A/N: Thank you all for the Reviews, Favorites, and Follows. In this chapter I do directly use information from Tamora Pierce. The Code of Chivalry is directly quoted from Tamora Pierce wiki which is taken from her books. Please read and review!
Luck wasn't something Gwen counted on too much. She had been called lucky because for all of her close calls with death, she was alive. With all of the horrible injuries she had had over the last three and a half years, she was not permanently injured. But it wasn't lucky to have died three times. It wasn't lucky to have found herself a target of an assassin's order. It wasn't lucky to have been snatched from the borders of Tortall and imprisoned and tortured. The things that she counted herself lucky for were not what others paid much mind to during her squire years. She was lucky she had been in the right place at the right time to protect Roald. She did not regret that at all, both times she had taken weapons for him. She considered herself lucky that Roald cared about her enough to push his best friend into acting long before her Ordeal on notions of romance. She had been lucky she had found Fal. She had been lucky that he was there for her when life seemed the hardest. She had been lucky, through chance alone, to have found Aloys as a good friend. She had been lucky in her family's support. So luck was oddly balanced in her life. She was blessed with good and cursed with bad.
When the results came back from Roald about where she stood in line for her Ordeal, she could have laughed, had it not been about her Ordeal. She was to sit vigil on Longnight, the longest night of the year. Though it was only a few minutes longer at the most, it meant she would hold the longest vigil. And while everyone else woke up in the morning to presents from loved ones, she would be walking into the Chamber that would decide her fate. And with it being the second night of Midwinter, she didn't have as much time to savor life as it was at the current time. She didn't air these thoughts for anyone else to hear. They were worried enough about it and she was supposed to be strong. She had been strong for everything that had come before. This was only a room. Only an unknown, magical room that could maim, kill, and leave the majority of survivors waking up in the night screaming.
In the day and a half before her Ordeal her family came together around her. They ate together at every meal. She went shopping with her mother and sister. She went riding with her father and brother. She sat and talked with Roald, Edric, Nik, and Aloys late into the evening. She did it all with Faleron at her side. Upon finding out the results, Faleron had stuck to her like a burr. She guessed he was possibly more nervous about her Ordeal than she was. She could understand that. He wasn't going to be able to protect her from whatever was inside of the Chamber. He could only sit and watch an iron door in hopes it would open on her alive and well. She guessed he was even more terrified for her because he knew what she faced, or the idea of what she might face really. The Ordeal of Knighthood was specialized to each individual that undertook it. It probably never rehashed the same thing twice and no one would ever know. The only reason they knew that the Chamber produced different trials for everyone was how they came out. Some came out weeping. Others came out covered in blood, their own or a nameless something else. Some came out drenched in water, in sweat, in nameless liquids. Others lost fingers, toes, eyes, hands, in one noted case a leg. She doubted these were all from the same trials.
The morning before her Ordeal, she slept in with Faleron holding her close. When she did wake, it was to his kisses and his loving. They talked in length about how excited they were for the wedding and how nice it would be to just be left alone at King's Reach for a couple of months when it was done. They talked about children and the future beyond the night and the next day. When they were done, they made love once more. They ate midday with Roald, Edric, Nik, and Aloys and dinner with her family. She napped for part of the afternoon. Then when the sun started to set, she and Faleron held hands and walked down to the antechamber outside of the Chapel of Ordeal. Roald stood there with Neal as his second knight. She hugged Faleron tight and held out the betrothal ring to him. It wouldn't be allowed in the chamber with her.
When she was done with her goodbyes to Faleron she entered the antechamber and bathed until she was certain her skin was red with how hard she had scrubbed. She put on the undyed cotton shirt and breeches and admitted Roald and Neal.
"If you survive the Ordeal of Knighthood, you will be a knight of the realm. You will be sworn to protect those weaker than you, to obey your overlord, to live in a way that honors the kingdom and your gods." Roald started.
"To wear the shield of a knight is an important thing. It means you may not ignore a cry for help. It means that rich and poor, young and old, male and female may look to you for rescue and you may not deny them." She watched Neal's face as he said the words. He was a passionate man and these were the words that he lived by when few other field knights did.
