Chapter Forty Five

Aaron came downstairs early the next morning to find Charity sat on the sofa, fully dressed, nursing a coffee and reading a magazine. He knew she'd stopped over last night, but wasn't expecting to see her up so early.

"Morning" she said when she'd noticed his presence. She turned to look at him and he saw that she had bags under her eyes and her hair was ratty – a far cry from the usually glamorous woman he knew.

"You look rough" he told her bluntly.

She laughed. "You're a right charmer, you. Did you go to the same charm school as your uncle?"

"Sorry" Aaron said as he went to pour a coffee.

"It's okay. Had a rough night."

Aaron nodded in understanding, "she in bed?" he asked.

Charity shook her head, "nah, she's gone out" she told him.

"What?" Aaron looked back at Charity in surprise, "where?"

"For a walk" Charity told him without concern.

"For a walk? On her own? At six thirty in the morning?"

Charity looked at her watch "Six. She went out ages ago."

Aaron was still half asleep, but he knew enough to know this was odd and he couldn't understand why Charity wasn't worried about it. Charity saw his confusion and threw her magazine on the table and patted the sofa next to her. "Sit" she said.

Aaron frowned at her "what am I? A dog?" but one look from Charity and he dropped the attitude and brought his coffee over to the sofa.

"She's gonna be fine, you know?" Charity spoke softly, but with confidence.

Aaron scoffed, "do you think her bedroom's soundproofed or summat? I can hear her shouting out at night, I can hear her…"

"Sobbing, crying, yeah course you can. And it's horrible, I know…"

"You know?" Aaron shot back angrily, "you know? You've spent one night here, you know nothing. How can you say you know? She's never been like this before, what if she never recovers? What if she gets worse?" Aaron's fears were spilling out now.

"Who says?" Charity asked calmly.

"What?"

"Who says she's never been like this before?" she asked again.

"Everyone. I've heard 'em. Zak, Lisa, Cain, Debbie, Diane…"

"Just cos they've never seen her like this, means nothing" Charity said.

"What you saying?" Aaron asked, confused. It was too early to be playing guessing games.

"Do you think she just walked out on you and your dad and went out partying?" Charity asked him, confusing him even further.

"Yeah" he replied, "she told me herself she went on a bender. With you. So yeah, I do".

Charity shook her head in frustration, "No. She went on the bender before she made up her mind to leave Gordon. She went back to get you. And when he wouldn't tell her where you were, let her see you…Esther's not the first kid she's lost. And she was eighteen then, with nothing and no one but me, poor kid."

"You were the friend…the one whose couch she kipped on?" Aaron said, realisation dawning, his memories of what Chas had told him coming to the surface.

"Yeah, but don't let on to Cain. If he finds out she knew where I lived and never told him…"

Aaron saw fear flit across her features and wondered if his uncle really warranted that kind of reaction. He nodded to show his compliance, reflecting on the fact that even whilst in shock and bleeding half to death, his mother never gave that fact away.

"Every night she'd wake up screaming, for weeks. Annoyed my housemates no end. She didn't eat properly – I could only get her to eat jaffa cakes - and I'd find her sat, staring out of windows, sobbing her little heart out. So don't tell me I don't know. But kid, that's how I know now that she'll be okay. She needs to work through it, just like last time. Walks are good for her, she needs to get out and get some fresh air in her lungs, knacker herself out a bit. Maybe then she'll sleep longer than ten minutes at a time"

"But it's so cold…" Aaron started.

"She's got fur lined boots, two jumpers, a winter coat, hat, scarf and gloves on. Looks like a snowman"

Aaron couldn't laugh; his worries weren't yet allayed "what if this completely breaks her? I mean, this has got to be worse than then –she had no choice in this. And Esther's gone".

Charity shook her head in frustration, "you think she had a choice then? An eighteen year old with no home, no qualifications, only work experience as a dancer? And do you know what she could have been? Anything, that's what. She was such a smart kid - smarter than Our Belle even. Teachers all told her to apply for the grammar school, tried to get her to go for scholarships, put her on fast tracks, told her to think about Oxbridge."

"And I suppose it's my fault she ended up how she did?" Aaron fumed defensively.

"No, it was her feckless dad's fault. And her feckless brother. And her own for not telling them to stuff it. She did give up a lot for you – she could have gone places, seen things, been someone. But I think all she ever really wanted was to be part of a family - a proper family. And when she left your dad, she felt like that was never gonna happen and she thought it was because she didn't deserve one. And what's worse than having a child dead and gone? Having a child who is growing up ten minutes down the road from you and not being allowed to see him. And feeling an utter failure because of it.

"But now she's got you. And me and Gennie, the whole extended clan, Diane…the village. She's not alone, she has a massive family supporting her and she'll see that tomorrow. That's how I know she'll get through it. Just put a bit of trust in her Aaron, do you not think she deserves that much?"

Aaron nodded, unable to speak, thoughts whirring a hundred miles an hour around his brain. He'd never thought of it like that before. And although he guessed Charity was talking at least in part about her own experience of giving Debbie up, he was starting to see that it was never as black and white a situation as he'd thought when it came to his mum leaving. And although this realisation that he'd underestimated his mother's love for him all these years made his heart ache, it also gave him hope that she really could make it through this in one piece.