Chapter 42: Shmebulock
YrooXrksvi618 #51. Shmebulock the gnome goes missing, so the gnomes, most notably, Jeff, ask for and get help from the Mystery Shack crew. It is finally revealed that Shmebulock got accidentally locked in Greasy's diner. So they thank the Pines and say that if they ever need a favour from the gnomes, they would be happy to oblige. So Stan asks for a few gnomes to act as free labour around the Shack, a couple to act on display in the Shack museum, three for Ford to interview and study, and one dozen to act as Stan's personal servants for a week.
AN: I got a chip in my thumb nail. I fear I'll lose the sharp part and the ability to strum slow melodies. Also, I got a new spider bite and am currently constantly itchy, someone help me quell this mild inconvenience.
Ok so at about 8 or 9 pm depending on whether or not you respect daylight savings the gnomes visited the pines regarding a lost gnome that pretty much thought it was a Pokemon. They didn't know where it was so they decided to help look for him. They first asked if the gnomes checked the forest but soon realised that that would probably be the first place they looked. Thereafter the pines each got a group of at least ten gnomes and searched the town at night. They began by searching every place that was still open at the time, IE the mall and the bar. Stan found Hot Wings at the bar downing full bottles of 151 proof rum and complaining about how he could keep going and that he'd already paid enough to buy the whole bar and everyone in it. Stan proceeded to check the bathroom and the gnomes searched behind the bar itself to which the bartender remarked, "I gotta quit drinking with the customers." Stan found the back and bathrooms devoid of Shmebulock and they moved on to the next bar as did Hot Wings which is when Stan had the best idea, "Hey… uh, drumstick"
"Drunk… what?"
"You can see everything right?"
"I already know what you're going to say and the answer is to buy me more of the strongest drinks the next bar has."
"And then you'll tell me?"
"Sure fine whatever. RADISH!"
"Radish?"
"I meant to say turn up."
"Turnip?"
"Nevermind just buy drink!" Mabel Ford and Dipper were having an even harder time if you could believe it. Dipper was at the kid's stores and attractions including the train that goes around the mall thinking that Shmebulock would be interested cause it's made for people only just taller than him. Mabel was just hitting on counter boys at the cheaper chain restaurants within the malls and Ford was checking the bathrooms and vents, pretty much anywhere a small man could hide from the big people. Back at the next bar, Stan was trying his best to sober him up occasionally whispering to the bartender, "I want you to get the biggest glass you got and fill it with the cheapest liquid you got" so the barkeep kept sliding him mugs of water and Hot Wings kept turning them into mugs of wine. This went on until Stan finally broke and bought him the bottles o 151. After this, he thanked him, refilled his flask and downed the rest of the bottles before breathing out the words, "He's at the diner" and passing out. Their options reduced significantly Stan called the others and told them where the missing gnome was. They all regrouped outside the diner where Jeff on Stan's shoulder called out for Shmebulock and he responded in kind. Stan then used his breaking and entering skills to get Shmebulock out. They were promptly thanked and given a free pass to free gnome labour a pass the Stan brothers intended to make use gave a few of them a full interview including asking them why they bathe in/with squirrels to which they replied, "Markiplier is their king, they consider us royalty because of our height age ratio." Stan had a few gnomes to fix all the stuff he never got around to and throw out the garbage while they were at it. A few more stood still on display in the museum with video of them walking being played behind them and they followed the tour around whenever no one was looking to make them seem as real as can be for the people who'd thought Stan was phoning it in at his old age only for them to notice that the gnomes didn't stay on their shelf if no one looked. And one particularly unlucky dozen of gnomes got to don a trench coat and be Stan's butler for a week. Insert hasty wrap up here.
AN: I mean I guess Moby Dick's build up leads to something other than killing it while it's defenceless like in Dracula but if the entire book leading up to that is random facts no one ever needs to know then I'd rather read Dracula, at least there they teach you how to rob a guy. Not even joking, there's like a page or two where Van Helsing goes on and on about how you're supposed to call a locksmith as if you owned the house walk in through the front door and sell all the guy's stuff before he comes back from vacation. In fact, a lot of the paragraphs in Dracula could probably be summarised in about three words… more on that later.
