Ch. 21

If there was one thing that Grant Ward hated more than anything in the world, it was feeling weak. When he was a child, that feeling of weakness, of being small, of being helpless overpowered him at times. The horrors he had to endure as a kid still gave him nightmares, still caused him to toss and turn at night. As he grow older and stronger and learned to fight back, the feeling of being weak came to him less and less often. At times, it would surface as only a hazy memory.

Other times, like when Skye got shot or when she was first taken to Asgard by Loki, made him feel so powerless and anxious that he was sure that he was ten years old again.

The older he got, the more he trained. And not just physically. He learned all the tricks of the trade. Surveillance, undercover work, deception training, he excelled at all of them. Because he knew that there was more than just physical weakness. He knew there were more than one way to feel like you were under someone else's thumb.

He ended up hating almost every minute he was in Asgard.

Asgardians were strong. The greenest recruit that he trained could easily throw him across the room without even straining himself. He learned within the first day just how much stronger and faster they were than him. Both May and Coulson seemed unfazed by it, but it ate at Grant. He didn't mind training recruits, but he was used to always being the more powerful one, the stronger one, the one in control. Having to make sure he didn't let any of his trainees' punches land when they sparred stung him. But he knew that even a glancing blow by one of the Asgardians would land him at the healing rooms.

He hid all of this from Coulson and May, although they had both approached him time after time, sensing that something was wrong. He was touched by their concern, but he couldn't let them see the weakness inside of him. He was ashamed of it. He had to be strong; he had to be invincible.

Skye came back every night to their rooms with more and more tales of how her own powers were growing during her training lessons with Loki. At first, he was excited for her, seeing how delighted she was as she mastered them one by one. But, a gnawing worry grew as she kept mentioning the possibility of her using her powers on missions, working alongside Grant. What if she didn't need him any more? What if she grew stronger than him? What use would he have if she didn't need him to protect her anymore?

The tipping point came one night when he returned to their chambers to see himself sitting in one of the large, overstuffed chairs near the fireplace. At first, he thought it was Loki playing one of his tiresome tricks, but then Skye came bounding out of the bathroom, grinning from ear to ear, her long Asgardian dress swaying as she practically twirled out to meet him.

"I did it! I did it!" she exclaimed, a jubilant grin on her face.

"Did what?" Grant said flatly, straining to keep his expression neutral. Seeing himself sitting across the room was unnerving at best.

She ran up to him, hugging him tightly and he returned the embrace, soaking in her love, basking in her acceptance. When all seemed wrong with the world, her devotion acted like a balm, soothing away his worries and fears.

"I was able to make a real illusion! Not just smoke and haze, but a real person!" she shouted, giddy with joy, hugging him all the more tightly.

"I can see that," Grant said, looking over at his doppelgänger, still sitting in the chair, blank-faced and emotionless. "How long has he been . . .?" he began.

"Oh, a few hours now. Loki told me to focus on the person I knew best in the world. I haven't managed to make him speak, but Loki said that I just needed to be patient. He's so impressed by how far I've gotten," she said warmly.

"The person you know best in the world?" Grant asked tentatively, his heart soaring at the idea.

"My sweet husband, of course" she said and gave him another squeeze before letting go. She waved her hand and the "false" Grant slowly faded away, leaving an empty chair.

Grant nodded, not trusting himself to speak, his uncomfortableness about seeing his illusionary twin forgotten after her declaration of love and affection. "How are you feeling?" he asked, after a long moment.

"Great! No strain, no exhaustion," she reported.

"And the baby?" he asked cautiously.

"She's wonderful. I can't believe we still have to wait three more months to meet her," she said, rubbing her ever-growing belly.

Ever since they found out that they were having a girl, the fact that he was going to be a father became more real to Grant. And he didn't want to be the kind of father that he had. He didn't want to create the kind of family that he had grown up with. He wanted to break free of his past and show his daughter a family bound together by love. He owed it to her. He owed it to Skye. He owed it to himself.

Three months. He just needed to hold it together for three more months. He could do it. He had to do it.

His family depended on him.


Author's Note- 450 reviews! 450! I seriously want to give you all a big fandom hug right now. Thank you so much for every single one. You have no idea how motivating they are!

I can't wait until for the next season of Agents of Shield to start! The first episode is this Tuesday night! I won't be watching it until late Wednesday night, so please, no spoilers! But after that, please feel free to PM me; I love hash out fan theories with other people who love the show.