"Since you're not, I've decided to come home when my tour is up, for good."
HONEYMOON CONVERSATIONS.
"You're not re-upping?"
"No, I've decided I want to be on the same planet as my husband," Sam said matter-of-factly. "Hammond will understand."
"I'm not sure I understand," Jack said without thinking.
"What's not to understand?" Sam asked. "I want to come home to stay when my tour is over." Jack couldn't miss the look of puzzlement on his wife's face. And she wasn't the only one.
Jack was dumbfounded. That didn't happen often. He knew this assignment meant a great deal to Sam. In many ways it was the culmination of everything she'd worked for over the past few years. Her leadership skills recognized, daily opportunities for scientific advancement and a challenging command, it had it all. Sure the recall had soured things a bit, but she'd come back with a vengeance and more than proved herself.
He didn't want Sam to give it all up for him. He wasn't worth it.
"Is it because of me?" Jack asked earnestly.
She knew what he was thinking. It was that old familiar dance they'd done day after day during those long years of denial. If they got together, who would retire, who would exchange their career for a chance at happiness with the person they loved? It wasn't so different now, except they could talk about it. The relationship was out in the open so they ought to be able to talk about it.
"It's because of you and me," Sam finally answered. "I want there to be a 'you and me' …an 'us'. When I'm alone here I miss that, more than I thought I would."
Jack regarded her thoughtfully. He certainly understood the loneliness. Just when they'd finally come together, they'd been ripped apart again, not to other ends of the continent, but across galaxies, for crying out loud. But leaving an exciting, challenging command, a post others dreamed of, is that what she really wanted?
"You think it's a bad idea, don't you?" she asked. Secretly, the voice of insecurity whispered. Maybe he doesn't want me on the same planet What if he wants his freedom? Though she quickly shook off what she realized were spurious, foolish thoughts, they were bound to nag her throughout the decision process, especially when her husband played devil's advocate.
By now, the two had stopped walking, sitting down in the warm sand, facing each other. Jack studied her face some more, then reached out and took her hands in his.
"I think it's an idea that needs more thought," he said. "Careful thought. You've worked a long time for this. If you hand it back, you might not get another chance."
"I know."
"As much as I want you with me, Sam, I want you happy more."
Sam looked at Jack steadily, seeing nothing but sincere concern in his eyes. Then she looked away, realizing all of a sudden she was blinking back tears. Doing her best to remain calm and in control, she focused on the expanse of ocean before her. Here they were on a totally alien world, struggling to understand each other and work out their personal lives. Why did it have to be so complicated? Maybe it didn't.
"Can you trust me to know what will make me happy?" Sam asked.
"I trust you, Sam," Jack answered. "I trust you with my life."
"Then trust me with my own," she said, once more fixing him with a loving, but deadly serious, gaze.
Jack took a deep breath and reached out for her. Scooting over to sit side by side she leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder. Wrapping his arm around her, Jack closed his eyes momentarily. "Promise me you'll think it through before you make a final decision."
"How about we talk it through some more over the next few days?" Sam asked. "Will that do?"
"Yeah, it will."
OoOoOo
It was 0200 in the Atlantis Gate Room. Without warning, Rodney came bounding in, brimming with enthusiasm. Teyla and Ronon were in the vicinity, having just returned from a straightforward off-world mission.
"Where is she?"
"Where is who, Rodney?" Teyla enquired in her usual calm tone.
"Colonel Carter, of course. She needs to see this," he insisted, his agitation apparent.
"What does she need to see, Rodney?" John Sheppard asked, seemingly coming out of nowhere.
"My Zed PM research, if you must know," Rodney answered, looking at Sheppard as if he had two heads.
"And she needs to see it at two in the morning, because?"
"Because she's the only one who understands it," Rodney sneered.
"She can understand it in the morning, right?" Sheppard clarified.
"Yeah, but …"
"No buts, Rodney. Tomorrow."
OoOoOo
Jack and Sam sat wrapped in each other's arms for sometime, simply enjoying being together, staring out at the water. Sam broke the silence.
"How is everyone?"
"Everyone?"
"Yeah, everyone. In case you hadn't noticed I've been out of the loop lately," Sam said with a halfhearted chuckle. "What about Charlie."
"He had the transplant last week," Jack said. "He'll be in the hospital at least another two weeks, but he's doing well, thanks to David Francis."
"I'm glad. Good thing Francis' son didn't inherit his miserable father's selfishness."
"David's a good guy, embarrassed by his father, I think," Jack said. "Even talks about little Charlie as his brother."
