Hello again my dears. I would like to thank Petunia3116, Ali (Guest), Veuve Noir and French Fan (Guest) for the wonderful reviews.
So here sit he next chapter. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA.
The drive back to Deeks' apartment was done in silence from the two men who would hopefully be spending the night there. It had taken some manoeuvring by Sam to make sure that it looked like he was the last that Callen would be dropping off, with Deeks being second to last. Though it truth it was the other way round.
When they pulled up outside his apartment Deeks turned to the man next to him wondering if he was even going to give him a chance to explain.
"Are you coming in?" Deeks asked softly, though there was a hint of nervousness running through the words. As if he really wasn't sure of the answer. Because he really wasn't. How had things changed so much in a day? Had this been last night he would have already known the answer without question, but now… now he was not so sure.
"Yeah. I'll go and park then come back." Callen replied not turning to look at the man next to him. Not sure what he would see if he did. Not sure if he would see a look in Marty's eyes that told him it was over. He wasn't ready to see that look. Not now.
"G. Just park next to my car. There is no need for your superspy skills tonight." Deeks replied trying to make a joke by using his nickname for the man he loved, even if he knew it would fall flat. But at least he was trying.
"Okay." Callen agreed. He heart had constricted when he had heard Marty call him superspy. He loved when he did that, even if he claimed it annoyed him, it really didn't. But he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it in relation to the conversation they were about to have. Oh well, best to get this over with. And Marty was right, it wouldn't matter if his car was parked next to his for however long it would take the other man to end their relationship. Oh god, he didn't want their relationship to end. He had to try and convince Marty that he was worth it, even if he knew it was a lie.
With that Callen pulled the car into the parking space and both men climbed out and without saying a word they made their way up to Deeks' apartment. Callen stood back and let the other man open the door using his key rather than picking the lock which would have taken the same amount of time. This was Deeks' home not his, he didn't have the right to open the door. Not anymore.
Once inside they were greeted joyously by Monty running up to them both and refusing to move until they had given him a stroke on his head. When they were released by the dog Deeks made his way into the kitchen and grabbed himself and G a beer without asking if the other man wanted one. He had a feeling they were both going to need it for the conversation that was to come. He at least knew he would need the Dutch courage. Handing one to G he made his way into the livingroom, but rather than sitting he turned to stare at the man he loved. Giving him a chance to start, to say what he needed so he could fight everything he said with words of his own. But the words out of G's mouth weren't the ones he was expecting.
"Why did Kensi drive you to work this morning?" Callen asked, deciding to start at the beginning. If he was going to try and get Marty back, he needed to know what it was he was up against. Needed to know all the details so he could work out what was going on, and how he could change things back to how they had been when he left that morning.
"My car wouldn't start. I called her for a lift." Deeks responded with a frown. Why was G asking about that? I mean that was nothing compared to what had happened in the bar, right? So why that?
"Why didn't you call me?" Callen asked leaning back against the wall in a deceptively causal pose. It was one Deeks had seen him use in interrogation and he knew it meant he was lulling him into a false sense of security so he wouldn't see when he pounced. But he wouldn't fall for that. So instead he leaned his hips against the bookcase as he took a drink of beer before responding.
"You were having breakfast with Sam. I didn't want to interrupt, so I thought I would ask my partner to pick me up instead." He replied with a subtle emphasis on the word partner. Because he knew if the roles had been reversed and it was G whose car wouldn't start. He wouldn't have thought twice before he called Sam to pick him up.
"So what happened?" Callen asked ignoring the point Marty had made by changing direction.
"What do you mean?" Deeks asked with a frown. What was G talking about now?
"You seemed uncomfortable in ops this morning. Why?" Callen clarified not removing his eyes from the man in front of him.
At that Deeks sighed. Of course G had noticed that. He had forgotten all about the whole 'Kensi finding out he was dating a man and how he was worried about how G would take that thing' what with everything else that had happened.
"I had my exercise class in the park this morning so I asked Kensi to pick me up from there. I hadn't considered how many women would be at it and when she arrived she thought I was using her to try and pull them. She wouldn't let up so in the end I snapped and told her I was in a relationship, with a guy." Deeks explain simply watching G's face so he could see every subtle difference. He noticed how his eyes narrowed slightly when he said there were many women there, but what did he expect? He wasn't going to avoid women just so G would be happy. He needed the guy to trust him with whoever he was with. And the fact that he obviously didn't hurt. It made Deeks wonder just what this relationship was if one of them didn't trust the other. Because without trust, there was no love. And he loved G, but did the guy feel the same for him? I mean really? Could he love him if he didn't trust him?
"Why would that make you uncomfortable?" Callen asked with a frown. He could understand Kensi's smug look now, she thought she knew something they didn't. But Marty's reaction… he didn't understand that.
"She wanted to know all about my boyfriend, and it wasn't like I could tell her was it?" Deeks snapped. He was getting pissed off at being interrogated for something he was completely innocent of.
At his words Callen swallowed. Because Marty was right. They had agreed to keep them a secret from work, which meant he couldn't tell Kensi. Then Callen remembered that his partner knew. Sam knew who it was he was dating. Sure he worked it out, but he still knew. He was still someone he could talk to about who he was with. About what was going on in his and Marty's life. But Marty didn't have that. He should have that. He should have someone he could talk to, someone who he could tell the truth to. And who better than his partner? The one who had his back? He should be able to trust his partner with everything, because that was what being partners was all about.
