A/N: Hello all, thank you for joining me for the penultimate chapter. :D
I've decided there will be on little bit of Caryl fluff after this chapter, taking us to a neat 50 chapters. It won't be long but should round things off nicely.
I'm resisting the urge to turn this into an Oscar's speech with thanking everyone but I do really want to thank everyone for going on this ride with me. It turned out to be so much longer than I'd originally planned and you were all so wonderfully supportive that it really has been great fun for me. Thank you once again to everyone who has read, commented, faved and followed this story. I really am blown away by people's enthusiasm for this fic. I'm truly humbled and grateful.
Hmm... I said I didn't want to do an Oscar speech, didn't I? .
Anyways, thank you all and I hope you'll find this chapter satisfying and a fitting almost end to this story...
Chapter Forty Nine
Carol sat up in her bed, quietly folding the washing. She'd been bed bound for these last two days, sleeping a lot and just generally trying to get back to feeling halfway normal. When she'd opened her eyes a couple of days ago, it was with a strange sense of renewed purpose. Carol had been given the chance to opt out from all of this hardship, even the tantalising chance to be with Sophia again, at least, that was what it'd felt like at the time. But she hadn't let go, she'd fought her way back to this life which was full of uncertainty and fear and Carol didn't regret it for a moment. Especially when she'd seen Daryl. She'd been frightened when she'd woken up and Daryl wasn't there, fearing she'd only dreamt of his escape by her side. Glenn had been quick to reassure her that everyone was safe and sound. Everyone except Merle, that was. Carol didn't have to ask where Daryl was then. She knew he'd be burying his brother. The last act of kindness to be given to the eldest Dixon brother, one even Merle couldn't stop from happening. Carol's heart had ached for both Daryl and Merle, so much loss and pain between the two of them but unable to give each other what they both needed.
When Daryl had turned up at her door, smelling of dirt and sweat, Carol knew it had been done. Merle was laid to rest and Carol could only pray that it would truly be a rest for the man who'd wilfully courted so much pain in his life. She hadn't expected Daryl's flood of tears, but Carol had understood them. Just holding onto Daryl, she let him just cry, releasing everything that he'd kept bottled up inside of him for so long. Even after he'd shed his last tear, Daryl had stayed in her arms and Carol was glad. She was too weak to talk much more than say his name but she needed for Daryl to know she was there for him, no matter what. It felt like they'd lived a whole life time in the last few days and it was like a balm for them to just be together and be still. That was one of their greatest gifts when it came to each other, words were optional. A soft smile touched Carol's face at the thought. She and Daryl still needed to talk about what had happened out there in that cabin. Carol knew Daryl had been studiously avoiding any mention of their moments of intimacy. She didn't blame him because to be honest, Carol hadn't been up to much talking until today anyways. Even something as simple as folding washing was tiring her out. She resented being so incapacitated, wanting to feel like she was pulling her weight with the group again but Carol knew there was nothing to be about it. The fact that she was even still alive was some kind of miracle, so a bit of recovery time shouldn't be begrudged she supposed. "That's your third walk by," called out Carol calmly as Rick once again walked by her cell door. "One more and I'm gonna have to report you as a stalker."
Rick reappeared at her doorway and looked a little sheepish.
Carol glanced up from her folding, a teasing smile on her face. "You know any lawmen I can report such a thing to?"
Rick gave a little laugh. "Fortunately for me, no, not nowadays." He leant against the cell door frame. "How you feelin'?"
"Like I'm a little over that question," said Carol wryly. "Even if I do appreciate the sentiment."
"You gave us all a hell of a scare."
Carol pulled a face. "Yeah, sorry about that."
"I'm just glad you're alright." A shadow came over Rick's face and he grimaced. "Carol, I-"
"Don't even think about it," she interrupted him firmly.
Rick's expression was one of surprise. "What?"
"You were going to be ridiculous and apologise for getting me shot," said Carol calmly. "And I don't want to hear such talk."
"I couldn't see who Merle was pointing that gun at from where I was at the window," said Rick contritely. "If I hadn't pulled the trigger, then Merle might not have shot you."
"You don't know that," Carol said quietly. "Heck, I don't even think Merle knew what he was going to do. All I know is that you risked your life to come looking for Daryl and me and to get us back here safely. There is no good reason for you second guess that, Rick Grimes. You've just to take a chance sometimes and hope it all works out for the best. You never know what life is going to hand you next."
