50) A Thrilling Time For Tina

Myra had been right in assuming that Tina'd be the first of her children to use her trust fund wisely. Only God knew, where Jacqui's money had actually gone, and for a long time, Myra dreaded what Mercedes would do with hers. But Tina was always set on going to college, and when she enrolled at Liverpool University, Myra was prouder of her daughter than she'd ever thought possible.

At the time, Myra wasn't able to pay her daughter's tuition fees, but Tina settled the matter herself. She applied for a student loan to cover the fees and decided that the money from Grandpa Pete's trust fund would in time be used to pay back the loans.

Throughout her teenage years, Tina had wondered which direction to take, but her love for books finally won, and she decided to study English literature. She applied at different colleges around the country, and was offered places at Durham, Newcastle and Manchester. The thought of moving away was tempting yet daunting, but when the letter from Liverpool arrived and she realised how relieved she was that she didn't have to leave her family, the matter was settled.

The first weeks of study were thrilling. Sitting in the lecture theatres, listening to the professors and lecturers, taking notes, and trying to connect the theories with the practicalities of the literature itself, was certainly difficult and trying for her concentration, and she often wondered whether she belonged at university. Still, the positive experiences were greater, from simple things like the campus environment and getting to know other students, to more complex things like being valued by them for her intelligence and intellect, and the responses from the teachers to her assignments.

Slowly, Tina settled in her new life as a college student. Commuting every day was a bit boring, but at least she was able to get some reading done on the way. The thrill of campus life quietly faded away as the leaves fell of the trees, and the joyful laughter that in October had seemed to be omnipresent, had silenced as the pressure of the studies started getting to the new students.

Tina finished the first year with a first in all her subjects and enjoyed the following summer, working part-time in the neighbourhood library, and was rejuvenated when she started her second year. The first term went according to her plans, her grades even went up from the first year. Then after Jacqui's arrest, life in the McQueen household turned upside down, and so had Tina's studies.

When Jacqui'd withdrawn from the role as surrogate mother to her siblings, Tina'd been the natural replacement for her older sister as the main babysitter for John Paul and Michaela. And now, with Jacqui in trouble, Myra, without realising it, laid the responsibilities of her youngest children as well as the running of the household on Tina's shoulders. And out of consideration to her mum and Jacqui, Tina didn't say anything.

With these changes, Tina soon started falling behind on her studies. She hardly found time to read what she called the fun part – the novels, the short stories and the poems – let alone the 'boring' stuff – the theories and the philosophy behind the theories. The teachers as well as her fellow students observed those changes and her tutor spoke with her a few times. In an attempt to catch up, Tina repeatedly stayed up until early morning studying, but this only resulted in her falling asleep during lectures.

One day, a month before the exams started, Dylan, one of her friends from the course, approached her and told her he might have a solution to her problems. Desperate to finish the year strongly, Tina set aside her doubts and took the pills. And he'd been right, the following weeks, she only needed a couple of hours' sleep every night and her concentration was great.

The first exam went really well, and so did the others. Near the end, Tina felt that the tiredness was catching up with her and after the last exam, she couldn't really remember everything she'd written, but she knew that she'd written over fifteen pages.

Two days after the last exam, the head of department asked her to come in for a chat. There, he showed her her last exam. Reading through it, she found that the last thirteen pages were an incomprehensible drivel of names of her family members, titles of literary works and a long speech about how tired she was, something she could vaguely remember thinking while she'd been in the exam.

Sitting there in his office, Tina felt her recently budding, yet still very vulnerable, self-esteem crumbling and when she seemed not to be able to stop crying, the head was finally forced to phone for a family member to come pick her up.

It was Mercedes who picked up the telephone in the McQueen flat. As she'd been spending the afternoon with her whoever-it-was-at-the-time boyfriend, she'd only dropped in for five minutes. Upon hearing the head's business, she quickly decided that her mother didn't need to know, at least not at that moment, and she made her boyfriend (who obviously had a car) drive all the way to Liverpool to pick up her sister.

Despite several meetings with the student councelling service during the summer and early autumn, Tina didn't manage to gather the strength needed to resume her studies the following year. Thanks to Mercedes, Myra never found out the real reason behind her daughter's leaving college, but with Jacqui and then Michaela's troubles, she didn't really give the matter much attention either.