"You are bound to uphold the law. You may not look away from wrongdoing. You may not help anyone to break the law of the land, and you must prevent the breaking of the law at all times, in all cases." Roald added. Thanks to him and Faleron, she knew the laws of the land like no other.
"You are bound by your honor and your word. Act in such a way that when you face the Dark God you need not be ashamed." Neal's face was strained. Perhaps he was recalling, as she was, the time she had been pulled back from death in this palace. Up to this point, she was not afraid to meet the God of the Dead.
"You have learned the laws of Chivalry. Keep them in your heart. Use them as your guides when things are at their darkest. They will not fail you if you interpret them with humanity and kindness." Roald recited to her, a smile on his face.
"A knight is gentle, a knight's first duty is to understand," Neal sighed and looked to Roald for only a brief moment before taking her in a hard hug.
"From this point forward you are not allowed to speak until after the Ordeal," Roald reminded her as was his duty to do so. He hugged her as well and then guided her into the Chapel of Ordeal.
At the front of the unheated Chapel was a small bench that faced the altar at the front and the iron door to its side. She tried not to think about the Ordeal itself. It would come when it came and she simply had to think on the Code of Chivalry that had been recited to her. Except she couldn't think on the Code for long. She didn't think about if she was cold, she was. The Chapel was unheated and she was still damp from the bath. She didn't think about the way the undyed cotton chafed on her skin. She didn't think about the long night ahead of her. Instead her mind wandered to the little boy she had pulled out of the flood waters up in the City of the Gods. What had he lived to become? He would be old enough to be making his life decisions as a commoner. She had believed her life had changed so drastically at that meeting of fates. She had given up becoming a lady to be a knight, the exact opposite of a lady in Convent standards. Yet, she wasn't so sure they were all of the different. She had, in a round about way, achieved the dream that so many Convent ladies had deemed unattainable. She was to be the next Countess of King's Reach. She was in King Roald's private circle. She was wealthy by all standards. She was honored in two countries. Status-wise she was fairly set in life. Wealth-wise she was as well. She could stop at any time and just coast through the rest of her life on what she had already done.
But that's not what a knight was. She might ask to be a desk knight in order to stay close to Roald and to become Kai's tutor, but she would still answer any call for help she came across. She wasn't one to shirk her duty, even when it wasn't her duty. It hadn't been her duty to save that boy from the flood waters, but she had done it. It hadn't been her direct duty to protect Roald, but she had done it. The Code of Chivalry was something she would have to live by from this point forward, but hadn't she always done so? How many listened to those words and knew it would be hard to follow? How many listened to those words and laughed inside? Most nobles seemed to have no problem protecting those who asked for help that were wealthy. What about those nobles who refused to help the poor, women, children, the elderly? Was it they that the Ordeal rejected? Or was it that they had ignored such a thing before? Vinson of Genlith had beaten and raped women in the Lower City. Had it faulted him for the crime or because it had been a smudge on the Code of Chivalry? Had it turned his past against him or something he would do again in the future against his vows? Lady Knight Keladry had said that the Chamber of Ordeal had once said it saw everything from the past to the future. It would know if there was to be such a great smirch of honor in the future. But it had let treacherous knights through before? So perhaps it didn't judge by future deeds. Perhaps it only judged on the past and the present. Perhaps it gave a chance to redeem oneself inside and those squires had failed. Did she need to be redeemed? She didn't know. She couldn't remember any time she had faulted so bad, but then again, whoever really thought their transgressions were unjustified?
A hand on her shoulder made her look up. The priests were there and the first light of the sun was coming through the window at the back of the chapel to touch the sundisk on the wall. She rose and followed the priest to the open iron door. Already the chapel was filling with loved ones and curiosity seekers. She could sense Faleron rather than see him, standing with Roald near the front. She couldn't guess at how long they had been watching her or if either of them had slept. She doubted she would sleep if it were Faleron in her position. She stepped into the Chamber and the door closed behind her with a sound like the dungeon cell in Tusaine.
