long hair and hacked it off because it got in her way. I'd never forget the day I came home and found it lying all over the bathroom floor – she hadn't even had the time to clean up because Ari had woken up from his nap. He was the king of twenty- minute cat naps. I remembered wanting to shout and scream at her for desecrating her beautiful locks that I loved so much but when I saw the determination on her face, the daring pout that said "Don't test me," I kept my feelings to myself. I'd had to accept that it was her choice, not mine, no matter how much I hated what she'd done.
The baby demanded so much of her and honestly, the guilt of pushing motherhood on my wife before she was ready, was killing me. It was killing US. We hardly spent any time together alone, we hardly had conversations that didn't involve the baby…we hardly made love and when we did, she wasn't in to it. She was always too tired and simply did it out of pity for me. And in turn I pitied her and myself. I tried to manage him when he woke up in the middle of the night but since he was breastfeeding, it was difficult not to wake her up too – Tuari refused to take the bottle. I felt as if the little brat knew exactly what he was doing sometimes, when he'd give me that cheeky smile after his tummy was satisfied. She'd hand him over to me on the bed and I'd burp him, change his diaper and rock him back to sleep. He slept in our room most nights even though there was the new crib I built him in his room.
All I could do was hope that this was just a phase, and that he'd soon settle down. For both our sakes. Not even little Benji was this much trouble. I hadn't seen him in a while since we couldn't manage the both of them at the same time while Ari was still so little.
"When he starts eating solid food he'll settle down man, at least, that's what Sam says," Jared said. We were at my house with Ari while Corrie went to the grocery store with Kim. I tried to at least do this for her so she wouldn't have to worry about the baby while shopping. He was fussy and impatient most times, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to handle his tantrums in public.
"In three fucking months? She'll divorce me by then Jare. I feel like a fucking asshole. She's miserable, she won't say it because she loves me and Ari, but I know she regrets getting pregnant," I mumbled, taking a swig of beer. Ari was lying on the play mat kicking and cooing at the little animals hanging down above him. Jared was the one playing with him while I just sat there pouring out my marital woes.
I loved my son to death, but a part of me resented the cute little bugger. I hated that feeling, and I could only imagine that what my wife felt was worse. Why did he have to be so difficult? We loved him so much, couldn't he just chill?
As if in protest of what I was thinking Ari started to fuss, his little bottom lip sticking out as he worked himself up to wail. I quickly grabbed the pacifier and stuffed it in his mouth but it shot right back out and flew across the room.
"Whoa! He's not having that!" Jared giggled in amusement, and picked him up, setting Ari on his knees so he could bounce him. He was a good godfather to my son and I was happy to have his support whenever I needed it. Sam tried to help too but I still wasn't as close to him as I once had been.
"I'll get his bottle," I mumbled in defeat and dragged myself to the fridge. I heated it up a little and brought it back, silently praying that he'd take the damn nipple and not spit it all over the place. He honestly hated the rubber nipple. I couldn't blame him, fuck, nothing was better than Corrie's. I hadn't tasted her rosy nipples in three months myself.
Ugh, I groaned just thinking about her body. I wanted to fuck her hard, I just wanted to let loose and ravish her. Her figure had snapped back and she looked just as hot as she did before her baby bump grew, but she had no sexual desire these days, not even the imprint could rouse her. I had reverted to masturbating in the shower most nights just to give myself relief.
I handed Jared the bottle and fastened the bib around my son's neck. I would let him give it a try since Ari seemed to like him so much. Ari fussed as he sucked on the nipple, crying and gulping in between. I held my breath as I watched him wrestle with it. After five minutes he had spit out half of it but had drunk quite a bit as well. When he started to wail louder Jared gave up and apologetically held him up to me.
"It's okay, he drank more than he would have if I had given it to him," I told my best friend reassuringly. "Come on baby boy, burp for Daddy." I cooed into my son's ear and kissed his hair as I positioned him on my shoulder. I drew in a deep breath of his baby scent as he routed around and tried to suck on my skin. Grammie Redbird had insisted on making all natural lotions and oils for his skin and diaper area so he always smelled like sweet herbs and peppermint. We used her lavender oil for his bed time to calm him down which worked okay for the first few hours he slept at night.
In fifteen minutes the baby was in a fresh diaper and fast asleep against my bare chest but I dared not put him down lest he wake up again looking for Mama's breast. She still hadn't come back with the shopping.
Jared turned the channel to a boxing match. I had one coming up in a month so I was always game to watch so that I could learn the styles of my opponents. I had won fifty grand last month but I was preparing for a fight that could win me a quarter mill if I won. IF I won? I was undefeated. Lawrence wanted me to box full time but I didn't want to, I couldn't spend so much time away from home. I was in high demand and had agents emailing me and begging to take over from Laurence but I wasn't interested. I was in this for the money, not really the glory. It was nice to be semi-famous as I often had free gear sent to my house but I didn't care about that, boxing was just a means of providing for my family and the pack. It would require too much training and flying all over the country. I only boxed when it was someone I really wanted to beat or if the money was good.
