Coming Back
It's nearly half past noon Friday afternoon and the five of them – Ted, James, Barney, Robin, and Lily – are all gathered round the table sharing drinks and conversation at the start of this wedding weekend.
"Thank you, Linus," Lily simpers as a fresh drink is delivered into her hand. Taking a sip, she turns back to the table and announces, "You know, I've gotta say I honestly never thought I'd be at Barney's wedding."
Barney lets out a short little burst of jovial laughter. "There was a time I never did either. I used to think love and commitment weren't meant for people like me." He reaches out and clamps a hand onto his brother's shoulder. "People like us," he amends. "Isn't that right, James?"
For a second, James's expression melts into a look of discomfort that's here and then gone so fast that Barney misses it entirely. "Right. Me and my little bro, always out on the prowl," he agrees, if a tad nervously.
"And that's how we thought it always had to be," Barney nods. "The two of us Stinson bros, single forever."
Seeing that as the ideal moment, James cautiously jumps in. "Well, Barney, actually I – "
"Why, you might ask?" Barney interrupts. "Because of a long ago hex. Is this the launching point for one of your elaborate historical flashback stories, you might wonder? Absolutely, it is." He takes a deep breath, continuing dramatically, "And now, the true tale of the Stinson Curse…."
The story takes place in Moscow in 1807 and revolves around two long-ago Stinson brothers, remarkably similar to James and Barney, who've only ever been faithful and monogamous until the night they accidently run over an old gypsy woman. When they start to leave her for dead they are cursed to a future of uncontrollable sexual urges and constant promiscuity for themselves and all their male heirs to come.
"That is, until my brother James met his husband, Tom." According to the legend, James was the very first man in the entire Stinson family to successfully sustain a relationship. "The day they got married, they lifted the curse forever, freeing me from the shackles of having sex with lots of different women." That is why Barney celebrates their anniversary every year.
And, alright, he can finally admit to himself that it probably has nothing to do with a literal nineteenth curse. He's always suspected but was in denial about the fact that there was no actual curse; his mother simply made that up to excuse her young sons' behavior, give a convenient justification….and maybe because she didn't want to face that her own promiscuity in their early years taught them to be so themselves when they grew up. He remembers back four years ago when he finally came clean about 'Betty' and his mom advised him cryptically but with clear emotion in her voice, "Don't be me", encouraging him to take a chance on real love instead, an event which left plenty of reason to believe the tale of the curse wasn't just to assuage her sons' consciences alone.
So, no, the curse isn't real – though it does make for a kickass story. But the thing that is real, the thing that remains true is that all the way back in 2006 when Barney first found out about it, his brother's relationship proved to him that commitment and marriage are possible for the Stinson brothers – and not just possible to have fleetingly but to maintain long term.
And that's the key to it: the Stinson brothers. Sure, he's seen happy marriages with other people, but that's them. He and his brother are 'the other', the different, the set apart, two men with a far from perfect – or even acceptable – backstory. He and James share the same messed up background that most people can't even begin to relate to or understand. But his brother gets it. James slept around aimlessly with whatever guy was willing – and preyed on the good-looking ones who weren't till he eventually got the 'yes'. His life was also one of empty, meaningless sex and nothing more. Until he met Tom and fell in love. That love changed everything. It certainly changed James. He transformed from a carefree lothario to a devoted husband and father.
Back in those early years, post-Shannon but before his mother's illness and Barney's subsequent fake wife, both he and James were sleeping around like rabbits – just as horny and willing to bang nearly any woman, or man in James's case, above a 5. His mother would sigh and shake her head at her boys, and in those moments Barney knew true shame. But then she'd smile and pull them into a hug, saying it simply is as it ever was and they weren't to be blamed at all. It was back then that she first told them the story of the Stinson curse.
But over the years in the back of Barney's mind – though he would never admit it at the time – while he was faking for his mom's benefit, James's very real transformation gave him hope. If his brother could do it, with the same dark past as his, then maybe he could too. Meeting his real father and learning that Jerome managed that transition as well was the final thing that convinced Barney it was indeed just as possible for him. He could, and did, make that same transformation for the only woman who's ever and always been the One.