Callen closed his eyes briefly as he took a deep breath before he opened them and staring right at the younger man he spoke softly. "You could have, if you wanted to."
"Excuse me? You're the one who's all about secret and now you're telling me you're okay with Kensi knowing it's you I love? Really?" Deeks asked with a cynical laugh. What the hell? G had been instant that they tell no one, and now he was saying it was okay for Kensi to know? What the hell was going on in his damn head?
"You love me?" Callen asked hope filling him at the words. Marty had said he loved him, and he wasn't sleeping this time. He was wide awake, and yeah okay they were having a heated discussion. But still… Marty loved him still?
"Yeah G I do. But I'm starting to think it's one sided." Deeks replied with a sigh as he let go of his anger. He hadn't meant to say that, or at least not like that, and he was waiting for G to run. I mean he had done it when he thought they were getting too close, and now, finding out he loved him? He was expecting to see a G Callen shaped hole in his door any time now. But the other man surprised him. Though not the way he really wanted him to. Not with him contradicting his words.
Callen heard the last bit of Marty's sentence, but he couldn't think about that right now. He still needed answers. When he had them, then maybe he would consider the repercussions of Marty's words.
"Why was Kensi all over you tonight if nothing is going on between you? If she knows you're in a relationship?" Callen asked in an even tone, pulling on every resource he had to remain calm as he remembered what he had had to watch that evening.
"Because she mistakenly thought it a good idea to help me with my 'cover'. She thinks I don't want anyone to know I'm dating a guy." Deeks replied in a weary tone. He was so done with this conversation. He had told G he loved him, basically asked him if he felt the same, and yet the other man had brushed it away as if it was nothing. Was it really so hard for G to say those words? To tell him he loved him? Did G really love him? Or was he seeing things he thought were there but they weren't? Was this relationship a lost cause?
Deeks words were followed by silence as Callen leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes as processed all he had heard, including Marty's belief that he didn't love him. He had never really thought about what his feelings for the younger man were. They were just there. He knew he cared for him, and he knew he thought of him as his. That was evident with the jealously he had felt earlier that night. But did he love him? What was love anyway? How did you define that emotion? I mean he loved Sam and Hetty as family, but romantic love? He had no idea what that really felt like. He had thought he was in love with Tracy, but he hadn't been. Not really. So what was love?
"I'm sorry." Callen finally said not moving from his position, his eyes still closed as the thoughts of everything that had been between him and Marty went through his mind. About how he had run the first time he had heard those words from the younger man's lips, to how he had acted that evening. He was a damn idiot and he didn't deserve the man across from him.
"For what?" Deeks asked in a quiet voice, wondering if this was when G would tell him he didn't love him. That it was over. That he didn't want that sort of emotional attachment with him. He wasn't sure what he would do if those where the words that came out of G's mouth next, but if they did, he would have to deal with them. He had laid his cards on the table, it was G's turn.
"Everything. I thought you didn't want to be with me anymore." Callen replied bringing head away from the wall and opening his eyes so Deeks could see the pain, hurt and vulnerability which radiated in them with his words. And Deeks couldn't help it, his heart went out to the man he loved. He never wanted to see that look in his eyes again as long as he lived. He had never seen G look vulnerable before and all he wanted to do was warm him up in his arms and protect him from the world. Keep him safe from all that would try to harm him.
"You are the only one I want to be with G. You are the one I love." Deeks responded pushing away from the book case and walking over so he was standing in front of G with only inches between them.
"I…" Callen started to say, trying to get the words out. He wanted to tell Marty he loved too. Wanted to give him that, but he couldn't. Something was stopping him. Something he didn't understand. Just as he didn't understand what his feelings really were for the man in front of him. He couldn't put words to his feelings, to the emotions Marty evoked in him, because he didn't know what those words were. This was all so confusing and new and painful and wonderful and heart-breaking yet glorious. It was all too much for his brain to even try and comprehend.
And Deeks standing there in front of him saw it all in Callen's eye. Saw all he didn't have the words to say and he knew. He knew he loved him. He had been right. G did love him, he didn't need to hear the words, not until G was ready to say them. Not until G knew the truth behind what he was saying. He didn't want G to say the words just because he was afraid to lose him, because that wasn't going to happen. No they may have faulted slightly, but all relationships did. He would stick by the man he loved, he didn't need to hear the words to know the feeling was returned.
Therefore he raised his finger and placed it over Callen's lips as he spoke. "I love you G Callen. Don't say it back until you are ready, but know, I would never do anything to hurt you, nor will I ever leave you."
Then before the other man could reply Deeks lowered his lips to Callen's and kissed him. It was soft and gentle and filled with the love he had for the man, a kiss which was returned with equal feeling and that made his heart sour.
Callen knew he may not be able to define what he was feeling, but he could show it through his actions. Through kisses and touches, through how he was with his man. And Marty was his man. And only his man. At that thought Callen threaded his hands through Marty's hair and turned the kiss into something harder, more possessive.
And Deeks let him. Happy to let G lay his claim on him. Because he was his, and no one else would ever have him. He belonged to the man who had a hold of him, and nothing would ever change that in his mind. He loved G, he had told him so, and G was returning the favour in the only way he could. For now at least. And for now, it would be enough. For now.
