A/N - I got over a thousand reviews! That is insanely awesome!!! … its funny cause this was only ever intended to be a one shot about a weird dream I had, ha… sooo anyway, I meant to add this yesterday but I changed the ending a bit to hopefully make it better, oh well…
P.s. I'm not making the moustache party into a chapter, because they would be too busy dancing about like crazy people and all that jazz to sit and write notes… plus I really can't be assed -smirks- :o)
-Lanna
Notes.
Jasper,
Bella, Alice, Emmett.---Jasper, Bellla and Alice are sitting in the bat cave when Emmett walks in with a sly grin on his face---
Bella are you drunk?
Umm… no.
High?
No!
Prove it…
Okay… how?
Walk in a straight line…
Emmett this is Bella we're talking about. -raises eyebrow-
Oh yeah… I forgot she trips on air.
He-
Oh don't protest you know its true drunken one!
Yeah, yeah whatever… but I am NOT drunk! Or high before you suggest that again!
Then prove it.
GRR! Once again… HOW?!
Say the alphabet backwards…
Dude I can't even do that when I'm sober!
Ah-ha! So you ARE drunk! I knew it!
Argh no I'm not!
But you said "I can't even do that when I'm sober" implying that you're not sober now…
Ha wow, Emmett totally outsmarted you there Bella…
Emmett 1: Bella 0! Mwahahahahahahaha!
Captain Doofus… I dunno where you're getting those scores from but its more along the lines of Emmett 1: Bella&Alice 10000.
That's a bit of an exaggeration Alice.
Just a smidge…
Yuhuh but we've still got him pretty beat…
Excellent point, Bella and Alice have pwn'd you loads of times Emmett…
Ugh! Whatever, I'm starting the score board from scratch, can we get back to the matter at hand please?
Which is what exactly?
You're blatant drunkenness-ity…
I! AM! NOT! DRUNK!!!!!!!! And Jasper do NOT try to calm me down! -glares-
Fine fine, I'll stay out of your emotions… :o(
You are so drunk Pigeon!… You can't even say the alphabet backwards!
Because its really really difficult and confuzzeling!
Eh… no its not…
Maybe not for you… you all have s.s.d.v.m.n!
S.s.d.v.m.n?
She means "stupid-super-duper-vampire-memory-nessity"
Oooh-kay…
That may be true, but a lot of humans can say it backwards…
Hahahahaha… Bella why are you glaring at Emmett saying "Ti Ti Ti!"
Proving that I can say "it" backwards ;oP
LOI! New score board now stands at Emmett 1: Bella 1...
Fine! I'll rephrase!… a lot of humans can say the alphabet backwards! And don't even think of just saying the phrase "the alphabet" backwards!
Eugh whatever… and I'm not "a lot of humans"… I'm just one human, and I can't do it! My brain doesn't seem to function right while trying to complete insane tasks created as a source of amusement for bored police officers at drunken-peoples expense! Hmph!
Saying the alphabet backwards was not invented by police officers Bella…
Oh it so was… I mean they have those fancy pants breathalysers to test for drunkenness, so why would someone need to say the alphabet backwards to prove how drunk they weren't?
Haha, does Charlie know about your "theories"?
He was there when I created them… he tried to teach me how to say the alphabet backwards when I was younger, I couldn't do it, I sounded stupid… and he laughed! So I was all like "Pfft you suck" and he was all like "Its not my fault you can't say the alphabet backwards Bells" and then I was just like "Well yeah, whatever it's a stupid test anyway, cops just invented it to cure boredom!"… and he just laughed more -pouts-
I still maintain you're drunk…
GRR! If I'm going to be annoyed by Emmett's accusations all night I may as well be drunk!
Ha yeah… then you'd be too drunk to care.
Exactly…
WOOHOO! I'll go get the vodka!
I was kidding Emmett!
EMMETT!
---
Emmett runs out of the room giggling like a school girl, Jasper is smirking as Bella glares at his retreating figure and Alice is having a vision but no one notices---Hahaha… Bella…
Grr, yes?
I think the score now stands at Emmett 2: Bella 1.
Oh really? -raises eyebrow-
Well Emmett really wants to get you drunk or high again… because you're fricken hilarious…
Yes and your point is?
You're surprisingly slow today Bella, he just practically tricked you into getting drunk…
You mean that was his plan all along? Annoy me with accusations until I cave?
Yeah the "sneakiness" radiating off him while he came into the room was unbelievable…
Oooh that boy is so going down! This is war!
I'm staying out of this…
Jazzy you do realise that by getting Bella drunk he was trying to get you drunk too don't you?
Oh!… He wouldn't!
Oh he did!
So you wanna help us? -bounces-
I'm so in!
Oh and for the record Jazzy, he didn't trick me into getting drunk.
He kinda did…
Nu-uh she isn't actually drunk yet, ha!
Oooh yeah!
Ready to mess with Cap'n Doofus a little?
You read my mind Batman :o)
Edward will be pissed…
At us annoying Emmett? No he wont…
Haha no, at the fact Alice seems to be able to read your mind when he can't
Well she is my asfaawbffe after all…
Yuhuh we're connected at the brain!
Be'cuz we're insane!
And laugh at the rain!
Be'cuz we're insane!
You already said that part…
Oh, woops… umm… high five?!
Ha! -high fives Batman- so anyway, we better plot quickly before Emmett gets back…
What'd you have in mind?
Wellll… I have an idea, but I'm not sure it will work…
Oh it will! MWAHAHAHAA!
You already saw it didn't you?