The money had helped me finish the warehouse and Billy and I had been able to secure all the wood we needed from Mr. Sheridan in Oregon. The old man had given us a huge discount as he and Billy had hit it off. We had finally arranged a meeting for him to tour the Rez back when Corrie was still newly pregnant. Once a month Sheridan sent a car to collect both Billy and Charlie so they could spend the weekend fishing at his cabin. The Sheridans owned a private jet and even had staff to prepare the fish into gourmet foods. Jake and I had been to one trip but never again because I didn't like leaving Corrie and Ari behind. She didn't think he was old enough for such a trip.
Billy and I were in the process of setting up a logging company in La Push as well. There used to be one but it had shut down a few years back when old Johnnie Whalesong died. His sons were drunks and had run the business to the ground. They couldn't pay their workers or fix the trucks when they broke down. Sam was helping with that and I had given him the money for him and Emily to start a bakery and a construction business. It was helping other residents find good jobs too, so I was happy to help. Plus Corrie and I had more money than we needed so it didn't take anything for me to help out. Jared's plumbing and household maintenance was blooming as well. He even had a few guys over in Forks working for him.
All around, everybody was benefiting from my kick-boxing money. Leah and Leanne were in college, Jake, Embry and Quil had their car garage and the younger pups would be going to college once they graduated high school. I honestly didn't think I'd be this guy, the one to extend myself so much to everyone around me, but it felt good to do good for others. The Rez once saw me as a bad guy, a troublemaker, but now I was respected and even had a seat on the Council along with Sam.
Everything around me was good except my marriage and because of that, life sucked. I loved Corrie so much I just wanted to make her happy. But I felt as though she wouldn't let me.
Finally we heard the minivan I had gotten for her, pull into the garage. Jared hopped up and went out to bring in the bags.
"Hey Paul," Kim said as she walked into the living room from the kitchen.
"Hey," I said quietly so as to not disturb my pup.
"Aww he's asleep? He's so cute."
I smiled and nodded in agreement. "Where's Corr?" I wasn't smelling her scent or hearing her voice.
Kim's face fell.
"What happened Kim?" I immediately felt anxious.
"She uh, said she needed some time alone before she came back home."
"What?!" I sat up, not caring that I jostled Tuari too harshly. He erupted into a startled cry, but I didn't care, I just handed him over to Kim's outstretched arms. "Where did she go?" I demanded as she started to pat his back and bounce him around in a circle. Of course it wasn't working, the only thing that would settle him now was breast.
"I-I don't know. She didn't say. I left her at the grocery."
"Fuck!" I swore. She was leaving me! Corrie was fucking leaving me? I couldn't believe it yet I had been waiting on it to happen for the last month since she got worse.
"Paul calm down, she'll come back she just needed some time to relax I think. She's stressed."
"What did she say to you?" I begged, pulling a t-shirt over my head and looking for my shoes and keys.
"That she just needed a couple hours without Tuari latched onto her body? She's tired Paul."
I could feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes and quickly squeezed them shut with two fingers. This couldn't be happening.
"Bro, stop panicking, just let her be. If she doesn't come back by tonight we'll go look for her. Maybe you should just give her what she wants."
"And then what happens if a vampire finds her again? What if she gets on a fucking plane and I never see her again?"
"She wouldn't do that Paul! You know that!" Kim scolded. Her knuckle was in Tuari's mouth and he was sucking hard but whimpering. The yelling wasn't helping him settle back down.
I felt like a failure as a father and as a husband. Feeling dejected I went to the kitchen and heated up another bottle of breastmilk. Corrie still pumped and kept them on hand even though Ari hated it. Our philosophy was that someday he'd give in and stop fussing all the time. I brought it back and handed it to Kim which she took happily as she positioned herself in the rocker Billy had given to Corrie as a gift.
"I need to go find her, can you stay here for a while?" I asked, my eyes brimming with hope and pain.
"Of course Paul. Jared will put away the groceries and we'll order some food."
"Thanks, I really appreciate it. I'll still call Mom to come over, she can handle him when he gets too fussy." My mother was really good with Ari, but I think it upset Corrie that she was too helpful sometimes, so Mom didn't push to come over too much. Even Julia had warned me that new mothers liked to feel efficient and didn't appreciate too much grandma help, but clearly my wife was just being plain stubborn now. She was running herself ragged by refusing help during the day when I was at work.
This had to stop or else I'd lose her – if I hadn't already.
God, where could she be?
