Chapter 52
"Talk to me Dean please?"
"I slept with Paige!" Dean finally blurted out.
"OK?" Kate said with hesitation.
"Nikki told you that too." Dean said embarrassed.
"Yes she did. Dean but why? Why have you been drinking so much?"
"Kate ... it's just hard for me to talk about!"
"Dean ... please let me in!" Kate said as she moved closer to him on the bed and softly touching his knee.
Dean still didn't say anything he just softly caressed Kate's cheek with his hand.
"I am so sorry that you got hurt last night. I never wanted to be hurt like this ... " He said almost in tears.
"Dean." Kate said softly. "Please talk to me ..."
He gripped the back of her neck a little harder and pulled her into a deep passionate kiss. A moan left Kate's mouth and Dean took this opportunity to plunge his tongue into her mouth and began to massage her tongue with his. Kate wrapped her arms around Dean's neck as they began to make out. Dean moved his underneath Kate's shirt and began to massage her chest.
Kate slowly pulled away out of breath.
"Dean .. hmm Dean we can't. I can't do th... this we ..ww..we need to talk." Kate finally got out as Dean squeezed her.
Dean had tears in his eyes as he stared at Kate.
"Please baby I need this ... I need you. I can't survive without you. I am nothing without you .. please ... " He said as he pulled her in to another kiss.
"Dean we need to talk." Kate said again as she pulled away.
"Kitty Kat you are so beautiful ... I want you so bad ... I need you .. I need to feel you." He told her as he continued to move his one had under her shirt.
"Dean I can't ... I'm sorry." Kate said as she stood up.
"What the fuck Kate?"
"No Dean not what the fuck ... you need to be honest with me ... what the hell is going on with you? You left me remember? I was home with Gabe and everything seemed fine I was still leaving Randy but then you ... you self ass hole you left me! One morning I woke up and you were gone , no note not even an I hate you. Now you want to have sex? What the hell Ambrose?"
"You really don't know why I left? Why I've been drinking my self stupid these last few months ... almost lost my job?"
"No Dean I don't get it. We were together and happy and then you left me and now you are a drunk slob playing the victim. Sorry that wont fly with me ... so you better tell me what the hell is going on!" Kate yelled. "You broke my heart Dean ... YOU DID THAT! I love you ... but you just left ... again ... just like when Logan was a baby. But this time ... this time I don't know if we can get back to where we were."
"Katie what are you saying you? You're thinking about staying with Randy are you?"
"Dean , Randy did cheat on me many times I get that ... but he never once left ... me or our kids. He never just walked away with out so much as an explanation. You ... you did twice and you are a drunk mess and you still wont tell me what the hell is going on?" Kate said.
"Randy cheating on you is just as bad as me leaving ... Kate so don't may Randy out to be this great guy when we both know the fucking truth about that ass whole." Dean yelled then he stopped too a deep breath in and out. Then he said "If I tell you ... will you stay with me?"
"Dean ... just tell me ...please I am worried about you." Kate told him.
"Fine ... whatever it doesn't fucking matter at this point any way right..." He said. "I am pissed alright... I am so fucking mad that Gabe isn't mine ... I wanted him to be mine so fucking badly but he isn't and that's reality."
"So you just left? Gabe is Randy's and you just left ... after you told me that it wouldn't matter? You told me that you would love him anyway..."
"Kate I know ... and I thought I could be ... I just ... I guess Randy is right I am a scum bag who doesn't deserve you or a happy family. I am just not perfect like the Almighty Randy Orton."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Kate ... I can't deal with the fact that Gabe is not mine ... I thought I could do it. I honestly thought that it wouldn't change anything but when we were told that Gabe was Randy's ... my heart shattered. I can't explain it really but it just did. I still love you and I want to be with you ... I just ..." Dean stopped and looked at Kate with tears in his eyes.
"You can't love Gabe like your own because he isn't." Kate said.
Dean nodded "I know that makes me a horrible person and I don't deal well with heart-break or lose well clearly. I missed you so much that ... I just began to drink so I wouldn't call you. I just drank ... and drank. I didn't care anymore. When I missed you so bad it hurt ... I ... jumped in to bed ... with ..." Dean stopped the look on his face was one of shame and regret.
"With Paige?" Kate finished.
"Yeah ... and a few random bar chicks in Vegas. I am not proud Kate ... but when I saw you the other day ... I knew I made a mistake. I still want you ... I still want us to be together." Dean told her moving closer to her.
Kate took a step back.
"Dean ... how can we be together? If you can't accept Gabe as being Randy's."
"I can work on that ... I still love the kids ... all of them ... I just ... I wanted him to be mine so bad."
"I know."
"To be honest there is a part of me that hopes the test is wrong. I know that doesn't make sense but I still hold out hope that they messed up and Gabe is mine. I wanted us to have another baby together." Dean told her.
"And I can't give you that ... not anymore." Kate said as tears filled her eyes.
"OH Katie ... that's not ... that's not what I meant."
Kate wiped her tears.
"It's fine ... Dean it's the truth ... if you want more kids ... I am not the person you should be with because .. I can't give you that."
"I don't care about having more kids ... all I care about is being with you. I will just have to learn to accept that Randy is Gabe's father. I still have my little Monkey Man ... and that's what matters. But Katie I am ... nothing without you."
"Dean I don't understand ... you left me. Months ago you just walked out on me and my kids not one phone call , not one letter... e-mail nothing. You're son thinks you don't love him anymore he feels unwanted and I can't say I blame him because I feel the same damn way. You didn't love me enough to stay."
"Katie I do love you ... and I love my son I never meant for either of you to feel unwanted. I love you both so much it hurts. Please tell me we can fix this! Please!"
Kate was now at the door of the hotel room.
"I'm sorry Dean ... I just don't see how we can fix this."
Dean fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Kate's leg like a child. Tears streaming down his face.
"Please ... I can't survive without you. I wont make it."
Kate slide down the door frame and held Dean close to her.
"I love you ... I just thought ..."
"What ... if you love me Dean then why did you leave me and our son?" Kate asked him.
"Because I didn't want to show you how week I really I am. I wanted Gabe to be mine and seeing him with Randy just drove me crazy I couldn't deal so I left before I did something I would regret. Then I knew it was too late and I just started drinking and sleeping around ... old habits die-hard. But I never stopped loving you or thinking about you and Logan. Sing to me Katie please ... I need you right now ... don't leave me ..."
Kate held on to him tightly and kissed his head as she just began to sing still holding each other tightly against the door.
"The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful , Stop me and steal my breath. And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky Never revealing their depth. Tell me that we belong together, Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips, Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.
I'll be your crying shoulder, I'll be love's suicide I'll be better when I'm older, I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
And rain falls angry on the tin roof . As we lie awake in my bed. You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive and not dead. Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love. I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead. I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said
I'll be your crying shoulder, I'll be love's suicide I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your... I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide I'll be better when I'm older, I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
The greatest fan of your life. ...greatest fan of your life."
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