Now here he is, about to get married in two days, all because of the courage and confidence his brother and father instilled in him that he isn't predestined to mess this up – and of course because of finding true love with his soul mate and the only love of his life; that goes without saying.
And he wasn't kidding when he used the term 'the shackles' of sleeping around. It was a burden he felt compelled to bear. By the end, random, hollow, indiscriminate, trivial sex with anonymous women felt exactly like a punishment he would be forced to endure for the rest of his life. Finding and falling for Robin those years ago was just as if he'd been thrown a lifeline. But discovering last November that she loved him too, that was like receiving a pardon. Now knowing through example and his own subsequent changes that he could have the dream – marriage and happily ever after – with her, it truly was like being set free.
Along with that freedom came a level of happiness and ecstasy with Robin that he once would have never even been able to imagine could be possible. "Although sometimes Robin and I still use the shackles," he's unable to resist adding cheekily because he is so happy. Back in the day, he used to fear that a committed relationship would be boring and stale – just like in the Stinson Curse story where the brothers' unquenchable thirst for booty could never be satisfied by a monogamous relationship. But half a year in, on top of their other half a year before – because Victoria and Lily were right about their "unpause theory"; he should have come up with that himself! – and even imminently heading into marriage, the ultimate commitment, still his and Robin's relationship is incredible. Their tremendous chemistry endured all throughout the passing years, and their smokin' hot sex life has always been and still remains to be so far from vanilla. He wants Robin any day, any time, no matter the place or circumstance and will never grow tired of making love to her or ever want anything more than her in his bed for all eternity.
Hearing Barney's colorful tale of his Russian heritage, like his many stories of the origins of the Bro Code, amuses Robin and she laughs lightheartedly through it, thoroughly enjoying it like she does all of Barney's convoluted but imaginative – and false – tales. She delights in his sex joke too, tickled at his inability to complete their "bondage five" while pretending to wear said invisible shackles. What makes it all the more charming is that they really do have a pair of handcuffs in their honeymoon luggage as well as a few other toys and paraphernalia; it is going to be one epic sexcation and a fantastic start to their marriage!
But all that bliss comes to a grinding halt when Barney goes into the other room to take his phone call and James announces to the table that his marriage is over. When she first learns of James's impending divorce, Robin is in a word worried….alarmed. Okay, she's afraid. She's heard it from Barney's own mouth several times over how his brother's successful marriage gave him hope that he could one day have the same outcome himself. James, as well as Barney's dad, successfully turned his life around so Barney began to gradually and honestly believe he could do it too. He wasn't doomed to a lifetime of being alone. But though his dad's situation certainly spoke to Barney on a profound level, it's his brother's past that more directly mirrors his own, shared family curse and all. For Jerry, it was more about drinking, drugs, and partying than it was sex. But with James and Barney sleeping around in and of itself was their vice.
Even so, Barney was never as far gone inside as he thinks. Deep down inside, he was never that reckless, careless, heartless womanizer; that was never who he truly was. Really, he's always had a sensitive, loving, loyal heart. He just never got the love he needed in return and that made him choose a dark path he never should have walked down, a fact he knew all too well himself. He'd long recognized the shame of his behavior and how it left him feeling empty and broken. Yet he'd been walking that dark, empty path for so long he felt condemned to walk it forever with no way out – not that he felt worthy of redemption anyhow.
James showed him that didn't have to be the case. Change was possible. Absolution, exoneration, liberation – it all was possible. He didn't have to be that guy forever. He could be a loving, devoted husband if that's what he chose to be.
And that's why this is such a setback. Not just the fact that James is getting a divorce; it's not as simple as that. Robin is well aware of divorce rates. Marriages fail every day, people get divorced. That's just the sad truth. But it's the manner in which James's marriage is ending that is the truly harsh blow.
Infidelity.