Rick half-smiled. "Like in that movie, life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."
Carol wrinkled her nose. "You know, I never understood that analogy. Every chocolate box I know comes with a key showing all the different kinds of chocolates and what flavour they are. Just look at the damn key, people. It isn't hard. Life, in my experience is nothing like a box of chocolates. It's more like my grandmother's jambalaya. Now, with that thing you never knew what you were putting in your mouth next. "
Rick laughed out loud and Carol grinned. He shook his head. "She wasn't a good cook, huh?"
"Let's just say she was an opportunistic one," said Carol wryly. "If anything with six or less legs got too close while she had a hammer in her hand, they usually ended up in one of her stews." She gave a fond smile of remembrance. "Grams would have done just fine surviving a zombie apocalypse."
"Sounds like she'd give Hershel's stew a run for his money."
"And then some."
Rick came and sat on the end of the bed, taking in the folding Carol was working on. "You know you don't have to do that. You should be conserving your strength."
"I need to do something. Sitting here doing nothing is driving me mad."
"You're not doing nothing, you're healing. Broken ribs, a gunshot wound and nearly bleeding out isn't something you just shake off."
Carol knew what Rick was saying was true. She looked down at the shirt in her hand, Carl's to be exact. "You know, I think I died," she said softly. Carol looked up and saw Rick looking at her wide-eyed. "Just for a second," she continued on quickly. Carol bit her bottom lip, unsure she should share this. "I-I saw Sophia." She looked at Rick uncertainly, uncertain what he'd make of that.
Rick reached out and took Carol's hand, squeezing it gently. "That must have been wonderful," he paused, "and incredibly hard."
Carol's expression was grateful for his understanding, one parent to another. It had filled her mother's heart with joy to see Sophia again but it had meant another saying another heart-wrenching goodbye when Carol had decided to continue to live rather than let go. "You know that feelin', that feelin' that you don't think you can live without something?" asked Carol quietly. "And you don't know what scares you more, that you might be proven right or-"
"Or?" Rick prompted her.
"Or you might be proven wrong, and you keep on living without them and every day feels like a huge betrayal of their memory," said Carol hopelessly.
"You livin' on after Sophia ain't a betrayal of her memory," said Rick gently. "You gotta know that, Carol."
Her expression softened. "I do," said Carol huskily. "I really do. It was seeing Sophia again which gave me the strength to fight to hang onto life. She doesn't need me right now but-"
"Others do," finished off Rick. "One in particular. I don't like to think what Daryl would have done if you hadn't made it, Carol. He was hangin' by a thread."
Carol nodded slowly. "I guess we both were when it came down to it."
"Count me as another person who's glad that thread didn't snap," said Rick quietly. "This group needs you, Carol. You're important to each of us."
Carol's heart swelled to hear what she already knew in every fibre of her being. She'd found her place, her fresh start and it just happened to be in a decaying world. The irony wasn't lost on Carol as she covered Rick's hand with her own, the two of them smiling warmly at each other.
oooOOOOooo
Daryl flicked his eyes up to Carol's cell as he continued cleaning his crossbow on the bottom rung of the stairs. He could hear the sound of Rick and Carol's voices drifting down to him, but now what they were saying. Above him, on the top of the stairs, Maggie and Glenn were chatting.
Maggie gave a little laugh. "How cute are those two? You can just tell he's dying for a kiss."
Daryl scowled, his head snapping up to look at Carol's cell with concern. He couldn't see from where he was and was forced to resist the urge to jump up and see for himself what the hell was going on in there.
"Puppy love," agreed Glenn in amusement. "So much fun."
Daryl twisted around so he could look back up at Glenn and Maggie and saw they were looking out at the entrance of the sleeping quarters. He followed their gaze to see Beth and Carl standing and talking out in the holding area before it opened up to their cell block. Carl was grinning, fingers hooked in the back of his jeans and fidgeting a little nervously on the spot while Beth smiled sweetly at him. A warm rush of relief ran through Daryl when he realised they were talking about the teenagers and not about Carol and Rick. A last lingering gift from Merle – unwanted jealous thoughts. Daryl loved Rick like a brother and Carol he loved like, well, Carol. He trusted them both with his life and more but when it came to Carol, it appeared logic need not apply. Daryl looked down at the crossbow in his hand, the one he'd cleaned twice already, just sitting there and thinking about the last little while. That woman had a hold of him which should have terrified him and sometimes it did. His emotions about Carol were always threatening to spiral out of control at any given moment and yet weirdly, he'd never felt so much peace as when he was around her. Daryl had to wonder if there was ever going to be a way to make sense of feeling this way about another person. Probably not, that sure as hell would explain all those damn love songs that had been written over all of history. At some point though, Daryl had just stopped trying to figure it all out. He and Carol where what they were. The only slight hiccup with that way of looking at things was that Daryl didn't know exactly what Carol was thinking when it came to what she thought they were.
