Alright, next chapter!

Cara: So far she's doing well on keeping her schedule

Chloe: Knock on wood

And I'll continue to do so until this fic is finished!

Envy: Not too much left to go.

Ed: After this chapter, there's only six more.

Al: So this fic will be finished in six weeks

It is surreal. But enjoy this chapter of continued melancholy and depression.

All: Yaaaay.

Chapter 48: Muddled Mind

Cara wasn't really sure how she ended up inside the house, sitting on the couch with the cup of tea in her hand. She barely remembered entering. Her entire head was in a muddled fog, bombarded by memories.

The memories had come in flashes since she began her walk with Ed. Flashes of a little girl in a candy store. Flashes of the girl and boy she once called brother and sister when she was Katie. Flashes of the street they used to walk down after getting food.

Flashes of this home.

Now they continued intermittently, stabbing Cara in the head with each image. She winced but tried not to show it.

Ed sat beside her, casting his gaze between the young woman, who called herself Rachel, and Cara as she shakily sipped tea. Cara could feel his eyes on her but she was more focused on Rachel. She hadn't said much since they sat down. She just kept staring. Wondering if this was all real. Cara shifted uncomfortably and tried to speak.

"I am… Katie." She said slowly. "But I'm not. My name for as far back as I can remember is Cara." She bit her lip. "The things I remember about Katie are foreign to me. Like being in someone else's body. I don't remember it very well." She leaned forward a bit. "Please… tell me. Who am I? Who brought me back? Who made me this?"

Rachel sipped her tea for what seemed like an agonizingly long time before she set her cup down on the table with a clink. "It wasn't me who did it. It was Ryan. He's the alchemist of the family. You… used to be a girl called Katie. Our little sister. You lived for four years before one day you hit your head falling into the creek. You drowned. And Ryan tried to bring you back. Simple as that really." She ran her finger along the rim of the tea cup.

"What was I… what was Katie like?" Cara asked. It didn't feel right asking what she was like. Cara didn't feel like Katie. In fact, Cara wasn't Katie. Katie's human soul wasn't really here anymore. Just Cara. Just a mistake.

"Cheerful. Adorable. A nuisance. What most four year olds are." Rachel murmured. "Who could blame Ryan for trying to bring Katie back? She died too young." She looked up at the ceiling. "But he failed and lost his eyes to the experiment. Or at least I thought he failed." She looked back at Cara. "And it seems his eyes aren't so lost after all."

"Its like my arm and leg." Ed murmured looking down at his automail. "Somehow, it got mixed up in the gate and ended up on Wrath. His eyes must have gotten mixed up and ended up on you." He looked at Cara. "That's why your eyes didn't change color after the stones. They weren't your eyes."

Cara reached a shaking hand up to touch her eyelid. Not hers… she had stolen these eyes when she gained her second life.

"Your arm and leg?" Rachel looked Ed over. "I see. You've made the same mistake as Ryan then. Tried to bring someone back."

"Yes." Ed murmured, clenching his metal hand. "People don't really think right after they lose someone."

"I know." Rachel said. "Maybe I would have helped him if I knew about alchemy."

"Doesn't always work out well for the helpers either." Ed replied. Cara thought of Al. In his case it had worked out worse.

"I'm causing trouble being here." Cara said, standing. "I-I don't want to give you hope that Katie is alive because she's not. I'm not Katie. I just have some of her memories."

"Then maybe you are Katie deep down." Rachel stood. "You might be. This might be your home." She sounded like she so desperately wanted to believe it.

"Human transmutation is impossible. No one has succeeded. I am the failure of that experiment." Cara placed a hand on her chest. It ached slightly. It rarely stopped aching now. "I don't have a soul. So I can't be Katie. I only look like her."

"But you have to stay… until Ryan gets home. Please." Rachel said. "Let him see for himself."

"It might just hurt him." Ed said. "Trust me, I know the feeling of seeing the body of a loved one with a different voice. It hurts."