He was unfaithful. Repeatedly. The Stinson Curse strikes again.
And since his brother couldn't actually beat it, since he just couldn't keep it in his pants, then Barney's first thought will surely be to question if that means he was right all along to doubt the possibility of marriage for himself. Even James thinks as much too, or he wouldn't have proclaimed their current situation "worse than I thought".
Barney's been remarkably calm about things so far. The panic attacks he had at the start of their engagement were amazingly short-lived and fairly easily overcome. But she knows that his fears of marriage and commitment go just as deep as hers. Getting married in two days is 'the good kind of scary' but scary all the same, for him just as much as her. And if he hears this news about his brother's divorce it's likely to spook him like a skittish horse and send him careening down a cliff into a tailspin of hopelessness, despair, and disbelief in the very possibility of fidelity, commitment, or marriage.
That's why, whatever it takes, he cannot find out about this. James wants to be honest with his family and Robin doesn't like keeping secrets from Barney either, not about the big stuff like this, but sometimes it might just be necessary. For a moment she even lets herself take her frustration out on James with a few well-placed slaps upside the head, along with a much-needed "What is the matter with you?". And rightfully so. Doesn't James get it? "You broke the curse," she elucidates, trying to make him see. "You and Tom are the only couple that makes Barney believe in marriage." So if he can't believe in them then he's got no belief left at all….right now, two days from marrying her.
Who does this anyway? Who comes to their sibling's – who always doubted commitment – wedding only to drop an anti-marriage bombshell that you too were unable to keep yourself from sticking it to half the town? James is being selfish and thoughtless, completely inconsiderate of the repercussions his revelation might have. Just thinking about how this could come back to bite her and Barney has Robin draining what's left in her scotch glass.
At that moment Barney returns from the other room and she feels such immense dread settle in her heart as she watches him sit back down at the table and extoll the virtues of his brother's upcoming anniversary. Because if James doesn't agree to keep this secret, she's sunk.
Blinking, agitated, anxious that her whole world may be about to crumble, it feels like that moment out in Central Park all over again – digging for her locket, trying desperately to ward off 'the catch' for all this happiness, so afraid that the other shoe may eventually fall.
And now it might be about to.
James opens his mouth and Robin's dread increases tenfold. "Listen, bro, you – "
"I know, I know. Please, Barney, you don't have to get us an anniversary gift this year." As if that were likely. Laughing, he looks to Robin, who is in on his awaiting surprise. At least that part went smoothly, unlike Marshall's journey back east.
"You get them an anniversary gift?" Ted asks.
To Barney, that seems like an odd question. "Why shouldn't I? They're the one couple who makes me believe that marriage is possible." And, obviously, that's to be celebrated.
His assertion immediately offends Lily, but it's not that Marshall and Lily's relationship didn't have an impact on him too. It certainly did. He cried at their wedding and even officiated the service. But Lily and Marshall were college sweethearts who had it all figured out at the age of eighteen, and who've only ever been with each other. Their pasts certainly do not match his. But his brother's does. That's what makes his successful marriage with Tom so inspiring.
Meanwhile, Robin can only sit there silently wishing that in this one instance she didn't know her fiancé so well, because all this does is prove that she was right. Having once again received confirmation that the only thing that makes Barney believe that marriage is possible is now dissolved, dead, just another failure too, causes her to stare gravely down at the tablecloth. This is bad; there's no denying it. When she looks back up it's just in time to see James turn to his brother, and Robin knows in that moment that she can't let him do this.
"Barney, the thing is – "
"Cover your ears and hum "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," she interjects, stopping the words that Barney simply mustn't hear. After silencing his doubts with the simple explanation, "It's for the bride", Robin feels a measure of safety again once Barney's eyes are closed and his ears are plugged to the situation. She uses this safe time to desperately try the first tactic that comes to mind: giving James exactly what he seems to want. So he's unable to resist meaningless sex? Then she'll bribe him with her strapping Mountie cousin. Anything, whatever it takes, as long as it buys his silence. "Just, please, don't tell Barney. If he finds out that the only successful marriage in his life is over, it'll spook him." She glances out of the corner of her eyes at the man she loves more than anything and simply cannot lose. "I don't want him getting spooked."