Doesn't she always…
Ha true, so what'd you see Batman?
Pfft and spoil the "plotting process" never, my lips are sealed… but whatever you've already came up with will work, and it will be fricken awesome! -bounces-
Haha fine… whatever, we're going to need a blank CD, your laptop, some extra strong mints and a diversion…
LMAAHO! You're all kinds of awesome Pigeon!
I hate when you two do that… :o(
Do what?
Only "voice" part of the plan and don't fill everyone else in because you two always seem to know what the other means…
Oh sorry Jazzy… lets just say yours and Bella's acting abilities are going to be put to the test…
Ohh… so we're gonna pretend to be drunk?
Now you're catching on…
And the extra strong mints are to hide the fact that your breath-
Doesn't smell like vodka… yes that's correct!
Mhmm!… So here is the plan, Jasper… when Emmett get's back you need to distract him long enough for Alice to pour out the vodka and replace it with water, and I'll go take care of "Project X"… then when Alice brings the "vodka" back I drink and we pretend to be drunk, just go along with it okay…
Oookay… but what is "Project X"? And what is the blank CD and laptop for?
All shall be revealed soon enough! MWAHAHAHAHAA!
Fair enough… What are you contemplating?
How did you kno- Oh… stupid emphathic abilities! Pfft….
Well?
I was just wondering whether we should add a can of lentil soup into the plot…
Hungry?
No silly!
Then what would the soup be for?
You know how drunk people have a tendency to get sick?
Ha that's disgusting… but you wouldn't!… in the jeep? HA! He'd kill you…
Pfft, it was just an idea we're not gonna do the soup part..
Anyway Captain Doofus is no match for Pigeon!
Or Batman!
Yeah!… We're the worlds most fearsome mischief-making team!
We're heroes in a half shell and we're green!… wait… that's not right is it?
Loi! Not quite… we'll work on our theme song later…
Mhmm… but for now operation S.T.B.O.E! Is go… almost!
S.T.B.O.E?
Yes "scare the bjeezus outa Emmett" -nods-
Well why didn't you just say that…
Because it didn't sound as "stealth-like" -shrugs-
So this is what plotting with you two is like then?
Pretty much. :o)
It's kinda fun…
Damn straight! Welcome to "the loop" Jazzy… you're an honorary member for today…
What loop?
The Alibella loop of course…
Where everything makes sense!
And at the same time make no sense at all! HUZZAH!
I hear Emmett's jeep…
Yay! Almost time to start Saint Bow-ee!
Umm… Saint Bow-ee?
Yuhuh… s'what s.t.b.o.e! sounds like phonetically…
Haha awesome!
The Doofus one approaches! Everyone know the plan?!
---Alice and Jasper nod just as Emmett walks in the door grinning like a madman (Jasper sneakily hides the note), Jasper starts asking Emmett what the correct lyrics to a Spice Girl song are and while Emmett is distracted Alice sneaks out of the room with the vodka to replace it with water while Bella runs out of the room to work on "Project X".
When Alice and Bella get back the acting begins, Bella drinks the water, while Emmett thinks its vodka (and she eats mints to hide the lack of vodka smell on her breath), Bella and Jasper act hyper and pretend to be drunk while Alice giggles and Emmett looks very amused and proud of himself at having "tricked" them…
Sometime later once Bella has drank half the bottle of "vodka" and conveniently spilled the other half, she asks Emmett to go get more, and him being the gullible idiot that he is agrees and heads off to his jeep.
A few minutes later, Alice, Bella and Jasper are looking out of the window at the garage, they hear Emmett's jeep start… and just as Emmett is speeding down the driveway, there is a high pitched girl-like scream coming from the car (that was in fact, Emmett) and then he crashes the jeep and jumps out of the car and runs back to the house. (Bella had burned voice clips from The Wizard Of Oz onto a CD and put it in his stereo, so when he put it on while driving it played really loud, and remember Emmett's fear of the wizard of oz?)
Alice, Bella and Jasper find him hugging a pillow in Rose's closet saying repeatedly "there's no place like home, there's no place like home", when Emmett hears them laughing at him he looks up and glares at his giggling siblings and his eyes narrow in on Bella and he screams "Yoouuuu!" like a crazy person, Alice picks her up and runs with Bella while Emmett chases her (and is tripped by Jasper on his way passed because he was too focused on catching Bella and Alice to look where he was going).
Edward and Carlisle walk in the door a little while later to find Bella lying on the floor, giggling hysterically with tears in her eyes being tickled by Emmett. Jasper is lying on the couch doubled over in laughter too (because he can feel what Bella is feeling) and Alice is duck-taped to the banister (with like 12 whole rolls of duck tape, with her being a vampire and all) but she is laughing at Bella and Jasper.
Once Edward gets Emmett to stop tickle-torturing Bella and Carlisle un-tapes Alice, they ask what was going on, but Bella, Alice, Jasper and Emmett all look at each other and just say "It's a tie" before laughing again (referring to the score in the whole Emmett vs. Bella thing)---
A/N - Ha so that was unbelievably long, hope it doesn't suck :o) anywho, don't you hate it when people think you're drunk even when you're sober and you spend ages trying to convince them that you are but they never seem to believe you? Ha maybe that's just me… I totally can't say the alphabet backwards, its funny when I try, I get annoyed half way through and one time someone said to me "awwh just try and say it backwards" so me, being a smart ass started saying "TI! TI! TI"… such fun…
I think that is the longest ending post-note bit of a chapter I've written so far… I got carried away with my mental image… woops. -Lanna