Cara thought of Sloth and winced. She wondered if Ed still felt pain over the homunculus. She wondered if he cared more about her death than he let on.

"He deserves to know though." Rachel said. "He'll be home soon. Let me get you some tea. More tea."

Cara bit her lip and glanced at Ed. He shrugged, his eyes seeming to say 'If you want to.'

"Alright." Cara said after a pause. "I'll stay. But not too much longer."

"Thank you." Rachel stood. "I'll get that tea."


Wandering around this place was like being in an old dream. Living hear felt like a dream now. But Chloe still remembered all the streets. She knew which way led to the market and which way led to the creek. Which way led to the candy shop and which way led to the train station.

She knew which way led home too so she was avoiding that.

She found herself looking for Cara in the market, thinking the redhead might be out to steal something again. She searched for familiar vibrations amongst the passersby, listening to their small town conversations. Chloe remembered when she had a small town mentality.

How long ago that was.

She had gotten better at her alchemy since the last time she was here and she could distinguish vibrations more easily, especially ones she knew.

But instead of coming across Cara's vibrations she came across another set of familiar ones.

Chloe froze. And she had about two seconds to consider hiding before she heard a voice to match the vibrations.

"Chloe?"

She didn't' say anything. Maybe if she didn't move he would move on. Maybe he wouldn't sense her presence.

"Chloe!" He was getting closer. He knew. Damn. Damn, damn, damn.

"Ryan." Chloe said thickly, her throat closing up. "I…"

"Chloe, you're back!" Before she knew it, Chloe had been scooped up into a hug. "Oh god, you're alright. You're alive. I was afraid something had happened. So afraid." He set her down. "Where have you been? Why did you worry us like that? God, how much have you grown? You feel almost a foot taller."

Chloe's cheeks were bright and flustered. "I-I… the train broke down and I was on it. I didn't mean to… I'm not…" How could she tell him she wasn't staying? That she had things she had to do and that she was a state alchemist. How could she tell him any of that?

It seemed as if a lifetime had passed since she'd last been with him.

"You can explain everything later. But you have to come home. Let Rachel see you. We've missed you." Ryan said.

Chloe wished he'd yell at her. Hate her. Like Jake had hated Cara. That would be so much easier than this.

"I don't think I—" Chloe said but Ryan was already pulling her along behind him. And she couldn't bring herself to deny him. Not when he was so overjoyed to see her again.

So she said nothing. She hoped the frown on her face, the sadness, might will him to stop.

But since he was as blind as her, they did absolutely nothing.


They sat in awkward silence while they waited for Ryan, Cara's apparent creator, to return. Rachel sipped her tea anxiously and kept on glancing at the clock. Ed shifted and coughed occasionally, making off handed comments about the weather and the town. Cara said nothing. She stayed perfectly still, occasionally raising her arm to sip her tea. She stared at her reflection in the brownish liquid, one thought running through her mind.

I am not Katie. I cannot be Katie. Not for them or anyone. I am Cara. I am Apathy.

I am not Katie.

It was a fact she felt almost guilty for, sitting in this house. That she couldn't be the person they lost. She was simply a failure of their attempt to bring back Katie. A foolish mistake out of love. She was the monster that resulted from it.

"Rachel!" she heard a voice from outside the house on the street. Cara froze. Rachel vaulted to her feet.

"It's him."

She went over to the door and Cara sat the tea cup down before she dropped it. She couldn't understand why she was so unnerved. Maybe she should have taken some red stones before this. Then she could have played Apathy. Then she could have been a real monster.

Ed's hand caught hers, giving it a light squeeze. Cara was too unnerved to find the gesture odd or call him on it at all. She licked her dry lips and squeezed back, trying to use the force to get a hold of herself.

"Rachel." The front door opened and a young man, sandy haired and with sewn shut eyes, entered. He was dragging someone behind him. A familiar blind girl.