"Robin, have some faith," James encourages her. "Do you really think that what you and Barney have is that fragile?"
Robin blinks again. It's a low blow, too much of a direct hit – because what in her life hasn't proven fragile? – and it conjures up her fears on that rainy afternoon. It conjures up an image of the empty jewelry box that should have held her 'something old' locket – if it hadn't vanished from beneath the ground. Even logic still fails her on that one. She doesn't want to believe it's a bad omen from the Universe, but on the other hand….. "I don't want to find out." She'd rather live in blissful ignorance, marry Barney and have her happiness for as long as she can.
After waking her fiancé from his self-imposed "Battle Hymn" isolation with a tender caress of his arm, a loving "Thanks, baby", and a sweet little kiss, she holds her breath in fear. But James does lie for her, and Robin sighs with such extreme and utter relief. It's a reprieve is what it is; it very well may have meant the salvation of her future marriage.
But that reprieve only lasts for all of a second before a tipsy Lily inadvertently blurts out the truth anyway.
Robin turns to her in horror, but it's too late. Containment is no longer an option; therefore she goes into automatic damage control mode instead. They can still get through this, she tells herself. You don't know. You don't know, she insists to that same niggling little voice that now claims Barney is about to walk out on her. Maybe it'll all be fine and Barney will handle the news as best he can. So she awaits his response; she awaits her fate.
At the same time, Barney's expression turns confused and troubled. Divorce? Lily has to be making some mistake, mumbling nonsense from too much booze. "What is she talking about?"
Robin immediately takes Barney's hand, even before he hears the answer. She knows this is going to send him reeling and she wants to comfort him all that she can.
"Tom and I are getting a divorce," James finally reveals, and his brother's expression is unreservedly stunned.
Robin has Barney's right hand in both of hers, soothingly stroking his knuckles with her thumbs in gentle solace while he absorbs the news.
Learning that his brother didn't in fact make it work, he didn't beat the odds after all, is an absolute shock to Barney. He truly thought that James and Tom were happy together. He never saw this coming, not even remotely, and he aches for what his brother must be going through. Barney knows exactly how he feels. He'd spent years knowing the love of his life was right there, the only woman who could make him happy, and yet believing all the same that he couldn't have her. It's an agonizing feeling. It's this deep visceral pain in your heart, in your gut – everywhere – just knowing what it's like to have had that love once but never be able to hold it again.
He turns to his fiancée and her beautiful concerned eyes meet his instantly, underscoring Barney's sense of loss for James and making him sincerely wish all the more that he could change things for his brother, that he could grant James this same happiness and happy ending that he and Robin get to have. It's always difficult to be so powerless to help the people you love, powerless to end their suffering. But there's one thing he can do. He's certainly not going to make his brother live the same truly horrible experience he did a year and a half ago – not only losing the love of your life but having your nose rubbed in the happiness that will now never be yours, standing alone in a bedroom with tears clouding your vision while you clean away the rose petals that were meant to symbolize a forever you can now never have.
With that in mind, Barney's first and only pressing thought is to spare his brother that same agonizingly painful experience by preventing him from seeing the ode to love he's created in his room. Abruptly excusing himself, he makes a beeline to the front desk to get James's room key back from Curtis.
Pursing her lips, Robin stares straight ahead as a wave of pain hits her full force. It's just as she feared. Barney's hurried out to the lobby, yanking his hand from hers and not even looking back. He's probably out there now, making his first steps toward running to the familiarity and comfort of debauchery, ready to surrender to the Stinson Curse because it will only take out their relationship anyway. But as much as the thought tortures her that apparently James was right and what she and Barney have is that tenuous, a carefully constructed shaky house of cards, it is still their house of cards. The two of them individually may be flawed and worn around the edges, and even if it is true that they're only precariously held together they're still held together with love and that's the part that matters. She's not going to slink away with her tail between her legs or go cry into her whisky. Neither is she going to let Barney make a rash, stupid mistake and risk the beauty of what they have.
