Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Fruits Basket.
What does it take to set the Sohmas free after Akito's death?
The Puppet Master's Last Testament
Chapter Fifty-Two: Shattered Hearts
Six Months Later
Dear Diary,
I've been busy.
Shigure got rid of me six months ago. He told me that I was part of 'plan' to free the Sohmas from the Juunishi curse. The second part didn't bother me, it's something that all of them, Kisa and Momiji have wanted forever (I would have loved to help!), but the fact that I was used like a game piece, a stupid rag doll, that fact that he didn't trust me enough to tell me. He hurt me. I can't even think about; it hurts so much. I hope all turns out for the best. I wasn't meant to stay that long anyway. It's for the best.
I'm not sure I forgive him. He told me for the first time, that he loved me; all that is gone. Did he really mean it, anyway? Of course not. All our good memories were just a ploy by Akito. That night, I packed my stuff and immediately found a dorm on campus. It's better this way. I can concentrate on my studies. School is draining my mind, but Saki is here. She's back from New York. She had a great time there, saying that Americans were mostly friendly. I try to hide my pain. She's majoring in psychology, and minoring in accounting. Plus, she's taking a hypnosis class. Strangest thing ever, eh?
Hatori called me two days ago and left a message, that was his thirteenth. I've received messages the past months, from Yuki, Haru, and Kisa. I can't bring myself up to it, to call them back. I don't think I can trust anyone anymore. Mom always told me to see the goodness in people, but I can't do it. I'm afraid that they will somehow hurt me. I'm paranoid now.
Everything is a bunch of lies. When Shigure told me he couldn't see me anymore, there was a look of pain and agony. I saw emotion; but one can't read too much into these things. Just like the bracelet (which I put in a box under my bed; I just couldn't throw it away, even after what he did to me). Akito probably told him to buy it. It was probably another gambit. It means nothing. I'm going to get rid of it one of these days. I know just the place, the lake.
The stupid lake where we spent our first 'date' together, if you can call any of those times that. He played me for a pitiful fool. I am one. A total, utter fool.
My heart is broken. I loved Shigure so much. My heart fluttered every time he smiled. Every time he gave me a glance. I am just a fool. I don't think I can ever look at a man again. They really are just dogs.
Well, I really shouldn't drag all this pain with me. Next week, out class is going to Tokyo again. Maybe I'll stay there for awhile. Be independent.
After all, I was before I moved in with the Sohmas. I think...
-Tohru
Tohru tried to wipe the tears off the pages of the diary, only managing to smear everything. Her hand fled to the dog-tag bracelet, the stupid reminder of her pain. She hated it so much, yet couldn't bare to remove it. She became frustrated and she threw the book against the wall. She buried herself in her top bunk and tried crying herself to sleep as she had been doing for the past months.
It was no use. Nothing could get her mind off Shigure.
She kept replaying all of their intimate touches, stolen kisses, and when he had taken her to the bed and hurt her. The night he dumped her, right after giving her the most passionate kiss.
He had given her the best time of her life, and dropped her. Like trash.
That's how she felt.
She was ruined, in terms of her emotions. She couldn't concentrate in class. When the bell rang for everyone to leave, she looked down at her notebook to see that she hadn't taken any lecture notes, but instead wrote Shigure's name everywhere, also doddling caricatures of him everywhere. When her professor came over to her, all she could do was shut her book, mumble something, and run out of class back to her dorm.
She was always the first one back. She spent the long days moping in the dorm, reading cheesy romance novels, watching Asian soap dramas, and eating chocolate and sweets.
She fell asleep without eating dinner. Again.
She was losing lots of weight - too thin, and her face wore a look of worry and pain. Her hair was tangled in a bun at the back of her head. Her appearance mattered little to her now.
Her two roommates tried everything to make her cheerful, taking her to clubs to meet new guys, going shopping, going to the beach, but everything brought back agony-filled memories.