"Chloe?" Cara and Rachel said at the same time. Rachel's voice sounded in such elation that she almost blocked out Cara's confused tone. But Chloe seemed to have registered her presence all the same because her brow furrowed.

"Cara, what are you—" She didn't get to finish as Rachel had already swept her up. "You're back. And you're not hurt. Oh my god, you're back."

"Back, what's she back from, how do you know her?" Ed asked, clearly as befuddled as Cara.

"She's our sister, how do you know her?" Rachel asked.

"Sister?" Cara breathed out.

"We have guests." Ryan said. "Sorry, it took me a moment to feel you out there. Don't mind the eyes, I can still see you perfectly fine in a sense." He lifted his foot to show the circles beneath. Circles so much like Chloe's.

Oh God, Cara thought.

"She… she's been traveling with us." Ed said slowly, speaking when Cara couldn't bring herself to form any words. "For a while. She's our friend." He blinked hard. "She's your sister?"

"Yes. Well, if your friends of hers." Ryan came further into the room. Chloe trailed behind him, still looking very confused and overwhelmed. "I'm glad to meet you. What are your names?"

"I'm Edward Elric." Ed said.

"Cara." Cara said hoarsely.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Ryan." Ryan replied. His head turned in Cara's direction. "You have very interesting vibrations. Not like anything I've felt before."

"That's just… how she is." Chloe said. "But I don't understand, why are you hear Cara? How did you find this place? How did you know?"

"She didn't. I asked them in when I saw…" Rachel bit her lip. "Ryan. Your transmutation. Well… Cara is…"

"I'm the only thing you could recover of Katie." Cara finished for her. There was no better way to put it. Nothing else she could say. "Your… other sister."

For a moment the room was dead quiet. No one moved or spoke. Ryan took a step forward after what seemed like an eternity.

"Katie?"

"Other sister?" Chloe's eyes widened. "What are you talking about? Cara what's going on?"

"I'm not sure myself, shrimp." Cara said, her voice sounding far off. "But I think… I just found my creator. And I think… I'm the one who took his eyes."

Another silence fell. One that seemed so heavy and tangible that Cara could slice it with one of her knives. And it stretched on and on with no purpose. No explanation.

No words to fill the empty void of shock and sadness.


Cara didn't know exactly when words became possible but when they did, Ryan tried to explain everything to Chloe. And Cara tried to explain things to Ryan. The man who made her. It was surreal being in the same room as a man responsible for existence. It was weird looking at the same man with his eyes.

The gravity of the situation settled slowly over the room as Chloe seemed to process what was happening. That Katie was her older sister who died before she was born. That Cara had been created from the following transmutation. That her family had hid Katie's existence from her all those years.

Chloe absorbed it all in silence. Cara watched her carefully, wondering how she would handle this. The idea of Cara's origin. When she didn't speak for awhile, Cara couldn't resist filling the silence.

"Chloe?"

"I'm okay…" Chloe said slowly. "I just…" she sighed. "You're my sister, Cara."

"I'm not—" Cara started but Ryan ran over her words.

"Yes. She is. I just didn't think I had succeeded." Ryan said. "I thought for sure it was a failure. What came back didn't look human. But it wasn't. She's alive and breathing."

"I—" Cara tried again but they weren't listening to her. Frustration welled up inside of her. Frustration buffeted by the guilt that she couldn't live up to all of their expectations.

"She's older but it's her." Rachel said. "I recognized her immediately."

"I wish I could see her." Ryan murmured. "Katie."

"I'm not Katie." Cara burst out, standing. "I'm not..." her voice faltered a bit. "I'm sorry, but I'm still a failure. I may look human but I'm not. No matter how much I've aged. No matter how much I look it. I don't have Katie's soul. The important part." She stared down at her hand, at the oroborus that marked her. "I have a few of her memories but its not enough. I was raised by another family. They are my family. You're my creator. Not my family." She glared up at her creator, painfully aware that it was his eyes she was using. "You should have never have played God. Because even if I was Katie, you cursed me to live this life. To have my attacks. To die slowly. That's what you cursed me to. A slightly longer life with a slower, more agonizing conclusion."