Hurrying off herself, Robin crosses into the lobby, running up to Barney. "No. No, you are not doing this," she insists. "Step away from the desk." She's fighting for her man and their relationship. She's got to stop him from doing something thoughtless he'll regret. She won't let anyone hurt him, even himself.
"What are you talking about?" Robin's come flying up to him, all bluster and moxy. Something clearly has her all worked up but he has no clue what that is, or what it has to do with him standing at the front desk.
"You just found out about James and Tom and it – it totally freaked you out, and now you're asking this guy to point you in the direction of the nearest, dirtiest strip club," Robin expounds, her voice pitifully breaking near the end of her speech.
Barney quietly sighs, closing his eyes and hanging his head for a moment. She thinks he's running out on her. Though that knowledge stings, the truth is it's a logical conclusion to jump to. He can't say he faults her given his past that she knows so very well. Still, too much is backing up on him all at once – the shock of James's divorce, the wish to protect his brother by clearing out the room before he sees, the need to alleviate Robin's sorrow by clarifying why he really left the table in such a hurry – and for a minute he's jumbled and speechless.
Barney has neither confirmed nor denied her statement – and, most of all, he hasn't stepped away from that damned front desk and its map to the dirtiest clubs in Farhampton. With tears forming in her eyes, Robin listens as Curtis shows Barney just exactly where are all the best strippers can be found….until she can take no more and stops him. Her hands on her hips, she rocks back and forth, trying to calm herself, just trying to take deep breaths and stave off a panic attack.
Ignoring the front desk man's concerns for Ted, which is a whole other can of worms Barney's not ready to deal with just yet, he turns to Robin to set her mind at ease. "No, Robin. I am not going to a strip club." She looks up at him with pained but hopeful eyes, her lashes wet with tears, and that sight hurts him more than his brother's divorce ever could. "Robin, I came to the desk to get this," he tells her, holding up a key.
Their suite is finally ready now, is that what he means? She doesn't understand. "Is that the key to our room?" Did he need to go someplace private so no one would witness his imminent breakdown over his brother's sad news?
"It's the key to James's room," Barney explains. "Remember the surprise anniversary gift I left in there for him?"
Realization suddenly dawns on Robin and her hand involuntarily goes to her forehead at her own thoughtlessness. "You didn't want him to see it and feel bad," she finishes for him, her voice small and contrite.
"Exactly. I wanted to go remove it before he had to see it and be reminded."
"Oh Barney. Of course you did," Robin replies apologetically, tenderly taking his hand. "I am so sorry."
He smiles softly to her, squeezing her hand. "Well now that you're here, you can help me." He gives her a cautionary look as he leads her out of the lobby and into the hallway. "Cause it's not just as simple as one little gift to pick up and get out of there….His gift is kinda the whole room. I had everything decorated."
While on the way down to Room 11 – not Room 16, the honeymoon suite – Barney explains to her about the banner he had printed and all the supplies that were brought up to Farhampton by his Party Guy, but Robin's only half listening. All she can think is that of course Barney wasn't running out on her; she should have given him more credit. On the contrary, James's divorce doesn't seem to have fazed him. It's certainly not spooking him or changing his mind about marriage. He's only thinking about saving his brother any further heartache and distress. That realization leaves her caught somewhere between feeling ashamed of the fearful assumptions she'd jumped to, and feeling pure adoration at just how wonderful her fiancé really is.
Once they get to James's room, Barney unlocks the door for them and Robin steps inside, taking it all in. Barney wasn't kidding; his gift truly is the whole room. Every surface is decorated for an atmosphere of love and romance. She sees rose petals scattered on the bed, along with a tray of chilled champagne and two glasses. There's a bouquet of a dozen red roses near the door, and another table wheeled adjacent to the bed that bears an additional ring of greenery and even more red roses, as well as a platter of chocolate covered strawberries. And the crowning feature of it all? A sculpture of two very naked, very anatomically correct men embracing….and they are extremely excited to be grabbing each other's asses – and a couple other places besides – both sporting fairly impressive full-on erections.