She almost felt like she was going to die. What a cliche.
Her heart had been split right down the center, and her body was slowing deteriorating too.
--
Shigure stared at his blank computer screen. It was five in the morning. He had promised Mii-chan a new story by the end of his month, but had barely gotten one hundred pages typed. Before, he could cranked out several novels in a month, but now, he seemed dead.
Only the pumping of his heart keeping him alive.
He still hadn't cried since Tohru left. But everyday was a reminder of her. The house was filled with memories that he could not get rid of.
He told himself it was for the best. He was going to be free, right? It still hadn't come yet. Fuck me.
But the pain was overwhelming. Along with the sleepless nights. Fatigue. Blood-shot eyes. Lack of hunger. Lack of anything.
Now he was in the house alone. The chores piled up, but nothing mattered.
Shigure had lost the one thing that mattered to him the most.
His sun and moon.
His love.
Tohru.
But at least he knew that she was safe. Hatori had told him that she was living in a dorm on campus. That was a safe place, but he couldn't help but wonder. Was Tohru happy? Was she eating properly? Did she visit the library frequently? What did she do with her free time? Did she remember the good times with the Sohmas? Had she found another guy?
He cringed at the thought. As much as he wanted her to be happy, he didn't want to see her with another man. He didn't want another man touching his delicate flower intimately.
She had been his, after his hands had roamed her long, lean body.
He had marked her on her neck. He had taken her. Bite marks he made were embedded in her back, on her shoulders.
She was his possession. Right?
But he didn't deserve her.
His stood up and scrunched his fist into a ball. He stalked into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. That wretched, despicable face. Shigure smashed his hand into the mirror. If any man lays a pinky on Tohru, I don't know what I'd do! I'm a fucking mess!
He couldn't bare to look at himself.
The sick beast that he had been, was, to have used Tohru.
She had done everything and anything for him. She had cared for him. Loved him.
And what did he give her in return?
Nothing, but a good-bye pass. He had ripped her off the game-board. Just like that. No foreshadowing or anything.
And in her nature, she obeyed.
She had never been one to object. And he wished that she had. Wished that she had yelled at him and told him off. That would have made him feel better.
But instead, she left without a word. Did she know all along? Did she love him? Did she care for him as much as he did for her?
She was almost as good as he was in hiding emotions.
But now, his emotions were running through him like electricity. Shocking and scorching him along the way.
Guilt.
He was a lost son-of-a-bitch. A stupid idiot. A fool for having given up the girl he loved.
At this point, he would have given up his freedom for her.
He knew that the other Juunishi would understand this predicament.
He looked at his bloodied hand. He felt numb.
He needed to do something.
It had been too long away from her.
--
They had been separated for seven months, three weeks, and twenty-three hours.
--
A/N: What is Shigure planning to do? I love to hear what you have to say, about anything, even something as off-topic as green geckos. Love you all.
22kisa22: I agree with you, poor Shigure, but I also think he deserves some punishment. :)
Ayjah: I would run to Hatori. :)
kiwadoi seiitsu: Thanks!!
XOiHeartMiloOX: You are not alone. I am torn too.
Botan and Kurama lover: Tohru is feeling very sad. In the next chapter, she will try to get rid of something that is symbolic of the past.
LibraryLady08: Aww, thanks for the compliments! I'm so glad you are enjoying it.
sonata hirano: -hands you a tissue- I feel sorry for Shigure too (just a little).
LilSakuraKaori: Very nice summary of what's been going on! You are so adorable! :3
Running to my Heart: You shall see my friend. Muwhahahaha. -awkward pause-
xwiltedxdaisiesx: Hey new reader! I'm so glad I managed to get you hooked on the characters. (I want people to understand and feel what Tohru and Shigure are going through.) Your review was super sweet. Aw
Crazy Manga Girl: I'm glad you liked the chapter!! Shigure is very regretful. -throws you a gold star for catching the 'taint' thing- Niiice job!