Daryl moved a little uncomfortably in his seat, grimacing to himself. Those moments in the cabin, before reality in the form of Merle had intruded, had meant so much to Daryl but even he wasn't sure what he wanted them to mean going forward. Did Carol expect for them to be a couple like Glenn and Maggie now? Daryl glanced up at the two lovebirds, talking in low voices to one another now. Glenn had his arms around Maggie's waist as she leant into him, while Glenn murmured something into her ear. The easy familiarity of two lovers confident in their relationship. Daryl hadn't had much experience with seeing such a thing before finding this group, but he knew what he was looking at now. The thing was, did Carol expect Daryl to walk around holding her hand now and whisper sweet nothings into her ear? The thought made Daryl nervous. He liked the silent understanding everyone in the group seemed to have about the two of them. Daryl didn't want it pointed out and commented on. What was between him and Carol was private and he wanted to keep it that way but maybe Carol didn't. Women liked guys to be upfront, didn't they? Declare their intentions to anyone who'd listen. Daryl wasn't sure he could do that, despite how deeply his feelings for Carol ran. He threw down his oily rag in annoyance over how his thoughts were just chasing themselves around in his head. Daryl knew he needed to talk to Carol about all of this, but she'd been so weak and tired that he knew he couldn't. Then there was the growing fear as to what Carol might say. As scared as he was of Carol wanting the kind of relationship like Maggie and Glenn, Daryl was even more afraid Carol would want to put some distance between them and he knew he didn't want that. Carol had every piece of him that Daryl had to give and he didn't know what he'd do if she chose to walk away with all of those pieces.
Daryl could still hear Carol and Rick talking. He stood up, deciding to casually look in on Carol and make sure the other man wasn't wearing her out. Daryl knew this enforced resting was hard on Carol, she felt guilty for not being able to contribute like she was used to. He knew she was the only one who was worried about it though. Everyone else had just stepped in to fill the holes without even being asked. It's just what they did. Daryl laid down his crossbow and turned around, heading up the stairs and giving a brief nod to the loved up couple at the top of the stairs as he passed. They smiled back and then went back to being absorbed in each other. Daryl walked along until he was at Carol's cell and stopped in the doorway. "Hey," he said unevenly, gaze taking in how closely Rick was sitting next to Carol. Daryl was forced to order himself to stop being an idiot as he smiled at them both. "How's the patient?"
Carol sent him a warm, albeit tired-looking smile. "Starting to flag a bit unfortunately."
"I've been wearin' you out with all of my talkin'," said Rick and shook his head at himself for his thoughtlessness. "You need to just rest now, Carol, like I said in the beginnin'."
"I was the one doin' the talkin'," Carol corrected him indulgently.
"Well, I'm gonna leave you be now," said Rick firmly as he stood up. "I only came in to apologise." He looked at Daryl. "I guess I need to do the same with you too, Daryl, when it comes to Merle. You have to know, if there had been some other way to stop him-"
Daryl interrupted his apology. "There wasn't another way, Merle made sure of that." He looked Rick steadily in the eye. "That was just how he was." Rick nodded, a silent understanding passing between them.
Rick stooped down and picked up the washing Carol had just finished folding. "I'll take these, you get some sleep, missy."
Carol half-smiled. "Yes, boss."
Rick headed out of the cell and Daryl went to follow him, seeing how tired Carol looked but she stalled him.
"Daryl."
He turned back and looked at her expectantly.
"Come lie with me for a bit," she asked, reclining onto the pillows behind her carefully. Carol gingerly moved over, making space for him. She patted the hard prison mattress by way of silent invitation.
"You need to get some rest," said Daryl, even as he complied, easing himself onto the bed and being careful of not bumping Carol unnecessarily.
"I want to talk to you more," she said determinedly. "Sleep can wait."
Daryl settled into the bed next to her, feeling his nerves tighten again. He gave her a vaguely uncertain smile. "Okay."