Robin twitches slightly at the unexpectedly graphic sight. "Oh my. What is that?"
Barney informs her that it's an erotic cake he had commissioned of Tom and James in caramel and chocolate marzipan respectively. And now Robin understands what he meant earlier when he said that if she liked it he'd get them one too – no doubt a cake of the two of them in an equally compromising situation….and she's got to say she can't help wondering what that would look like. "I love chocolate marzipan," she mumbles distractedly. Honestly, this cake is kind of turning her on, as well as making her hungry. She can only imagine what an erotic cake of the two of them engaging in graphic foreplay would do to her. It's actually pretty effective and, surprisingly, not a bad idea to give to your significant other.
But it's not a gift to bring to your brother. "This is, ahhh….absolutely the, ah, the weirdest thing that anyone has ever done for their sibling." And it's things like this – this fun, kooky, outrageous, charming, and oh so sweet at the heart of him side to Barney – that made her fall for him to begin with. There she was so afraid five minutes ago, but instead Barney's proven now two times over – first by not being spooked, and second with the revelation of such a sentimental gift – to be the most awesome man. Robin breaks out into an enchanted smile and turns to him, laughing. "I love you so much."
Barney instantly returns her smile as she cups his neck, kissing him. Her arms wrap around his shoulders while his hands go down to settle on her hips, keeping her body close to his as he gently breaks the kiss. "You thought I was going to freak out," he lightheartedly poses.
"Well…." she begins, rubbing her hands over his shoulders in consolation and loving the feeling of his hands sliding farther down her hips, holding her lower body nearer still. "…I mean a gypsy cursed your family to become hornier and do awesome guitar solos. Can you blame me?"
No, Barney really can't. He knows he bears a share of the responsibility for her momentary lack of faith. Not just because you reap what you sow and his past behavior and indiscretions would naturally make her fearful. Though there certainly is a reasonable element of that. He slept around for years, renouncing marriage and commitment every change he got, and whenever things got too real and painful and difficult between the two of them – the first time they broke up, after she chose Kevin, and after his Quinn distraction was removed – he repeatedly turned to indiscriminately banging chicks just to prove it didn't bother him; he could live without her. Why shouldn't she make the same assumption of his behavior now after she thinks he's again gotten the same hopeless proclamation: he can't have her; his brother's marriage failed so his is doomed to fail also?
And that's precisely where his recent share of the blame comes in. Though it will likely always come back to haunt him in some way or another – and he knows it still bothers Robin at times too – there is nothing he can do to change his past. But he can affect his present and future, and it's his fault that he's placed too much emphasis on his father's and brother's transformations as leading to his. While it's true that they were definitely an important factor, by explaining it as such he never meant for Robin to take it the wrong way and think it was all or even largely them that made the difference. Because the real, essential part of his transformation was her and their love for each other.
"Am I bummed about James and Tom getting a divorce? Obviously. But…." But Robin and what the two of them share together, that is what has truly restored his faith in enduring love and lasting commitment. The fact that, no matter what, nothing can break their love and their bond. Nothing can come between them or alter their desire to be together. And that's something that's never going to change. It will still hold true even if the whole world gets divorced.
Barney looks deeply into her eyes, making sure she understands. "I don't need them to make me believe in true love anymore." He slips his hands beneath her jacket now, skimming his fingers down over her lower hips as he tells her the truly important part. "I've got you for that now." Leaning in, he touches his lips to hers, and Robin softly sighs into the kiss, gripping his lapels and drawing him closer.
After a moment of enjoying her, Barney turns to contemplate the sheer volume of things in James's room they'll have to dispose of, wondering aloud how to get rid of it all, but Robin is still entirely focused on her thoroughly amazing fiancé, her arm still lingering around him. "Well, before we do that, um…" And her amorous tone brings Barney's hand back up to her hip, his eyes drawn to her mouth. "…would it be alright if I nibbled on your brother's ding-dong." She stares at the thick, phallic piece of marzipan and her mouth is practically watering.
