A/N: It's been a while, I know! Life happened.

Aaanyway, you will love me (and hate me too, most likely) for this chapter. Moving things along, but will definitely fill the blanks out as the other chapters progress.

I thought I'd squeeze in one more chapter before the year ends!

Happy almost 2015, my dearest readers and friends!

Enjoy!


ABSENCE


CHAPTER 48: AS TIME FLIES


.

April 2012

"I like it," House announced, looking at Cuddy and waiting for her to let him know what she thought.

Cuddy took another glance at the living room, unable to shake the feeling that she'd already been there before.

"It's perfect," Cuddy breathed, suddenly remembering why the place seemed familiar.

She looked at House with a wistful smile and took his hand to lace their fingers together.

She looked from him to their agent and nodded with a slowly growing smile.

"We'll take it."


May 2012

House and Cuddy stared at the bare nursery room, quietly taking everything in before they retrieved the last few boxes left in the master bedroom.

It had taken three more months before they'd found a house they both wanted, two weeks to decide on it, and an extra week to settle the price and finalize the purchase and paperwork. Two more weeks later they'd started moving things from the old house to the new and either put away or give away the furniture they'd decided to replace.

The packing had been relatively easy- Cuddy had half-expected him to leave the packing to her, but much to her surprise, he'd done most of it himself, not letting her carry the heavier boxes, and just let her direct what were to be taken with them and what were to be thrown into the "Donate" boxes.

"Having second thoughts? Cold feet?"

Cuddy looked at him with a relaxed smile as she shook her head. "No," she whispered, squeezing his arm. "I'm going to miss this place."

House nodded in understanding.

"Are you sure you don't need help with some of the boxes? I'm sure I can manage to lift that one," she said, pointing to the smallest box at a corner of the bedroom.

House shook his head.

"I'll do it," he told her, "You go get the car started. I won't be long."

Cuddy rolled her eyes but did as he asked.


One night, as they reclined on the couch in the living room of their new home, House pressed his lips to the side of her head and whispered, "You'd make such a great mother."

A pang of hurt that erupted from her heart made her grip his arm and plead, "Stop." She tried to focus on the quiet hum of the television before them, but he continued.

"I'm not saying it to hurt you. I just-"

"House. Please stop talking."

It was never going to go away. The pain was always going to be there, just hiding beneath the surface, ready to arise when triggered.

"I would have made such a weird father," House noted instead, running his fingers along her arm. "I don't even know if I'd make a half-decent one."

Watching as she pursed her lips in deliberation, House added, "It's true. I never saw myself being a father until I wanted to have a kid with you. And even then I wasn't entirely certain it was a good idea." He chuckled at that last part, imagining how comical he would've been, trying to learn how to take care of his own kid. "I still don't think it is."

His words tugged at her heart, made her long for a child once more. It made her momentarily long for the child they had lost.

"Don't sell yourself short," Cuddy told him gently, craning her head so she can press her lips to his. When they parted, he rested his lips against her brow, inhaling her scent and sighing at the comfort her presence always gave him.

"When?"

It was one whispered word, full of hope and longing, said against her skin, but she understood what he was asking.

Running the tip of her nose against the length of his she sighed.

"When I'm ready," she breathed. "When remembering doesn't hurt too much anymore."

He doubted the day would come when the memory ceased to hurt, but he nodded anyway, understanding that she still needed time.


There were boxes everywhere the next day. They gave up trying to sort their things minutes ago and decided to play Scrabble instead.

"You've got to have a really sucky set of letters," Cuddy frowned as she stared at his word.

"Yup."

Shrugging, Cuddy took her turn.

"Nice work, PartyPants," House complimented her play and score. He took his turn, adding 5 letters right on top of his last word.

"That's not a valid play," Cuddy smiled sweetly at him.

"I know," House said, grinning roguishly.

"So...?" he asked, loving how the smile on her face only widened. She was beaming as she read the words on the board again.

"Marry me?"

When Cuddy looked back at House he was holding up a beautiful diamond ring.

"Yes, House," Cuddy answered in a heartbeat, rising from her spot to straddle him. She kissed him tenderly as she repeated her answer.

"Change your name, too?" House asked hopefully when they parted.

Cuddy smiled coyly and teased, "We'll see. But Mrs. House does sound tempting."

He chuckled gutturally, making her insides flutter.

"I won't give you points for that play though," she commented before cutting his response off with a firm kiss on the lips.

He didn't really care. He smiled and kissed her in return.

He'd already won.


July 2012

Two months later, House woke up to the sound of his wife trying to stifle her cries in the bathroom. He got out of bed and went to her. She was sitting on the edge of the tub, her face in her hands, and her body trembling. He knelt before her and asked what happened, but all she could manage to do was shake her head.

"Cuddy, look at me," he urged, tilting her face up, so she can meet his gaze. When she finally did he repeated his question.

"I think I'm pregnant," she whispered after a short while, gesturing towards two pregnancy test kits on the sink.

He studied her face, the myriad of emotions swimming in her eyes, fear dominating everything else.

After a moment, unable to help himself, he smiled, causing her to frown.

"I didn't want this to happen," Cuddy whispered, then amended her statement when her words immediately wiped the smile off of his face, "I'm not ready for it yet. I'm scared, House."

He held her against him and kissed her temple, saying nothing more.

"I'd die."

"I'm here."

"What if it happens again?"

Her arms wound around his torso, taking comfort in his warmth.

"It won't."

"You don't know that! Neither do I! What if-"

"Stop."

Cuddy tried to pry herself from his embrace, hating that he was seemingly dismissing her fears, but he only loosened his grip enough to let her look up at him.

"You're right, we don't know. But it's happened. You're pregnant," House said as he lifted a hand to cup the side of her face. "And I just can't hide how happy that makes me," he gave her a soft smile, the one that instantly melted her heart and wiped her fears away.

Clasping the hand on her face Cuddy leaned into his touch and shut her eyes.

"I'm so scared," she admitted on a sigh. Eyes opening once more she met his, the tenderness swimming in the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen making the love she had for him grow even more. "But if I look past that fear, right now, it does make me happy. I'm just afraid to embrace it the same way, because..." She shuddered. "That is something I cannot survive a second time."

House wiped the tears she started shedding as he listened. He understood. He knew. He felt the same way. When she finished, he took a second to swallow the lump in his throat before speaking once more.

"We'll take it a day at a time," he told her, infusing as much hope as he can into his words. "It's the only thing we can do. Besides obsessively-compulsively making sure you and that little bundle of cells are in good health."

For a moment Cuddy could only gaze at him, her heart so full.

"I love you," she whispered, fingers caressing his jaw.

House leaned forward and kissed her gently, the words "I love you" whispered in between breaths against her lips.