"A lot has happened to you in the last week," said Carol softly.
"A lot has happened to both of us."
"True but you've lost a lot, Daryl. Merle was the last of your family."
Daryl's lips tightened. "If you could call what I had a family."
"It was, dysfunctional as it was, it was still a family. Just like me, Ed and Sophia were one."
Daryl waited, not sure where this was going. He started to gnaw on the inside of his lip, scared Carol was going to answer the questions he'd just been pondering on the steps and not sure he was ready for that.
Carol's expression was serious. "I just want you to know that I meant what I said that day in the cabin."
Daryl tensed, trying to think what Carol was referring to.
She was holding his gaze unblinkingly. "Nothing has to change," she prompted him quietly. "You and me, I don't need anything more than what we have right now. I need you to know that."
Daryl's eyes widened a little. "Wh-what do we have right now?" he forced the question out through suddenly dry lips.
Carol smiled and went to cup his face, grimacing a little as her broken rib protested the simple action. "You want to know what one of the great things about a zombie apocalypse is?" she asked, stroking his face with her thumb.
Carol's touch was a comforting one and Daryl felt himself relax a little bit. "No more reality TV?"
Carol gave a little laugh and then sucked in a pained breath. "Don't make me laugh," she groaned complainingly. "Yes, that is a good thing but the other good thing is that there aren't any more rules, not like there used to be. We get to make them up as we go along." Carol leant her head in towards Daryl, resting her forehead against his. "I think that's what we should do," she said huskily. "Make the rules up as we go along. What we have isn't usual, Daryl, but I've had the package which looks so neat from the outside and it nearly killed me." Carol bit her bottom lip. "However this relationship ends up being tomorrow and the next day and all the days after that is up to us. We don't have to do anything we don't want to."
Daryl couldn't stop staring at Carol, her words exactly what he needed to hear to remind himself of who they were. They were Daryl and Carol and they didn't fit into some neat definition of what a couple should be. He felt himself relax completely now that he could see Carol being completely on board with that.
Carol gave him a tender smile. "Labels are overrated. We just are what we are, Daryl, and I'm completely happy about that. I love you but I hope you already know that."
"I-I-" rasped Daryl, trying to return the words which Carol had just overwhelmed him with. Daryl had loved his brother but that love was so different to what he felt for Carol. It was all so foreign to him as he choked on the words.
"It's alright," she assured him calmly. "I don't need the words back. I know you, Daryl, I know how you feel about me. You show me that every day. Ed used to tell me he loved me all the time, particularly after he'd just given me a beating. Words don't mean anything, it's actions which tell the true story." Carol gave him a loving smile. "How we are with one another, that's always going to tell our real story, not some neat label."
Daryl was fighting back emotional tears, really not wanting to cry again but Carol was making it really hard for him. It was everything Daryl had been waiting to hear his whole life from a woman without ever realising it. Everything about Carol was a perfect fit for him, particularly her imperfections. Daryl didn't know how to say all of that and make any kind of sense. Instead, he decided to do just what Carol had said with actions speaking louder than words. Daryl closed the small space between them and kissed her. It was a much more practiced kiss then his first clumsy attempts and Daryl felt Carol melt into this small intimacy. The taste of her was back in his mouth and everything felt impossibly right with the world. Daryl felt invincible, as though nothing could ever touch him again. They finally broke the tender kiss and then they were both smiling at each other, all the tension drained away in the light of their new understanding. Daryl lay on his side, looking at Carol as they lay pressed up against each other on the tiny bed, marvelling that this woman had come into his life.
"You know, Axel says he thinks love is like a punch in the face."
Daryl was caught off-guard by the mention of the other man's name but then he snorted. "With him it probably is."
Carol smiled. "He says it's because you don't always see it comin' until it's too late and it always leaves it mark on you. In a roundabout way, that kind of makes sense." Her smiled widened. "Oh, and he also mentioned the best way to dislodge a gobsmacker stuck in your throat is to get hit by a car." She pulled a face. "If you don't mind gettin' both arms broke in the process."
Daryl was confused now. "What the hell does all that mean?"
Carol wrinkled her nose prettily and Daryl was immediately distracted by it. "Now that you mention it, I'm not sure. Talkin' to Axel is like dreaming. When you're in your dream, everything seems to make sense, but when you wake up and try and tell someone else about it, it just sounds garbled and confused."