Barney looks over at the cake then back at Robin. He had no idea this would do it for her, but whatever gets her there, he's in. "How about we nibble on my brother's ding-dong together," he offers suggestively.
She gazes back to him too, their lips now mere inches apart. "I'd like that," she whispers, and her tone, soft and low, sends a tingle down his spine. With a dirty chuckle, he brings his mouth back to hers.
This time their kiss grows more heated – heated enough that they close the door now, heated enough that they end up passionately kissing against it. But it's well after one at this point, they haven't eaten since breakfast, and Robin's physical hunger overrides her carnal hunger for the moment, sending her over to all that chocolate marzipan – which actually turns out to be the perfect blending of her two hungers.
Once she gets over to the likeness of James and the only part of him that can be easily removed without ruining the entire cake – it'll just be giving him the Ken doll, really – Robin runs her fingers along it in a purposeful caress. Aware that Barney is watching her, she then wraps both hands around it and teasingly strokes its length before breaking off the chocolate penis. Turning around so her back is pressed to the table, giving him a full view of the show she's about to put on, Robin knowingly holds Barney's eye contact as she licks it like a popsicle down and back up. Swirling her tongue over the tip, she starts to suck it and then takes it fully into her mouth – out and in, out and in – before withdrawing it completely to a little pop of suction.
Halfway through her exhibitionism, Barney came to join her at the cake table and he's standing in front of her now, regarding her with a look that's both amused and intensely aroused.
Her eyes dancing, Robin asks, "What?", imbuing her voice with the innocence that her expression and the display she just put on for him, performing fellatio on a chocolate pastry, preemptively betray. But Barney is so easy to titillate that sometimes she just can't help herself.
"You know what you're doing, you little minx," he remarks, hooking an arm around her waist and pulling her against him.
"Didn't you want to nibble it together?" she teases. "We could each take an end, meet in the middle?"
Barney makes a grossed out face. "That's my brother – well, in chocolate form." He looks down at the hunk of chocolate in Robin's hand. "Although I've gotta admit, it really does look like a ding-dong." At her raised eyebrow, he clarifies, "Not that kind; the snack cake…..And I am hungry."
"It actually looks more like Ho Hos, but here," Robin grins, breaking the confection in two and giving him half.
"Don't ever tell Ted and Marshall I did this," Barney begs as he swallows it down, which only makes Robin giggle all the more.
Finishing hers too, she moans in soft enjoyment. "Mmm, Barney, you must know the best erotic cake baker in town. This is delicious."
She wraps her tongue around her fingers, licking off the remaining chocolate, and Barney has to shake his head. "It is so wrong that this is turning me on this much."
Robin smiles in response, gliding her hands up his chest and over his shoulders, looping her arms around his neck. "We never did get around to 'sharing DNA'. We were saving it for the hotel…And here we are….." she points out suggestively.
"Yeah, here we are," he murmurs a second before his lips take hers. They start making out again and it doesn't take them long to wind up on the bed, maneuvering carefully around the champagne on the middle of the mattress. Lying on their sides on one half of the bed, Robin bends her leg up over his hip and Barney curls his hand around her breast, lazily stroking her nipple with his thumb through her blouse.
If this were the old Barney, nothing would be stopping him from bringing this the rest of the way home. This is Robin, warm and eager for him, with her body already wrapped around his. But for matured Barney, reality and responsibility prevail and even as he gently bites Robin's neck, making her grip on his shoulder tighten, he still realizes there's no way they can have sex right now. "You know, as much as I want to finish this – and I really do…."
She rocks into him, smiling. "I can tell."
Barney groans regretfully as she rubs against him. "We still have to get this stuff cleaned up before my brother sees. The last thing he needs is to walk in on a celebration of his failed love….while we're making love….on his bed."