"That's great," Sam said. "So everything's downhill from here right?"
"From what I understand there's still a lot to be concerned about," Jack said. "Possibility of infection, ongoing medications to prevent rejection, lack of appetite, need for special feedings, even a nurse, or training for Christina."
"How's she doing with all that?" Sam asked. "Sounds like a lot."
"It is," Jack said. "She's overwhelmed, but Bobby says she's dealing."
"Something's going on between those two, isn't it?" Sam asked with a lilt in her voice. "Does this mean I can stop worrying about someone fishing for my husband?"
"Never had to worry about that," Jack said, turning to kiss her gently. "I'm all yours, Sam. Have been for a long time."
"I know," she said, realizing in her heart she had nothing to fear on that front. "Still, Christina was desperate there for awhile."
"She knows the score. Besides, I'm thinking you're right. There's more going on between her and Bobby than friendship."
"I'm glad. For both of them," Sam said.
"Yeah, I think so too. Still it won't be easy."
"It never is, is it?"
OoOoOo
On Earth, 0300 hours and Christina Gilmore sat silently by Bobby Cramer, her head on his shoulder. Fighting off the pull of sleep, the exhausted young grandmother clung to her friend, drawing on his strength to get her through yet another night by Charlie's bedside. Wrapped in isolation gowns and wearing miserably uncomfortable face masks, the two worried caretakers reluctantly complied with the reverse isolation rules enforced for Charlie's safety. While the bone marrow transplant had thus far been a success, they were in the middle of a tortuous waiting period. They were waiting to see whether the new marrow would take its rightful place and begin to produce healthy blood cells. In the meantime, the small child was protected from every imaginable pathogen by layers upon layers of isolation protocol.
For the moment, Charlie slept soundly. Less than thirty minutes ago, the tiny boy had been crying as loudly as his weakened little self could, bewailing the strange looking masked faces of the people who held him. From his perspective, this was all surreal. Though the voice of his grandmother was a recognizable constant, there was no way to explain to the sick child, still less than one year of age, what was really going on. Understandably his fear was intense. Christina for one was relieved whenever Charlie would fall off to sleep; his waking misery and fear tore at her heart.
Bobby Cramer had become her rock. When she began to give up, sobbing uncontrollably, he would talk about the need to hold out for the miracle, the cure the doctors were saying was only weeks away. Holding on till that time, the day they could take Charlie home, away from this completely sterile, unreal hospital environment, seemed impossible at times. But Bobby reminded her it was possible and right around the corner, if she'd only wait. And together, along with Bobby's oldest daughter and David Francis, they took turns helping Charlie through the waiting as well.
OoOoOo
As the suns came up, Sam stirred slightly in Jack's arms. She could tell from the rhythm of his breathing he was already awake. Not wanting to break the spell, she remained silent. Her open eyes glimpsed the brightening sky, appreciating anew the beauty of this place. The beach had made a soft bed beneath them, the sand cool and comforting. At the same time all of her senses drank in the marvelous sensations of the man who was so much a part of her mind and heart.
"Morning," he whispered in her ear.
"Morning yourself," she answered. "Beautiful isn't it?"
"Yes, you are," Jack replied, turning her sentiment on its ear.
That comment was rewarded with a brilliant smile and a kiss.
"Weir was impressed," Jack observed, seemingly out of nowhere.
"Hmm?" Sam asked, struggling to catch up at this early morning hour.
"With you, she was impressed with you, how you've handled the command."
"You think so?"
"Absolutely. Why shouldn't she be?"
"I don't know, guess I'm overthinking again."
"You do that," he observed, his voice full of affection.
Sam giggled, ducking her head under his arm for a moment.
"Actually I was wondering what she really thought of the changes I've made, how her team functions now," Sam admitted.
"Your team now," Jack corrected.
"True."
"Sam, listen to me. Elizabeth made it clear in her remarks how much she admired your leadership. If I remember correctly, she said she was grateful for the way you've watched out for the people she left behind. Besides I thought you two talked at the reception."
"We did. And she was very gracious."
"But?
"But she misses it, Atlantis," Sam said. "I can tell she misses it."
"See, that's what I think would happen to you."
"Maybe …"
TBC
A/N: I'd planned to wait a little longer to post this, you know, spread the chapters out a little. But it's done and I'd really like to hear reactions before fleshing out the next few chapters.
I'd greatly appreciate feedback. What do you think of the Jack/Sam scenes? On target or too much??
Please review.