She heard keys jingle and footsteps approaching. She looked up from the stone floor to see she was in her tiny dungeon cell on the floor. Looking across the way she saw the faint outline of Aloys. The person approaching brought light with them. She closed her eyes against it because it hurt after being in the dark so long.
'Is she sleeping?' she heard a familiar voice.
'She's been quiet for some time so I assume so,' that was Aloys.
'The Tortallan Prince keeps asking after her. Has she told you anything?' She placed that voice now. It was Nik.
'I told you I need more time with her not in pain to get her to open up,' Aloys responded. 'If you keep torturing her to the point that she goes insane, we'll get nothing on either front.'
'Your part of the plan wasn't to criticize my methods. You agreed to simply sit down here and be her friend, her comrade in the dungeons. Get her to talk to you.' Nik snapped. She bit her lip trying to keep her surprise from escaping her mouth. 'Lord Bariden and I are bringing in a mage to extract the information. Edric wants her to talk before the Tortallan Prince takes the Crown. Then he can have her located, rescued, and returned and we look like heroes to him. Once that's done we can take back the land that belongs to Tusaine and a good chunk more as well. We'll see how they like losing parts of their country.'
This couldn't be real. This conversation didn't happen. Aloys was a friend and Edric didn't want war. This conversation didn't happen. She slept lightly and was always awake when lanterns or the sound of keys came down the hall. If Aloys had been an informant on her, he could only report when she was away from her cell. If Aloys had been an informant, she had given him nothing. And they knew that Deerwood was responsible for the attacks now. It might have been nudged into action by the Tusaine rebellion but it was Deerwood's decision. The two sons had admitted to it in the dungeons.
She opened her eyes to see Nik and Aloys in the light only to find that they were no longer there and she was no longer in the dungeon. Now she was lying on the ground in a grassy clearing. She could hear horses shifting and crickets chirping. She fought to sit up and realized her hands were bound and her head throbbed. She turned her head and saw the men that had abducted her from Tortall. They were laughing and drinking. Time seemed to stretch forever as she watched them. When most had stumbled off to bed, a large, fairly tipsy man stumbled over to her on the ground. 'No one said we couldn't have a little fun with the chit,' he said to no one. She saw him strip off his breeches and loin cloth and he reached for hers. She had guessed that she wasn't a virgin when she had reached the dungeons but she couldn't remember it if she had been awake or she had been unconscious when it had happened. She had always thought it was a blessing. Now she felt him tear her maidenhood and she locked her mouth shut against the cries of pain. She couldn't fight back. She could only stay still and let him rape her.
The scene changed again though she still felt the pain between her legs and could see blood on the floor below her and on her thighs. She located her breeches, left in a heap by her side and pulled them on, not wanting to face whatever it was without her pants. Then she was standing in the ballroom with a tray on her arm and she was walking towards Roald as he beckoned to her. Over his shoulder she saw the assassin shoot but she couldn't move. She stood still as Roald pitched forward and then collapsed to the floor with three arrows in his back. She saw Faleron at his side frantically checking for a pulse and seemingly unable to locate one. She felt tears start to build in her eyes. Roald was the best knight master she could have asked for and he was going to be a great king. He already was proving he had the skills to become one of the best in history.
'The Prince is dead,' she heard Faleron say only loud enough for the advisors around the body and for her to hear. 'Why? Why didn't you do something?' He turned on her and took her by the shoulders hard enough to bruise to shake her violently. She couldn't answer simply because she was forbidden to speak in her Ordeal. She wished she could assuage his obvious anger and grief but it wasn't the real Faleron and that wasn't what had happened.
He let her go and she fell to her knees. When she looked up she was in the Throne Room and Roald and Shinko were sitting in front of her looking concerned. Faleron looked from her to the crowd and drew his sword. She recognized this moment, it frequented her nightmares. Faleron dodged off into the crowd to slay the mage that was harming her. But instead of slaying the mage like she had been told happened, two guards materialized next to the mage and Faleron was engaged in battle from both sides. He had no armor on under his dress clothes and the crowd parted away from him to let him fight alone. She wanted to yell at Roald to do something. She wanted to yell at everyone to do something. Then Faleron fell, a sword through his chest. She bit her arm hard enough to draw blood to keep herself from screaming out loud. She crawled to his side and reached to hold his hand. The tears were falling like a storm down her face and she could feel the burn in her throat and in her head telling her that she was likely to cry for a long time.