I kissed my son goodbye and on my way out the house I called my mother and explained the situation to her, ordering her to pack some things so that she could spend a few days. I had opened a bank account for her so she could stop working, so now my mother spent most of her days with her boyfriend Bob. There was no way she'd say no to me, and quickly agreed to get over to the house as soon as possible.
I drove to the grocery store but Corrie wasn't anywhere on the outside so I kept going. I tried to tune into the imprint but I wasn't sure if it was my pain and upset that I was feeling more than hers. I drove down to the beach but it was freezing out so I didn't think that she'd really be out there in that harsh cold air. Still I checked but I didn't catch her scent. I called Julia and Emily but they hadn't seen her. Julia advised me to call Grammie and I did, praying that she'd know something.
"She's here, Paul. She's upstairs asleep in Leanne's room."
I sighed in relief, my body suddenly feeling weak as the tension rolled off my shoulders. I told my imprint's grandmother I'd been there soon and got back into the truck. But I didn't start it up and drive off immediately. She deserved to rest a little longer despite how much I wanted to hold her in my arms. I needed to think about this, about my next move. Things had to change between us if we were to survive the first year of parenthood. We had to learn how to balance things with a baby.
Sam had warned me months ago that shit would change once the baby was born, but I had no idea how serious it would be. All I wanted was MY Corrie back. I wanted to see her smiling, I wanted to see her relaxed and laughing with our son in her arms, I wanted her to want me. I wanted her to look like herself again, I wanted her to trust in me again. I just wanted her love.
I missed her. I ached for her.
I started up the truck and headed to the Quik Mart where I bought some flowers and one other thing that I hoped would show her that I cared. I filled up on gas then headed over to the Redbird house. This summer would be four years since we got married here. I parked and picked up the flowers and the plastic bag and headed up the steps. Grammie was waiting for me with a sympathetic smile. She opened her arms and I stepped into her warm embrace. She smelled like milk and lavender like always.
"It'll be okay son, she's alright. You just need to give her time, she'll come around."
"She needs to stop being difficult Grammie, she won't let anyone help her, but she can't do this on her own."
"I know, and I agree. Just find a way to make her see reason okay?"
I nodded firmly and started up the stairs. I remembered the day of our wedding when I had entered this same bedroom to calm her down before the wedding. I would do anything to make my wife happy, I could only hope that she'd let me this time.
I pushed open the door as quietly as possible. It was dark inside and I could make out her body curled into a ball beneath the covers. Her breathing was slow and steady meaning she was still asleep. I set the flowers and bag down on the desk and gently slipped beneath the covers, spooning her back with my body. My wolf heat no doubt filtered through her skin causing Corrie to stir.
"Mmmm, Paul?" she mumbled, confused and half-asleep.
"It's me babe," I whispered into her ear before kissing it. With tasting her scent the lust erupted in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't control the wood that stiffened in my pants.
"Where's the baby?" she asked, more awake.
"He's home don't worry, everything's okay."
"He must be hungry, my breasts are rock hard."
"Shhhh, don't worry about that, he had a bottle."
She grunted in a way that said, "Yeah right."
"Corrie, look at me," I turned her head gently with my fingertips, causing her to turn over so that we were face to face. We silently stared into each other's eyes and I could see how tired she was, how scared. "I'm sorry baby," I finally said.
"Sorry for what?"
"For everything. I know you weren't ready, I should have been more careful."
Corrie shook her head and grabbed my hand with hers. "No Paulie. It's not about me being ready or not. Being a mother is just harder than I thought it would be."
"Because you're trying to do everything on your own babe! And it has to stop. I made Mom quit her job so that you'd have help but you keep pushing her away Corr. You can't continue to do that anymore. Even if she just helps with the laundry and the house work and the cooking, let her do it!"
"I'm sure Ruth didn't have anyone to help her back when you were a baby! Neither did my mom and she had five kids! I should be able to handle one baby on my own, Paul. Any good mother would."
I sighed in annoyance and shook my head. "You're not them, you don't need to be. You're a good mother but you're hurting yourself. And I'm not suggesting anymore baby, you're letting Mom help whether or not you want her to."
She shook her head and rolled her eyes at me. "You're not listening Paul, I don't need her to be there."
"And you're not listening to ME. I need you back Corrine, you're my wife and you won't even talk to me let alone touch me! I miss YOU, I want YOU back. I love you so much and I feel like you're going to walk away. Do you have any idea how much you scared me when you didn't come home? I can't lose you anymore than I already have." The tears came then and I made no move to stop them, I needed to let them flow this time. I needed her to understand that I was suffering just as much as she was.
Corrie swiped the tears away as her own started to fall too. "I miss you too Paulie, I'm so sorry. I feel like such a failure." A sob escaped her throat and I pulled her against my chest so that she could let it go freely. We both needed a good cry. Life was hard.