Robin frowns, forcing herself to remember why they came in here in the first place. "You're right. We can't do this now."
He sighs in heavy loss. "But that means I don't get to play with Farrah and Jaclyn…." He strokes his hand over her breasts, one after the other, in homage and then brings his free hand down between their bodies to stroke lower. "…..Or Kitty," he emphasizes, regretting her loss most of all.
Robin shakes her head, smiling at his affectionate nicknames for her lady parts while simultaneously enjoying the way he's petting Kitty – not called Kate, for obvious reasons.
"But….Barney's Angels," he pouts, nestling into her.
"I know, and they were so ready to play with you too," she sympathizes, running her fingers up through his hair. "But I'm sure you'll have a mission for them tonight."
"Oh I do."
"Mmm," she hums, kissing him once more.
She starts to get up after that but Barney pulls her back. "Wait." He bring his hand up to her other breast – the first one never left – and grins devilishly. "One last honka," he explains, doing just that.
"You're an idiot," Robin laughs, climbing back to her feet and pulling him up with her.
They manage to find a garbage bag in the bathroom and start gathering the rose petals in handfuls into it, each taking a different side of the bed. Together they're making quick work of it until she notices her soon-to-be husband staring rather intently at one particular petal, an enigmatic half-smile on his face, and she pauses along with him to ask, "What is it?"
"Nothing," he shakes his head, going back to gathering the flowers. "It's just really, really nice to have you here with me this time. We've come a long way from the last time I threw rose petals into a garbage bag."
She reaches across the bed to take his hand. "This time there's nothing sad about it." Rethinking her statement, she adds ruefully, "For us anyway…."
Barney smiles over to her. "Robin, I'm so lucky to have you."
"Right back at ya." Passing by on her way to take down the 'LOVE IS AWESOME' banner she stops to give him a little kiss before he continues on to store the champagne tray on the bottom of the rolling cake table.
"Now what are we gonna do with all this stuff?" Barney ponders as Robin gathers up the dozen roses by the door, the last of it all.
"Maybe the hotel staff can help us throw it away? Or we could take some of it, if that doesn't weird you out."
Barney suddenly smiles that evil grin of his as the perfect solution comes to him. Payback's a bitch, isn't it Teddy Westside? "I've got a better idea…."
After bribing their way into Ted's room this time, using the failsafe 'It's for the bride' argument, they hurry around gigging and having fun together as they decorate Ted's home for the weekend.
"You're right. This is better," Robin exclaims, positioning the cake table just so, with the naked bodies facing the door, making it the first thing you see when you come in. Walking out into the hallway with Barney, she bites her lip in amusement. "I can just picture Teddy Boy's face when he walks in and sees his newly homoerotic hotel room. Minus one penis," she smiles.
"Eh, Ted could never handle a threesome anyway, female or male."
Robin laughs, kissing him. "Barney Stinson, we're gonna be sharing plenty of DNA tonight."
"You can count on it," he winks, bending to touch his lips to hers one last time. "Alright, let's go talk to my brother."
They find James already in his room; it seems they made it in just the nick of time. Barney goes to sit on the bed beside him and Robin sits next to Barney a discreet space away, letting them have their moment.
Listening to the full story and comforting his brother, Barney does his best to encourage James not to give up. "Just look how Robin and I found each other against the odds. I mean she made it all the way out of Canada. No matter what, no curse is getting the best of the Stinson brothers. Either one of them."
At the mention of the Stinson Curse, Barney instinctively reaches for Robin's hand, comforting her this time the way she reached for his hand to comfort him earlier at the table. Now that he understands her lingering insecurity he wants to let her know above all that it holds double for him too. He's got his true love, everything he's waited for. What the two of them have is more than enough to believe in. No curse can so much as threaten them. This is never going away. His heart is irretrievable in her possession and he wouldn't have it any other way.
Robin smiles down blissfully at their intertwined hands. No freak-outs, no changing their minds. Just the two of them forever in love. How it ever was, how it is, and how it always will be.