She didn't know how long she sat there looking at Faleron's paling features and glazed over eyes but when she looked up she was sitting in a carriage and Faleron's body was gone. She could barely pull herself together but she reminded herself that this was her Ordeal and it was not real. Faleron was alive outside of the Chamber waiting for her. A scream interrupted her assurances of reality beyond the Chamber. Then she was twelve again and she was wearing a heavy gown with several layers of petticoats against the chill of the spring air in the north. The carriage halted. She remembered this moment. This was the moment that had led to her decision to become a knight. The moment that had set her on the path to saving Roald, to Faleron, to the woman she was now. The Daughter of the Convent gripped her arm, digging her nails in to hold her still. In reality the Daughter hadn't had time to stop her. But now she had to fight to get out and she did fight. She ripped her arm away from the Daughter, earning herself gouge marks down her arms. She shoved the Daughter aside and stumbled out of the carriage towards the screaming.
A commoner woman stood at the edge of the flood waters screaming after a small bobbing head. In the distance she could see people coming to help but they wouldn't get there quick enough. The boy would drown before then. She jumped into the muddy churning waters and instantly regretted her clothing choice. The mud and water drug her down. She had to fight to keep her head above the water. She had to fight avoid fast moving trees that had come down in the waters and keep an eye on the bobbing head. Still, she moved forward and eventually caught up to the little boy. She caught his hand and pulled him to her. His added weight pushed her under and she breathed in water as she tried to get her face above the water. One hand flailed about, trying to catch hold of the debris floating on top of the water. She caught hold of something coarse and cloth-like. It pulled and she gripped realizing that it was a rope. It burned her palms as it slid through. Her grip wasn't strong enough in the near freezing waters to pull her sodden dress out of the water. It meant that she wasn't going to be able to save herself but she could still save the boy. She managed to hold onto the rope long enough to tie it around the boy's waist and gave it a sharp tug. She managed to stay above the water just long enough to see him pulled from the water before something hard pulled her down under the water. Her skirts were caught on something under the water. Something hit her face, something else collided with her arm. She was numb. Her lungs burned wanting air. This was where she had lost touch with life in reality. Then some mage had managed to pull her from the wreckage. But now water was filling her lungs and she felt her vision getting dark. This was it, she was going to die. Her only regrets were that she was leaving Faleron and the future they had loosely planned together and that she had failed Roald.
She dropped to the flagstone floor, her face pressed against the cold stone. She was shaking. She was gasping for the precious air that had been robbed from her lungs for far too long. She still felt like there might be water in her lungs. Her right eye stung from whatever had cut it under the water. Her left arm was bleeding from gouges left by the Daughter's nails. Her lower abdomen and privates throbbed acutely from the rape. She guessed there was blood still staining her thighs but she didn't know if it showed outside of the undyed cotton she wore. Her arms hurt where the Ordeal Faleron had gripped her to shake her. She rolled onto her back and forced herself to stand. A force urged her towards the iron door and it opened. Cheers erupted as she stepped out, deafening her. Her shaking legs gave way and strong arms caught her.
"Can you walk?" She heard Roald's voice in her ear. She nodded. She needed to walk out of this room. Squires that survived their Ordeals walked out of the chapel. "You're a liar," Roald told her. "I can feel how heavily you're leaning on me." She felt the arm shift around her waist and tighten. "We'll get you to the hallway at least." They moved slowly but eventually got to the hallway. Then she felt someone take her from Roald and sweep her up to be carried.
"She's gasping. Neal said he'd meet us our rooms," Faleron's voice rumbled against her head. "I hope he's ready." She had a hard time seeing out of her right eye but she could make out Faleron's face above her. It was comforting. Briefly she wondered if it was still considered passing her Ordeal if she died after leaving the Chamber. Then her eyes slid closed.