"But you're not, trust me you're not. I just want to make this easier for you babe, just let me try. You're a great mother to our son, but you have to take care of yourself too. You need time for yourself, if you didn't you wouldn't be here right now just to take a nap."
"I know." She admitted quietly after a few moments of sniffling and wiping her nose in my shirt.
"I told Mom to stay over for a few days to help you get back on your feet. Promise me you'll let her help you this time, okay? We'll arrange some type of schedule once you feel better and get enough rest." She nodded into my chest. "Promise me you'll rest, babe."
"I promise."
"Good." I smiled and kissed her forehead, feeling a little more hopeful that things would be alright. I ran my hand through her hair, feeling miserable when it fell away so quickly because she had chopped it all off. "I also want you to take a day and go to Port Angeles or Seattle."
"Why?" she asked, peering up at me.
"Because you need a proper hair cut. I want you to get pampered while you're at it. I'll call Nana and get her to book the spa reservations. You deserve to feel beautiful and smell sweet."
Corrie groaned. "I'll never hear the end of it when she sees me."
"Good, then maybe you won't pull such a stupid stunt again." I kissed her quickly on the forehead again so that she'd know I wasn't trying to be mean.
Corrie sighed. "I admit…it was a fit of madness that made me do it. I was just so overwhelmed, Ari wouldn't stop crying. And I just felt so frustrated and I just wanted a bath but I couldn't leave him, he wouldn't sleep. I searched everywhere for a headband and when I couldn't find it, I dunno, I just snapped. I was so ashamed after I calmed down and Ari finally went to sleep, I knew you'd be upset. I'm sorry."
"I know baby, I'm sorry too…but sometimes, maybe we should let him cry it out. Take the bath when you need to. Put him in his car seat so he can still see you. I dunno, something's gotta give, maybe we spoil him too much."
"He's a little baby, he can't be spoiled Paul. He just likes to be held so he can look around."
"He's anything but little," I joked. Our son was a solid 19 pounds already, he was HUGE.
"I guess I need to try the bottle more too."
"Yeah. I'm happy that he's not on that disgusting formula, but he needs to get used to the bottle. Let Mom and I feed him during the day and you can nurse him at night, that way you can get more sleep and it would help you feel better, less drained….and that way maybe you'd have time for me at night." I added the last part tentatively hoping she'd understand.
"I'm sorry I've been neglecting you Paul. I just don't feel very sexy these days, I either smell like vomit or I'm exhausted. But I miss you."
"I really miss you too baby. I want you so much," I murmured, brushing her hair behind her ear before I planted a kiss to her lips.
Corrie reached up and cupped my jaw, keeping me connected to her and the kiss deepened. She moaned a little and I took that as my cue that she was aroused. I broke away reluctantly and reached over for the bag I had brought with me. I pulled out the box and waved it in front of her face causing Corrie to giggle.
"You came prepared I see," she pointed to the box of condoms.
"Well no, not really, I bought these to prove to you that I wouldn't make any more mistakes."
"Our son is not a mistake okay? Stop worrying. I just don't want any more babies for a while."
"Neither do I," I chuckled.
"Well then, crack one open and let's get down to business," she smiled seductively, setting my soul on fire.
Shit, she didn't have to tell me twice! I did as my wife commanded and then quickly rolled on top of her, careful not to press against her full lactating breasts, and moved my way down her neck, sucking gently. Corrie tugged the waist of my pants down and I did the same for her, sliding her underwear off as well. I wasted no time entering her. I had to stop for a second because it felt so good that I would cum way too fast. She moved slowly against me and I fought the urge to growl. The last thing we needed was for Grammie to hear us.
I took my time, savoring the feel of my wife despite the muted sensitivity of the condom - Her warmth, her sweetness that I had been craving. I had missed the sensation of our bodies becoming one. "I love you," I said, just before I came.
"I love you too Paul, always."
I looked her in the eyes for reassurance, and though she was clearly still tired, Corrie smiled reassuringly at me and I felt whole again.
"I promise I'll listen this time, okay? I'll accept more help."
I nodded and pecked her on the lips as we tidied ourselves up and remade the bed.
I held out the flowers to her which she gladly accepted with a blush before burying her nose in them. "They're beautiful honey."
"Not as beautiful as you."
After sharing one more kiss I clasped her free hand in mine and held on tight, drawing her to my side where Corrie Lahote belonged.
"Now let's go home baby."
Hey everyone, I know it's been a while, I have 3/4 of the sequel finished but I admit to not connecting to it like I did with this fanfic. I honestly can't decide if it's good or not. I actually wrote TWO versions of it. But I missed writing and posting so i wrote this chapter this evening. Hope you like it. I still have to decide what I'm going to do about the sequel, i hope i can get it done. otherwise i might still post chapters here when the spirit moves me. still love my paul and corrie.