"You two seem to have gotten real chatty since I was gone." There was a note of irritation in Daryl's voice he couldn't hide. He just didn't like Axel around her, despite the guy's momentary competence in saving his life. Daryl couldn't help but be overly cautious when it came to Carol. "I thought I told you to stay away from him?"
Carol arched an eyebrow at him. "You're not the boss of me, Daryl Dixon. I'll talk to who I want," she sassed him. "I think you'd like Axel if you gave him a chance."
Daryl made a frustrated snorting noise. "That dumbass is tryin' to kill you." He glowered at the wall, remembering all the close calls. "Dumbass."
"He's not tryin' to kill me," said Carol indulgently.
"The fact he comes so close to it without tryin' only makes it worse," said Daryl in annoyance. "I ain't gonna keep havin' this conversation with you, Carol. You've survived for over a year in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and that ain't nuthin'. I don't want you to be taken down by dumbass cuttin' his toenails or somethin' and managin' to open an artery on you."
"How would that be even possible?"
"If there's a way, he'll find it," grumbled Daryl.
"He just gets nervous and accidents happen. I want you to try and be nicer to Axel, Daryl, put him at ease, then these things won't happen."
"You sayin' I'm the cause of all of this?" he asked in disbelief.
"I'm sayin' you can either be part of the solution or part of the problem." She smiled at him sweetly. "And I'm askin' you nicely to be part of the solution."
Daryl was discovering he had a hard time saying no to her these days. His eyes narrowed. "Okay," he said begrudgingly, "but if he ends up killin' you-"
"Then you can say I told you so," she finished off easily. "Come on now, he did save your life."
Daryl grimaced. "Who told you?"
"Everyone," said Carol in amusement. "It was the source of much wonder for the group. Just like your little moment with Axel when you thanked him."
"He hugged me," said Daryl in disgust, screwing his face up as though he was sucking on a lemon. "What the hell is that?"
"We're a family," said Carol philosophically. "Every family has the weird uncle you don't leave alone with combustible things." Carol looked thoughtful. "Looks like Rick is considerin' addin' to the family too. You know 'bout the meetin' he wants to call?"
Daryl nodded. "Yeah, wants to talk about askin' Michonne to stay." He looked at her curiously. "What do you think?"
"I've spoken with her a couple of times and she seems very damaged and withdrawn but really knows how to handle herself when the chips are down." Carol half-smiled. "We've had good luck with those kinds in the past."
He smiled at her implied praise but had to point something out. "What about Merle?" countered Daryl. "That wasn't exactly good luck."
Carol gave a little shrug. "A fifty percent success rate ain't bad. Besides, I reckon Merle would have come round in the end if there had been more time." She sighed. "I think bad timin' was always Merle's problem."
"It was on the list," agreed Daryl. "But it was a long list. We don't know how long Michonne's list will be."
"People are worth takin' chances on," said Carol simply, "no matter how it turns out. Otherwise, I don't know why we're tryin' so hard to stay alive. There has to be a point to survivin'." Carol looked wistful. "To my mind, people are that point."
Daryl just stared at her in quiet amazement. Carol had suffered a lot at the hands of many people in her life and yet she was still willing to be so generous. People might look at the group and see the likes of him, Rick and Glenn in the front line and call them brave but there was a kind of courage to a woman like Carol that wasn't immediately obvious. She'd been bent but not broken and come back stronger for all that she'd endured. Daryl couldn't help but admire the woman Carol had blossomed into. Watching her had opened his eyes to the possibilities lying hidden in a damaged person, people like the two of them. He threaded his fingers through hers and squeezed tightly. He didn't know about all people, but for him, Carol was definitely the point. The thought brought a smile to Daryl's lips. He watched as Carol eventually drifted off to sleep, staying where he was despite the cramp he was getting in his leg. Daryl just watched her sleep and let himself taste contentment for the first time in his life...
A/N: I started this fic with stating that I didn't need to define the Caryl relationship and I'm happy to be able to end it in the same mindset. I'm leaving it open to folks to imagine where Caryl go from here. They're making their own rules and I love that about this couple. I feel like Carol and Daryl have embraced a lot of themselves as individuals during this fic and have become stronger because of that... and it's that newfound strength they're taking into this new relationship. 3
Alright, enough waxing lyrical about the joys of Caryl from me.
One last little chapter to go, guys. Hope you'll join me for it. ;)