"Cara…" Chloe murmured.

"You might want me to be human Chloe, but I'm not." Cara looked at her. "I care about you. You're my friend. But I'm not human because of that. I'm a homunculus who happens to care. But I still don't have a soul. I can't be that for you. I can't be human for any of you." She looked around at the others. Ed hadn't said a word. Rachel was wringing her hands, biting her lip and Ryan stood very still. Though he had no eyes to look upon her, she could read his emotions in his frown. "I'm sorry… that I can't be human. Even without the red stones, I can't be."

"You don't have to apologize, Cara." Ed murmured, looking down at his steel hand. "In the end, it's we alchemists who try to play god and create homunculi."

"I wasn't trying to play god." Ryan said, taking a step forward. "I was trying to get my little sister back. Because she was my responsibility and I let her die."

"You weren't trying to play god but you still ignored the signs that warned you away from human transmutation." Ed said. "Just like I did. My brother and I wanted our mother back. So we trained and studied. And every warning I ran into, I brushed aside because I thought I would be the one to succeed." He looked at Cara. "In the end, we succeed more than we thought we did. But they are different people. With different minds."

"I don't have Katie's mind." Cara said. "Only scattered memories. Remnants. And I only got them when I took the stones. When I didn't take the stones it was… almost like I was my own person."

"You are." Chloe murmured. "Maybe not human but still your own person."

Cara nodded. "These two aren't my family. But they are yours." She looked at Chloe. "So why did you leave them, shrimp?"

Chloe fiddled with her glove as the attention shifted to her. "The family was under a financial burden. I was a burden." She murmured. "I wanted to make my own way so they wouldn't feel the need to look after me just because I was blind. They were always so protective of me."

"Because we already lost one little sister." Rachel murmured.

"But you're not a burden." Ryan said. "You're not. And you've mastered your alchemy so you can stand on your own two feet. You can come home now."

"No." Chloe said. "I can't." She sighed heavily. "Because I did make my own way. I have a job. I have friends. And I have obligations to them right now. To help them. Maybe I had obligations to you too but I had to take care of myself. I have. And now I have to face the consequences of those actions. I can't go back to being your helpless little sister."

"You don't have to." Ryan said. "You—"

"Edward!"

Everyone turned to see a large hunk of armor burst through the door. It was Al, and by his voice he seemed to be in a panic.

"Cara, Chloe. Thank god. The neighbors said they saw you come in here. We have a problem."

"What problem?" Ed asked.

"Envy… he's fighting someone. On the edge of town. I ran into them." Al squeaked out. "He's fighting… Hoenhiem."

Ed's eyes widened. "Hoenhiem?" Then they narrowed all at once. "What's that bastard doing here?"

"Who's Hoenhiem?" Chloe asked. She hadn't been in the room when Dante told Ed and Al about their father, but Cara remembered it. Their father was over three hundred years old and had once helped Dante until he left. She remembered also, Envy's tension when Hoenhiem's name was mentioned. But the fact that he was outright fighting someone said something.

"He's our father." Edward muttered. "And Envy's not allowed to kill him… unless I get a few good punches in first." He started toward the door. "Come on guys. We have to go."


Another cliffhanger!

Cara: You are the worst

Chloe: Do you ever not end in cliffhangers?

The answer is no.

Envy: Of course.

Ed: While you're waiting for the next chapter, hop on over to the Lightning Strike trilogy, or the Lightning Strike rewrite, updated every Tuesday

Al: And keep a look out for more details on the ambiguously named 'Brotherhood project'

Yep! And I have a poll up on my profile that I still need votes on. Its important for this future brotherhood project. I am crowd sourcing.

Winry: She also has links to her pintrest, youtube, blog and twitter on her profile

Have a good week and REVIEW!